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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ENFJs, how important is your image to you? How much do you care what other people think about you?


I wished I cared less what people thought of me...I mean, I don't actually care *that* much and do my thing most of the time, but somewhere deep inside I always have this crazy need to be loved by everybody. Unfortunately, though, I'm also a freak so I often encounter negative feedback and scorn...except from other similar freaks :crazy: So even though I happily and confidently follow the beat of my own drum, one part of me can't help feeling hurt when people point fingers and laugh :sad:


Also, I'm very aware of the image I give off at every moment - I like playing different roles and seeing how this changes the way people perceive me. This is why I'm always amazed at how Fi types seem totally unconcerned about image...many have told me they don't care what other people think about them, and as a Fe-dom this seems to me just too good to be true. Perhaps there are some visiting Fi doms and auxs here who could elaborate on this for me? :happy:
 

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It might be a good learning experience for you to hang out with same ENTPs, they don’t much care what people think of them. But people don’t have their type stamped on their forehead, so I don’t know how you gonna do that.:tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It might be a good learning experience for you to hang out with same ENTPs, they don’t much care what people think of them. But people don’t have their type stamped on their forehead, so I don’t know how you gonna do that.:tongue:
LOL, tried that, but it didn't last long...the ENTPs I knew all had this exhausting tendency to turn every little thing into a debate that made them look smart, so I got tired of them pretty soon. But maybe I just stumbled upon the less healthy ones...now those should definitely have a stamp on their forehead, one that warns innocent people not to even start discussions with them :tongue:

So does your tertiary Fe make you care about what people think of you, or do you use it for other purposes?
 

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LOL, tried that, but it didn't last long...the ENTPs I knew all had this exhausting tendency to turn every little thing into a debate that made them look smart, so I got tired of them pretty soon. But maybe I just stumbled upon the less healthy ones...now those should definitely have a stamp on their forehead, one that warns innocent people not to even start discussions with them :tongue:

So does your tertiary Fe make you care about what people think of you, or do you use it for other purposes?
Dunno, I didn't know I have a "Fe" until recently. :tongue:

I meant that ENTPs could help you see that "image" is a superficial thing, and how to not let emotions throw you off balance.
 

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Well image is very important to me. But its for me, for what I represent for myself. Im also very visual so that probably has to do with it. To me it represents art. I imagine what you focus on or like in life will be represented for you in your image.

I feel like if I cant dress the way I want I cant be myself. Its never much about anyone else. Plus being Fe orientated it feels like you give so much to everyone that you need something to hold onto to claim for yourself.


I also learned if youre good at social interaction it doesnt matter what you look like. Its how you carry yourself around people that matters. Plus also how you carry yourself sends messages of what people think they can and cant say to you. I've personally never been disrespected on how I dress, usually complimented.

If you realize that, you can be really original in appearence, and it will only inspire people to be themselves.

Though I understand when people say or think snickery things behind your back it can be very hurtful. Every now and then probably twice a year it happens, and it doesnt feel any better any time. My thing is aslong as no one says anything to my face then its alright.

People are entitled to think what they want. But it goes to show how much ignorance is on a persons part if they get hung up on something as little as someones appearance. No need to conform to that.


So yeah, I say it brings more positive than negetive.
 

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My thing is aslong as no one says anything to my face then its alright.
I feel like I've heard this before from another ENFJ. I really don't get how this makes it alright, although I guess it is less intense, it just means the person is more of a coward, lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I feel like I've heard this before from another ENFJ. I really don't get how this makes it alright, although I guess it is less intense, it just means the person is more of a coward, lol.
I agree with this...I actually respect it when someone has the balls to come up to me and criticise me, or ask me why I act/look a certain way. That way we can talk about it and I get the chance to explain my perspective...often after that we even become friends! But when someone whispers behind my back...it looks like just a lame way of reinforcing their own social norms by shunning "the outsider", without even taking into consideration that this person has feelings, too

Unfortunately, the latter is most often the rule for me as I live in a somewhat stifling, homogenous environment where every small difference is noted and commented upon :rolleyes:
 

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ENFJs, how important is your image to you? How much do you care what other people think about you?


I wished I cared less what people thought of me...I mean, I don't actually care *that* much and do my thing most of the time, but somewhere deep inside I always have this crazy need to be loved by everybody. Unfortunately, though, I'm also a freak so I often encounter negative feedback and scorn...except from other similar freaks :crazy: So even though I happily and confidently follow the beat of my own drum, one part of me can't help feeling hurt when people point fingers and laugh :sad:


Also, I'm very aware of the image I give off at every moment - I like playing different roles and seeing how this changes the way people perceive me. This is why I'm always amazed at how Fi types seem totally unconcerned about image...many have told me they don't care what other people think about them, and as a Fe-dom this seems to me just too good to be true. Perhaps there are some visiting Fi doms and auxs here who could elaborate on this for me? :happy:
Hi Shakti, long time no see. How are you? xD

So...let's discuss together what an image is.

There is you and there is the image of you. The image of you is the image you have put together by thought. Not just you, almost everyone does it. We are born without an image and the older we get, the more we stuff our consciousness with subjective experiences and knowledge and when we start to judge and value those experiences and knowledge, we become those things, the image is born.

So when there is hurt, is it you that gets hurt or the image you have put together by subjective thought? The image of course! Did you notice that I separated the "I" (the real you) from the "Self", the false-self image you created (Ego)? Let's say you are a great business woman and I tell you that business is nonsense, then you might get hurt. Now what gets hurt is you as the business woman because you value your job so much. You became your job. But weren't you born without all that? So there is you the Thinker who judges and values and there is you the Observer of the Thinker; the latter is the real you.

Now most people are just the Thinker (do not think in terms of Thinking and Feeling right now: MBTI) - the false-self image. Now if you are all that, then you are never free because you're attached to the image you created, it can get hurt after all. Plus, if you care about what other people think, you become their prisoner. So in life people create all sorts of mental prisons because there is the desire to become something or someone. We want a position in this society we created through thought, we want recognition, we want power, we want a nice house and a nice car, we want a good education. But what if all that doesn't work out or if I take away all those things? Then there is hurt because your image is under attack...

Do you follow so far? This is a very serious topic, and a very good and interesting thread.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hi Shakti, long time no see. How are you? xD

So...let's discuss together what an image is.

There is you and there is the image of you. The image of you is the image you have put together by thought. Not just you, almost everyone does it. We are born without an image and the older we get, the more we stuff our consciousness with subjective experiences and knowledge and when we start to judge and value those experiences and knowledge, we become those things, the image is born.

So when there is hurt, is it you that gets hurt or the image you have put together by subjective thought? The image of course! Did you notice that I separated the "I" (the real you) from the "Self", the false-self image you created? Let's say you are a great business woman and I tell you that business is nonsense, then you might get hurt. Now what gets hurt is you as the business woman because you value your job so much. You became your job. But weren't you born without all that? So there is you the Thinker who judges and values and there is you the Observer of the Thinker; the latter is the real you.

Now most people are just the Thinker (do not think in terms of Thinking and Feeling right now: MBTI) - the false-self image. Now if you are all that, then you are never free because you're attached to the image you created, it can get hurt after all. Plus, if you care about what other people think, you become their prisoner. So in life people create all sorts of mental prisons because there is the desire to become something or someone. We want a position in this society we created through thought, we want recognition, we want power, we want a nice house and a nice car, we want a good education. But what if all that doesn't work out or if I take away all those things? Then there is hurt because your image is under attack...

Do you follow so far? This is a very serious topic, and a very good and interesting thread.
Hi there, haven't seen you around for long either...feeling great, enjoying summer :cool:you?

This is so true! I love experimenting with images and have learnt to treat them playfully, like a mere role in a play...yet completely disassociating your true self from these images doesn't come overnight. Mostly I take things in stride and treat life as a game, but in some weaker moments criticism may still be able to penetrate this outer layer of images and reach my soft, mushy insides and hurt me. Total freedom takes time and work to achieve :happy::happy::happy:
 

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I agree with this...I actually respect it when someone has the balls to come up to me and criticise me, or ask me why I act/look a certain way. That way we can talk about it and I get the chance to explain my perspective...often after that we even become friends! But when someone whispers behind my back...it looks like just a lame way of reinforcing their own social norms by shunning "the outsider", without even taking into consideration that this person has feelings, too

Unfortunately, the latter is most often the rule for me as I live in a somewhat stifling, homogenous environment where every small difference is noted and commented upon :rolleyes:
It's not a work of art to criticize, but I always notice & comment. Are you ENFJ women these chameleons that can look totally different from day to day? Different feel, dress, makeup, attitude? I like.:tongue:
 

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I feel like I've heard this before from another ENFJ. I really don't get how this makes it alright, although I guess it is less intense, it just means the person is more of a coward, lol.
Thats exactly why, it already gives me a true sense of their character. Plus I usually look at people to ackowledge I heard something and patiently see if something else is going to be said. Almost nearly it never it happens.

So its a waste of time and I'm not going to start yelling at another person.


So you have to go by technicalities. Its like hitting someone in the face because of something they said behind your back, you cant do that. If someone yelled something at me or said it up front, then I can have an excuse to behave how I want.

Plus in a way I also respect thier right to think different or be different, even if I dont agree with it. As long as that line isnt crossed, because when it is then malicious intent a cause rather than ignorance.

.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
It's not a work of art to criticize, but I always notice & comment. Are you ENFJ women these chameleons that can look totally different from day to day? Different feel, dress, makeup, attitude? I like.:tongue:
I am :crazy: Dressing a certain way is like entering a certain role...I begin to feel and act different. All the world's a stage!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I’ve only met a couple of these magic chameleons. Is it a natural, involuntary behavior or do you stage life by design as an expression of your creativity?
Both! First I was unaware of this behaviour, and then when I realised what was going on I decided to start making the best of it and have even more fun :crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Do you know any people that notice the change and can tune-in to your improvisation and spontaneously play along?
Well in a way my best female friend (ESFJ) can...when we were teens we used to have silly fun slipping into different roles just for the kick, i.e. making up new identities when talking to guys. She was great at picking up on things in my behaviour and improvising on the spot...maybe it's the Fe :)
 

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I find I'm also worried what people think about me, which is weird because my twin sister (INTP) really doesn't care apart from worrying she's boring. I tend to have spells of being really self conscious and trying to dress in a more feminine way, then switch and go 'no I want comfy things' and wear clothes I really like. I tend not to use makeup really, so that doesn't change (except when I went to the prom and when I went to the Rocky Horror Show haha.)
I think personality is a big factor. When I'm with friends I act differently depending on who's there. I also act differently around boyfriends when we're alone and when we're with people (submissive Vs really jokey.)
I'm great at acting out things, but I work out when I'm acting and then feel bad. A good example is acting very warm to someone when I find them frightening. I do that so they'll be okay and not threaten me, but I feel bad because I'm not being very honest.

I think appearance is physical and mental, so you can dress the same in two places, but if you act differently people think of you differently.
 
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
@tine - I love Rocky Horror! :crazy: Did you dress up as one of the characters?

I also feel I change according to the people I'm with...actually had a great discussion with my best friend (INFJ) about that last night! I love being able to adapt to all kinds of people and experiment with different personalities and vibes!
 

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@tine - I love Rocky Horror! :crazy: Did you dress up as one of the characters?

I also feel I change according to the people I'm with...actually had a great discussion with my best friend (INFJ) about that last night! I love being able to adapt to all kinds of people and experiment with different personalities and vibes!
It was my first time going :) I dressed up with what my friend told me to wear (she'd been before haha.) It was very fun!

I can relate to changing in that way :) Do you find you have a certain personality for certain people and some people tire you more than others?
 
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