Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 125 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I saw this in another thread
http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/46220-male-enfps.html

I have gay male friends ( ENFP), they are the best of the best :)
Personally i'm not romantically attracted to male ENFP. I've never been romantically attached, probably because
we never left the friend zone.
And I know I get friendzoned 95% of the time so are all ENFP males basically auto friendzoned? well not Automatically but generally end up being Friendzoned?
And if this is so, what makes us so romantically unattractive?

The fact we seem so immature maybe?
Maybe also the fact that we may push too hard at the beginning i.e needy actions?

I ask since I know most ENFP guys have trouble with women, which i've talked about in other posts. I posted this to target that specific Idea.

So is this true and if so how do we get out/steer clear
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
I explained this to someone yesterday.

There are 2 sides to me. One is my surface personality and one is my deep personality. Depending on which one I let out, I am friend zoned or I hook up. My surface personality is very controlled... almost like a game where I'm the puppeteer controlling everyone's movements etc. It's very confident and sexual - I like to pretend I'm a rockstar and just go around walking like that, just to up the whole game I will vibe off a very care free attitude with lazy eyes and the works. I only learned how to do that in recent years though and it seems to work, it just fucking sucks and it's sort of destructive as I'll do a lot of drugs during that time because of how disconnected I feel.

I decided to clean my act up 8 days ago and stopped doing everything and came back to my deep self... only to realize that I fucking hate my deep self because I get friend zoned in seconds so I'm going back to self destructive mode. My surface personality is so detached that I lose my identity but that's what the girls like.... and my deep personality is awesome imo but again... fuck getting friendzoned. I'm going to avoid drugs this time because that's just a generally bad idea, but I'm going to cut off a few people and isolate myself and get back into my mindset.

I hope you find a better way. I hate even thinking about this because I always figure I will probably die alone lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I explained this to someone yesterday.

There are 2 sides to me. One is my surface personality and one is my deep personality. Depending on which one I let out, I am friend zoned or I hook up. My surface personality is very controlled... almost like a game where I'm the puppeteer controlling everyone's movements etc. It's very confident and sexual - I like to pretend I'm a rockstar and just go around walking like that, just to up the whole game I will vibe off a very care free attitude with lazy eyes and the works. I only learned how to do that in recent years though and it seems to work, it just fucking sucks and it's sort of destructive as I'll do a lot of drugs during that time because of how disconnected I feel.

I decided to clean my act up 8 days ago and stopped doing everything and came back to my deep self... only to realize that I fucking hate my deep self because I get friend zoned in seconds so I'm going back to self destructive mode. My surface personality is so detached that I lose my identity but that's what the girls like.... and my deep personality is awesome imo but again... fuck getting friendzoned. I'm going to avoid drugs this time because that's just a generally bad idea, but I'm going to cut off a few people and isolate myself and get back into my mindset.

I hope you find a better way. I hate even thinking about this because I always figure I will probably die alone lol
Daaaaamn, I resonate well with this, I have the two sides aswell, the cool me and the more real human me, what I'm trying to do is merge the two i.e take the good qualities of each, the outgoing cool and the sweet gentlemen, and merge them together to create a super enfp lols.
Because as much as I like the cool me, I only really see it as a facade or an act and do kinda feel like it's not the real me picking up the girls, meaning it makes the win seem less like I've won and more like my surface cool self "won" and she doesn't like me for me, just the mask I wear.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
And I know I get friendzoned 95% of the time so are all ENFP males basically auto friendzoned? well not Automatically but generally end up being Friendzoned?
And if this is so, what makes us so romantically unattractive?

The fact we seem so immature maybe?
Maybe also the fact that we may push too hard at the beginning i.e needy actions?

I ask since I know most ENFP guys have trouble with women, which i've talked about in other posts. I posted this to target that specific Idea.

So is this true and if so how do we get out/steer clear
No, i don't think its because you push too hard, or immature. Could it be because you give to much away of yourself in the beginning ? Play all your cards? ENFP men are quite charming and make great friends. The problem with showing all your cards is it also doesn't leave much of a mystery. Not to say you do, although it may be something you might be doing without realizing. Women like a mystery, they like someone who can challenge them. I would say this is particularly true with ENFP women, or maybe i'm the only ?

Friendzone. O.k, what is a friend. Someone who is there to listen, helpful, kind, available emotionally and mentally. Stands by you through thick and thin. Comforts you when your sad or lonely and so on. See with some women they love all that in a man. They know when they have a good friend. So taking this to the next level with this man they may think " What if we end up breaking up " ? Then what, i don't only lose in the relationship, i also might lose a really great friend. I think this could be some of the reason some women won't risk taking it to the next level. They value the friendship way too much , and would rather hold on to that " Just encase "...I can't speak for ENFP men, but i believe this happens. They give way too much of who they are from the get go, show women how caring they are. Women love that and could value that over losing in a relationship. You still can be all of those things in a less subtle way.

When meeting new people and finding someone you're attracted too. Try and hold off on showing them everything you are. Give them a reason to keep coming back, spending time with you, and getting to know more about you. If they get everything within the first few mts, they may get bored and feel there is nothing left to know. Give bits and pieces of yourself, your life and family. As a woman i enjoyed the mystery of a man, a man who kept me guessing. I wanted to be around him, wanted to keep knowing more. Once you become close and have some deeper communication with meaning, then you can show a deeper side of you and get more personal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
174 Posts
When I've had a couple of drinks, I use my ENFP ego-bypass technique to cut through to a girl's deepest insecurities and make her feel better about them, with good intentions of course. Throw in some mystery and some masterfully blended wit and charm, with eye contact and a lopsided smile; the friend-zone isn't even a risk. If the mystery isn't there and you're too much of a pussy, the setup fails and you're friend-zoned.

Usually, after taking my shortcut through the friend-zone, I leave them and go back to my friends, but that's because I don't want to hook up; perfectly happy with my girlfriend. I just enjoy the connection.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,257 Posts
Daaaaamn, I resonate well with this, I have the two sides aswell, the cool me and the more real human me, what I'm trying to do is merge the two i.e take the good qualities of each, the outgoing cool and the sweet gentlemen, and merge them together to create a super enfp lols.
Because as much as I like the cool me, I only really see it as a facade or an act and do kinda feel like it's not the real me picking up the girls, meaning it makes the win seem less like I've won and more like my surface cool self "won" and she doesn't like me for me, just the mask I wear.
It's a question of whether or not you want to act a role that you can lose yourself in or strike a balance between it all.

To avoid being friendzoned, you want to frame your female interactions with a tinge of sexual tension. Oddly enough, this weird scientific approach works. Do things like light teasing (it's hard, but takes practice) and observational Ne humor. People like anything if you do it with a smile and laugh at yourself.

It was a problem of mine I had when I was younger. But as I get older I've found that when women lose the structure of school they are more flexible and lose that confidence they once had. We get better with age.

Strike a balance between subtley flirty, friendly, and everything in between. If you'd like, I have some books that give a framework for flirting. PM me if you'd like to read it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,320 Posts
I don't think that I know any male ENFPs (only ESFPs :dry:) or I'm pretty sure that I'd be desperately in love with them. At least if my favourite actors list is any indication... it seems to be all ENFPs and INFJs. Men with feelings make me swoon.

Anyway, My best friend and roommate of 6 years, though, is an ENFP, and she seems to have more in common with most ENFP guys than girls... she's pretty self-loathing about her feelings. So I might be able to speak to this a bit. But anyway, to the questions!

are all ENFP males basically auto friendzoned? well not Automatically but generally end up being Friendzoned?
I've never seen her interested in someone where it got to the point where they said to her, "sorry, I don't think that this is going to work, but I'd love to be your friend." She's actually the one who usually "flakes out" first. She isn't a flaky person at all (she's very, very loyal), but she doesn't really try to force things to work with people. If they do, great. But if they don't, she isn't the kind of person to stick around, especially in the early stages.

Since she doesn't really pursue people, I've never seen her get friendzoned, but I do know that when she and I first met (I'm not going to lie, our epic friendship is basically a sexless marriage and even in that regard... we totally tried to go there and it just didn't end up working for us), I was initially very wary of her because I felt like she was treating me like she treated everyone else. I really liked her, but I didn't think that I mattered to her. So we were kind of like magnets circling around each other for the first two and a bit years. We'd be all over each other every time we met, just super obnoxious about our intense connection ("if we ever hung out, we'd be BEST, BEST friends") but we were both too nervous to make the first move in terms of actually going there.

Even when we did become closer friends and it was very clear to me that she was my best friend, I was still afraid to call her that because I still had this nagging little doubt in the back of my mind that she either didn't feel the same way or would find that very claustrophobic and needy and clingy and laugh at me/reject me. I've since learned that I exude "I'm damaged and I have boundary issues" to any xNFx within a 10 mile radius and she couldn't believe that I wanted to be her friend (not because I'm particularly great or anything, just because I was so quiet and weird and lonerish and cold in high school that I got a reputation for thinking I was "better" than everyone else). So she was also stubborn and decided that she wouldn't say it until I did.

The fact we seem so immature maybe?
Maybe also the fact that we may push too hard at the beginning i.e needy actions?
I think that that definitely could be part of it. I'm not sure how old you are, but I think that I would have found ENFP guys to be "immature" when I was younger. I've since learned to make the distinction of childish and childlike. My ENFP is the least childish person in the world, but she does have a certain something about her that is very childlike. I think it might be the fact that she's very, very idealistic/optimistic. But honestly, I love that about her. I love that she isn't as jaded and miserable as I am and I love that she picks me up without even trying. Now that we're living together, she's even able to do it without physically being in the same space as me. It's a very remarkable thing.

When we first became friends, as I mentioned before, she was able to read me really, really well. She suspected that I might bolt if she came on too strong because I'm so intensely introverted, and so she reined herself in. She always made herself available whenever I wanted to do something with her, but she very, very rarely initiated anything.

Emotionally, she isn't a very needy person, at least not in a way that I read as needy. I need very intense, close relationships with the important people in my life and she is the same way. There was a period of time last year where I was pretty unhealthy following the disintegration of my first serious relationship and tried to keep it from her for various silly and stupid reasons and that was probably the only time she's ever been needy and even that was a result of me (un?)intentionally stonewalling her in order to put myself together a bit first.

So is this true and if so how do we get out/steer clear
I think that the perpetual friend-zoning thing could be type related because an overwhelming number of my N-dominant friends are chronically single. I obviously can't speak to the composition of your personal friend/acquaintance groups, but statistically speaking, most people are sensors. And I've had a couple of sensors tell me that the reason why they don't like me/her/us (or initially didn't like me/her/us) is because we make them feel stupid. So it's possible that there's a bit of this going on.

I've also noticed that male NFs (and female NTs!) seem to have a rougher go of it in general because they often don't really act in gender appropriate ways, even if they have learned to more or less fake it to make it. No matter the type, most heterosexual girls are brought up to be attracted to men who act like men and most heterosexual guys are brought up to be attracted to girls who act like girls. It's why female NT-male NF relationships are often trickier than female NF-male NT ones, even though they should technically be no different.

Tl;dr I guess what I'm trying to say is just to keep being yourself. I'm sincerely sorry that people can't recognise how incredibly you are but you shouldn't have to change who you are for someone when there are people out there who will like you for who you really are. I know that it's hard to be patient, but you'll be a lot happier in the end.

ETA: I'll second/third/fourth/etc. everything that's been said above about being slightly mysterious. I feel like that is kind of what my friend did when we first met, playing hard to get and making me come to her. That combined with ENFP charm would be absolutely irresistible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
Daaaaamn, I resonate well with this, I have the two sides aswell, the cool me and the more real human me, what I'm trying to do is merge the two i.e take the good qualities of each, the outgoing cool and the sweet gentlemen, and merge them together to create a super enfp lols.
Because as much as I like the cool me, I only really see it as a facade or an act and do kinda feel like it's not the real me picking up the girls, meaning it makes the win seem less like I've won and more like my surface cool self "won" and she doesn't like me for me, just the mask I wear.
That's fair enough. I wish I could combine them.

It's funny because my mentor for years.... he was an ENFJ and he had a tendency to ONLY hook up with girls and not really go further than that. The way I act when I'm in surface mode is the way he would act around most girls and score them... I can attest to that myself now. He never ended up in a relationship as long as I knew him (a bit over 5 years from 25 to 30)... probably because he realized that depth was not respected by most females regardless of what they say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
That's not particularly fair to the guys then - in fact that's incredibly selfish on any females part because as an NF I generally become more attracted the stronger the connection is and then end up getting friend zoned because that connection means something else to her. I've dealt with that a lot (esp. when I was younger) which is why I've never had a real relationship before. There's nothing wrong with me personally, just the females who don't know a good thing when it's standing in front of them. It's funny because the more of an asshole I am... the more most girls want me and the more disgusted I am with them and the more I treat them like shit. And the more they won't leave me alone.... lol. I usually end up shutting down completely on most girls who friendzone me like that, I don't have time to waste on a girl who only wants to be friends unless it's completely platonic.

No, i don't think its because you push too hard, or immature. Could it be because you give to much away of yourself in the beginning ? Play all your cards? ENFP men are quite charming and make great friends. The problem with showing all your cards is it also doesn't leave much of a mystery. Not to say you do, although it may be something you might be doing without realizing. Women like a mystery, they like someone who can challenge them. I would say this is particularly true with ENFP women, or maybe i'm the only ?

Friendzone. O.k, what is a friend. Someone who is there to listen, helpful, kind, available emotionally and mentally. Stands by you through thick and thin. Comforts you when your sad or lonely and so on. See with some women they love all that in a man. They know when they have a good friend. So taking this to the next level with this man they may think " What if we end up breaking up " ? Then what, i don't only lose in the relationship, i also might lose a really great friend. I think this could be some of the reason some women won't risk taking it to the next level. They value the friendship way too much , and would rather hold on to that " Just encase "...I can't speak for ENFP men, but i believe this happens. They give way too much of who they are from the get go, show women how caring they are. Women love that and could value that over losing in a relationship. You still can be all of those things in a less subtle way.

When meeting new people and finding someone you're attracted too. Try and hold off on showing them everything you are. Give them a reason to keep coming back, spending time with you, and getting to know more about you. If they get everything within the first few mts, they may get bored and feel there is nothing left to know. Give bits and pieces of yourself, your life and family. As a woman i enjoyed the mystery of a man, a man who kept me guessing. I wanted to be around him, wanted to keep knowing more. Once you become close and have some deeper communication with meaning, then you can show a deeper side of you and get more personal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
That's fair enough. I wish I could combine them.

It's funny because my mentor for years.... he was an ENFJ and he had a tendency to ONLY hook up with girls and not really go further than that. The way I act when I'm in surface mode is the way he would act around most girls and score them... I can attest to that myself now. He never ended up in a relationship as long as I knew him (a bit over 5 years from 25 to 30)... probably because he realized that depth was not respected by most females regardless of what they say.
I could be wrong although in my experience depth is respected and admired more with introverts than extroverts.( meaning extrovert communication with other extroverts apposed to extrovert/ introvert. ) When i'm with my extroverted friends, we're too busy being silly and having fun. With my introverted friends, they admire random fun too, but getting into a deep conversation with them is what seems to be the goal. For me personally this is why i enjoy my time more with introverts than extroverts. Kind of like having the best of both worlds.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
68 Posts
Head, Heart, Cajones

And if this is so, what makes us so romantically unattractive?
The fact we seem so immature maybe?
Maybe also the fact that we may push too hard at the beginning i.e needy actions?
I do not think we have to alter our personality in order to have a female sexually attracted to us, but I will agree that there is more of a tendency of getting blown out early on in an interaction because of our innate energy/willingness to give. It's as if our greatest gift is our greatest enemy all at the same time, a double edged sword.

It is a sword none the less though and if you can swing it, do so. Use your creative energy to open up the natural poet/love/man inside of you, as opposed to putting that energy into being immature. That way instead of trying to hide your "true self" your simply putting your energy into one of the many components of your personality. Remember girls can be just as dorkish as us, so you can show your odd side a little later into a relationship. (I'm strictly talking opening)

As to the pushing to hard thing, its all about not reacting which is the only thing I would change as an ENFP when trying to attract a women. If she gives you a bad reaction/harsh reaction do not react to it, you may be melting inside, maybe even crying but your ability not to react to petty shit (excuse my french) is intoxicating to women.

Then there is the number one rule of attraction, ESCALATE. It is the failure to escalate that leads people into the friend zone, escalation is attractive, and failure to progress the 'dance' will leave you without a partner.

1. Escalate (You can not get put in the friend zone)
2. Poetic Justice (Put your ENFP Energy into being the Seducer rather then Entertainment)
3. Do not React (You have to be able to handle her attitude, you are the protector)

Here is a link to my beautiful mind thread: http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-forum-inspirers/73608-seductive-mind-enfp-beautiful-mind.html

Also read the source, it will help you learn a bit more about yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
That's not particularly fair to the guys then - in fact that's incredibly selfish on any females part because as an NF I generally become more attracted the stronger the connection is and then end up getting friend zoned because that connection means something else to her. I've dealt with that a lot (esp. when I was younger) which is why I've never had a real relationship before. There's nothing wrong with me personally, just the females who don't know a good thing when it's standing in front of them. It's funny because the more of an asshole I am... the more most girls want me and the more disgusted I am with them and the more I treat them like shit. And the more they won't leave me alone.... lol. I usually end up shutting down completely on most girls who friendzone me like that, I don't have time to waste on a girl who only wants to be friends unless it's completely platonic.
I doubt its because you're an asshole, but i would say its because maybe you're playing harder to get. Women like men who play a bit hard to get, which leads right back to the challenge again. For me personally, a guy who agreed with every word i said, was there at my every beck and call would be a turn off. It's how you play your cards. Once you know a girl is attracted to you, give her a reason to want more. Less in many cases is much more ; ).... Yes agreed , some women like guys who are a bit of a jerk, but again, i think that comes down to them just being more of a challenge for the women to want to maybe soften them. Mystery is the key, seriously. The less they know, the more want to know, the more time they will put into you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ghost

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
That is beyond terrible *mainly because I don't want her when I'm playing hard to get* lol oh well

I met an ENTJ girl yesterday and will see if I can practice this on her I suppose...


EDIT: I spent my high school years obsessing over one girl and she ended up rejecting me to my face.... anyways she came back running 6 months later lol thought that was funny. Never really spoke to her again.

I doubt its because you're an asshole, but i would say its because maybe you're playing harder to get. Women like men who play a bit hard to get, which leads right back to the challenge again. For me personally, a guy who agreed with every word i said, was there at my every beck and call would be a turn off. It's how you play your cards. Once you know a girl is attracted to you, give her a reason to want more. Less in many cases is much more ; ).... Yes agreed , some women like guys who are a bit of a jerk, but again, i think that comes down to them just being more of a challenge for the women to want to maybe soften them. Mystery is the key, seriously. The less they know, the more want to know, the more time they will put into you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
That is beyond terrible *mainly because I don't want her when I'm playing hard to get* lol oh well

I met an ENTJ girl yesterday and will see if I can practice this on her I suppose...


EDIT: I spent my high school years obsessing over one girl and she ended up rejecting me to my face.... anyways she came back running 6 months later lol thought that was funny. Never really spoke to her again.
Playing hard to get shows confidence in a sense that " I know who i am, i don't need your approval ".....women love men who show confidence. You don't have to be an asshole about it, you just have to show them that you have standards, boundaries etc.

Heh, i laugh too when i think about high school and men :D

Try playing hard to get with women you're attracted too. Not to the point of driving them away, just enough to keep them guessing ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
Lol even when I am interested in someone, I don't need their approval anymore at all. In fact, I was in the car with a chic the other day and she pointed something out and all I said was "I do what I want to do, when I want to do it, where I want to do it, and I could give a fuck if you or anyone else thinks its weird". I only recently learned to love who I was so I go over the top lol. But really, at the end of the day, I think I'm great. I think I'm someone every girl should honestly be drooling over... I often get told I look like an actor/star (most recently, Ryan Reynolds)... I'm so driven and ambitious... I'm funny/hilarious.... great sense of style... and my loyalty is never ending deep (so deep that I get taken advantage of!). I treat the people important to me like they're my world and I would take an eternity of torture for their happiness if I had to... not many people like that exist I think.

What a difficult and stupid game though none the less. I know how to play it... it's just exhausting and a waste of my precious time. That's still my take... everyone basically tells me to be myself but be different (so really they are telling me to not be myself lol). I was talking about this with another girl that I've known since high school and we have a completely platonic relationship (or at least, I have no feelings) so I feel comfortable telling everything to her. I told her about my 2 personalities and she couldn't even think of anything to say because it made complete sense to her.

Playing hard to get shows confidence in a sense that " I know who i am, i don't need your approval ".....women love men who show confidence. You don't have to be an asshole about it, you just have to show them that you have standards, boundaries etc.

Heh, i laugh too when i think about high school and men :D

Try playing hard to get with women you're attracted too. Not to the point of driving them away, just enough to keep them guessing ;)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,257 Posts
You know what?

Confidence for an enfp comes from within.

Do something that sets you apart and makes you interesting. Get some new hobbies, work out, take an interest in some intellectual pursuits.

Better yourself overall. Then use the tips in this thread to help better yourself. If you can walk the walk then talking the talk will be even easier.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
Lol even when I am interested in someone, I don't need their approval anymore at all. In fact, I was in the car with a chic the other day and she pointed something out and all I said was "I do what I want to do, when I want to do it, where I want to do it, and I could give a fuck if you or anyone else thinks its weird". I only recently learned to love who I was so I go over the top lol. But really, at the end of the day, I think I'm great. I think I'm someone every girl should honestly be drooling over... I often get told I look like an actor/star... I'm so driven and ambitious... I'm funny.... and my loyalty is never ending deep.

What a difficult and stupid game though none the less. I know how to play it... it's just exhausting and a waste of my precious time. That's still my take... everyone basically tells me to be myself but be different (so really they are telling me to not be myself lol). I was talking about this with another girl that I've known since high school and we have a completely platonic relationship (or at least, I have no feelings) so I feel comfortable telling everything to her. I told her about my 2 personalities and she couldn't even think of anything to say because it made complete sense to her.
heh, your too personalities ; D...but yeah, i know what you mean. We just know when to put the mask on and off. My husband will tease me sometimes and say, " So, who am i dealing with today " Hahaha!!!....but in all seriousness, i give of myself and show my true colors with only people i'm really close with. Everyone else sees this goofball of random acts.

Its good you can be totally yourself, and yes the dating scene can be exhausting. You don't have to change who you are, you just have to change the way you play your cards. Showing small portions of yourself in the beginning of a relationship is not being fake, its just not allowing the person to take everything you are and run with it. I feel bad for men, especially ENFP because they wear their heart on their sleeve, which can lead to women taking advantage of their kindness and love for people. It wouldn't hurt to toughen up a little and keep your heart guarded. Try not to reveal your deeper side until your with someone who can respect it, appreciate it. Never be needy or clingy, especially in the beginning ;)....show them your independence and that you have a life outside of the relationship. Once your actually in the relationship, set boundaries, make sure she sets them too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
heh, your too personalities ; D...but yeah, i know what you mean. We just know when to put the mask on and off. My husband will tease me sometimes and say, " So, who am i dealing with today " Hahaha!!!....but in all seriousness, i give of myself and show my true colors with only people i'm really close with. Everyone else sees this goofball of random acts.

Its good you can be totally yourself, and yes the dating scene can be exhausting. You don't have to change who you are, you just have to change the way you play your cards. Showing small portions of yourself in the beginning of a relationship is not being fake, its just not allowing the person to take everything you are and run with it. I feel bad for men, especially ENFP because they wear their heart on their sleeve, which can lead to women taking advantage of their kindness and love for people. It wouldn't hurt to toughen up a little and keep your heart guarded. Try not to reveal your deeper side until your with someone who can respect it, appreciate it. Never be needy or clingy, especially in the beginning ;)....show them your independence and that you have a life outside of the relationship. Once your actually in the relationship, set boundaries, make sure she sets them too.
Lol the only thing I'm showing when I date a girl is that I've set aside time for her because I don't normally have any time. As the CEO of a large company, I don't really have much time for the dating scene as it is so it's just that much more unsettling when I get friend zoned lol. Because needy/clingy aren't me. In fact, quite opposite. First because I have a tendency to shut people off from my life completely every so often because no one respects who I truly am. Second because I know hundreds upon hundreds of people who enjoy my company so I can just call up someone else instead and I prefer to hang out with a variety of people to stimulate my mind. I'm probably one of the most independent people I know by far... lol I also am the worst person at responding to a girl (or anyone for that matter) even if I am interested in her because I get so busy. I've been known to leave 30 unread text messages in my inbox for days without reading a single one... lol and then just mass deleting them as they're all useless generally.

So confusing! Thanks for the advice, I'm going to quit yapping now but I just don't see what I personally am doing wrong.

The two personalities thing is weird huh lol I like that you understand it though, makes me feel more comfortable with who I am. It's easy to lose your identity when you split yourself up into multiple versions of you (wow that almost sounds schizo lol but I think you know what I mean).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
Lol the only thing I'm showing when I date a girl is that I've set aside time for her because I don't normally have any time. As the CEO of a large company, I don't really have much time for the dating scene as it is so it's just that much more unsettling when I get friend zoned lol. Because needy/clingy aren't me. In fact, quite opposite. First because I have a tendency to shut people off from my life completely every so often because no one respects who I truly am. Second because I know hundreds upon hundreds of people who enjoy my company so I can just call up someone else instead and I prefer to hang out with a variety of people to stimulate my mind. I'm probably one of the most independent people I know by far... lol I also am the worst person at responding to a girl (or anyone for that matter) even if I am interested in her because I get so busy. I've been known to leave 30 unread text messages in my inbox for days without reading a single one... lol and then just mass deleting them as they're all useless generally.

So confusing! Thanks for the advice, I'm going to quit yapping now but I just don't see what I personally am doing wrong.

The two personalities thing is weird huh lol I like that you understand it though, makes me feel more comfortable with who I am. It's easy to lose your identity when you split yourself up into multiple versions of you (wow that almost sounds schizo lol but I think you know what I mean).
LOL, you're so typical ENFP * grins *....i do all of this too. I detach myself from everyone, never return phone calls, messages, or texts. When i do it could be days weeks even mts later. My true friends know me well, they don't expect things that they know i won't do. And its not because i don't care, to be fair, its because my head is so filled with new things. I can pick up the phone and go to dinner with a people i haven't seen in years, and still pick up exactly where i left off. People tend to have high expectations of my time and energy, but i have no problems saying " NO ". Did you consider that maybe your position at work might intimate some women ? I've seen that happen before. Also, did you ever consider trying a serious successful dating site. Not one of those mickey mouse ones either. Dating in your 30+ is much harder because your options get thinner. Single women over 30 can come with baggage. A. bad relationships. B. divorced with kids C. middle age crises D. all of the above.

You sound like a guy that has a firm head on his shoulders. And if you're being rejected it doesn't mean it has anything to do with who you are. You're better off holding out for that 1 lady who can appreciate it all, the good, bad and ugly. Don't settle ever, that is the 1 piece of advice i will say is most important.
 
1 - 20 of 125 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top