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Hi, This isn?t going to sound very nice of me but I am not feeling very nice right now. My self righteous ISTJ BF Of 8 months, was caught out on a date with another woman by my BFF. I am such an ENFP with ridiculous loyalty I wasn?t sure I believed it: when I approached him, he became angry, denied, gaslighted, deflected and then dumped me... all in a 6 minute phone call! Probably because he?s an emotional dwarf when it comes to dealing with emotional issues when he?s in the wrong. The ISTJ ice cold robot came out, evuserated me and then discarded me. 3 days later he was texting me and trying to warm me back up until i thawed enough to interact again. I actually was stupid enough to ask if we could reconscile... Only for him to call me and try to ?prove? my BF was wrong and it was only a ? pseudo date? and he ? wasn?t really talking trash about you, I was talking about my last ex?.. lies upon lies. And when he realized he busted himself on the cheating and I told him I was heart broken.. he went off on a deflection tangent about my friend invading his privacy. Nevermindshw was in the restaurant first and he chose to sit in a table next to her with his ? peudodate?. He Never once addressed that he hurt me horribly. I was like a Labrador puppy with this guy the entire relationship. Adored him, gave him his ?cave time?, made him laugh, shared the same values, listened as he opened up about painful things in his past and had incredible sex.. and he decided to cheat and lie. He was so cold and cruel to me (and i was the wronged party!). This was not the man I dated for 8 months prior! It?s like he had split personalities. I could liken it to kicking a puppy that loves you and adored you and was always happy to see you ...and then blaming the puppy for you getting angry. Dishonesty and disloyalty are to big boundaries that I have no tolerance to be crossed. After his admission of guilt and then attempt at deflection (again in a six minute phone call because he didn?t want to deal with anything I might need to process and discuss). I sent him a ? bitch slap? text, dispassionately ?bullet pointing? out his lies and his disrespect. I pointed out that he knew how I felt (because hey- I?m an enfp and damn open if I let you in) and still chose the shady way to deal with this. I told him that I deserved better treatment and that he wasn?t the man I thought he was and asked him not to contact me ever. I know it was not something he ever expected to come from his patient ? Labrador puppy? girlfriend. There are days I regret saying no contact, because I miss who he was (and what we had) before this ending. I also realize that not having contact is the best thing for me to eventually stop hurting. As an istj, I am pretty sure he won?t contact me after that statement.... but there is this part of me that hopes it?s driving him crazy that he didn?t get the last word... that he wasn?t ? right?. I mean, my concerned BF took photos of him (on a dates with this woman, because) she was so afraid I would not believe her. And I told him that she took the photos. And pointed out the dates on the photos showed he lied again. By cutting off contact i denied him the chance to lure me into another conversation again, so that he could try to act affronted about his invasion of privacy and what ever rationalization he has for the ? pseudo date? he was busted on. Have any of you felt pushed to ? bitch slap? and then door slam anyone? Did it rattle their cages to see someone so loyal and supportive (us- ENFP) do that? And have you ever used it on an ISTJ? What was their response? It?s ironic that he was far more aggressive, disorganized in his thoughts (his lies didn?t even make sense) and dramatic than I was during all of this. I was honestly mostly in shock for the aggressive verbal attack and floored that he had cheated. The bitch slap was just my way of standing up for myself and ... honestly I was hurting so badly, that I pushed buttons that I felt would hurt him ...and make him feel like the piece of shit he was acting like. I didnt even know it was called the ? bitch slap? until after I did it and read about it.
Please no judgements passed or advice on how I should be above it. Not open to that right now. Just curious if anyone ever felt that an ENFP. ?bitch slap? or a ?door slam? actually rattled anyone?s cages and made them think... or was it just a non productive way for us to blow off steam? Thanks!
 
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