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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I am madly in love with this ISTJ guy who is crazy in love with me. And it's beautiful. And usually it's easy and wonderful and the best. But sometimes it's difficult.

Like, when things get down, I try really hard to make this work, but he sort of doesn't. For me, the frustrating thing is that I feel like I try a lot to accommodate the things that he struggles with (he's never been in a relationship before this one, so there's a lot he doesn't quite get just because of that) but then when there are difficulties, he feels like he is unable to do anything, so he just doesn't try. ("I don't know how to try. What's the point if it's impossible?") But we have talked, and he's starting to realize that doing something is better than nothing.

I think he actually really does try a lot, it's just when the situation is most difficult that I think he clamps down a little bit. It irks me because he's so brilliant, and keeps trying when he can't get exactly where the bug in his AI code is, but with our relationship he feels incapable. How do I help him feel capable?

He's such a good sport. He's loosened up a ton since we've been together. He really is an incredibly fun person to be around. We love each other so much, but he has a hard time understanding me. Really, he doesn't have any sort of empathy; he can't see things from someone else's point of view. So we're trying to learn more about each other type-wise.

God, I love him so much. Sorry. But it's true; he's so beautiful, and the most wonderful person. Sometimes, though, I can't understand in the least why he'd be drawn to someone like me. I seem the opposite of his ideals!

Let me stick in a little vignette before I go.

So, he's brilliant. He coded a chess AI for fun, then a checkers one very recently. He's great at chess, and pretty much anything involving strategy. I'm always so impressed. He coded me a little java application and it's so lovely. He's a math whiz, too. As for me, I'm pretty bad at all that. The stuff I'm good at is music, filmmaking, storytelling, writing, literature things.... But he doesn't feel too much of a need for those. So whenever we play a game or something, he beats me every time. He's just... lord, he's Spock. And though I'm very good at what I do, I really just want to have comparable skill in something he's good at and thinks is important. Like... I just want one board game that he doesn't think is stupid (so, not Cranium) that I can beat him at. Because sometimes it feels like since our skills are in such totally different spheres, that mine aren't at all relevant and that he's just sort of better than me. He doesn't get this. And it probably is juvenile of me to want to be able to beat him at something... but at the same time, I just want to feel like I'm good at something he cares about. Does this make sense to anyone? (I'd really like an honest opinion on how this strikes any ISTJs.)

Despite all the difficulties, I think I would throw myself in front of a train before letting this go. I believe that we can make it work... we've done very well. We both just need to grow a bit. Any advice on what I can do to reconcile my ridiculous ENFPness with his oh-so-Spockish ISTJness would be greatly appreciated. We love each other so much, and I think that there's great opportunity for our lives together to be beautiful.

If you think this is going to crash and burn, please don't say so. I know this is hard, and if you're ENFP, too, you know all I'm really going for here are constructive comments and encouragement (because, hey, this is tough sometimes)
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