[Tawna]

So, as stated, I am an ENFP teenager, and my mom is an ISFJ. I just find that we are so different on so many levels and we seem to not get each other at all, and it's taking a toll. For instance, my mom is overprotective. As overprotective as you could POSSIBLY get. I am sixteen almost seventeen, and still I am not allowed to go to the mall, I am not allowed to leave my immediate street without asking, and even then it is only to walk somewhere and then walk straight back. I am not allowed to be on my laptop without express permission, and she even preforms random checks on my history..... And, the biggest of all, I am home-schooled against my will. I hate being stuck at home all the time, and I hate that my mom really thinks she can't trust me. I think it stems from the fact that she had a rough childhood; pregnant for the first time at 13, but she lost it. I came along at 15, another child at 17, then 21, 24 and 25. So I know she's just worried that I will end up following in her footsteps. At the same time, she seems to be really conflicted about being so overprotective. Many times she will just tell me to ask my dad if I can do something instead of asking her, and it takes her awhile to decide whether I can or can't do something. And, like one day it will be more than fine for me to go to the high school football game, but then the next she acts as if it is some ridiculous request to ask if I can watch a movie at my friends house. The same house you can see from our front window.

Another thing is that she will ask for my opinion, and then get angry with me if it doesn't match hers! I don't get it: If you want my opinion, I'm going to tell you the truth. I mean, I'll do it tactfully, but I will let you know how I feel about a situation. Any opinion I have at all is not welcome unless it conforms to her expectations. This is so incredibly frustrating when I have a strong opinion, and she won't accept it as a viable option. ENFP's are NOT known for backing down in what we believe in, and she just doesn't get that two people can have differing opinions, and neither of us has to be wrong.

Me being a P, I am not that great with making decisions. College planning is starting, however, which entails many, many decisions. My mom expects me to have a list of 20 colleges and my major picked out ASAP. That is going to take some time, as I am terrified of picking a major now. I'm sixteen, how am I supposed to know what I'll want to do when I'm 23, after college?! i want to wait so that have time to try out a few different things and pick one, but my mom wants me to know, NOW. And I have tried explaining to her that ENFP's are notoriously bad at decision making, especially for something important like this. We like to keep our options open for as long as possible.

Overall, I guess I just need some tips on how to co-exist with my mom without having a nervous breakdown. I have showed her our personality types, and she agrees with the descriptions, but she doesn't care about how they could relate to our actual lives. And she has some really great traits, she's a great mom and all, but I am just at a loss as to how she functions. the only thing we have in common is F, but her primary function is Is, and mine is Ne. Total opposites. So similarities between us are far and few in between. Any thoughts from you ISFJ's out there?

 

[teddy564339]

This is tough because I'm an ISFJ and that sounds very over-protective to me! Even my mom was an ISTJ and wasn't nearly that over-protective. I can definitely see the ISFJ traits in her, but I think a lot of it is just her own personal feelings, too. In addition, some of this is a parent thing rather than just an ISFJ thing...or more likely a combination of the two. Not having any kids myself, it's kinda hard to say how an ISFJ parent would act, especially a mom, who usually ends up being the more protective of the two.


Here's the main problem I see with your situation: I almost feel the best thing for you two will be when you get out on your own and can be independent of her...but I think for ENFP's that's a hard thing to do! Not emotionally, but in terms of being self-supportive. My brother is an ENFP (I think), and it took him until he was 26 to be financially self-sufficient. So you may be in a bit of a bind.


I think the first thing to understand and keep in mind is that your mom does love you and just wants what's best for you. Parents have a really hard time understanding what's best for their kids. They think that what's best for them is what's best for their kids a lot of times. My dad is an ENTJ, and for the longest time he thought I was unhappy and lonely because I spent so much time alone. He didn't understand my introversion. So he was really really worried about me for a long time because he was afraid of me being unhappy.

So there may be tons and tons of frustrating details, but at least you know at the core your mom cares for you and has your best interests at heart, at least in her own mind.

So I think that's why your mom treats you like this...she's scared of something happening to you. She wants you to be safe and prepared. We ISFJ's are always trying to keep consistency and be prepared for whatever may come.

This is also probably why your mom is so over-protective, too. All parents to some degree have a hard time seeing their kids grow up and move on, but I imagine it's really hard for ISxJ's, who like consistency so much. It's probably really hard for her to accept the fact of you growing up and becoming an adult. She may not admit it, but it probably scares and hurts her. It's something all parents have to face.


I think the other problem in your situation is the things that would most help her are the things that your type may have the most trouble with...and that's proving your responsibility to her. It's possible that even at your age she may not trust you to handle things on your own, and it's possible that this may be based on what she's seen you do in the past. I'm not trying to say you're irresponsible...I mean, I don't know anything about you. But it's possible that due to your lack of decision making and things like that, she may be afraid of you getting hurt or getting into a situation where you can't handle.


So I guess that's the only advice I can offer...is just to do everything you can to prove to your mom that you are responsible, that you can take care of yourself (with little things, if nothing else), and that she doesn't have to worry about you. This can be through school, a job if you have one, chores around the house, or even just little things that you do. But you have to do this through your actions...the worst thing you can do is say it and then not follow it up with your actions, because then you would just prove your mom right and then reaffirm any of her feelings.

I think that's the best thing you can do....show her that you can live up to her standards, but do it in your own way. Hopefully that will help her to see that she can trust you, even if you're different than her. Because like I said, she's probably doing all of this because she wants you to be ready for when you're out on your own. The best thing you can do is prove to her that by her standards, you will be ready.



Hope this helps in some way...just be patient and try to stay positive!

 

[Tawna]

thanks. I think i get it a little more, I'll keep workin on it.

 

[floryshe]

Are you sure she's an ISFJ? Sounds a lot more comparable to my cousin's parents who are both ISTJ's. He just turned 20 last month and still has no freedom, poor kid :sad:

Anyway, as an ISFJ myself.. I generally want to believe the best in people and will let them do whatever they want, even if I'm uncomfortable with it, so I can't relate to your mother at all.

 

[Tawna]

hmm.... well I had her take the test on Human Metrics, and it said ISFJ. And she is very emotional and easily hurt, so I'm pretty sure she's an F.

 

[Narrator]

That sounds a little mentally unstable if you ask me...no offence to her, but to be so extream in ones overprotectiveness is taking it too far.

I don't think this is so much about type, as...being a teenager - you said it yourself, you're only sixteen, choosing a major doesn't come easy - Being a judger does not necessarily mean knowing what you want to do, I'm terribly indecisive and slow to make decisions.

I've an ISFJ mum and she's nothing like this, compared with my ISTJ dad. He's more typical of wanting a decision NOW, and being overprotective. But not letting me go to a friend's house, or to town? I think she needs to work on trusting you and not...catastrophizing, as it seems she must, being so concerned for your safety and future.

As for her not accepting you having a different oppinion from you...maybe try that in group settings, mildly disagreeing with her in a reasonable manner, so you're not alone and you might have others back you up? Also so you can build up occasions where you've had differing oppinions.

 

[teddy564339]

Are you sure she's an ISFJ? Sounds a lot more comparable to my cousin's parents who are both ISTJ's. He just turned 20 last month and still has no freedom, poor kid :sad:

See, ISTJ's and ISFJ's are so extremely similar that I think both are very capable of being over-protective. It's because of the dominant Si and the strong desire to keep things the same. My mom is an ISTJ, and she wasn't nearly as over-protective as Tawna's mom.

Anyway, as an ISFJ myself.. I generally want to believe the best in people and will let them do whatever they want, even if I'm uncomfortable with it, so I can't relate to your mother at all.

See, I'm like that too...but I think I would be different with my kids if I had any. Because kids are "your own", I think you feel a stronger sense to watch out for them, care for them and protect them. I mean, I can imagine that you get used to having to do absolutely everything for them as babies, and then tons of stuff for them as kids. For ISxJ's I think those transitions are hard because we get so used to that consistency and want to keep it that way.

Part of it too is being a mother thing...I think ISFJ females are even more likely to be over-protective of their kids than ISFJ males. I mean, I imagine that if I carried a child inside of me for 9 months and gave birth, I would want to protect that child with my whole life. I think dad's still feel that way strongly, but not quite as deeply as mom's.

Finally, part of it may be an age thing...I think ISFJ's get more and more set in their ways as they get older. I'm only 27, and I don't know how old you are, but I know I'm not as old as Tawna's mom (or at least I hope I'm not ).

So I see what you're saying, but I also have no trouble picturing Tawna's mom as an ISFJ rather than an ISTJ.

 

[cbelle]

So, as stated, I am an ENFP teenager, and my mom is an ISFJ. I just find that we are so different on so many levels and we seem to not get each other at all, and it's taking a toll. For instance, my mom is overprotective. As overprotective as you could POSSIBLY get. I am sixteen almost seventeen, and still I am not allowed to go to the mall, I am not allowed to leave my immediate street without asking, and even then it is only to walk somewhere and then walk straight back. I am not allowed to be on my laptop without express permission, and she even preforms random checks on my history..... And, the biggest of all, I am home-schooled against my will. I hate being stuck at home all the time, and I hate that my mom really thinks she can't trust me. I think it stems from the fact that she had a rough childhood; pregnant for the first time at 13, but she lost it. I came along at 15, another child at 17, then 21, 24 and 25. So I know she's just worried that I will end up following in her footsteps. At the same time, she seems to be really conflicted about being so overprotective. Many times she will just tell me to ask my dad if I can do something instead of asking her, and it takes her awhile to decide whether I can or can't do something. And, like one day it will be more than fine for me to go to the high school football game, but then the next she acts as if it is some ridiculous request to ask if I can watch a movie at my friends house. The same house you can see from our front window.

Another thing is that she will ask for my opinion, and then get angry with me if it doesn't match hers! I don't get it: If you want my opinion, I'm going to tell you the truth. I mean, I'll do it tactfully, but I will let you know how I feel about a situation. Any opinion I have at all is not welcome unless it conforms to her expectations. This is so incredibly frustrating when I have a strong opinion, and she won't accept it as a viable option. ENFP's are NOT known for backing down in what we believe in, and she just doesn't get that two people can have differing opinions, and neither of us has to be wrong.

Me being a P, I am not that great with making decisions. College planning is starting, however, which entails many, many decisions. My mom expects me to have a list of 20 colleges and my major picked out ASAP. That is going to take some time, as I am terrified of picking a major now. I'm sixteen, how am I supposed to know what I'll want to do when I'm 23, after college?! i want to wait so that have time to try out a few different things and pick one, but my mom wants me to know, NOW. And I have tried explaining to her that ENFP's are notoriously bad at decision making, especially for something important like this. We like to keep our options open for as long as possible.

Overall, I guess I just need some tips on how to co-exist with my mom without having a nervous breakdown. I have showed her our personality types, and she agrees with the descriptions, but she doesn't care about how they could relate to our actual lives. And she has some really great traits, she's a great mom and all, but I am just at a loss as to how she functions. the only thing we have in common is F, but her primary function is Is, and mine is Ne. Total opposites. So similarities between us are far and few in between. Any thoughts from you ISFJ's out there?

Is this because of any religious convictions? I was homeschooled because my parents are conservative Christians... I'm almost 19 and still not allowed to date, etc. My mom is an ESFJ, I believe, and an extremely unhealthy one. We do NOT get a long.

P.S. I used to not like homeschooling but now I'm so glad I was. People have a lot more respect for you if you were homeschooled.

P.P.S. Do you have any siblings? I have 10.

 

[Razare]

Fear sounds like your mother's problem. Fear you'll follow in her footsteps, fear of uncertainty, and fear of you being hurt.

What she's not coming to understand is that pain, uncertainty, and making bad decisions are an important part of your life going forward. You are not going to make the right decisions, and you are going to fail... and honestly, if you don't, I'd be more concerned for you then. People who find too much success never seem to end up the decent sort.

Screwing up is what turns a person into an adult. You should tell your mother this, that in the long-run, you making bad decisions is precisely what will mature you.

-------------------------

As for college, I suggest not even going until you figure out what you want to do. Or, if you can at least pin-down a general field of study you would like to enter, you can start taking the general credits at first. By the second year, you usually have to decide what you want to do. A lot of people decide, then change their mind.

There's absolutely no point in deciding now, it's a waste of time.

Now I'm dead serious about this... You tell your mother that you're not mature enough to decide your major in college, because she's sheltered you too much. Without more real life experience, you can't possibly make such an important decision.

You should see about getting a job too if you don't have one. That helps you understand what work is like. People who go through college without having jobs aren't ready for the real world when they graduate.

 

[Tucken]

Lay it out in the open so that things can get better. Show her this thread, that would be the easiest, and talk to her. If your mother wants to have a great relationship with you she'll work things out together with you, for the better of your relations.
edit: And don't make this about personalities and what they need or how they interact. Bottom line is that it's about you and her and it's better to keep the theories out of it, especially since you know much more about it than she does (I assume).

 

[Tridentus]

my mother is an ISFJ too and whilst she is very much the opposite of yours in how she treats me (she's always given me decent freedom to do what i want) i can see parallels in my relationship with her and yours'.

first of all she lets the past rule her life. she actually had a VERY censored childhood and as a reaction to that encourages me to take as many freedoms as possible. kind of the opposite of you guys i guess..

secondly she never listens to the opinions i have which are important to me. for example i have had several HUGE rows about the privacy of my room and as it's a subject which my Fi has made its business to believe in, i find it incredibly important, and therefore im simply not going to backdown because i get incredibly passionate and i see it as an incredible disrespect of my wishes to continue treating it like an extension of the living room when i've made it clear how i feel about it. i will literally fight to the point of being kicked out and losing any support from her- and yet she continues to do it.

but the biggest thing that i relate to is that, to me, how ISFJs operate is fricking weird. straight up. the things my mother does and how she seems to see the world (which even now im not sure i have nailed down) seem to go against everything that makes life make sense to me. to get the tiniest concessions i've had to have many many arguments with her- the only time i've found her to be reasonable is after an argument when she is apologising and coming to her senses.

i suggest either sucking it up or going down the teenage rebellion route.. i recommend the latter :laughing:

 

[Tucken]

^I really wouldn't support sucking it up OR rebellion. Both suck, so try something else. Listen, this is what you do

1. Let them(mums in this case) know what they have to lose if things continue to head the way they're heading(A). As important is to communicate what they have to GAIN from working things out(B). Basically if A happens, then things will stay bad and go to worse to even worse and they'll lose this and that and that (make long lists for better effect). Here comes B that will give her and yourself love and this and this (long list) and it also, simultaneously takes away the pain of A!
It's the easiest of decisions and...
2. ALL they have to do is (insert what you want here) loosen up, just a little. Maybe stay out of someone else's room, maybe bake a cake, maybe buy you something expensive... It's important that you lead the way and support, that you draw them the action plan and hands it over. And then >
3. Everyone gets what they want! They simply can't refuse your suggestion when you explain to them the effects of A and B and hand them the plan to make B happen! And of all the people you try it on, no one will be as receptive to it as your own mother!

 

[Tawna]

Is this because of any religious convictions? I was homeschooled because my parents are conservative Christians... I'm almost 19 and still not allowed to date, etc. My mom is an ESFJ, I believe, and an extremely unhealthy one. We do NOT get a long.

P.S. I used to not like homeschooling but now I'm so glad I was. People have a lot more respect for you if you were homeschooled.

P.P.S. Do you have any siblings? I have 10.

Well, we are christian, but my parents don't go to church, and have no qualms about drinking and even some drug use by my dad on occasion. And I HATE homeschooling.... I miss the interaction between people of all types that i got from school.

and I have 4 siblings. 10 is ALOT.:laughing:

 

[VonnieHope]

I am a Mom and I have a 9 yr old and a 5 yr old. All I can do is to tell you how I feel so may be you can understand where she might be comming from. We love so deep and worry so much. Oh yes I hope I do not hurt your feelings at all. She is not worried about you sweet hart she is worried about every one elase. And might be scared that you will get hurt. I would sit her down and say Mom can we go out to eat with one another, Then tell her that it hurts your feelings that she does not trust you and it would be so kind if she would let you go out untile 10:00p.m. then as time goes on she will be able to trust you and may be let you out a little latter. Make sure that you when you go out that you will not abuse that time that she has givien you and call her to make sure that you will be alright. Come up with a time that she can work with and that she can trust you with then and only then can you gain her trust sweetie. I hope I have helped you out and may be see from a Mother stand. Much hugs to you

 

[HappiLie]

I'm an ENFP with an ISFJ mom too! Waaah reading your OP brought so many flashbacks to all the times my mom and I raged war against each other :crazy:
Totally similar experience with my mom, growing up. I'm 18 now and still at home...and she still won't let me rent R rated movies :frustrating: Or drive. She says I'm gonna commit vehicular manslaughter. Do not understand.
But, I will let you know how I get by and what I've been thru so maybe you can better yur situation a little :happy:

My mom and I get along day-to-day just fine, and she's an incredible supporter whenever I need a firm opinion on people situations & I'm having a breakdown. She's a dedicated mother and boy, the lengths that woman will go to to keep the family together. She really, really cares, & she takes her parenting extremely seriously.
But once it comes to mutually comparing desires and outlooks, it's like a nuclear bomb. It sounds like this is how it is with your mom too.
The ISFJ's and ENFP's naturally just see their lives so radically different and the fact that we ENFP's need a helluva lot of freedom to satiate our wonder and craving for novelty reacts like Mentos in diet coke when the ISFJ parent's J function kicks in at full force.

For example, I'm a full time student right now at community college. I have no job, no car, I'm broke. So, I sat my mom down one day to ask her if i could look into getting a job, take my driving test, and maybe do some travelling with the money/try some new things. She just jumped straight into "No, you are not ready. And you aren't the one paying for college. You are too immature to understand. Wait until you are my age and you will understand clearly."

You know how it is being an ENFP; we're probably some of the most chillaxed and open-minded people but if you intrude on our personal values or try to censor our train of thought/individuality, destruction ensues.

I got all crying and emotional and shot her the "This is my personal life, I know you're just trying to prepare me, but I am not you and my desire is to branch out into the world more. The way you feel restless and uncomfortable being out and doing crazy things is the way I feel when I'm forced to live just going to school and coming home to my room. I have my hobbies, but I need to be allowed to do more. I'm not asking to move out right this moment, I know that I'm not prepared, so that's why I'm just asking for a little more freedom to ease myself into things because I am fully aware that the real world is nothing like I expect. It is not your life we're talking about, it's mine" speech.

Oh did she get pissed. She responded "Look at yourself, you're acting all crazy-like, education is your priority and when you're done, you can go and do whatever you want for all I care. You are still under my roof so you will either live like this, or get out."

After that, anything I said was just answered with a "Yeah, right. Go look at yourself in the mirror."

That's just one example.
The fact of the matter is, there is no getting around the truth that ISFJ and ENFP mentalities are from two different planets.
I am not saying that any one is any more right than the other by any means. But, as an ENFP, we strongly detest the shackles of restraint. At the same time, we aren't usually the type to just go "EFF YOU -pack up and leave on the spot-"
So lots of inner conflict happens that the ISFJ parent(s) do not understand. From my experiences, there is not too much hope in reaching a point of full understanding in terms of needs and mental workings. But there's other ways to handle :happy:

To my mom at least, she is always the parent, and i am always the child. No matter how different we are, she feels that everyone progresses through life in a similar manner, so she tries to set me up for life the way she thinks is right. Any other wild other way is seen as improbable and too risky to her, so yeah, lotsa overprotectiveness happening over here.
My older sister had troubles with dealing with this too, but she's an ESFP and she was a lot more apt at taking full action on the feelings and ended up leaving home on the spot for a while.

Every situation is different, but my advice to you is to not let your mother intrude on your ways of thinking. At the same time, do not argue with her or even try to "make her see" the ENFP mind. If you have other family members, try talking to them about things so they can talk to your mother about it, and take matters into your own hands. You don't have to go full-out rebellion drug-shooter status, but get creative in figuring out ways to maybe get your life fill without pissing her off.

- Avoid conversation about future involving indecision. Avoid it like the bubonic plague.
- As much as you can, remind her that you do have goals in mind and that your future DOES matter to you.
- Do not say anything along the lines of "You don't understand my needs." She will shoot the immaturity speech back.
- Don't apologize and say "You were right" even just to pacify her, or else nothing will change.
- Tears are rendered ineffective when ISFJ mother is on the rampage. I think it gives her power, actually
- Just approach maturely and as concrete as you can. I know it's hard, being an ENFP to do this, but try your best!
- Pretty much exactly as Vonnie said, just make sure you prove to her that she has reasons to trust you and trust that you will be okay. If your mom gives you freedoms slowly, be stiff about calling to check in and let her know you're okay. Basically, when you're out and about, it's all about pacifying her.

Things probably won't be always smooth sailing living under her roof, but there are always ways to make things a little more workable. I'm still struggling to achieve serious happiness with my mom right now, but things have gotten better.
Well my dear, I wish you luck with your mother and if I find out any further secrets regarding ISFJ/ENFP coexisting strategies, i will be sure to tell you! (〃＾∇＾)

 

[Tawna]

- Avoid conversation about future involving indecision. Avoid it like the bubonic plague.
- As much as you can, remind her that you do have goals in mind and that your future DOES matter to you.
- Do not say anything along the lines of "You don't understand my needs." She will shoot the immaturity speech back.
- Don't apologize and say "You were right" even just to pacify her, or else nothing will change.
- Tears are rendered ineffective when ISFJ mother is on the rampage. I think it gives her power, actually
- Just approach maturely and as concrete as you can. I know it's hard, being an ENFP to do this, but try your best!
- Pretty much exactly as Vonnie said, just make sure you prove to her that she has reasons to trust you and trust that you will be okay. If your mom gives you freedoms slowly, be stiff about calling to check in and let her know you're okay. Basically, when you're out and about, it's all about pacifying her.

Wow. that sounds EXACTLY like th relationship I have with my mom. And I think you're right about the not crying thing. Unfortunately, I hate conflict, so when it arises I tend to cry. We have had many blowups over my lack of freedom, but not exactly the same as yours. My mom will not be paying for my college, and she has encouraged me to attend wherever I like. (well, at first she said I would have to stay in the state, but she changed her mind soon thereafter.) Thanks for the tips, and mostly for just lettin me know I'm not alone in this endeavor.

 

[teddy564339]

I got all crying and emotional and shot her the "This is my personal life, I know you're just trying to prepare me, but I am not you and my desire is to branch out into the world more. The way you feel restless and uncomfortable being out and doing crazy things is the way I feel when I'm forced to live just going to school and coming home to my room. I have my hobbies, but I need to be allowed to do more. I'm not asking to move out right this moment, I know that I'm not prepared, so that's why I'm just asking for a little more freedom to ease myself into things because I am fully aware that the real world is nothing like I expect. It is not your life we're talking about, it's mine" speech.

Oh did she get pissed. She responded "Look at yourself, you're acting all crazy-like, education is your priority and when you're done, you can go and do whatever you want for all I care. You are still under my roof so you will either live like this, or get out."

Yeah, I can imagine that happening. I think for me, since I'm young and don't have kids (not to mention know so much about the different MBTI types ), it's easier for me to be more flexible and understand the differences in people. Of course, I'm sure this would be much harder with my own kids.

And I think your mom's last line is why I said earlier to Tawna how I feel like things will be a lot better when she finally gets the chance to move out and be on her own...because I think that's what ISFJ mom's are really most worried about, knowing that their kids will be okay when they leave. I can picture an older ISFJ mom who knows nothing about the MBTI totally thinking that if their child doesnt do things the same way she did, then they won't make it in the world. So that's why I can't help but feel like the only true way for it to all work is for the ENFP to prove it to the ISFJ by actually doing fine in the world.

But I think the beauty of it is that when this does happen, it makes the relationship extremely strong and more powerful, since the two types will appreciate each other more.

Every situation is different, but my advice to you is to not let your mother intrude on your ways of thinking. At the same time, do not argue with her or even try to "make her see" the ENFP mind. If you have other family members, try talking to them about things so they can talk to your mother about it, and take matters into your own hands. You don't have to go full-out rebellion drug-shooter status, but get creative in figuring out ways to maybe get your life fill without pissing her off.

- Avoid conversation about future involving indecision. Avoid it like the bubonic plague.
- As much as you can, remind her that you do have goals in mind and that your future DOES matter to you.
- Do not say anything along the lines of "You don't understand my needs." She will shoot the immaturity speech back.
- Don't apologize and say "You were right" even just to pacify her, or else nothing will change.
- Tears are rendered ineffective when ISFJ mother is on the rampage. I think it gives her power, actually
- Just approach maturely and as concrete as you can. I know it's hard, being an ENFP to do this, but try your best!
- Pretty much exactly as Vonnie said, just make sure you prove to her that she has reasons to trust you and trust that you will be okay. If your mom gives you freedoms slowly, be stiff about calling to check in and let her know you're okay. Basically, when you're out and about, it's all about pacifying her.

Things probably won't be always smooth sailing living under her roof, but there are always ways to make things a little more workable. I'm still struggling to achieve serious happiness with my mom right now, but things have gotten better.
Well my dear, I wish you luck with your mother and if I find out any further secrets regarding ISFJ/ENFP coexisting strategies, i will be sure to tell you! (〃＾∇＾)

Yeah, all of that sounds dead on. The fact is that there will always be friction in an ENFP/ISFJ parent/child situation...it's just a matter of co-existing in the most fluid way possible until you get the chance to move out. All of HappiLie's tips sound really good. Understand that it's ok to be the way you are, but also understand where your mom is coming from.

 

[niss]

Tawna--

If I may jump in, although I am an ISTJ dad.

What you are going through is completely normal and is to be expected. You are supposed to question authority (while being civil), question ideas, and start forming your own opinions about a lot of things in life that you have just accepted up to this point. If you don't do it now, then you will do it later and it could stunt your emotional development if you were to try to suppress your feelings just to keep the peace. So, don't feel like the only person that is struggling with this--we all have to go through it.

Keep one thought in your mind as you deal with your parents and continue to assert your independence: Whatever you mom or dad said or did made sense to them at the time. They are not being irrational, but are acting out of concern for you.

I would suggest that you don't do anything rash. Often a teen will lash out, become rebellious, form destructive relationships, as they try to assert their independence. Avoid this. Think rationally, and don't do anything to "show them." Let your motivations be pure.

You need to talk to mom and dad (you haven't said what dad's MBTI type was--often the other parent can provide a bit of insight when there is a conflict--try to get him involved). Don't talk to them when you are upset. Talk to them about a few specific concerns and refuse to let the conversation bleed over into other areas that you feel are needing attention. Write these things down before the discussion and that will help everyone stay on track. When you've finished the discussion, it's hugs all around. And make sure everyone knows what is expected of them at the end of the conversation.

For example, you might discuss your college plans, such as your major, applications, entrance exams, funding options, etc. as one discussion. And yes, it is fine that you don't know what you'd like to major in. However, your mom is correct in that the sooner you can determine these types of things, the easier you make on yourself and the better your chances of staying ahead of the curve. But, since you don't know, perhaps you and your parents could discuss a few options to help you decide. Narrow it down to a few areas, and go visit some people that work in those fields to see what the job is really like. Talk to your counselor and a lot of other people to gather information and then take a trip to give yourself time to think it over. But the main goal with your parents is not to sit down and decide a major, but to outline a plan that will allow you to come to a conclusion about potential majors. FWIW, you can change your major without much difficulty up to a couple of years in. It may cost you a few classes (and at $1k/class for most state schools, should not be taken lightly) but it is not the end of the world. In this discussion, be mature and don't resort to kid like behavior or they'll revert back to treating you like a kid.

As for being over protective--I don't see it so much. I've seen the kids of friends of mine deal with kids that became involved with drugs, or alcohol, or became sexually active too early, and have seen some tremendous fall out. This stuff can wreck families and wreck lives. Your mom is not really over the top. Maybe a bit controlling in some aspects, but in general she sounds like a caring mom.

Try to look objectively at your behavior. Are you really being responsible? Or are you acting like a kid, but wanting to be treated like an adult? Be objective and be real.

And remember that part of your problem is communication. You are an NF and mom is an SJ. There is going to be conflict unless both of you work on communicating clearly and effectively.

Keep your sanity and remember in a couple of years things will get a lot better. Just don't do anything stoopid to mess up your life, meanwhile.

Also, PM Born to Rave. She has recently been through a similar situation and can probably give you some good advice.

 

[YouCoyote]

I also have an ISFJ mother, And we can't understand each other at all. She also had a hard time growing up, as I understand it.
She is very controlling, and also feels that I should feel and act the same way she does, like she gave birth to an extra limb.
I"m sfraid I've had no luck trying to bridg the gap between us, and as such, I don't have any advice for you. D: Sorry.

 

[Survivor_7777]

Both my daughters are this time and I'm ISFJ. We never got along. I don't get them and they don't care to get me. They both walked out of my life almost 2 years ago and don't write, call or visit. I don't see my 4 grandkids anymore either. They can't stand my moods. I hate to see this happen to you