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Discussion Starter #1
I raised a conflict with a termendously fabulous bloke and I havent seen him for months. We text and call (instigated by my ENFP self) and sometimes he replies but if i mention meeting for lunch or whatever, he goes quiet, i really don't understand. He still answers my calls although I feel like i should stop trying because the last thing I want to do is iritate him as I think the world of him and once upon a time, im certain the feeling was mutual.

This is my last ditch attempt because I think the longer i leave it the more my chances fade of actually yever catching up over a coffee, which I would love. We got on so well and now, oh my days...now im struggling, i just do not understand...He says "i dont know"...alot, what does that mean....i dont know or no?

As you can read, i think the world of this guy, even if the feeling isn't mutual anymore, why wouldn't he just say, is that not what you do? I want the best for him after all is said and done, if he's happy im happy, but we're not in contact and my god i am missing the connection we had.

NB: He's off travelling for a couple of months over winter, whether this has anything to do with it I have no idea...but ENFJ, release me, i am in absolute chains of mercy to his "i dont know" comments...lordie!

Dx
 

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Was there an actual conflict, or is the "conflict" your not knowing what to do with him? And I'm assuming he's an ENFJ.. either that or you assume ENFJs give the best advice, in which case, I am highly flattered lol.

Hmm.. my personal interpretation of his not replying to your asking to lunch/meeting up is that he doesn't want to take the relationship further, but doesn't know how to say it without hurting you. And his "i don't know" in that case is probably a disguised no, once again 'cause he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. We (I say this broadly..) usually can't say no to things.. we love to socialize, meet up, hang out with friends so he's probably having a hard time denying all your requests, hence the non-committal, "I don't know"s.

Of course, every one is different, and I don't know everything about your situation.. but that's my feeling based on what you've written.

Only advice I can think of: just give him space for a while. Maybe keep in touch, but just little small talk, nothing too deep and definitely no more asking to meet up if he doesn't want to. If you don't talk to him for a while, he might realize he misses you ;). If he really feels something for you, he'll come see you when he's ready.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hey,

Yer there was a little conflict that really "did his head in" though does say he realises that wasnt my fault but still doesnt know. And yes, he's ENJF. Im tempted to send a little thing to wish him well on his travels and just apologise and thank him for his support over the last few months..but im not sure how it will go down.

I cant pretend im not gutted over the possible disguised no...its painful :(
 

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Hey,

Yer there was a little conflict that really "did his head in" though does say he realises that wasnt my fault but still doesnt know. And yes, he's ENJF. Im tempted to send a little thing to wish him well on his travels and just apologise and thank him for his support over the last few months..but im not sure how it will go down.

I cant pretend im not gutted over the possible disguised no...its painful :(
Ah, well that certainly changes things.

Hmm, depending on the situation, like if he really knows it wasn't your fault (even if he might still hold some hard feelings towards you) then a little gift or something to wish him well might actually be the best thing to do. ENFJs are super romantic and we just LOVE sentimental-type gifts.. especially ones that were hand-made. As long as you put careful thought into it to make sure it won't offend him in some way, I'm sure he'd appreciate it a lot! :)

And if he's still hurt over the conflict, he might just be trying to avoid you for a while until he gets over the conflict. I don't know what the conflict is, so I can't say for sure.. But I know I take things personally a lot, and especially if it's someone I'm close to, the hurt will go deep and will make me resentful. I won't want to see or talk to the person for a while, but eventually I'll get over it, especially if I realize it wasn't their fault.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Ah thanks Shark. I really think the world of him, and if he's happy, im happy, but to think that ive caused the unhappiness and that i may still be causing unhappiness with unwanted contact....well you know, it runs deep and all that. Hopefully, we'll stay in contact, if only for lunch dates lol, he's someone i consider a one in a million friend. I guess we just bonded, though im not going to hold out much hope the conflict was in August!...i really think i blew it and that he just doesn't give a damn anymore.....but thanks again :) ENFPie x
 

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Ah thanks Shark. I really think the world of him, and if he's happy, im happy, but to think that ive caused the unhappiness and that i may still be causing unhappiness with unwanted contact....well you know, it runs deep and all that. Hopefully, we'll stay in contact, if only for lunch dates lol, he's someone i consider a one in a million friend. I guess we just bonded, though im not going to hold out much hope the conflict was in August!...i really think i blew it and that he just doesn't give a damn anymore.....but thanks again :) ENFPie x
Aww, well good luck with everything! Maybe everything will work out.. if not, there's probably someone better out there who can return your feelings!

Don't lose hope! :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Hey,

just a little update i guess....i posted somewhere else that i'd decided to 'let go'.....well that didn't happen LOL! Must be the ENFP failing to follow through YET AGAIN!

Well ive done quite a bit of soul searching and I do really want him to be happy. Ive realised its likely we both still have feeling and that our feelings at the time were very similar too. But I ultimately feel the time is not right at the moment to instigate anything more - I think he probably feels the same, as we are both very much abotu doing whats right - My main fustration has come from not knowing how he feels or what he's thinking, but rather than jumping from one thing to the next, im just trying to focus on everything we had and whats happened, whats been said by him and what I already know about him as a person. It has certainly helped.

The timing was terrible before I was so not ready for a full on relationship and even verbalised that in the only way an ENFP can (outbursting with emotion)....wtf am i doing, im getting too attached blah de blah....and anyway, now, im fairly certain, it would be the same....Im not ready for have a relationship despite almost loving this guy to pieces...ha ha so fooked up, but i love this life, its full of surprises...

Anyway going to send his gift off next week, hope he receives it well and enjoys what i have written to accompany the gift....along the lines of...you are such a wonderful amazing person, im not going to bother putting in anything negative, i think if we ever got to that place again, it would just be foolish to go there again, SO starting as i mean to go on...

:laughing::laughing:

Many thanks for the continued support all....much love...pie x
 
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