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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hi Enfjs! Over the last little while I've noticed a bit of a common (although generally unexplored) theme surrounding the ENFJ type. Namely, that you guys find it very important to be able to execute good control over your emotions; this is something I've heard about and even observed in ENFJs enough that it seems it might be relatively universal (?)

Basically what I'm interested in hearing from you guys is how -or if (maybe you don't agree with me!)- you relate to this, and if yes, would you be so kind as to provide some insight into this ability ?

My desire for finding out about this is partly selfish- as an Enfp i have a really awful time being objective about my feelings, to a point where it's had some pretty negative affects on my life and relationships. So I was hoping to get some insight from some of the ENFJs on this forum about this topic.

However - I'd like to clarify that with this thread I have no intention of proliferating any kind of stereotypes amongst enfjs. Emotional self-regulation is simply a trait I've noticed has been best used and applied by your type.

I'd also like to mention that this is my very first ever thread post, so if my question seems confusing and needs a bit more clarifying then please let me know!

Thanks in advance:)
 

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I think what you're looking for is our ability to be objective despite our personal feelings?

We don't share the same functions so it's always going to be impossible to understand what the other experiances in terms of emotions. Yet, if you're looking to be more logical and cut off from your feelings to make decisions. You'd need to be looking towards your Te.

I have the same sort of struggle in needing to develop my Ti. The thing to do is first identify *when* you're ever using it. Identify the connections of functions in your every day actions and feelings. Look at everything you do and sort of pick them apart.

Try to sort everything only with a combination of main functions, don't look for the shadow functions.

Your thoughts on this are welcome :p
 

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Not to reinforce stereotypes as well but... the only explanation I would have for why ENFJs would be good at self-regulating: They really do seem to put understanding others and making them feel comfortable before their own needs for same, so the chances of an emotional outburst on their part is much lower.
 

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Hmm...

When it comes to problems or just unsavory situations, I guess it's all about being objective and having some self-discipline.

For example, imagine you're a parent and your kid is at school. You can't just decide NOT to pick him or her up just cause you had a shitty day and don't feel like it.

I try to see unpleasant problems this way. It's not something I want to do, but have to do. I can go stuff myself with cake and all sorts of things that will make me happy later, but now, I need to settle this.
 

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I've had several occasions where I refused to let my emotions get the best of me, namely in romantic experiences.

I can give you a specific example:
There was a girl in my high school (she was an INTP) that I really liked, and I wanted to hit it off with her. But I knew she wasn't into me, so I tried to silence any feelings I had for her. In the end, nothing really happened, we just sort of stopped talking.

Another example:
I once had a housemate which I couldn't stand. Every time she talked I would lose my shit. I don't really know what MBTI she was, but she was rude, bitchy, self-obssessed, and worst of all, she would judge everybody around her, and not in a constructive manner, I mean laughing at their faces. So I truly could not stand the sound/sight of her, but I never once told her anything about her behavior. That's because I valued household harmony and keeping the peace more than I valued shouting at her face and putting her in her place.

So yeah, I can relate.
 
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