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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello fellow ENFJers

I'm pretty sure many of us (if not all) have friends who are flakes. I am just wondering how you deal with them. It hurts more that people do not respond to calls, emails, etc than getting a flat out rejection (at least to me). I just want to see if we have any sort of defense mechanism besides yelling at the flake. Thanks for your comments. :happy:
 

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Hello fellow ENFJers

I'm pretty sure many of us (if not all) have friends who are flakes. I am just wondering how you deal with them. It hurts more that people do not respond to calls, emails, etc than getting a flat out rejection (at least to me). I just want to see if we have any sort of defense mechanism besides yelling at the flake. Thanks for your comments. :happy:
1st, yes i do have alot of friends that flake..

2nd yes i do get mad at them lol. but only in the begining of our friendships.

once i start to see that the person is a consistent flaker, then i know not to get hurt when they flake in the future. I just learn to notice the signs, and not make that person a focus of my day or event,

so with flakers, i will invite them out, BUT i will also invite a bunch of other people..

my methods seem to work really well.
 

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I take a similar approach to Kalifornia. I adjust my expectations. But honestly- when it takes me off-guard and hurts my feelings I tend to act a little coolly towards that person until I feel better. Basically- if someone flakes on me it makes me feel taken for granted and like they don't appreciate me and that makes me feel vulnerable. So to feel strong again, I withdraw affection- kind of a defense mechanism I guess. It's not great- it's just me. I'm not a bitch to them or anything- I just pull into my shell a little bit. Then I go and regroup and adjust my expectations and my own output so I don't feel like I am carrying the friendship...
 

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if someone flakes on me it makes me feel taken for granted and like they don't appreciate me and that makes me feel vulnerable.
It's difficult for me to feel appreciated lately. I keep making stuff up and amplify random acts to the point where I hurt myself ._. . I think we'd rather swallow the flakes than make it a big deal for everyone. I wish I could learn to keep my mouth shut. I tend to say more than necessary.
 

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I have friends that flake. Usually the 3 strikes you are out applies. However, if there is an important project I reiterate the importance of their involvement and use more follow-up. I also like Kalifornia's approach.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
What hurts me the most is that its a friend I care about a lot, and it doesn't help that he flakes a lot either. Its like a cycle of where he flakes I get hurt, and I tell him not to flake, and then he flakes again and I tell him not to flake, and and I get hurt again. Its annoying and yet I care about my friend a lot. I wish I wasn't too optimistic about people and too caring, but then again I wouldn't be an ENFJ. HAHAHA...:tongue:...GAH...it hurts...I feel like Harry Potter in the fifth book where he "writes" on his hand (if you don't know what I'm talking about, watch or read the 5th movie/book):tongue:

UGH...INTJs...my friend that is...>_<....although I don't think flakiness is tied to a personality trait....is it?
 

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I take a similar approach to Kalifornia. I adjust my expectations. But honestly- when it takes me off-guard and hurts my feelings I tend to act a little coolly towards that person until I feel better. Basically- if someone flakes on me it makes me feel taken for granted and like they don't appreciate me and that makes me feel vulnerable. So to feel strong again, I withdraw affection- kind of a defense mechanism I guess. It's not great- it's just me. I'm not a bitch to them or anything- I just pull into my shell a little bit. Then I go and regroup and adjust my expectations and my own output so I don't feel like I am carrying the friendship...
I couldn't agree with you more since that's exactly what I do. In fact, I'm doing that right now to a friend since I get tired of "carrying the friendship", so I'll readjust my perception and learn to expect what I consider flakiness from them in the future so as to avoid feeling hurt. Unfortunately, it's very annoying when people can't return a simple e-mail or favor, I don't ask for the world on a platter but it dumbfounds me when some people can't reciprocate even the simplest of tasks. *sigh* I think some people lack social etiquette or manners nowadays; that's something I'm a stickler for even though I'm an open minded person.
 
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