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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Comparing the posts on the INFP forum with posts here on the ENFJ forum, I find that INFPs often have some deep thoughts, almost philosophical, about life and whatnot, which doesn't surprise me at all, being one of them INFPs ;) I can totally relate.

Where as here, hmmm, I don't see much. Most threads are about relationships, which is great btw and I love it, but it feels a bit weird.

Either:

1. You guys don't really spend too much time thinking deep thoughts and so you never feel the need to discuss them because you're primarily extroverted; in other words you don't really have any deep thoughts or deep emotions that you're hiding from anyone.

OR

2. (which I find more likely) you guys just don't want to open up about yourselves and your deep thoughts and emotions; you prefer to keep the discussion always about the other person. It makes you extremely uncomfortable to talk about yourself.

If I'm correct and it's #2, why :(

It's kinda ironic for me to ask why; being an INFP, we don't open up either, but on the internet I find we tend to open up usually, specially to other INFPs, and specially when our real life identities are not really known to anyone on the forum.

So, What does it take?

What does it take for an ENFJ to open up?
 

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Number#2 I always raised to guard my heart. Also, I am in the media/film/entertainment business where every weakness is fair game and cut-throat. I also believe you should always be honest as noone can hold anything over your head.
I don't see why I should just let anyone in. You don't see Superman go " Lex Luthor here's some Krptonite now come kill me." or Green Lantern go : Hey Sinistro I just bought this nifty new Yellow Power Ring care to try it on me?" I love people but I also love privacy. To me it also takes away the value of intimacy and trust.
 

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ENFJ's online are kind of like INFP's in real life. Not really but sorta. Here we feel comfortable. In the world INFP's don't feel comfortable. ENFJ's feel relatively comfortable in the world.... but not so much online. There isn't enough stimuli for them.... at least the stimuli that sticks out to them. They have no facial expressions to work off of. Hardly any perceptions to make judgments on.... mostly just judgments on forums etc.

Plus they don't really need to express anything online when they can do it just fine in real life.


I made up a metaphor once.....

think of a baked potato. INFP's are your run of the mill baked potato. ENFJ's are a baked potato inside out.

That means that INFP's have a guard up in real life..... and feelings (potato) are inside.

ENFJ's show their feelings ..... but their guard is actually pretty strong... it's just hard to see since the feelings cover them up.
 

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#2 definitely. I don't like to talk about myself. Not when it comes to the REAL stuff, anyway.

Also.. the deep stuff I think about.. I have a hard time putting into words. It's very frustrating to have this awesome thought and try to tell it to someone else and they look at you and are like huuuuh? Seeing it in print is even worse. If I post something, I critique to no end and then end up wishing I hadn't posted in the first place because people are just not getting it. I don't think THEY are the problem, I feel like I didn't present it in the right way. That why I don't post lol
 

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#2 definitely. I don't like to talk about myself. Not when it comes to the REAL stuff, anyway.

Also.. the deep stuff I think about.. I have a hard time putting into words. It's very frustrating to have this awesome thought and try to tell it to someone else and they look at you and are like huuuuh? Seeing it in print is even worse. If I post something, I critique to no end and then end up wishing I hadn't posted in the first place because people are just not getting it. I don't think THEY are the problem, I feel like I didn't present it in the right way. That why I don't post lol
Oh my gosh, so true!!! I over-analyze my posts and worry about how they are received, like -- did they like what I posted?? ha ha!

In answer to the initial question, do I have deep thoughts? ALL THE TIME! I want them to be accepted though, I guess that's the problem. I only share them with people who can or will appreciate them. I know tons of people, but have very few I can truly open up to in a completely honest way. I wonder if us ENFJ's are too correcting of each other? We see what someone writes as an opportunity to weigh in our opinions? We're not really emotionally supportive of one another? What do others have to say?

I like you INFP's. There is something deep and magical-feeling about you guys. I just feel this overwhelming calm come through your posts. I think it's so cool. :happy:
 

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My deep thoughts stem from a radical feminist perspective, which isn't acceptable in most of society and makes a lot of people pretty angry. While I might assert my beliefs, I hate being questioned on the "why"s of why I believe it and I usually just flat out refuse to answer so that I'm not dragged into a conversation about it. I have the beliefs, they are well-thought out, and they aren't up for tedious, pointless debate with people who don't know shit about feminism.

I just really dislike discussing philosophy/morality/politics/religion, etc. There's no point to the conversation, I don't care why people think what they do, and it usually ends in a pointless conflict that doesn't benefit me in any way. Jesus, I'm actually getting annoyed just thinking about how annoying these conversations are! Ha!

So yes, while I have some pretty f'ing deep thoughts, unless I profoundly trust someone, I don't share them. You either get it or you don't, and if you don't, explaining it is pointless.
 

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Of course I have deep thoughts! We're not shallow..

I discuss/debate random things with my best friend all the time. He's an ENTP, so we have some interesting discussions. But to answer your question, I definitely prefer to discuss deep things in person, face-to-face, rather than over a webforum. Plus, it's more difficult to convey emotions/sarcasm/convey your point over text than through speech, at least for an ENFJ, I think.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
My deep thoughts stem from a radical feminist perspective, which isn't acceptable in most of society and makes a lot of people pretty angry. While I might assert my beliefs, I hate being questioned on the "why"s of why I believe it and I usually just flat out refuse to answer so that I'm not dragged into a conversation about it. I have the beliefs, they are well-thought out, and they aren't up for tedious, pointless debate with people who don't know shit about feminism.

I just really dislike discussing philosophy/morality/politics/religion, etc. There's no point to the conversation, I don't care why people think what they do, and it usually ends in a pointless conflict that doesn't benefit me in any way. Jesus, I'm actually getting annoyed just thinking about how annoying these conversations are! Ha!

So yes, while I have some pretty f'ing deep thoughts, unless I profoundly trust someone, I don't share them. You either get it or you don't, and if you don't, explaining it is pointless.
I feel the same thing, I like to debate some times for fun, but only harmless issues, like technology or programming languages, or whatever, but not the sensitive issues that touch personal beliefs, I hate debating these, pretty much for the same reasons you mentioned.

And in fact, I think this is so common among INFPs, and if you look over at the INFP forum you'll find many meta-thought threads, but almost no religious/philosophical/ideological debates.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
#2 definitely. I don't like to talk about myself. Not when it comes to the REAL stuff, anyway.

Also.. the deep stuff I think about.. I have a hard time putting into words. It's very frustrating to have this awesome thought and try to tell it to someone else and they look at you and are like huuuuh? Seeing it in print is even worse. If I post something, I critique to no end and then end up wishing I hadn't posted in the first place because people are just not getting it. I don't think THEY are the problem, I feel like I didn't present it in the right way. That why I don't post lol
hmm, ENFJs seem shyer (is that a word?) than what most think

I can sense with some extroverts, specially ENFJs, they have things that they can't discuss with anyone. It's a trait often associated with introverts, so most people don't even know what really goes on inside your mind and might be shocked if they knew about it.

Anyway you guys are welcome to discuss things with us over at the infp forum :proud: we won't judge you ;)
 

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It's #2, most definitely.

But like you pointed out, we generally don't want to want to talk about ourselves. I know I feel extremely uncomfortable doing so; it makes me feel so narcissistic >_<. So when I have something I want to discuss, i.e., a random, deep thought, most especially emotions, normally only the most trusted ones will be able to hear and know it. I can perhaps discuss a thought with an online community, but emotions?
Naw. I consider myself an extremely private person, and I'd go more than slightly paranoid if someone I'm not even acquainted with know what I feel deep down. No offence meant though, guys.

That aside, like other ENFJs here, I also sometimes over-criticize my posts. Sometimes I'd have a thought that I'd want to share in a particular thread, but if someone already posted the same idea, then I won't bother repeating it since I'd think my post would be a kind of waste of space and time for the reader.
And I certainly don't want to do that. :p
 
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hmm, ENFJs seem shyer (is that a word?) than what most think

I can sense with some extroverts, specially ENFJs, they have things that they can't discuss with anyone. It's a trait often associated with introverts, so most people don't even know what really goes on inside your mind and might be shocked if they knew about it.

Anyway you guys are welcome to discuss things with us over at the infp forum :proud: we won't judge you ;)
You're so sweet. Thanks! :)
 

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Neither, I have deep thoughts constantly and express them both online and off

Check out the account for spikyface on the eckhart tolle forum with over 200 posts (they're an extremely warm and friendly bunch)

I constantly have to catch myself at work because I keep steering the conversation towards a philosophy or metaphysics. The catchphrase is "...but let's not get philosophical or we'll be here all day"

The real difficulty is understanding the other person's situation well enough that you open up to the right person in the right way

Most people in real life seem to get really uncomfortable when these subjects are mentioned
Hell, one girl at work got so uncomfortable she started singing "I've got a feeling" (from the Buffy musical episode) just to drown out the conversation
Was hella funny :crazy:

Online, if you're in the right frame of mind, then you can pick up a person's vibe from a detailed enough post they've made (gotta read it carefully and try to put yourself in their situation)

Doesn't always work but when it does you can get through to them in a very simple and direct way
 

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i just don't feel like my "deep thoughts" as you call them are appropriate to be posted in a forum like this - i don't really see why anyone should be interested in those, since it's not like someone here has said to me "hey, care to share your deep thoughts?" in a manner that would convince me. basically, i just visit this forum to see if i can be useful to anyone here - with an advice or insight, of whatever i can do. my deep thoughts stay with me, sometimes i discuss those with a few trusted friends, or with my father or brother, since they're both strong thinking types and can sometimes help me see more angles of the same idea. (if anyone here has the question popping up in their mind "why not mother?" - she's an isfp and not really one for, umm, deep metaphysical of philosophical conversations, heh.)
 

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i just don't feel like my "deep thoughts" as you call them are appropriate to be posted in a forum like this - i don't really see why anyone should be interested in those, since it's not like someone here has said to me "hey, care to share your deep thoughts?" in a manner that would convince me. basically, i just visit this forum to see if i can be useful to anyone here - with an advice or insight, of whatever i can do. my deep thoughts stay with me, sometimes i discuss those with a few trusted friends, or with my father or brother, since they're both strong thinking types and can sometimes help me see more angles of the same idea. (if anyone here has the question popping up in their mind "why not mother?" - she's an isfp and not really one for, umm, deep metaphysical of philosophical conversations, heh.)
I completely agree. I don't think my deep thoughts are usually appropriate here. I just come here for entertainment and to help other people, if I can. I also run my deep thoughts by my ENTJ/ISTP fam. T's rock to balance perspective.
 

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No. 2 I find I can share some past experiences with people I trust. I can at times share how I feel but that's usually with my siblings, but revealing my deepest emotions and feelings I find that challenging - I get this weird tightening feeling in my chest, although I am much better than I used to be as I bottled a lot of things up and it didn't do my health any good.

There are a lot of times when I want to be truly understood, and it's much harder meeting other NFs and NTs - I seem to be surrounded by a lot of SJs and SPs. I have one ENFJ friend and it's brilliant. I want more NF friends in real life!
 

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Funny you should ask that. My girlfriend who's an INFP first thought I was a complete ditz when we first started hanging out. Then she said I would constantly surprise her (with what perhaps might be deep thoughts, LOL). So yes, we/I (I can't speak for all ENFJs) can come off as idiots, complete clichés - though, unlike most brainless creatures, what I do, I do for personal reasons. Plus its not until you've earned my attention, or respect, that I'll open up to you. Idk.

As well, I think this has a lot to do with our ability to empathize and why some people might think of us as being manipulative:

I never feel like I'm better than anyone else. I always try to see at what level someone is at, and then I get onto their platform - this is probably done in order to better communicate and empathize , along with many other reasons as well. Thus, really, the only time you might think I have any actual deep thoughts is if I'm talking about something deep, or if you bothered to ask me a question. Like its been said by others in this thread, I don't like talking or vaunting about myself all that much, though, if you ask me a question, I will answer it. An other reason why I can see people think I'm not very talkative, or even intelligent for that matter, is because they never posed me a question. People always talk about things, or themselves, but they never bother to stop and wonder, "oh well what about you?". I can go on for hours asking questions haha. People fascinate me.

The problem though, the reason why people, especially thinkers, will think that I'm an idiot, is because they will have spent a whole conversation talking about themselves and will think that they've contributed most of the conversation, when in fact, I'm the one who's picking their brains, making them think and allowing them to continue speaking. By the end of the conversation they'll have thought they've just given a lecture and that since I hadn't spoken my mind I mustn't know anything. If anything I come out victorious at the end of the interaction, I will have learned as much as I possibly could have, and they'll have learned nothing from me, which is a shame. Its interesting to note, because this has a lot to do with sheep thinking, people not posing questions, questioning authority, etc. Knaw mean?

So perhaps you can see why/how we/I can come off as an idiot if I never get to talk. I don't explain myself for no reason. So unless you get me, you better ask, otherwise you will never know.

On an other note, its strange that many of you don't seem to meet many NFs, I seem to be meeting them left and right. Most of my closest friends have been INFPs and I know at least 5 other ENFJs, one of them has been a close friend since high school, and I know a few ENFPs and at least one INFJ. At the same time I have to admit I'm constantly on the look out for new acquaintances.
 

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People say I am a very introspective person, someone who can make very good reflections about life, love, etc, etc... but I find my thoughts to be quite cliched and I also find them to be the same every single person says, just with more "sophisticated" words, so it has that apparent "depth". I find myself to be quite lacking in thought, and I feel the need to gather knowledge so I can survive in this world and help others live the best they can.

That's why I do what Roland does, letting everyone talk and understand without questioning their thoughts. I'm constantly collecting data about what other people think, so at least I try to form my very own thought system, which I try to live by it and back it up with arguments, which is something I'm not quite good, so it's still in process. I try not to question, because, even though there may be some incoherent or ilogical information, it still has some value, at least some. For me, all information is valid and has an impact on people. I try to gather them all and form my own. Only when I find something extremely idotic or misunderstood that's when I get argumentative. Otherwise, I'm like a notebook, ready to store information.


I'd better show my depth of thought through actions. That's something I try my best.
 

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I agree with the others. It's definitely no 2! We ENFJ's can seem like we share easily - and we do - but not about stuff that really matters. That's hard for us. I have to trust someone to share my deepest thoughts and many people would be surprised if they knew what I was really thinking. I find I's very attractive because they love to have deep conversations and it encourages me to do so as well.
 
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