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Discussion Starter #1
Hi ENFPs! Some questions so I can understand this situation.

I had an ENFP guy become interested in me and we were doing this dance for a few months. Apparently he couldn't tell if I liked him or not and he never told me he liked me. Now I find out that he's seeing someone, though he hasn't told me yet (perhaps he's scared it will hurt me or ruin our friendship). He knows I like him but he doesn't know that I know he knows.

1. Do you think your feelings could change that easily? To pursue someone for months but when someone else comes along totally change direction?
2. Maybe it's a guy thing?
3. How easily would you give up on a romantic interest? (say you were compatible and everything and you thought you would be a perfect match)
 

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Hi ENFPs! Some questions so I can understand this situation.

I had an ENFP guy become interested in me and we were doing this dance for a few months. Apparently he couldn't tell if I liked him or not and he never told me he liked me. Now I find out that he's seeing someone, though he hasn't told me yet (perhaps he's scared it will hurt me or ruin our friendship). He knows I like him but he doesn't know that I know he knows.

1. Do you think your feelings could change that easily? To pursue someone for months but when someone else comes along totally change direction?
2. Maybe it's a guy thing?
3. How easily would you give up on a romantic interest? (say you were compatible and everything and you thought you would be a perfect match)
Well, see here's the thing: nothing ever materialized. My similar experiences have always felt like waking up from a dream. I liked some girl but it never became real. Some other girl came along and it also looked promising. Something happened between myself and the new girl. The stuff with the other girl just felt like an amusing fantasy at that point.

I can very quickly give up on a romantic interest. It takes a lot for me to give up on an actual relationship though, I have to feel that things are currently unacceptable and that it can't be salvaged. Otherwise I'll try to do my best to fix things.

Liking an ENFP is dangerous. I've always felt like I'm kind of in love with everyone. Just getting me to like you and enjoy being around you doesn't mean as much as you think. What may feel like a special connection between you and I is very likely to be nothing out of the ordinary for me. When it comes to an ENFP, don't count on the relationship going anywhere until it actually happens.
 

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True. Perhaps the problem was that he didn't like me enough?
No, I wouldn't say that. It's more of a case of getting ahead of yourself, of "counting your chickens before they hatch" (believe me, we do this too). You guys were still in the pre-relationship dance, but neither of you realized it was a square dance and that the MC was about to tell y'all to switch partners.

It sounds like he did really like you, it's just an issue of two people who are sensitive being slow to act on their feelings. He may have liked you more than he likes this new girl, it just might have been more comfortable/less scary to start something up with her. INFP's are surprisingly intimidating to pursue. I always get a sense that they might shoot me down, even if they really like me, in order to protect themselves. Add to that the INFP tendency to attempt to hide their interest in someone and the outcome looks even more uncertain. This other girl might have just seemed more approachable and less intense.
 

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Well, see here's the thing: nothing ever materialized. My similar experiences have always felt like waking up from a dream. I liked some girl but it never became real. Some other girl came along and it also looked promising. Something happened between myself and the new girl. The stuff with the other girl just felt like an amusing fantasy at that point.

I can very quickly give up on a romantic interest. It takes a lot for me to give up on an actual relationship though, I have to feel that things are currently unacceptable and that it can't be salvaged. Otherwise I'll try to do my best to fix things.

Liking an ENFP is dangerous. I've always felt like I'm kind of in love with everyone. Just getting me to like you and enjoy being around you doesn't mean as much as you think. What may feel like a special connection between you and I is very likely to be nothing out of the ordinary for me. When it comes to an ENFP, don't count on the relationship going anywhere until it actually happens.
Thank you for this advice. I now know how dangerous it is. He was very flirty and his words seemed so sincere. Saying how special I am to him, that he could see us together in the future until we were old. Maybe they were sincere when he said them and maybe he believed it. Or maybe it's just an ENFPs way to sweet talk?


No, I wouldn't say that. It's more of a case of getting ahead of yourself, of "counting your chickens before they hatch" (believe me, we do this too). You guys were still in the pre-relationship dance, but neither of you realized it was a square dance and that the MC was about to tell y'all to switch partners.

It sounds like he did really like you, it's just an issue of two people who are sensitive being slow to act on their feelings. He may have liked you more than he likes this new girl, it just might have been more comfortable/less scary to start something up with her. INFP's are surprisingly intimidating to pursue. I always get a sense that they might shoot me down, even if they really like me, in order to protect themselves. Add to that the INFP tendency to attempt to hide their interest in someone and the outcome looks even more uncertain. This other girl might have just seemed more approachable and less intense.
Yeah, it was partly my fault too because my guards were up, maybe too high. I guess it's natural to go the easy way out. I'm just confused about how these feelings could change so fast. They must not have been that strong if he decided to pursue someone else? I thought at least he would've "finished what he started" and found out how I felt about him. And now that he knows how I feel about him he doesn't have the guts to tell me that he's seeing someone.
 

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Thank you for this advice. I now know how dangerous it is. He was very flirty and his words seemed so sincere. Saying how special I am to him, that he could see us together in the future until we were old. Maybe they were sincere when he said them and maybe he believed it. Or maybe it's just an ENFPs way to sweet talk?
I don't know about him but I never sweet talk anyone. My Sx/Sp instinct variant and 4w5 enneagram type may have a big part in this, but I want to be known for who I really am. I say what I mean and express how I genuinely feel because I have a strong desire for others to know these things. I can't stand faking anything, it makes me feel sick. I feel this way and I've still had this kind of interaction with girls. I felt exactly like it seemed that I felt, it's just that there's a certain point where I turn back from a fruitless chase.

(Btw, the following paragraph is not directed at you personally. I'm not trying to accuse you of not being enough of a romantic, I'm just trying to describe how similar experiences made me feel about the girl I was pursuing.)

At the beginning, I like it when pursuing a girl doesn't come too easily. It fuels my romantic idealism. If it goes on too long though, I start to feel that she cares more about protecting herself than about romance and love. When that happens I'm done. I want us to fly together, I'm not looking to tie a lead anchor to my leg and sink into the sea. I can't flap your wings for you, but I can hold your hand and fly beside you. If you don't think what we could have together is worth the risk, then you're not worth my time. I'll be alone until I find someone who actually believes.
 

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I don't know about him but I never sweet talk anyone. My Sx/Sp instinct variant and 4w5 enneagram type may have a big part in this, but I want to be known for who I really am. I say what I mean and express how I genuinely feel because I have a strong desire for others to know these things. I can't stand faking anything, it makes me feel sick. I feel this way and I've still had this kind of interaction with girls. I felt exactly like it seemed that I felt, it's just that there's a certain point where I turn back from a fruitless chase.

(Btw, the following paragraph is not directed at you personally. I'm not trying to accuse you of not being enough of a romantic, I'm just trying to describe how similar experiences made me feel about the girl I was pursuing.)

At the beginning, I like it when pursuing a girl doesn't come too easily. It fuels my romantic idealism. If it goes on too long though, I start to feel that she cares more about protecting herself than about romance and love. When that happens I'm done. I want us to fly together, I'm not looking to tie a lead anchor to my leg and sink into the sea. I can't flap your wings for you, but I can hold your hand and fly beside you. If you don't think what we could have together is worth the risk, then you're not worth my time. I'll be alone until I find someone who actually believes.
Thanks for the explanation. I'll take this as advice regardless. I believed that it was worth it, but he didn't know I did. I think he was scared and I tried to indicate that I was scared too, though he didn't get it. I was too slow to open up and he was in too much of a hurry to find someone, to settle down etc. I thought I had found someone perfect for me. And I know for a fact he thought the same of me. But I was too late. I guess we learn for next time.
 

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"I've always felt like I'm kind of in love with everyone." TOTALLY AGREE! I feel the same, and think that it has caused me to experience almost an existential crisis regarding 1-on-1 relationships :-(!
 

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Well it's possible to like two people at the same time.. he probably decided nothing looked like it was going to happen for the foreseeable future and decided to date someone else.

@Bumblyjack has it exactly the way i would see the situation- every situation has a different dynamic and perhaps he felt more comfortable with the dynamic he had with another girl going forward.

You have to consider that as a more extroverted person his social life may move a lot quicker than an INFP's and that he moves at a different pace to you- a few months dancing around the idea may be normal for you but for him seems like it isn't going to happen.. although having said that if he really does like you more perhaps if he understood this he'd be more patient.

INFPs can be intimidating- i know from experience that it takes a huge amount of patience (for me as an ENFP).. i remember being on the verge of giving up and moving on to another girl i liked slightly less, but seemed like a much simpler prospect, when i finally got a chance to ask her out.
 

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Well it's possible to like two people at the same time.. he probably decided nothing looked like it was going to happen for the foreseeable future and decided to date someone else.

@Bumblyjack has it exactly the way i would see the situation- every situation has a different dynamic and perhaps he felt more comfortable with the dynamic he had with another girl going forward.

You have to consider that as a more extroverted person his social life may move a lot quicker than an INFP's and that he moves at a different pace to you- a few months dancing around the idea may be normal for you but for him seems like it isn't going to happen.. although having said that if he really does like you more perhaps if he understood this he'd be more patient.

INFPs can be intimidating- i know from experience that it takes a huge amount of patience (for me as an ENFP).. i remember being on the verge of giving up and moving on to another girl i liked slightly less, but seemed like a much simpler prospect, when i finally got a chance to ask her out.
Thanks. Yeah, I think that's exactly what happened. He told my friend that he felt that I didn't seem to reciprocate.
Why didn't you just ask her out sooner? Did you need to be certain that she liked you back?

The whole episode frustrated and distressed me so I decided to write him a letter and explain everything and finally tell him that I like him and still care for him deeply regardless, knowing that he doesn't have the heart to tell me whatever it is he's meant to tell me (I'm not supposed to know he's seeing someone). And that I wanted him to be happy and that I don't have a problem staying friends if he's still willing to be friends.
It's been 4 days and he still hasn't replied. Is this not worrying? Does this mean he doesn't want to be friends? :/
 

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Although @Bumblyjack did your questions a lot of justice, I'll throw in my perspective just because I can. :)

Hi ENFPs! Some questions so I can understand this situation.

I had an ENFP guy become interested in me and we were doing this dance for a few months. Apparently he couldn't tell if I liked him or not and he never told me he liked me. Now I find out that he's seeing someone, though he hasn't told me yet (perhaps he's scared it will hurt me or ruin our friendship). He knows I like him but he doesn't know that I know he knows.

1. Do you think your feelings could change that easily? To pursue someone for months but when someone else comes along totally change direction?

It's not so much that my feelings change than there's something more promising out there. You said that you two did "the dance" for months. That's a very long time, ma'am. If someone were to come along and ask me out, I wouldn't hesitate at the chance, especially considering that this other girl I liked (in this case, you) would seem like she's not interested. Guys, in general, keep their hands in a lot of pots because it increases their chances of getting a date--ENFP guys even more so. The kind of monovision that you're speaking of is very detrimental because you'll miss out on a LOT of other opportunities to date people.

2. Maybe it's a guy thing?

See above.

3. How easily would you give up on a romantic interest? (say you were compatible and everything and you thought you would be a perfect match)

In your case, I don't think I'd ever "give up," per sé. There's this girl who's flat-out rejected me, and I accept that decision, but my mind still wanders to "what if." It also doesn't help that we're still pretty close friends. However, if another girl came along (who I was physically and romantically attracted to) before I was rejected and asked me out--or I had a pretty good hunch that she was interested--I would totally jump on that opportunity because, in my view, I'd be stupid to turn that down.

It's not exactly the "beggars can't be choosers" philosophy, but guys--and again, ENFP guys even more so--like to experience a lot of different girls, so while you may be "first choice," that doesn't give you rights to me. I'll go find someone else if you're proving to be difficult.
 
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Thanks. Yeah, I think that's exactly what happened. He told my friend that he felt that I didn't seem to reciprocate.
Why didn't you just ask her out sooner? Did you need to be certain that she liked you back?

The whole episode frustrated and distressed me so I decided to write him a letter and explain everything and finally tell him that I like him and still care for him deeply regardless, knowing that he doesn't have the heart to tell me whatever it is he's meant to tell me (I'm not supposed to know he's seeing someone). And that I wanted him to be happy and that I don't have a problem staying friends if he's still willing to be friends.
It's been 4 days and he still hasn't replied. Is this not worrying? Does this mean he doesn't want to be friends? :/
I just didn't get the chance to. i also sort of go from flirting->friendship->flirting, personally i find it takes the pressure off (although i don't mind asking someone out straight away if i'm not quite so initially attracted to them). i knew she liked me very early on, but when you don't know someone that well that feeling can be quite fickle which is why i think it's much easier if you build a foundation without too much pressure first. I just tend to go with my gut as to when is the right time. Also- even that was only a 6 week time frame.

That letter sounds very heavy so there may be a chance you've scared him. The way i would read it- even though you're asking for friendship i would feel there was still some kind of a commitment there, because it's not like that kind of feelings ever just goes away in a friendship, and the underlying message is that you two are still an option in some unforeseeable future. the way the letter reads suggests that when he was hanging out with you as "friends" he'd be seeing someone else to that girl (because even though you say you are "friends", really you both actually know how you each feel).
He might also just be mulling it over- if what you wrote still holds true that must be confusing for him and he may just be using time to figure it out.. either way you'll eventually find out from his reply (or lack of).

The best possible thing for you to do right now, hypothetically, is to put him to the back of your mind and start seeing someone else- not to be manipulative or spiteful but because it's the healthiest thing for you. It would then "coincidentally" be very very very very very typical if he suddenly and very conveniently decided he wanted to chase you again.
 

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I have to say Bumblyjack really hit the nail on the head from my perspective on all counts, except that bit about lack of interest fueling romantic interest.

But yeah, the way I see things as an ENFP is that I am pretty much in love with everyone a little bit, it's easy for me to see people's best qualities, harder to see their weaknesses, and I can talk to anybody without feeling uncomfortable. I can honestly say I've been in a similar situation to the guy you're talking about. I dated (casually, by my measure, we got along but never so much as kissed) a really awesome girl for a month and a half or so, and we'd been friends for a pretty long time before that. But frankly, I did not see any way for the relationship to move forward, just based on who we were. Then some crazy chick comes along and I get caught up and bam, was dating her more seriously pretty quickly. Maybe it's this E/I difference in terms of relationship pacing, which I've never really heard or thought about until reading this thread. I should probably keep this in mind in the future.

The reality is, if I'm single, I am constantly feeling people out who I feel any degree of attraction to, to see if there is potential for a relationship or not. If I find that their is (pretty rare), then I chill out and let things take their course, or act if the situation requires it. Most relationships I've been in have begun with other people recognizing potential and deciding to act on it before I did. Unless I really believe there to be solid potential for a relationship, historically I am not the one to make the first move. My intense desire to avoid manipulating other people with any form of conscious intent through social interaction can really fuck me up in alot of those kinds of situations. I generally just enable the moment and leave the final choice to the other person.

Sounds kind of like your situation to me. But I don't believe he was insincere about those things he said, he probably honestly felt them, and like Bumblyjack said, had a desire to communicate these feelings so that he could be sure he was understood correctly - this is the driving motivation behind my desire to perhaps over-share personal information, a desire to be understood accurately by the people around me. Although I don't 'sweet talk' either, I can say that I would be VERY slow and hesitant to express things like that in a relationship unless/until I am really certain I felt that way. Any compliments I give, I will mean.

As for the letter, yeah, I would be scared, and would probably take a long time to think about it before getting back to the person, but I also might not ever respond to it. Too much potential for emotional conflict. And like you said, he's in a relationship with someone else now, so he may be very conscious of any actions that could cause conflict within his relationship. What Tridentus mentioned about him deciding suddenly and conveniently that he wanted to chase you again though, yeah I can see that. Depends on the amount of future potential he sees with you and how well the relationship he's in is going. Could be he decides he's lying to himself by settling for what he has and decides he was a dumbass for not sticking around longer waiting for you. ENFP's are notorious for sticking around in bad relationships for too long and blaming themselves for all the problems in it though, while trying to fix them constantly... I've been there.

The odds of responding to it and agreeing to just be friends, like, I may agree to such a thing if I had been friends with the person beforehand, and be OK with it, but if it wasn't like that, I don't think it would be the kind of thing I could honestly and sincerely agree to. It would be lying about the emotions I had felt before and may still feel towards that person. Therefore I would not respond to the letter in order to avoid conflict.

Another possibility of what I might do in the letter situation is, for the sake of the relationship I'm in, avoid the situation completely, but if the relationship I am in breaks down and fails, I would think about that letter frequently, but then feel like a dick for even considering trying to reach out in any form, and then just not do anything and go on with my life because it's the only way I can not feel like a total jackass.

I know I've kind of gone off on a possibility tangent, but for the most part everything I'm saying coincides with Tridentus' second paragraph. I just thought a bit more detail into thought processes might help you understand the situation better, so I hope this helps.
 
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Discussion Starter #15
I just didn't get the chance to. i also sort of go from flirting->friendship->flirting, personally i find it takes the pressure off (although i don't mind asking someone out straight away if i'm not quite so initially attracted to them). i knew she liked me very early on, but when you don't know someone that well that feeling can be quite fickle which is why i think it's much easier if you build a foundation without too much pressure first. I just tend to go with my gut as to when is the right time. Also- even that was only a 6 week time frame.

That letter sounds very heavy so there may be a chance you've scared him. The way i would read it- even though you're asking for friendship i would feel there was still some kind of a commitment there, because it's not like that kind of feelings ever just goes away in a friendship, and the underlying message is that you two are still an option in some unforeseeable future. the way the letter reads suggests that when he was hanging out with you as "friends" he'd be seeing someone else to that girl (because even though you say you are "friends", really you both actually know how you each feel).
He might also just be mulling it over- if what you wrote still holds true that must be confusing for him and he may just be using time to figure it out.. either way you'll eventually find out from his reply (or lack of).

The best possible thing for you to do right now, hypothetically, is to put him to the back of your mind and start seeing someone else- not to be manipulative or spiteful but because it's the healthiest thing for you. It would then "coincidentally" be very very very very very typical if he suddenly and very conveniently decided he wanted to chase you again.
Ahh I can see what you mean. Both ENFPs and INFPs have a tendency to idealise the person. However, with this guy, we knew each other reasonably well even in the short time we were friends and we both knew the other wasn't perfect. He was very careful, trying to sus out if a relationship with me could lead to marriage. He had thought all along that I didn't believe in marriage - I didn't really elaborate either (until the letter - which was probably stupid to include in the letter anyway ==). He said that it was rare to find someone with similar interests, views etc and connect like we did, except that it didn't seem like I wanted a relationship.

The letter was very intense but that was the only way that I could move on. I didn't want a reply but it seems out of character for him not to reply. That's why I'm worried. But what you say makes sense.

Thanks for the advice, though I don't think I could just see someone else just like that. My feelings aren't that changeable. The letter actually helped me move on. But now I think that maybe I shouldn't have sent it.


I have to say Bumblyjack really hit the nail on the head from my perspective on all counts, except that bit about lack of interest fueling romantic interest.

...

I know I've kind of gone off on a possibility tangent, but for the most part everything I'm saying coincides with Tridentus' second paragraph. I just thought a bit more detail into thought processes might help you understand the situation better, so I hope this helps.
He is "seeing someone", however, they are not official and he's told a few close friends. He agreed to meet me last week and I thought that he was going to tell me about him seeing someone, but he never did even though I think that was his original plan. He might have just chickened out. He had said to my friend that he didn't want to lose our friendship. And he didn't want my friend telling me that he had ever liked me so that I wouldn't feel regretful. Though now he knows I know he liked me.

He knows that he's hurt me deeply so I would think that to avoid conflict he would try to explain himself and say that everything is alright between us? But what you said about there now being an awkward situation could also be a reason why he hasn't replied yet.

I don't really think I want to be in the situation where he'd start chasing me again. So if I see/meet him again, just ignore the letter and everything? He can't go on pretending forever right? :/

Thanks, this does help.
 

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Well, if he's not completely avoiding you, and talking and acting like that, he probably does still want the friendship.

Letter probably scared him, so he might just never mention it.

If you really want to continue being friends, I would lay the cards out on the table, so you're both not pretending things are the way they aren't. You can't really be friends until you both accept and acknowledge the truth of how things went, and put it in the past. You both liked each other and were considering a relationship, but it didn't go that way. That's life.

I think the main thing is to get this out in the open and communicate about it. You can't have a real friendship if you can't get past what almost was, but isn't, and come to terms with the reality of the situation.

Otherwise, based on my own personal experiences, I would expect the relationship you two share to deteriorate due to an awkwardness that you cannot overcome, and you will drift further and further apart.
 
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Well, if he's not completely avoiding you, and talking and acting like that, he probably does still want the friendship.

Letter probably scared him, so he might just never mention it.

If you really want to continue being friends, I would lay the cards out on the table, so you're both not pretending things are the way they aren't. You can't really be friends until you both accept and acknowledge the truth of how things went, and put it in the past. You both liked each other and were considering a relationship, but it didn't go that way. That's life.

I think the main thing is to get this out in the open and communicate about it. You can't have a real friendship if you can't get past what almost was, but isn't, and come to terms with the reality of the situation.

Otherwise, based on my own personal experiences, I would expect the relationship you two share to deteriorate due to an awkwardness that you cannot overcome, and you will drift further and further apart.
Thanks for the advice. I guess it's up to me to resolve this issue since it doesn't seem he's keen to do anything about it.
 

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Honestly... yeah. If he wants to be friends with you still then yeah, he's being stupid, but I understand where he's at, I've been similar places. Everyone has their weaknesses. He probably needs you to help sort this out, especially as, based on your descriptions of past experiences with him, his Fi is even stronger than mine.

From this post on Fi:
http://personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/3065-introverted-feeling.html

"(Fi) aims more especially at an inner harmony, trying to discover what under various circumstances should be the right relationships between people if life is to be beautiful and well balanced. Reality, however, reveals in most cases that this ideal is not attained, and introverted feeling is particularly vulnerable in regard to such experiences. This vulnerability — which may become as intense at that of the sensitive plant — is one of the most characteristic peculiarities of this type."

Basically, because the relationship isn't functioning in tune with his idealistic vision of how relationships, and the world as a whole, should work, he's having to shut out parts of it because deep down he blames himself for this failure to optimize your relationship (as friends or whatever) and it makes him feel like total shit to even think about. He sees the cause of this failure as being due to severe problems with his own character, and basically he's failed to be his true self, who he imagines should have been able to sort through the social mumbo jumbo and find a social construct where everyone is completely happy.

Basically this relationship issue, while it is a big deal to you, to him it risks literally shattering his entire worldview, which is reliant on Feeling. Depending on where he's at in terms of personal growth, he may be incapable of solving or even sitting down and talking this through without your help.

So you see, the conflict he desires to avoid isn't external conflict, but conflict within himself that is brought on by the feelings of guilt and his difficulty accepting the problems with your present relationship. The awkardness = the conflict.

But again, he's not avoiding you completely since the letter? Well, either way if you ask him to meet to talk about it or whatever, I don't think he'd refuse, as he feels guilty and feels like he owes you because of his failure.

Talking about this now is helping me fully understand why I do this, so I guess I owe you thanks for making me think about it enough to explain it! This is something really hard to accept, but I can admit to myself now that this is how I have handled some relationships in the past.

Hope this helps you understand the situation and resolve it in a desirable fashion :)


PS: Is that your actual bookshelf in your avatar? because that thing is sweet!
 
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Honestly... yeah. If he wants to be friends with you still then yeah, he's being stupid, but I understand where he's at, I've been similar places. Everyone has their weaknesses. He probably needs you to help sort this out, especially as, based on your descriptions of past experiences with him, his Fi is even stronger than mine.

From this post on Fi:
http://personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/3065-introverted-feeling.html

"(Fi) aims more especially at an inner harmony, trying to discover what under various circumstances should be the right relationships between people if life is to be beautiful and well balanced. Reality, however, reveals in most cases that this ideal is not attained, and introverted feeling is particularly vulnerable in regard to such experiences. This vulnerability — which may become as intense at that of the sensitive plant — is one of the most characteristic peculiarities of this type."

Basically, because the relationship isn't functioning in tune with his idealistic vision of how relationships, and the world as a whole, should work, he's having to shut out parts of it because deep down he blames himself for this failure to optimize your relationship (as friends or whatever) and it makes him feel like total shit to even think about. He sees the cause of this failure as being due to severe problems with his own character, and basically he's failed to be his true self, who he imagines should have been able to sort through the social mumbo jumbo and find a social construct where everyone is completely happy.

Basically this relationship issue, while it is a big deal to you, to him it risks literally shattering his entire worldview, which is reliant on Feeling. Depending on where he's at in terms of personal growth, he may be incapable of solving or even sitting down and talking this through without your help.

So you see, the conflict he desires to avoid isn't external conflict, but conflict within himself that is brought on by the feelings of guilt and his difficulty accepting the problems with your present relationship. The awkardness = the conflict.

But again, he's not avoiding you completely since the letter? Well, either way if you ask him to meet to talk about it or whatever, I don't think he'd refuse, as he feels guilty and feels like he owes you because of his failure.

Talking about this now is helping me fully understand why I do this, so I guess I owe you thanks for making me think about it enough to explain it! This is something really hard to accept, but I can admit to myself now that this is how I have handled some relationships in the past.

Hope this helps you understand the situation and resolve it in a desirable fashion :)


PS: Is that your actual bookshelf in your avatar? because that thing is sweet!
Wow thanks. That makes perfect sense! As an Fi user I can understand this and should be able to see where this is coming from. In the past I would've ignored this completely because the feelings would be too overwhelming and I would feel so bad about it. I guess this is a learning experience for me too.

I haven't really spoken to him directly since the letter because I thought I would give him time to reply. He told my friend that he wanted to be the one to tell me about him seeing someone and to make things right. It didn't seem like it was going anywhere so I thought I would make it easier for him and just write him the letter.

I guess everyone has their weaknesses. At least we now understand how to approach situations better and not make the same mistakes. Thanks so much for the input and advice. This really helps! :D

No, it's not my bookcase, I wish it was though!
 
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