[qualuapua]

I'm an ENFP and I am really interested in a friend who is an ENFJ. I love how he loves people, I love that he is organised, I love that he is decisive, I love his humour, and I love his confidence. Obviously, we have very similar goals and morals too (concrete material to work with, not just infatuation). I'm usually indecisive and it take a lot of effort for me to be organised, so I really appreciate his guidance. Despite me being disorganised, I love being organised and always strive to be. These two factors were brought up in a previous thread on this forum with a negative slant. What's your opinion? Could this combo work?

I am also a huge fan of communication, showing love, and receiving love.


I realise ENFJ are quite loveable to everyone, so who knows if he feels the same about me. I'll just keep working on being the best friend I possibly can, while keeping it real, and who knows what could happen.

We are both adults and we both are looking for a serious relationship when the time is right.

 

[Finagle]

Why wouldn't it work?

 

[pinkrasputin]

I was married to an ENFJ for 8 years. We have a child together.

The problem I see from your OP is that you would use him as a crutch for your indecisiveness or lack of organization. This will stunt your own growth in those areas. It will also set you up for a myriad of control issues. You won't see them yet, it will happen later when you realize you can do all those things you thought only he was good at. At that point, he will have to let loose the reigns. This can cause huge conflict.

Yes, values were somewhat similar. Great philosophical talks. But in my situation and with other ENFJs, sometimes they will sell you out for the crowd. When I'd go to parties with my ex husband, he had an ability to make me feel like I didn't exist while he worked the crowd. He also got used to speaking up for me quite a bit. My own inner voice was undeveloped due to this relationship.

Also, the tone of how I'd say things mattered more to him than the actual subject. He just wanted syrup. I couldn't do that during objective discussion. I didn't see the need to. I'm not into butterring up. And neither am I into yelling. He was definitely more emotional (or as he was say "passionate") than me. That really bugged me after a while.

We probably would have made much better friends. My best friend is an ENFJ.

 

[qualuapua]

Thank you so much pinkrasputin! I really appreciate your time and thoughts. Lots of food for thought. Interestingly,
i get affected more by someone's tone than what they actually say. I'm definitely an enfp though.

I understand what you mean by working the crowd though and it's definitely important that my personal growth is not stunted. Interesting, interesting.

I was married to an ENFJ for 8 years. We have a child together.

The problem I see from your OP is that you would use him as a crutch for your indecisiveness or lack of organization. This will stunt your own growth in those areas. It will also set you up for a myriad of control issues. You won't see them yet, it will happen later when you realize you can do all those things you thought only he was good at. At that point, he will have to let loose the reigns. This can cause huge conflict.

Yes, values were somewhat similar. Great philosophical talks. But in my situation and with other ENFJs, sometimes they will sell you out for the crowd. When I'd go to parties with my ex husband, he had an ability to make me feel like I didn't exist while he worked the crowd. He also got used to speaking up for me quite a bit. My own inner voice was undeveloped due to this relationship.

Also, the tone of how I'd say things mattered more to him than the actual subject. He just wanted syrup. I couldn't do that during objective discussion. I didn't see the need to. I'm not into butterring up. And neither am I into yelling. He was definitely more emotional (or as he was say "passionate") than me. That really bugged me after a while.

We probably would have made much better friends. My best friend is an ENFJ.