[adlhurle]

How do you act when you're angry? Defensive? Hurt?

 

[limelight3]

When I'm really mad or upset, I usually go on rants about how angry I am (though usually if it doesn't pertain to people around me.) I can be quite loud as I storm up and down.....rather dramatic really. :frustrating: Of course, I get it all out of my system and 5 minutes later, I'm okay.

If I'm Really upset at someone that I'm close with though, I get super quiet. I withdraw, and I'll usually just leave. As soon as I stop making noise, that's how you know somethings wrong. .....same thing goes for an injury. If I'm complaining about how much it hurts, then I'm fine. :laughing:

 

[cal47]

if i'm angry I'll go on a rant. If im defensive... well i'm pretty vocal when it comes to defending my viewpoints and what not. But, if I'm hurt, I'll probably keep it to myself. Might be a little withdrawn

 

[viva]

I tend to get very defensive and refuse to admit that I'm wrong.

When I get really REALLY mad, I usually cry. If I'm really sad I'll just sit there in silence, but if I start raging--- the tears will pour out. It's quite embarrassing.

 

[NateBoiWhite]

How do you act when you're...

Angry?- menacing, Possibly violent pending situation, cold and to the pont, rude. presumptuous, sometimes emotionally manipulative. hurtful defensive, dismissive.

Defensive?- Give Up, say I dont want to deal with this right now.

Hurt?- pending on protection of ego/persona and with who I display sadness or unhealthily usually turn hurt into anger.

but I am getting better with age! just need to differentiate pain from anger seems at the core of most anger is hurt/pain.

 

[adlhurle]

That's interesting. I dated and ENFP guy who would kind of snap at me out of nowhere (at least it seemed like nowhere to me) and I figured out it was because I'd hurt his feelings in some way. When he was angry he would have these explosions of emotion and all of this crazy stuff would spout out of his mouth. It was almost like he'd be possessed or something for a few minutes. I'd never know how much of what he said was stuff he meant, or just stuff that would come flying out because it's what he was feeling at the time. I've never seen anything quite like it.

 

[AgAu]

That's interesting. I dated and ENFP guy who would kind of snap at me out of nowhere (at least it seemed like nowhere to me) and I figured out it was because I'd hurt his feelings in some way. When he was angry he would have these explosions of emotion and all of this crazy stuff would spout out of his mouth. It was almost like he'd be possessed or something for a few minutes. I'd never know how much of what he said was stuff he meant, or just stuff that would come flying out because it's what he was feeling at the time. I've never seen anything quite like it.

Yeah, this is pretty much how I act too. It takes A LOT to get me there, but if I crack I'll go into a tirade of drama and start spouting off - sometimes even stuff I don't even believe in an effort to get it off my chest and get back to normal. Come to think of it, the more unrealistic I can make the rant usually the faster I can calm down because I'll come to my senses faster about how ridiculous I'm being. I don't understand it, it's some subconscious self-defense mechanism I suppose.

 

[MaggieRooWho]

Angry - I insult people. Big time. I'll just be yelling, and saying all kinds of crazy stuff. Then I'll fume for awhile, take a deep breath, and move on.
Defensive - I actually get very defensive very often... possibly because I live with an INTJ. I'm overly sensitive, in that I take every criticism sooooo personally. I think if I were in an environment with a type that's more typically understanding, I would be able to chill a lot more. I cry when I feel like someone is attacking me as a person.
Hurt - depends on the type of hurt. I usually get pissed off and shut down for a little while. If it's someone I've been in love with, and they leave, I fall apart. Crying, erratic, unpredictable for awhile... then it's like, when I come out of it, I morph into my shadow type so I can hide and build a tower around myself. When I'm hurt, I want protection, and if there's no one to protect me, then I will do it myself, and it will generally not be in a fun or positive way. :sad:

 

[adlhurle]

Yeah, this is pretty much how I act too. It takes A LOT to get me there, but if I crack I'll go into a tirade of drama and start spouting off - sometimes even stuff I don't even believe in an effort to get it off my chest and get back to normal. Come to think of it, the more unrealistic I can make the rant usually the faster I can calm down because I'll come to my senses faster about how ridiculous I'm being. I don't understand it, it's some subconscious self-defense mechanism I suppose.

What do you feel like after you've had one of these episodes? Have you ever gone past the point of no return with someone while angry?

 

[AgAu]

What do you feel like after you've had one of these episodes? Have you ever gone past the point of no return with someone while angry?

It's adrenaline filled to say the least. I'm probably visibly shaking, not usually crying but sometimes yeah. So, immediately after there really is no feel to it; sort of numb, I suppose.

As I settle down, I'll start a mental replay of it over and over to figure out if I hurt anyone in that process. If I have, guilt trip will ensue. Hopefully, I haven't damaged a relationship beyond what an apology can fix.

Yes, I've gone past the point of no return. As a child, I could even become violent. Non-violence, or more precisely, not being the one to start a physical encounter has ruled my value system as an adult and remains my backstop these days.

Fortunately, they are pretty rare for me and usually directed towards anonymous situations and not towards anyone that I love in the immediate vicinity so even when they do happen it's generally fairly harmless. I don't like them and keep thinking some day I will grow out of this behavior but it hasn't happened yet.

 

[adlhurle]

Angry - I insult people. Big time. I'll just be yelling, and saying all kinds of crazy stuff. Then I'll fume for awhile, take a deep breath, and move on.
Defensive - I actually get very defensive very often... possibly because I live with an INTJ. I'm overly sensitive, in that I take every criticism sooooo personally. I think if I were in an environment with a type that's more typically understanding, I would be able to chill a lot more. I cry when I feel like someone is attacking me as a person.
Hurt - depends on the type of hurt. I usually get pissed off and shut down for a little while. If it's someone I've been in love with, and they leave, I fall apart. Crying, erratic, unpredictable for awhile... then it's like, when I come out of it, I morph into my shadow type so I can hide and build a tower around myself. When I'm hurt, I want protection, and if there's no one to protect me, then I will do it myself, and it will generally not be in a fun or positive way. :sad:

Yeah, the last blow out I had with my ex went beyond where anybody else I'd known had taken things--like he just wanted to ruin me. It's hard to describe. Luckily the NT part of me knew that what he was saying was completely irraitonal but it was very surprising. It seemed so unlike him...

 

[NateBoiWhite]

That's interesting. I dated and ENFP guy who would kind of snap at me out of nowhere (at least it seemed like nowhere to me) and I figured out it was because I'd hurt his feelings in some way. When he was angry he would have these explosions of emotion and all of this crazy stuff would spout out of his mouth. It was almost like he'd be possessed or something for a few minutes. I'd never know how much of what he said was stuff he meant, or just stuff that would come flying out because it's what he was feeling at the time. I've never seen anything quite like it.

Yes snapping is an understatement, I have NEVER got violent with a woman, but I have wished upon them breast cancer.... I know horrible... Truthfully If I honestly believe someone is a piece of shit as a person..Manipulative..selfish..cruel..1 ex in particular lol I USE TO fight fire with fire....I am talking about when I was younger now before I learned to take the higher road...

those that prided themselves on being vindictive I held a grudge and plotted on never forgiving them..I got back at people in many ways complicated with great method to the madness. I stuck up for the underdog...In my neighborhood there were certain institutionalized basically bullies with no heart and I saw them as bad people and we clashed on many occasions....Id like to think I place in their head and hearts their wrongness and the change I effected in their lives would be felt by there children and so on.

I wouldent say I as an ENFP freak out for no reason unfairly....I just might say that someone doing me wrong in many little ways might get the full brunt of my anger on the next foul move they made no matter how insignificant and not understand there was an accumulation growing..

 

[On the road to Damascus]

For once...just once...I would like to experience blind...red...rage...

But alas it is not in my make-up...when angry...I generally experience one of the following depending on the circumstance:
* I weep my rage...I get so upset that I clam up and start leaking (tears). I generally have to leave the direct onslaught of said rage agent to re-group and contain my emotions.
* I get super quiet and withdrawn and if you don't know me you would suspect that I am just being passive but if you knew me well, you would absolutely know that something is very wrong.

 

[EskimoFox]

Am I the only one here who feels awkward when it comes to feelings... like sometimes I think they should be there and they're not? Or that they're much less intense than they should be? Perhaps its just me, but it seems this emotional passivity defines me. I'm generally a happy person in pretty much every situation. All it takes is for me to get around some people and usually unless what I'm angry or hurt about is really overbearing, I can just return to my normal self. Anyway enough about that.

Angry- Instinctively, my first reaction to pain is to not react negatively. If the pain comes from someone I don't know well, I can usually shrug it off, but if it comes from someone I know and love, my initial reaction always seems to not clam up, not take the defensive. This has lead me to more pain on a couple occasions, but on the other hand I rarely if ever fly off the handle at anyone. It's just not my style.

Defensive- It's rare that I get defensive with another person, but if I do, it's because they've hurt me, and I haven't reacted to it, therefore the moment passed, and they have no idea, and usually they go on to hurt me more. At this point I just try to shut down the conversation passively, so that I can deal with the pain myself. It's only after I deal with that pain that I make any attempt at expressing myself.

Hurt- Once the moment of pain is over, I usually go off by myself to lick my wounds. Oftentimes I will imagine I'm having a conversation with the person who wronged me, or with someone wiser than me who I'm recounting the situation to. Either way, it is there that I vent my vehement emotions, before then deciding on a course of action. Unfortunately, my inability to defend myself often allows for more blows to land before I can explain to the person how they are hurting me... but I guess I'd rather get hurt myself then hurt them in a blind rage of fury.

 

[Lilsnowy]

Introverting negative emotions but expressing anger... finally!

re: anger: I'm coming to terms with it, but I don't express it often because I associate it with abuse and manipulation in relationships. I always cried when I was treated badly because I was so confused. I'd spend hours, even days thinking about it, trying to understand what had happened, trying to do better so it wouldn't happen again. But I rarely got to the point of being angry; all I felt was very hurt and thrown off balance.

Those days are over. Today, I have zero tolerance for manipulation or accusation. I stand up to it, or I leave the situation, absolutely fuming. I will interrupt you as soon as I hear an accusation come out of your mouth. I don't worry about seeming rude when someone is already offending me.

I still get defensive at times but they are less frequent since I realized defending myself to someone who wants control or power over me, gives them a feeling of superiority and a sense of being proven 'right.' It just adds fuel to a fire.

Re: other feelings. I openly express 'positives' like delight, joy, love, curiosity and enthusiasm. I normally introvert negatives, but as I said, will openly express anger if there is game-playing toward me or toward someone I love.

 

[Resolution]

Defensive - I actually get very defensive very often... possibly because I live with an INTJ. I'm overly sensitive, in that I take every criticism sooooo personally. I think if I were in an environment with a type that's more typically understanding, I would be able to chill a lot more.

I agree with you 110%. My best friend's an INTJ... but we've been friends for long enough so now he recognizes my "You're being a douchbag" look.

INTJs can be trained :tongue:

 

[The King Of Dreams]

When I'm really mad or upset, I usually go on rants about how angry I am (though usually if it doesn't pertain to people around me.) I can be quite loud as I storm up and down.....rather dramatic really. :frustrating: Of course, I get it all out of my system and 5 minutes later, I'm okay.

If I'm Really upset at someone that I'm close with though, I get super quiet. I withdraw, and I'll usually just leave. As soon as I stop making noise, that's how you know somethings wrong. .....same thing goes for an injury. If I'm complaining about how much it hurts, then I'm fine. :laughing:

I'm the same way! LOL:shocked:

 

[adlhurle]

I'm adding an additional emotion question since you guys are all so fascinating to me :laughing::

Do you often feel anxious around certain people? If so, why?

 

[tuna]

if I'm really, truly, deeply enraged, I get really quiet and calm for a while. I go off by myself and I don't think about anything. sometimes I just walk to the library or bookstore, sit down in a quiet aisle, and stare at the shelves for a while. when I heard about the shootings at Fort Worth I just sat on my bed and watched the wall until I felt vaguely human again.

but most of the time (when I'm just normal-level mad), I'll go to a family member or really good friend, someone I trust, and vent for a few minutes. then I'm fine.

when I was a lot younger, I used to get into fights when I was angry, especially when I was getting bullied. after I got suspended in the third grade I told myself I wouldn't start a fight or hit anyone unless it was self-defense. I haven't lashed out at anyone physically since then.

Do you often feel anxious around certain people? If so, why?

YES OHGOD JsdflksdfjkdfjdfljkKLSdfkjd and I really, really hate it. I'm uncomfortable around my roommates - they're partiers, into makeup and drinking, gossip constantly - because they're nothing like me. and they're creepy, they're not trustworthy, and I have to be constantly on my guard around them because I have live with them for the rest of the year and I need to them to have at least a neutral view of me. which sounds stupid and paranoid, blah blah blah, I know, but they really unsettle me.

that's just one example, but mostly... if someone's a gossip, or I can feel that I won't get along with them, or they obviously look down on me, I can't be comfortable around them. I can't be myself. and that induces more anxiety, because I'm no fun when I'm not myself. it's a vicious cycle, man. ; n;

 

[skitcher]

I tend to get very defensive and refuse to admit that I'm wrong.

When I get really REALLY mad, I usually cry. If I'm really sad I'll just sit there in silence, but if I start raging--- the tears will pour out. It's quite embarrassing.

EXACTLY the same it's so annoying because everyone thinks I'm just being over dramatic, but I can't help it - I get mad and then I start crying. I can't stop it :/