[penny7478]

I'm interested in hearing about bad relationships between ENFPs and INFJs. All I can find are posts on how great they are together, and I will agree. My best friend is an ENFP and we are just the greatest together.
But up until recently, I was sort of talking/seeing this ENFP guy and it didn't go over very well. Our relationship was very volitale, going from extremely amazing times, to boiling over hating each other. I felt very lead on by him, and then the end came about because he started dating another girl out of the blue.

Granted, I could tell that he was very emotionaly unhealthy, with deep insecurities, poor sense of self worth.

But are there people out there with relationships that went wrong between the ENFP and INFJ?

 

[Ace Face]

In my opinion, it has much less to do with type and much more to do with personal development. Perhaps either one or both of you lacked maturity in some aspects vital to making a relationship work. Where it usually begins and ends, though, is when one person puts more into the relationship than the other. It should be give and take. When one person is giving and working, and the other is taking, there are bound to be problems. I'm hoping that my little rant got the wheels turning. I hope these possibilities are eliminated.

 

[Finaille]

Obviously INFJs and ENFPs have some differences yeah, but like @Ace Face said, a mature person will react/handle different types much better than immature people. That's regardless of any type! Obviously INFJs prefer stability probably a bit more than the ENFP type, as we are ok from changing or struggling to make up our minds (well, it seems like most ENFPs are... I know I'm not quite in that category). That could cause conflict in people who seek stability... but it sounds like he just left you all over the place sorry it didn't work out.

I'm pretty sure if you looked hard enough, you could find bad and good in any Myers Briggs type match. The best thing you can do in the future, once you've found a mature individual to have a relationship, is to learn how they do things and how you can learn to accommodate them. Hopefully they too can accommodate your needs.

 

[SenhorFrio]

I like INFJs and i dated one once. it was great until she started becoming distant and distracted by other things. At the same time i feel like i was too demanding of her. I still really like INFJs though they're my first choice romantically.

 

[LiquidLight]

Yea ENTP might be a best fit for INFJ because of the similarities in judging functions (Fi and Fe could be problems). I think though ENFP and INFJ's generally do well (probably ENFP 7s I think INFJs would find most intriguing at least that's the case for me). But they literally do not share any functions attitudes in common, even though they share the same function order. But I think ENFP might be better for INFJ than ESFP/ESTP which would be more like a moth to a flame.

 

[Nafatali]

I think one of the biggest potential pitfalls between INFJs and ENFPs can be Fe-Ti verses Fi-Te. Not having an understanding of how those functions can affect the other party can make things a bit trickier… from what I have observed and experienced myself.

 

[Kytaari]

I'm not as keen about INFJs as other ENFPs on this forum, and I only have vague reasons why. I don't want a partner who's very concerned with stability, because I intend to live a very hectic lifestyle. I want to do a lot of traveling and indulge myself in a lot of interest groups, meet contacts from different people who I constantly discuss intellectual things with, etc. I don't think an INFJ partner would tolerate this kind of lifestyle very much, and for that reason, I don't see eye-to-eye with very many forum members in regards to this particular issue.

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

Romantically no, friendship yes. I like INFJ and get along quite well with this type, although i couldn't handle the Fi/Fe divide in the big picture, too many misunderstandings. They do make sweet friends thou.

 

[pinkrasputin]

I don't mind their Fe totally caretaking my high maintenance Fi ass up to a point. But when I have to put the brakes on in order for them to realize I'm a separate individual with my own thoughts, it does tend to get nasty.

Sometimes it takes time for them to realize that I'm not an extension of them. My thoughts and opinions are just as valid, if not more valid over my own life.

In previous relationships with INFJs, it seemed to me that the INFJ felt that I was weak in some way and I needed their help, much like a doting mother. I find this attitude incredibly egotistical and dependance building. The "I feel sorry for you" attitude is annoying and I start to outgrow the initial attraction, just like I would any parent/child relationship.

 

[jessmk7]

Ohhhh yeah, my old roommate is an infj and I the enfp. We would go through that same thing. I have some theories, but there are so many and long ones they are... Oh I couldn't stand her for a while bc she would be too emotional and bring me down, while if I tried to help when she asked she wouldn't listen, and kept doing it to herself.

I became closed off emotionally and couldn't stand people who had feelings for a while, and she viewed me then as insensitive and mean, which further made me irritated by her.

That's just a tiny view into it- we're totally fine now, we didn't talk for like 2-3 months. but I text her one day to watch the world series with me and we ended up talking it over and saw each others ways and forgave bla bla bla.

Its definitely an awesome dynamic when both persons are open minded and healthy, but if something starts snowballing- get out the way!

 

[zadude]

Well, arguably I'm an extremely healthy ENFP so my Fe + Fi are both quite developed, the Fe just a little bit less than the Fi based on my cognitive function test.

I think an ENFP + INFJ - both very healthy, would make for a great relationship. I just went on a date with one last night and it was the most amazing experience I've ever had with a girl hands down and I know she felt the same way. She's never met a guy who's taken care of her and I take great pleasure in doing so.

I appreciate the differences honestly - and we often catch each other talking like the other. Needless to say I think her T/F is very close just like my T/F is very close. So I like to think I'm a hybrid ENFP/ENTP and she's a hybrid INFJ/INTJ. I've known her for 7+ years. She brings the J out in me for sure - compliments all of my functions and I compliment hers. I LOVE Ne + Ni. I've tried getting into an ENFP girl before and we were both just all over the place. I like being brought down to reality by her and I like taking her out of reality.

 

[viva]

Fi/Te vs. Fe/Ti is definitely the biggest problem causer...

 

[zadude]

Fi/Te vs. Fe/Ti is definitely the biggest problem causer...

I've actually never really had a problem with Fe/Ti users. My mentor was Fe/Ti and we got along crazy well for 5 years. I actually think it helped me develop those functions myself. I can see it being a big issue for an underdeveloped personality though.

 

[viva]

I've actually never really had a problem with Fe/Ti users. My mentor was Fe/Ti and we got along crazy well for 5 years. I actually think it helped me develop those functions myself. I can see it being a big issue for an underdeveloped personality though.

I was referring to romantic relationships. Should have specified. I don't see why it would cause any problems in a friendship or mentor relationship.

 

[zadude]

I was referring to romantic relationships. Should have specified. I don't see why it would cause any problems in a friendship or mentor relationship.

Also in a romantic situation with an INFJ currently, which is going beyond excellent. Just requires a very open communication to ensure there are no mix ups. Maybe it's just me but I just don't see Fi/Te vs. Fe/Ti as a major issue. The cognitive test I take usually tell me my Fi/Fe/Te/Ti/Ne/Ni are pretty much evenly developed w/ a slightly larger preference towards Ne, Te, and Fi. I am lacking with Si, Se. Maybe it depends on how developed the functions are. I could see the Fe vs. Fi clash from time to time when I first met my mentor - when I wasn't very developed in my functions.

 

[pinkrasputin]

I just went on a date with one last night and it was the most amazing experience I've ever had with a girl hands down and I know she felt the same way.

Every ENFP in the house raise your hand if you've ever felt like this after a first date!!!

Don't hate me, buddy. I'm just here to ground you, that's all. We've all been there. Some of us more than we care to explain.

In fact at this point, it's only another ENFP I can confide in. My best to you and your girl. Go s-l-o-w.

 

[zadude]

Hmm... lol well thank you so much. I've known her for seven years as friends and we've been connected since the very first day we met (never knew why til I came here). She's always had a way of opening me up and vice versa. BTW, it was our second date. We took it from friends to something better - which I really do think is the best way. I do appreciate your feedback, though.

I've been on many first dates before and never felt similarly lol, so not sure what you mean.

I'm grounding myself btw - I have a date with an ENTJ tomm. just to make sure I stay level headed.

Every ENFP in the house raise your hand if you've ever felt like this after a first date!!!

Don't hate me, buddy. I'm just here to ground you, that's all. We've all been there. Some of us more than we care to explain.

In fact at this point, it's only another ENFP I can confide in. My best to you and your girl. Go s-l-o-w.

 

[pinkrasputin]

I'm grounding myself btw - I have a date with an ENTJ tomm. just to make sure I stay level headed.

Ack! This is SO my tactic too! Lol. I will keep my date with others in order to "ground myself" and go slow. Ha!

Seriously, don't hate me. I don't judge you. I relate to you. But as a fellow ENFP, my only concern is you. It seriously may work out and she may be the "one", but out of self protection let's encourage each other to GO SLOW,k?

 

[zadude]

Ack! This is SO my tactic too! Lol. I will keep my date with others in order to "ground myself" and go slow. Ha!

Seriously, don't hate me. I don't judge you. I relate to you. But as a fellow ENFP, my only concern is you. It seriously may work out and she may be the "one", but out of self protection let's encourage each other to GO SLOW,k?

Absolutely, I appreciate the insight too. I know it's possible for me to get carried away so I'm agreeing for the most part. And it's great since me and her have both agreed to take it slow to make sure we remain connected the whole time.

Problem is it's so troublesome to keep up with multiple girls with an already busy life. One is usually enough for me! lol

 

[pinkrasputin]

Problem is it's so troublesome to keep up with multiple girls with an already busy life. One is usually enough for me! lol

Aye. The plight of the ENFP. Just because there is a lot of background noise, doesn't mean I enjoy it. My loyalties, energy, and devotion can only be targeted towards one.