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Discussion Starter #1
I know an ESTJ. I've been experiencing some difficulties with him.

We shared a brief but intense relationship...we had this powerful attraction, it was magnetic. I have never felt anything like it before... and I've had my fair share of hook ups. I found him very attractive. After the last disaster of relationship, I was very glad to find someone who used T! The last dude was an ESFP and used a ridiculous amount of F. It drove me insane.

Anyway.

I found myself liking Mr ESTJ too much. When I expressed how I really felt, he just gave me an vague answer. Frustrating. I didn't say anything, not even the second or third time! What kept me pursuing, I don't know... lust and his sexy use of Te. Damn it. We didn't have that much in common and yet, we still managed to have fun together... though some of his values annoyed me. He could be very shallow and materialistic. Mr ESTJ is part of the culture that rejoices in consumerism and materialism. Mr ESTJ claims to be an artist however, I have yet to see his artistic side. Maybe being an "artist" is different to him, I don't know...

Lately, our friendship has gone to shit. It's as if he's bored of me. Our relationship isn't what it used to be so I guess he thought there's no reason to keep me in the picture. Move on to the next one. Jesus. Is it even possible to be friends with him again? I would have liked that if it weren't for his douchey behaviour. It's like... I'm of no value, something not to be bothered with. I haven't even been able to get a proper hold of him... every time I do talk to him, it's on Facebook and that's kind gross. Facebook is grooosss.

I don't think it would be wise for us to be friends any more. There's a part of me that still wants to be friends but damn... I feel annoyed every time I think about how Mr ESTJ has bailed on me. I don't think it's worth it. I feel a bit conflicted. I think everything went to shit after relationship went to another level. There's no turning back once you enter that level... I should have thought of the possible consequences but... that's so not me. If it it feels good, do it. I half-regret messing up the friendship we had. Even though it sucks now, I had a lot of fun while it lasted.

I'm not good at dealing with ESTJs. Has anyone ever experienced something like this? How should I approach this?
 

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ESTJs are interesting beasts. I've never dated an ESTJ, but growing up my stepmother was an ESTJ, and one of my good friends is an ESTJ.

My stepmother took care of me when no one else in my life was able to do so, but she did it with a price. I had to do everything her way. I had to wear the clothes she wanted me to, act the way she wanted me to, always say she was the best person in my life and no one else. As an adult, our relationship crumbled and she is one of the only people that I simply refuse to speak to. I have no desire to fix our relationship, as she has become nothing but toxic to me. Looking back I see a lot of positive and negatives things she's done to my life, and I'm still not sure if the positives outweigh all the negative things.

My friend that is an ESTJ shares a lot of qualities with my stepmom, actually. She is strong and extremely demanding, controlling, and quick tempered. She is also one of the most caring people that I know. She is the one that will bake you a cake on your birthday, drop everything and drive three hours to visit a friend in need, or give you a place to live if you have no where else to go. But, in the same light, you have to do it HER WAY. Also, even though we are the same age, she tends to call me and my other friends "kids." She really enjoys playing the Mom.

So, I think one of the things you need to consider about this relationship with the ESTJ is that you will never get to be the one in control. It's their way or the highway. They also lead with that infamous Te, so they can seem quite cruel and insensitive. So, I would seriously think about whether or not these qualities are something that you even want to deal with. In the case of my stepmom, it was not. In the case of my friend, her good qualities usually make it worth maintaining our relationship.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you for the reply! I'm sorry to hear about your step mother.

You are very correct about Te. ESTJs can be blunt motherfuckers... but I can appreciate their honesty.

Since this post, things have gotten better with Mr ESTJ. I found time to be honest with him... I wasn't even going to say anything originally but he could tell I was angry/upset. So we talked. It went a lot better than I thought. He asked me to be honest if something upsets me. Stating the obvious but I often hold myself back... I'm a bit of pussy. Conflict is something I try to avoid... pretty much the opposite of ESTJs. ;)
 
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