[saccharomyces]

so, here's the deal - most of my family think there must be something wrong with me, because i've got a "weird attitude" towards death. in my opinion, it's nothing to be sad about - since the person who dies either goes to heaven , if you believe in god, or just ceases existing, if you don't. therefore, in no way can death cause any more pain to any creature that dies, so sadness about the death is purely selfish, in my opinion. that said, i do feel sad about deaths - but only because of those that are still alive, because i know that most of them don't view death in this manner and that they can feel devastated by the loss of someone close to them, plus, there are, of course, some aspects that are quite pragmatically devastating - like when a caregiver dies, or the breadwinner dies, etc. the problem is, i can't really relate to this sadness in any other way than this - feeling sad for the living, not dead, so even though i manage to comfort people quite well, something "weird" often slips if i try to do that by conversation, so i prefer to do something instead - like take them out to some activities that they might enjoy, etc.
i was just wondering how others here felt about death, so that i could see if i am really odd like this, or do others relate in some way.

* i just thought that some of you might get the idea that i can feel like this only because i have never lost anyone very close to me, so i don't know the feeling or something, and i would like to clarify that even when my grandmother died (and she was in many ways closer to me than any of my family) all i felt was relief that there is no more chance that she might suffer, and my main concern was my father (son of hers) who seemed totally shattered. am i, umm, really kind of emotionless?

thanks in advance for your input, i would really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the matter of death (and sorry if i make anyone uncomfortable with this topic in any way).

 

[jdmn]

Depends on the background for me. It's sad for me to find someone innocent dead because of murder. That's not a good way to die. About death penalty, I have some mixed feelings. Someone who has killed massive aumounts of people and it's existence is a threat to all humanity, then this punishment is valid. In war I have a similar point of view. While humanity should ideally solve their conflicts with dialogue, history proves us that war and blood spilling was needed to later understand and apply different means of conflict-solving situations.

I kind of agree that suffering has selfish motivations. When you lose someone dear, you lose all their benefits, material, emotional or intellectual that they have provided you through all their life. You feel like you've lost a pillar of strength, someone who was necessary and contributed to the good development of your life. It's sad to lose that. It's also disturbing to see the suffering of their family and friends.

I remember watching a japanese movie, where someone dies but the people of their village celebrate it with the biggest and warmest enthusiasm. They think that person finished all the good business he had to do on earth and now is ready to go to a spiritual realm with peace and fullfillment. I wonder if the villagers would feel the same if he died of murder or of a terrible disease.

 

[Shadow1980]

No offense, but having a grandmother die and feeling relief that her suffering is over is pretty typical. I've been there too. But then my best friend died in a freak accident a little over a year ago. When you have someone die suddenly or maybe a spouse or someone extremely close to you, then you will understand grief. I didn't get it either.

 

[Jojo]

Death to me is an honor as my first best friend died of cancer in the 6th grade. He never had the to live a full life. Yet, his life gave me perspective and inspired others to cherish life. God had a purpose for him and I have always felt lucky to have called him my friend. The good die young... so expect me around till I'm 145.

 

[saccharomyces]

No offense, but having a grandmother die and feeling relief that her suffering is over is pretty typical.

the difference between this and the situation i used as an example was that i was not relieved her suffering was over, since it was an unexpected death and she had not been in any suffering - the relief came from the idea there will be no suffering for her ever any more.

but yeah, i get your point, and i can see why you think i just don't understand - maybe i really don't, but i guess i'll find that out in time, if anything will change in the way i pereceive death.

 

[Shadow1980]

the difference between this and the situation i used as an example was that i was not relieved her suffering was over, since it was an unexpected death and she had not been in any suffering - the relief came from the idea there will be no suffering for her ever any more.

but yeah, i get your point, and i can see why you think i just don't understand - maybe i really don't, but i guess i'll find that out in time, if anything will change in the way i pereceive death.

Well, it seems fairly obvious that you don't understand the typical grief response after death because your lack of understanding is why you posted this thread. ?

Times like this I seriously question whether I'm an ENTJ trapped in an ENFJ's personality. I just can't understand ENFJ circular reasoning. lol (making fun of myself here)

 

[saccharomyces]

ehh, it's not like i don't understand the grief response itself - i see where it comes form and i see how it works, it's just that i don't relate, as in, i have my own understanding of death, and basically what i wanted was just to see what kinds of more other understandings were out there in the enfj realm. i guess turns out this is not the thing people would gladly tell about, heh.

 

[sanjaywa]

in my opinion, it's nothing to be sad about - since the person who dies either goes to heaven , if you believe in god, or just ceases existing, if you don't. therefore, in no way can death cause any more pain to any creature that dies, so sadness about the death is purely selfish, in my opinion. that said, i do feel sad about deaths - but only because of those that are still alive,

I do know what you mean. I've never experienced the loss of a parent, close friend or partner, but I have lost my grandparents and 2 uncles I was very close to. I have always felt a little bit detached when this has happened. Yeah, I'm sad, but mostly for the people left behind. I see death simply as part of life - it sucks, but it will happen to us all. I prefer to give thanks that I had that person in my life; that's my way of dealing with death,

 

[Razvan]

I think people usually grief over people dying when they think those persons could have lived longer, had a happier life and death has robbed them of that. So they grief that loss, not just the loss in their life (especially if that person had a big day to day impact in your life).

 

[Cloud_Nine]

someone very close to me passed away on a short notice years ago. I have been trying to deal with the fact that the person is no longer here I am getting much better though A big part of the struggle stems from the fact that the person never got to see me walk across that stage to get my degree, which was her wish for a long time. She was a big part of my life.

Now, when I feel like giving up on something, all I need is to think of her. She has been and always will be my motivation to succeed.

 

[kiwigrl]

I don't fear death because I have my faith in God so I know where I will go. But what worries me is the effect it would have on my family with me leaving them. If I am an old lady when it happens my kids will have grown into adults and will deal with it alot better.

 

[timely.grace]

I work in health care so I see death on a regular basis.
It was so hard at first, but now, it's almost a relief to see a patient or resident pass after seeing how much they've struggled in their last days.
I've had family members pass before and after becoming an RCA. Before having the experience that I have now, death was miserable. Now, I've learned to accept it as a part of life. It sucks, absolutely, but I don't see it as an end. It's a chance to celebrate life.

I recently had the most amazing experience of death at work. Sounds morbid, but it was such an amazing day. There was an air of love and true embrace. :happy:

 

[Seeker]

I actually lost a friend who was only 39 recently, and I grieved profoundly. Don't get me wrong--- I felt tenderness. I was over-whelmed by the beauty that was her life. But I was also so sad for all the things we never got to do or say. I was so sad for the three children and husband who she left behind. She was super-mom, and not having her daily physical and emotional care is huge for them. At the same time, I truly believe that our hearts are her home now and that she is angel beating within those hearts. But I was quite extroverted with my grief, and it definitely disturbed some people who didn't know my friend.

Fellow mourners however were comforted.