Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 92 Posts

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Okay. Get ready for a novel. I am going to open up and share a craziness I've had with a fellow ENFP for years. Have any of you heard of something like this? I think it is utterly crazy:


Okay, I have an ENFP male friend. We have been friends for about 15 years. Yes, we started out as boyfriend/girlfriend. But we were only together romantically for like a year and a half. But we were once engaged and he lost his virginity to me on his 21st birthday. And I spoiled the crap out of him when that happened. I kidnapped him and I took him out of town to a coastal village for a dream weekend. The break up was mutual. In fact, we don't even remember what it was about. We just know we make better friends.

We have been friends for eons. To my knowledge there is no current attraction other than friendly. However, I noticed that for every birthday, he still returns to that coastal town where I first took him to pop his cherry. In fact, his parents bought him a bit of property over there and now he returns there on his birthday to spend time. Last year he invited me, but I didn't feel like going. I really couldn't pull away from my life. However, I was inbetween relationships so it would have been okay.

I can talk to him about my dates, boyfriends, and all kinds of garbage. He can do the same in return. If we are both single on holidays or birthdays, we make sure to be each other's date and have a good meal. Actually, he'll spoil me when he takes me out, but that is just so he can remind me of how I deserve to be treated. He hates when I date loser men and give too much of myself. He is constantly trying to remind me of who I am and to not "change" when I date these men who "should' treat me better.

I really want what is best for him on this planet. I don't think I could ever date him romantically again. I thought we were of the same mind in that regard. Because seriously, it would be like getting together with my brother at this point. However, over the years we did hook up on 2 of my birthdays. But I think that was just so I could make sure he wouldn't go out there and get himself into another one of his fucked up relationships with crazy women, just due to horniness. The guy is a serious long-termer and doesn't know how to have anything less than a committed long term relationship. So I tend to worry about him because he has gotten stuck in some fucked up relationships. But regardless, both times we hooked up, I was very adamant on going back to exactly how we behaved with each other the day before.

We can say we love each other (as friends) and he is aware that I love him "cosmically". But seriously, I don't think there is much fire there on my end. He smiles at me in bed like he is REALLY into me. So that kills the fire. So no fire, I just trust him with my life, but "fire" is different.

So this year, I was planning on going somewhere for my birthday. I met a guy and I told my ENFP guy friend about him. And my ENFP guy was skeptical about this person. But it's not like he is ever jealous, he just wishes I would raise my standard and expect more. Anyway, now I've decided I am not into this 3rd person. So I've canceled it. Instead, I've asked my ENFP guy friend if he wants to do something. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm treating him like a "back up", I know. But my ENFP is pretty "up and up". He'll flat out tell me if he feels he is being used. Don't get the wrong idea either. He calls me on my shit ALL THE TIME!! In fact tonight he told me I was "demanding". :shocked: He said he'll take me out for my bday, but that I need to start planning things. And he told me that he hopes I've learned my lesson about wanting to be with stupid men I don't really know. He then asked me if it was over with that guy and I said "Yeah, you know me. When I decide I don't like something I move on. I don't really think about it." He gave me a very bitter sounding reply "Yeah, I know you do." That comment was laced with bitterness. Like he was saying that I've done something like that to him.

Okay. So I don't understand. I thought we had a deal. Has he actually been hurt by those couple of times we hooked up and I immediately wanted only friendship from him afterwards? Okay, and then there was one time I got back together with an ex afterwards. I remember him making a comment then, too. He said something like "What is it about me that makes you RUN back to other men?" He was laughing when he said it. But you know what they say about "Behind every joke, there is some truth." Anyway, I assured him it wasn't him. And, by always returning to "friend mode", I thought I was doing us a favor. He always said he wanted just friendship, too. Whatever. I can't understand it. Plus we both agreed to stay out of relationships for a while. Just for our personal growth. He encouraged me recently to stay out of a relationship for at least one year. It is soon approaching. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be able to do that, btw. He has remained single too. But he's going on 2 years of being single. Can you believe it? An ENFP going 2 years? I think he is a little bit psycho.

So. I think I hurt him tonight because I called him one of my "girlfriends". I am not sure why I pushed so much. It seems like he was hurt about me being with other guys or something but he is not telling me that directly so it pisses me off. He just teases the crap out of me and makes fun of me more than anyone I've ever met. No seriously, he is a comedian/actor so he can be really rude. You wouldn't believe the type of shit he get away with saying to me.

Also, I'll admit I was a little bit upset he was suddenly so busy. He got really successful in his career recently, and I was joking about how I want my slice of the pie for being supportive all these years. Hahaha! I have no shame.

I always figured if by the time we are 65, and still not with anyone and I no longer care about having "hate sex" with T-types; and when someone finally shoots me with a bazooka gun and sedates me and I no longer care that I've been placed in a straight jacket, we could live together or get married or something. We've joked about this a lot. I consider it a done deal. However, I don't think either of us believe in marriage anymore. And I really don't like that he smiles so much at me when we have been in bed together. It's annoying.

So am I the problem? Wtf? Are we both insane?

Oh yeah, he's like my best friend, too. So it's really not as easy as "let him go". Omg. But maybe I should? Ouch that would hurt me. I think maybe we are both just fucked up with severe abandonment issues. I think we should both get into other relationships again. Maybe I just have too much time to think.

I wish I had the hots for him but I just don't. I remember being crazy in love with him once when I was a girl. We were two stupid over the top romantic ENFPs. But now, I just want to have fun with others. But I can't help feeling like I'm hurting him some how.

Anyway, he treats me like a baby. He makes fun. It's like he doesn't know to worship me or something. Hahaha!

God. Why am I stressing? I totally don't care. I'm such a bitch.

I think I should start dating others again. I've really held back. Maybe that is my problem. I usually don't give this that much thought. I'm thinking too hard. But I have no idea what my ENFP friend really ultimately wants from me. Maybe we both really are on the same page? We both want nothing and everything is actually cool?

Does this belong in the blog section? Naw, I'd rather have ENFPs read this. If you're still reading, thanks. Lol.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Sounds like he's slightly into you but I don't think it's something to stress about. Though maybe i wouldn't hurt to bring it up with him?
Wow. Thank you for reading all of that.

I would approach and ask, but I don't want him to think I like him.
 
  • Like
Reactions: The King Of Dreams

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
ahh yea good point... um ... hmm... yea ....fuck
Haha. See? It's like we are 10 year olds.

Same type dating can suck. We can really see into each other so we have to approach with extreme caution. We can very easily expose too much. Also, I feel this places a greater responsibility on me to not hurt him. I should know better.

And, oh yeah I forgot, he and I are not really "dating". We are just friends.

I just worry he loves me, and not just in a companionship sort of way. But in some sort of sexy kind of way. He has told me many times how sexy I am. He dropped into convo a couple of months ago that I was a "walking aphrodesiac". It was flattering but also embarrassing. I pretended like I don't notice he just said that. I don't want to embarrass him. We can't keep doing whatever it is where doing if I notice stuff like that.

Wow. Denial is certainly a river in Egypt in my world. :tongue:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
Haha. See? It's like we are 10 year olds.

Same type dating can suck. We can really see into each other so we have to approach with extreme caution. We can very easily expose too much. Also, I feel this places a greater responsibility on me to not hurt him. I should know better.

And, oh yeah I forgot, he and I are not really "dating". We are just friends.

I just worry he loves me, and not just in a companionship sort of way. But in some sort of sexy kind of way. He has told me many times how sexy I am. He dropped into convo a couple of months ago that I was a "walking aphrodesiac". It was flattering but also embarrassing. I pretended like I don't notice he just said that. I don't want to embarrass him. We can't keep doing whatever it is where doing if I notice stuff like that.

Wow. Denial is certainly a river in Egypt in my world. :tongue:
Hmmm.... yea I would prolly just give him a little space and not hook with him for awhile.... welll... i mean.... IIII wouldn't do that... cause I'm a dude... but yea...you know what I mean lol. Hard to say.... so many different possibilities.
 
  • Like
Reactions: pinkrasputin

·
Registered
Joined
·
282 Posts
I think he is totaly into you you probably shouldn't hook up with him anymore me thinks... Let it be a beautiful friendship nothing more... ENFP's guys like me act casual and joke but it comes from some place real; don't let him be a second stringer on the bench to pull out in the game when you need him. That's my 2 cents...
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Hmmm.... yea I would prolly just give him a little space and not hook with him for awhile.... welll... i mean.... IIII wouldn't do that... cause I'm a dude... but yea...you know what I mean lol. Hard to say.... so many different possibilities.
I think he is totaly into you you probably shouldn't hook up with him anymore me thinks... Let it be a beautiful friendship nothing more... ENFP's guys like me act casual and joke but it comes from some place real; don't let him be a second stringer on the bench to pull out in the game when you need him. That's my 2 cents...
Okay. Fine. I was hoping the NFPs would hold me accountable. But you realize this could mean no birthday sex for me in a couple of weeks. :crying:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
I think he is totaly into you... ......
ENFP's guys like me act casual and joke but it comes from some place real
Agreed.

In my head I always envisioned a relationship with someone of a similar personality to mine going about how you describe here. My life is an open book, but I can't imagine being with someone who could write my book for me.

I think this guy is totally into you. I'd bet 10 bucks that if you went to him tomorrow and told him you were leaving in 24 hours to the Congo to live off the land and the only person that you would take with you is him -- he'd be getting on the plane with you. I could be wrong tho.... Maybe you could ask him as a hypothetical?

I'd like to second notion of a Pinkrasputin fan page. You are without a doubt the lifeblood of this forum, it's getting me down just reading that you're struggling - damn I hate my 'F' some days. Sorry, I'm back to butt-kissing mode; must stop.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Agreed.

In my head I always envisioned a relationship with someone of a similar personality to mine going about how you describe here. My life is an open book, but I can't imagine being with someone who could write my book for me.

I think this guy is totally into you. I'd bet 10 bucks that if you went to him tomorrow and told him you were leaving in 24 hours to the Congo to live off the land and the only person that you would take with you is him -- he'd be getting on the plane with you. I could be wrong tho.... Maybe you could ask him as a hypothetical?

I'd like to second notion of a Pinkrasputin fan page. You are without a doubt the lifeblood of this forum, it's getting me down just reading that you're struggling - damn I hate my 'F' some days. Sorry, I'm back to butt-kissing mode; must stop.
It's okay. Butt kissing has it's moments.

Maybe I'm just freaking out because he didn't want me to fly down to his town for my birthday. And that was because he said he was already going to be in my town for my birthday. But it was only because he had other plans with some movie big wig in my town. But he said since he would be here anyway, he still wanted to take me out for my birthday. I can't believe I'm just a "side" thing to do now. Waaaaaaa!!!!!

I'm going to have to say that I got scared two nights ago after reading all of your guys' response. I texted him because I wondered if it was better for me to leave his life *start dramatic music* I told him I lost sleep and everything over it. *Strings Forte at Climax* He ended up texting me back:

"Don't be ridiculous! Just because I have plans and often am busy of late doesn't mean I want you out of my life. I haven't seen anybody lately! Haha. I'm in class right now but call later if ya need to talk. If I were there, I'd give you a swift kick in the ass. Hugs :) "

You see? It is not I dumping him into friendship mode. Look at his behavior!!!!! :crying: All busy and shizzle. That was my job. I used to be the busy one! :angry:

*Sigh* Today I was thinking he was my Forrest Gump and I'm acting pretty Jenny-like. I am going to continue to go off and date other men and eventually will get involved in heavy drugs. Then when I plan to die, I will finally return "home" to die in front of my ENFP. My feather will float away but my spirit will remain *Harmonic tension is finally released as Gump ending music plays*

But that might mean one more romp in the hay.........:tongue:
No? :unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
It's okay. Butt kissing has it's moments.
I'm so glad to read that. I employ the technique fairly liberally as you have no doubt seen.


But that might mean one more romp in the hay.........:tongue:
No? :unsure:
Go get you some of that. I'm just glad you've thought it through first. You'll enjoy it more now.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
I'm so glad to read that. I employ the technique fairly liberally as you have no doubt seen.

Go get you some of that. I'm just glad you've thought it through first. You'll enjoy it more now.
Wait. Now I have permission? But you scared me today with the "You can't be friends AND have sex " blah blah. So now I'm confused. I walked for 5 miles thinking about it. Now I'm going to go run and think about it some more.

We can be just friends, right? No problem. You made it sound easy. I was just having a moment of weakness back there because I felt like he pulled away or something. Meh. Not that I care. La la la.......

Are you using reverse psychology on me or something? Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

And you're not that liberal at ass kissing. How dare you let me do what I want to do. I'm onto you. You want me to do that so I can only blame me for the outcome. See? I see through your ways...:crazy:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,956 Posts
My goodness you are complicated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
Wait. Now I have permission? But you scared me today with the "You can't be friends AND have sex " blah blah. So now I'm confused. I walked for 5 miles thinking about it. Now I'm going to go run and think about it some more.

We can be just friends, right? No problem. You made it sound easy. I was just having a moment of weakness back there because I felt like he pulled away or something. Meh. Not that I care. La la la.......

Are you using reverse psychology on me or something? Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

And you're not that liberal at ass kissing.
Oh no, now I've done it.

For those who didn't see the other thread - I'll do my first ever self-quotation:


The 'When Harry Met Sally' line comes to mind for me. "Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way" Sort of true, I think. My philosophy would be more "Men and women can't be friends WHILE the sex part is getting in the way" (Reflect on that one for me about your ENFP pal sometime, Pink)

This is MY philosophy. I don't expect you and everyone else to conform to my values. I was more just curious what you thought and how your situation and values might compare. I had assumed that since you were musing about rolling in the hay with him again that you'd thought it through and made up your mind it was okay. Really, that's cool if that's the case. No reverse psychology intended, sorry that wasn't made more clear.

I really meant it, if you've decided on the birthday fun make it the best birthday ever.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
My goodness you are complicated.
I have never claimed anything less.

Sorry. My Ne is spilling out all over the place on this thread. Shall I pull it back in?

The funny thing and what you may not understand is I know I'm being a retard. Me being overly dramatic and wishy washy is me making fun of myself. I expect to be harassed and judged because I deserve it. That's how I came up with the title of the thread. "Complicated" is a lot more polite than "crazy" so thank you. :proud:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,956 Posts
Oh no, I think you are just sharing what actually goes on in the beautiful ENFP minds. I do respect you for sharing though.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
Oh no, now I've done it.

For those who didn't see the other thread - I'll do my first ever self-quotation:





This is MY philosophy. I don't expect you and everyone else to conform to my values.
But it made sense to me and I thought it hit the nail right on the head.
I was more just curious what you thought and how your situation and values might compare.
I thought it made sense and hit the nail right on the head. :tongue:

I had assumed that since you were musing about rolling in the hay with him again that you'd thought it through and made up your mind it was okay.
No, I was looking for wisdom. Don't leave me to my own devices. And really, he never said he wanted sex. He only said he wanted to take me out to dinner. There is a difference. Even for two ENFPs.
Really, that's cool if that's the case. No reverse psychology intended, sorry that wasn't made more clear.
Aw, no problem. I appreciate your input. And now I feel all validated since you just kissed my ass too. :tongue:

I really meant it, if you've decided on the birthday fun make it the best birthday ever.
Okay, did I mention this is a HUGE miles stone of a birthday for me?! HUGE! I can't believe I'm going to be *ack* 20 again!!!! :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
226 Posts
So this year, I was planning on going somewhere for my birthday. I met a guy and I told my ENFP guy friend about him. And my ENFP guy was skeptical about this person. But it's not like he is ever jealous, he just wishes I would raise my standard and expect more. Anyway, now I've decided I am not into this 3rd person. So I've canceled it. Instead, I've asked my ENFP guy friend if he wants to do something. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm treating him like a "back up", I know. But my ENFP is pretty "up and up". He'll flat out tell me if he feels he is being used. Don't get the wrong idea either. He calls me on my shit ALL THE TIME!! In fact tonight he told me I was "demanding". He said he'll take me out for my bday, but that I need to start planning things. And he told me that he hopes I've learned my lesson about wanting to be with stupid men I don't really know. He then asked me if it was over with that guy and I said "Yeah, you know me. When I decide I don't like something I move on. I don't really think about it." He gave me a very bitter sounding reply "Yeah, I know you do." That comment was laced with bitterness. Like he was saying that I've done something like that to him.
ok, I just read the whole thing again and I relate like 100% with his reaction. Sometimes I wonder if this little annoying trait will fade out when I get older, but from what you describe this ENFP man, it probably won't :sad: And young ENFP male have it much worse, at least in my situation ( my ex broke up w me bcs of this). I dont know how to convey to make it clear, but here it is:

when I have feeling for a girl and she did many things that piss me off, whether the situation involves me or not, I'm gonna be angry as hell, but I dont say anything. Sometimes I move on; other times I cant, and when I cant, I do this stupid thing: I just imagine having a conversation with her in my head in which she talk about her faults and I pull some tough and childish words to beat her up. And if I met her irl later and she mentions those thing, I'll act like "yes, this is my time" and i spill out everything i already planned out be4. I'm sure doing that make the girl question and hate me :crying:

god I have to improve myself :frustrating:
 

·
MOTM Nov 2010
Joined
·
10,402 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
ok, I just read the whole thing again and I relate like 100% with his reaction. Sometimes I wonder if this little annoying trait will fade out when I get older, but from what you describe this ENFP man, it probably won't :sad: And young ENFP male have it much worse, at least in my situation ( my ex broke up w me bcs of this). I dont know how to convey to make it clear, but here it is:

when I have feeling for a girl and she did many things that piss me off, whether the situation involves me or not, I'm gonna be angry as hell, but I dont say anything. Sometimes I move on; other times I cant, and when I cant, I do this stupid thing: I just imagine having a conversation with her in my head in which she talk about her faults and I pull some tough and childish words to beat her up. And if I met her irl later and she mentions those thing, I'll act like "yes, this is my time" and i spill out everything i already planned out be4. I'm sure doing that make the girl question and hate me :crying:

god I have to improve myself :frustrating:
It's not a hate-able trait. I just want to understand because I'm confused. I want him to be more direct. By being more direct, he can also be more of the initiator thereby relieving me of the role. I get resentful when the baton is passed too much to me in the relationship.
 
1 - 20 of 92 Posts
Top