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Discussion Starter #1
Im just curious what the compatibility is between these two and what your guys' opinions are on ENFP's?

I like ISFJs. I feel like everything is nicely complemented.
The only gripe I have is the constriction Ive noticed some of them have. Theyre flexible in some ways with things and in other ways not at all.
But I think this is something I have to learn to appreciate.
 

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I'll give my two cents, I have a very good ISFJ friend. I have fallen for her one time, and she fell for me, but at different times. So it was a no-go, lol. But we're friends nonetheless. What I get the most out of her is her loyalty and her warmth... she's quite concerned with friends. What she has told about myself and I believe is relevant here, is that I am, for all purposes, a very intellectual person, but someone who can relate easily to her and initiate good conversations. I think the ENxP, the Ne thing, makes us seem intellectual (it's true, in most cases), but our F makes it easer for us to relate to people. And ISFJs, being intimacy-seekers (IMO) as they are, really like that. We ENFPs however have to be the catalyzing action in conversations (than again that could be the case in any E-I thing :laughing: )
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hmm this is was great to read and thank you.

I do find that i have to strike up a conversation, sometimes i feel like the conversation is boring or sputtering a bit. When we get excited about something though we both share alot of enthusiasm which i enjoy a lot.
I really like how caring he is, he gives me constant praise and approval which I really appreciate and love. I feel like hell never leave my side and always be around when i need him, and of course vice versa.

I find his Introversion sort of extreme. He literally does not like to go out or meet new people. When i present him with the opportunity to meet people similar to him he doesnt want to meet them. Hes a very confident person, he just..really isnt social at all. I suppose as long as hes ok with me being social im ok with letting people do as they wish.

Hes pretty textbook ISFJ. On an emotional level we connect extremely well. On a mental level however I would say that I am the one talking about things that are more stimulating (Im a physics major so I dont expect everyone to be interested in that). He usually wants to talk about music or the past or experiences...I love talking about those things, just not all the time lol. I hope I dont bore him with my conversation!

Just curious if anyone else has had this match up and what it was like.
 

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My mother is an ISFJ. I don't know about this particular match, but if you're okay with him being pretty hermit-like and trying to take care of you constantly (my mom does this in the form of nagging sometimes, which my TP brothers don't appreciate), and as long as you are willing to make sure he doesn't feel taken for granted, then you should be pretty happy. My mom is an awesome person, and I think ISFJs can be great in relationships if they're matched up with someone who can appreciate them for who they are.
 

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I'm an ENFP who dated an ISFJ for about a year and a half. The biggest stumbling block for us was that ISFJ will pretty much always want additional levels of commitment and security, while the ENFP will not want to rush into commitment for commitment's sake and will want to move at his or her own pace, no matter how arbitrary it feels to the ISFJ.

Communication about feelings is good and easy for both partners, although for my ISFJ no amount of reassurance was enough to convince her how deeply I cared about her, and her reluctance to take my words at face value led to building resentment on my part. A healthy ISFJ has all the security he or she needs in themselves, and so doesn't require a partner to provide security, and thus can trust much more easily. An ISFJ wants nothing more than to be able to trust wholeheartedly, but I think many ISFJs find taking that step incredibly difficult.

ENFP can also easily, easily take ISFJ for granted (as can most other types) -- I know I fell into that trap often. ISFJs have a hard time expressing things that bother them and tend to let resentments fester, so that ENFPs are not entirely sure what the base complaint is. Oftentimes I think ENFPs can't understand "what the big deal" is about something to an ISFJ, like leaving dishes in the sink or calling you at a later time than promised, since ISFJs like schedules and really abhor uncertainty.

The SJ/NFP contrast will likely also trigger conflicts over organizational differences, and the ISFJ will need to realize that their ENFP will probably never reach whatever organizational standard they have. Compromise here is hard -- ENFPs are grateful when ISFJs take the organizational reins quietly, but this can leave the ISFJs feeling totally used and like ENFP isn't doing an equal share -- which, let's face it, they're not. There's no real solution for this -- either the ISFJ makes peace with it and believes that this inequality is outweighed by the positives the ENFP brings to the relationship, or they don't and feel taken advantage of. Unfortunately, eventually continued expressions of unhappiness with ENFPs organizational performance will leave ENFP feeling hectored.

Also, ISFJs can fail to recognize that ENFPs need social stimulation outside of the relationship. ENFPs have a desire to integrate their relationship into their larger social network, but my ISFJ would always want to leave parties early or would back out at the last minute and then I'd feel guilty for "abandoning" them. It can be sort of counterintuitive and very difficult for an ISFJ to encourage a romantic partner to find other (platonic) interests, but it will go so far towards building a healthy relationship.

The good thing about ENFPs is that we are tremendously affectionate, thoughtful, considerate, gentle, inventive, and a bit silly. ISFJs are dedicated, responsible, self-sacrificing, dependable, and loving. There are a lot of attractive qualities in each type, but by paying attention to the pitfalls I listed above you can create a really healthy, lasting relationship.
 

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glukupikron has a lot of very good points. I dated an ENFP for a while, and there were a lot of very complimentary components that our personalities contributed to each other. It seems to me that most ISFJs are reflective enough to appreciate the intuition that the ENFP possesses. I really liked that she made it easier for me to socialize, but also understood when I needed to re-energize and get away from socializing. She seemed to appreciate my calm way of quickly taking care of the mundane details so she could focus on socializing and creating fun.

For the most part, we usually recognized our different perspectives and realities, but it seemed like the point upon which we had trouble understanding each other was how to define our values as we were in a relationship with each other. We seemed to like the excitement of our different personalities so much, that we both made too much compromise. ENFPs almost seem to have no morals, while ISFJs seem to have too many. We seemed to recognize the difference and swung right past each other trying to create a happy medium. So I ended up having no morals and became uncomfortable and she had too many morals and became uncomfortable. So it would seem to me that ISFJs and ENFPs could have good relationships as long as they figure out how to understand and accept the other's values.
 

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The Perseus System identifies sever friction between the two that could lead to severe acrimony. The SJ v NP conflict is jailbait to the latter. However, a business relationship between the two could pay dividends.

In normal circumstances the best match is ISFJ x ESTJ. Need for Security x Bullying.
 

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Newbie Opinion:

I've been married for 7 years to an ISxJ -- taint easy. Contributions to many aspects of a relationship can be shared by the 2 types (very yin-yang for us), however the 'J' can be difficult to handle. Meaning, one partner can not "regulate" the rules of the relationship, no more so than one partner can "enliven" the relationship.

Both parties MUST RESPECT and AVOID CHANGING their partners. ISxJ's inflexibility of opinion, coupled with their unease at approaching anything unknown, literally leaves the "the future" of the relationship on the shoulders of the ENFP. This is as unfair as leaving the daily minutia of the relationship to the ISxJ. BOTH PARTIE must operate ouside of their preferred comfort zones to be successful.

**WARNING: ISxJ's appear to be very friendly and kind-hearted.. on the surface. For ENFPs, beware that you may be let down when you realize he/she loves you out of a sense of duty (rescuer/reformer), rather than deeply shared emotions. Be ready to accept love that you may interpret as shallow. it isn't, it's just VERY different from your expression.
 

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I'm an ENFP man married to an ISTJ woman. I love my wife, but I do find some very challenging things about the relationship and of course she does too. I try to read up on her MBTI to enhance my understanding of her, but my wife views MBTI as something purely theoretical and therefore uninteresting. Consequently she has trouble understanding me.

She just doesn't get why I always have to be reading, or talking or thinking or dreaming about something. She gets frustrated at my ability to mess up the house while in the midst of one of my many projects (many of which I never complete.) She can't understand why I'm so disorganized or why I have to make a special effort to remember where I parked the car whenever I go somewhere. She automatically notices such things. She also has many pet peeves regarding some behaviors of mine that I engage in without thinking which she finds rather uncouth.

She gets frustrated at times and feels like I don't do enough practical around the house because I'm off in my dream world or reading something. She feels like I'm a pushover for other people while I find her overly cynical about her fellow human beings. On the other hand, she loves conspiracy theories about ufos, bigfoot, etc. I like to think I'm open minded about things, but I think she just believes anything sometimes. Her ghost-hunter shows really drive me crazy and I have to fight the urge to start debunking them while she's watching them -- a distinctly bad idea!

I have my own frustrations. When we first married I tried to split the housework 50/50 with her. Of course some things I actually wanted to do together with her, such as washing the dishes because I thought it would be more fun to talk to somebody while doing that boring task. She'd rather do it herself because there is only one proper way to do certain tasks around the house which of course I'm clueless about. Also she's all about doing things speedily and efficiently. When I ask her to show me what she wants she says it's faster to do it herself -- this is undoubtedly true in the short run, but I don't think it's the best long term answer.

Whenever I do something on my own when she isn't there I'm thinking she's going to be happy that it's already done when she comes home from work, but instead she gets angry at me because I didn't do it her way. She doesn't like where I put the silverware, she doesn't like how I wipe the counters, etc.

I used to send her flowers at work as a nice surprise, but the last time I sent them I was eagerly waiting for her to come home and thank me for the flowers. Instead she came home yelling and screaming at me because the flowers weren't nice and she found getting crummy flowers in front of her co-workers embarrassing.

After reaching a level of high frustration at not getting her approval for my efforts, my response has been to quit doing house work, quit cooking and quit sending flowers to her at work. If I want to give her flowers, I pick them up myself at the grocery store to ensure they're nice. I did this for our anniversary and she liked them, but complained about the cost. After I pointed out that if I can't even afford to buy my wife flowers at the grocery store on my anniversary, I might as well quit working and that seemed to placate her some. Sometimes I feel like I can't win, but at least an appeal to propriety of observing special occasions resonates with her.

I've been asking her for sometime to sit down together and make a list with me of tasks for me to do that she is willing to live with how I do them without complaint. This has never transpired. She will at least let me take out the garbage, sweep the kitchen, do my own laundry and vacuum the floors, so that represents some progress.

Sometimes I just don't feel like the wife's on my team with all the nitpicking at everything I do. The sad thing is I feel like if we ever got together and really wholeheartedly pursued a common task without belittling each other that we could do ANYTHING. She is so organized and disciplined, it's a perfect complement to my weaknesses in those areas.

A neat experience we had while we were dating: we went to a movie theater and were trying to spot what movies were showing and when. As we read the marquee she kept naming off movies that I didn't see and I kept naming movies that she didn't see. Some of the titles were printed in red LEDS and some in yellow, neither one of us saw the whole thing, but together we saw the whole list. I thought that was such a cool example of how perfectly we complement each other but she just didn't get why that was so cool to me.

I guess the biggest thing I've had to realize is my wife isn't going to tell me she loves me very often and I like to hear that. Instead she shows me her love by her service. For my part, I'm trying to talk less and find more physical and practical ways to express my affection to her and that seems to help her know that I really do love her. I'm also trying to remember to thank her more for all little things she does to serve and please me and to understand her love of complaining. As she put it the other night with a little smile - "I love to b!tch!"

We've been together 2 years now and I believe we'll make it, but I don't think it's easy for either one of us. We have to really work at it.
 

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Okay let's see. When I first read this, I thought you said your wife is an ISFJ, and I got horribly confused and started questioning my own personality. However, upon reading a second time, I realized that my original impressions were incorrect, and of course, this changes my entire opinion on the matter.

First off, I'd like to say that I think your efforts are fantastic. It's clear that you're trying very hard to do something about your relationship, and I think that is admirable. Many people would easily give up and just try to move on - hence the high divorce rates in our country.

Secondly, I think that you probably need to re-evaluate your relationship with Mrs. ISTJ. It sounds to me like you're putting in a lot of effort, and not getting anything back. From my perspective, this isn't really fair. A relationship has to involve both people putting forth effort, and from what you've said, I see none from her, and that is completely unacceptable. I think the best way to go about changing this would be to sit her down and explain your problems. Tell her how you feel, and why you feel that way. Just because she's a T doesn't mean that she won't understand if you sit down with her and spell it out. The two of you clearly need to come to some sort of compromise, otherwise you'll be spending the rest of your life as her doormat, and I think it's obvious that this isn't something that you want. Stand up for yourself, and stand up for your relationship with her. Otherwise, I'm predicting some unhappiness for you for the rest of your life. The two of you got married for a reason. Perhaps it's time to explore that and try to bring it back to the forefront of your relationship.
 

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I did say ISTJ, but really she's kind of borderline between the types - you could almost say ISXJ with her when I did get her to take the test. She is very caring and feeling about certain things - notably her cats. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for them than me and that gets a bit frustrating...
 

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I'm an ENFP man married to an ISTJ woman. I love my wife, but I do find some very challenging things about the relationship and of course she does too. I try to read up on her MBTI to enhance my understanding of her, but my wife views MBTI as something purely theoretical and therefore uninteresting. Consequently she has trouble understanding me.

She just doesn't get why I always have to be reading, or talking or thinking or dreaming about something. She gets frustrated at my ability to mess up the house while in the midst of one of my many projects (many of which I never complete.) She can't understand why I'm so disorganized or why I have to make a special effort to remember where I parked the car whenever I go somewhere. She automatically notices such things. She also has many pet peeves regarding some behaviors of mine that I engage in without thinking which she finds rather uncouth.

I guess the biggest thing I've had to realize is my wife isn't going to tell me she loves me very often and I like to hear that. Instead she shows me her love by her service. For my part, I'm trying to talk less and find more physical and practical ways to express my affection to her and that seems to help her know that I really do love her. I'm also trying to remember to thank her more for all little things she does to serve and please me and to understand her love of complaining. As she put it the other night with a little smile - "I love to b!tch!"
I have to come out in defense of you... But with a reality check. Ah, You seem like a very nice man. I have a theory on this though. You say your wife doesn't understand you, and she nags and has many pet peeves, she picks on you, criticizes, you and shoots down a lot of stuff you say. Do you think if she understood you it would make things better? Or do you think that she would still be pissed off anyway...

I wonder if the ISTJ's negative side irritable, moody, and anxious temperaments comes out under stress. She is clearly stressed out and taking it out on you...

She needs to own her own feelings and you need to not let her walk over you like that. Forget the flowers, Ask her, Dear, you seem really upset, or angry? When you come home ask her how she is feeling, how her day was, what she did? Make it about her... Listen to her, don't interrupt and be direct and blunt but with class and tact. She needs to be put in her place...
I think that she is acting out, and testing you and pushing your buttons to see if you have a backbone...
ISTJ's do this to people. Confront her, for real, be honest, don't tell her what she thinks.
Be able at anytime to be direct and communicated your FEELINGS to tell her what you WANT , what you THINK, what you FEEL. Ask her, What does she want? What is she thinking? How does she feel? Talk! Tell her that you won't play games anymore, establish your limits and boundaries, for yourself, because you can't keep going on like this, miserable wondering.

you seem like a strong man that is very intelligent and nice, I am sure a lot of women would love to be with you. Don't let yourself get treated like crap please. But you allow it to happen to yourself, when you don't speak up set your boundaries...
 

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Don't ask an ISTJ what they feel. They don't want to talk about their feelings. They want to discuss when and where is the doctors appointment, who is picking up the kids, where is that missing sock, who's got the missing bottle cap, did you get the tax forms. They don't want flowers, they just want to you to do the dishes, take out the trash, and to do the laundry (but only if you do it 'their' way with no mistakes, because otherwise they don't want you to do it - because if it is not done correctly, they will have to do themselves all over again, the way they want it to be done).

They also believe that everything they say is the most logical and correct right thing to do unless you have a logically formed argument to prove otherwise. Letting the kids walk on the grass without their shoes, in your own backyard is a no no because you can step on something. Just because you "feel" it would be a good experience for the kids to know what grass feels like on their feet, is not a valid logical reason.

I admire the ENFP who stays married to the ISTJ. I for one am feeling suffocated, nagged, criticized, unsupported. I am surrounded my ISTJ husband's pessimissm, irritation, and anger towards me. He is a workaholic who is always stressed.There is no compromise, no communication, or physical affection in our household. I can't imagine a lifetime of this.
 

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Technically this topic should be about ISFJ-ENFP relationships. It seems like a long-term ISTJ-ENFP relationship is very hard to maintain. I'm very curious to hear more about ISFJ-ENFP and whether or not that would work better than with an ISTJ-ENFP because I'm attempting to pursue somebody who I believe is an ENFP (She took a twenty question Big Five test a year or two ago and that's what it told her, however I think her behavior could qualify as ENFP).

It seems as if I have more difficulty trying to get her to laugh than I do with other people, but I love how she keeps a conversation going and talks about pretty much EVERYTHING going on in her life..
 

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I agree. This conversation has drifted away from the topic of the ISFJ.
Has anyone had any success in being married to, or just dating an ISFJ being an ENFP
or visa versa?
 

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I am an Enfp woman married to a an Isfj man. I have been in love with him since I was 14, and moved out with him at 16. We've certainly made it through our share of difficulties together. We have both had to learn to change for the other. What has kept us through all of the hard times was our unshakable committment to getting it right.

I explain it most of the time to people that we spent the first 5 years trying to destroy each other. Partially our "youthful handling" of our differences in personality. Each time we made it through the tough spots though I think we found ourselves even more firmly bonded together.

Ask questions and I will try to answer them if I can. I will try to elaborate a bit more. Just found this site while hunting down an errant thought in my head:cool:and knew that if I commented quickly I would come back with more time, and not just forget.

I actually found my jaw dropping at some of the issues Genie
 

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O_O *feels her hope rekindling*

...I really want to ask a lot of questions ><

What is it like when you two are together? Is it peaceful, or what is it like? The dynamic?

I just have a strong feeling that a ISFJ is likely to provide the stability I need, the care for others that I love to see, and the nurturing care I need as well... is that about right?

Is it possible to still have in-depth conversations?...
 

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For me, I'm actually the stability-seeker, but that's likely because I'm the baby of my family, not to mention the submissive one.

The thing is though, I know that the ENFP (I've probably meet a crap ton of ENFP girls in my life) is the best at motivating others and trying to uplift their spirits and I tend to struggle with self-motivation. So the ENFP has the potential to be very useful at giving us momentum to do certain things.

Just be ready to put up with some stubbornness and some boredom out of the ISFJ. Often, I feel incapable of being fun and interesting without bringing up the same old topics. For me, just having your presence because you like me is gratifying enough.

Having in-depth conversations are quite possible with ISFJs, especially if it is related to a topic right up their ally. If they have an unusual development in Extraverted Intuition, then they will have a better chance in understanding you too.
 
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