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Alright, so I am dating an ENFJ. She is an absolutely amazing woman.. I must say, I am really impressed by your personality type!! The dynamic between my ENFJ and I seems to move like clockwork!

Now, I am pretty sure we have things figured out.. So I guess that I am just curious...

What are your love languages out of these 5? How would you rank them? Share info....!! :wink:

- Touch
- Acts of Service
- Gifts
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation

Ready... SET.... GO!!!
 

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I'm a male ENFJ, but I'd rank them:

1a) Quality Time
1b) Touch
3) Words of affirmation
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4) Acts of service
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5) Gifts

Definitely Quality and Touch are at the top. For me these are a near dead heat for 1st place. When I'm in a relationship I love just snuggling up with that person and talking about whatever.

Maybe it's because we are so used to being the ones that perform the acts of service or give gifts, but I sometimes feel somewhat uncomfortable when the tables are turned. For that reason receiving gifts and people doing me favors are really low on my list. It's not that I don't appreciate it, but it's just not what I prefer.

This is actually an interesting topic as I recently broke up (I think - it's a long story) with my ENFJ (suspected) girlfriend and thinking about it one of the reasons we worked so well together was that we both loved snuggling on the couch or in bed and holding hands while taking our dogs for a walk or just riding in the car. The quality time and touching seemed to be big for her too. Like me, she also seemed to have trouble accepting gifts or help with things.
 

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There's an online test on love language.

This is my score:
(max 10, min 0)

6 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
6 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

So Quality Time seem most important. Here's the test definition of Quality Time:

"In Quality Time, nothing says "I love you" like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful."
 

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I feel the same as @OtisPB , and I'm a girl.

I once dated this one INFJ guy who would shower me with gifts from the beginning of our relationship. I knew that was his way of putting effort into things and showing his affection, but I didn't know what to make of it and it didn't really do much for me, because the gifts were so excessive and impersonal it seemed inappropriate to me (he was very wealthy, but we didn't know each other well yet at the time). It made me feel like I was some typical superficial girl who had to be bought and protected, and that told me that he didn't really understand who I was.

I'm now dating an INFP who is also very wealthy (compared to me lol...PS, I don't always date wealthy dudes! It's just a coincidence lol and I didn't know they were wealthy until after we dated for a significant amount of time). He does give me gifts on a regular basis (and I give him gifts on a regular basis in return of equal value), but it's different. We'd become very close before he got anything for me (we met online), and so when he gifted me it seemed more appropriate. On top of that, everything he gives me is heartfelt and genuine and has nothing to do with expensiveness and everything to do with little simple things he knows I love or things to remind me of our relationship, like teddy bears and music boxes. The fact that I can reciprocate makes me feel not awkward about it as well. I find it really cute how his face lights up whenever he knows I have a gift for him or whenever he finds out I cleaned some of his apartment for him or offer massages lol.

I really love quality time, like just going for long walks and talking about things together, or cuddling quietly. I love touch and I love giving massages, etc xD. It really is simple, intimate things like that which I value most.
 

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Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch and acts of service. Seriously, if any type was likely to have words of affirmation as a love language, I think ENFJs would take at least part of the cake. You can tell by the way we show our love how we'd like our love to be shown to us. :]

I wonder if most guys have physical touch as one of their love languages. XD
 

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A couple of the gentlemen in here made the points I was going to make.


Gifts I'd imagine would be near last most ENFJ considering an object is never as good as a persons full attention.


- Touch
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Gifts
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I think we can begin to see a pattern in the responses.
Actually.. Yes.. I am seeing that pattern as well.. :happy: .. @OtisPB, @JakeDK, @niffer, @Mr. X, @ashestohope and @Ringer - The top love languages here are Quality-time and touch and in my experience with ENFJs that has been very similar, and as an ENFP I am very much the same.. I've never really understood things like "Acts of Service." I dish out that particular love language all the time, but when someone performs acts of service for me, I don't feel it as "love" I suppose.. It's not my temperament that is at fault here.. It might just be an individual thing.. Perhaps I should just ask the ENFP's for their top love languages? :tongue:
@Happy about Nothing. - I am particularly intrigued by your response. You mention Words of Affirmation as very important. You know what, I actually really appreciate your view. It's different.. Do you think that Words of Affirmation is under-presented.? And if so why is that?

You know what, I feel loved, appreciated and understood by my ENFJ lady.. :happy: .. She tells me she feels loved and understood by me.. @Happy about Nothing. I SHOWER her with words of affirmation all the time.. So I must be doing something right.. :wink:
 

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11 Quality Time
9 Physical Touch
6 Acts of Service
2 Words of Affirmation
2 Receiving Gifts

I think this is how I like to receive affection. I think I'm very good at using acts of service, words of affirmation, and meaningful gift-giving to show my affection too, arguably better than physical touch. I think it's important to distinguish between receiving and conveying affection when it comes to love languages.
 

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4. - Touch
2. - Acts of Service
5. - Gifts
1. - Quality time
3. - Words of affirmation
 
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