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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello all you lovely enfp males!

I would oh so appreciate your insight on this subject, and would love you to the moon and back!

As much as I pride myself on being able to read people, I just can't tell if he is just really kind to me (I've had a rough patch recently... Maybe he felt sorry for me?) or actually keen on me.


If age is a factor we are both mid 20s. I am infp female. He is enfp male


If you can't be bothered reading my post, then please maybe if you could define the difference of being kind and being keen from an enfp male point of view. I would be so thankful!


I know he does treat me different than his other girl friends. Here are a few differences...


-He is always complimenting and commending me. Genuine ones too. Not for looks usually, but for literally everything else... My cooking, how I am with animals, my language skills, etc (which personally, i don't think I am good at, but I always try to graciously accept compliment). I spot fake compliments a mile away and his are certainly not fake.


- When other people tease me he gets defensive (which is unnecessary ! It's fun being teased!)


- he has higher standards for me. If I speak or act a bit rough, etc, like our other girl friends, he always half-jokingly corrects me, but never corrects our friends.


- he told me that I need to meet his sister (who he absolutely adores) as she is "also a highly developed individual like your self"


- told me I am complete opposite to his mother (who he also loves, but finds exasperating).


- he always makes a point of bringing up personal stuff he has worked out about me, and looks for my reaction.


- he has set (non verbal) physical barriers for us. I mean, he'll poke me to annoy me, but otherwise full barriers. It's not for other girls... he lets his other girl friends go as far as massaging his shoulders etc. hahaha


- I'm not sure if he asks this to his other girl friends, but he is always so curious what type of guy i would be into and always quick to ask if I am interested in a guy that I might of mentioned in passing.




He has told me I am one of his best friends, and he has told others that I am a really good friend to him as well. Maybe I am just a friend.
 

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Most of the stuff I read seems to suggest he likes you on some level. The only thing that is off is that he openly talks about you as a "friend"- I completely and utterly stay away from that word and any concept of us being in the "friend zone" when I like someone, even if they are a good friend.

I think probably he likes you, but isn't infatuated with you- basically he likes you a bit, but probably isn't 100% sold.

People are different though, if you like him you should just feel him out. Send some signals, see what comes back.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hey thanks heaps for your thoughts! Appreciate your time. You might very well be right... That he is considering me romantically but not sold yet. I actually feel the same about him, so that's ok if he feels like that.

I think I am a bit different then you though. As I feel that the best relationships start with being really good friends. Although it contradicts a common thought that there is such a thing as a friend zone, I don't really feel like there is. However, there are types who I could never be romantically interested in, purely because of their personality, not because of any unthought out precedent I've set.

That being set, often I shut down any possible feelings by the other person by telling them how they are like a brother to me. I guess maybe that's the same thing?

sorry for going so off topic. And sorry if it seems like I am arguing with you... I'm not... I'm happy to change my mind on the subject.

Most of the stuff I read seems to suggest he likes you on some level. The only thing that is off is that he openly talks about you as a "friend"- I completely and utterly stay away from that word and any concept of us being in the "friend zone" when I like someone, even if they are a good friend.

I think probably he likes you, but isn't infatuated with you- basically he likes you a bit, but probably isn't 100% sold.

People are different though, if you like him you should just feel him out. Send some signals, see what comes back.
 

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I saw the title of this post and I was like;



Anyway..

A difficult thing, sounds like he likes you... from personal experience, the girls I have always fell for are the ones going through some kind of trial, I seem to somehow get attracted to the idea of looking after them, I mean im always trying to look out for people in general, so if there is a girl I know and I talk to her when she is going through stuff I usually end up becoming close over time with her. Im not a dating type, I only try go further with a girl once im actually "in love with her", cause im a hopeless romantic and like it when things pan out in some movie like fashion where the two fall for each other rather than the whole "setting up a date and playing the game" rubbish. xD

But yeah, always seem to get a soft spot for the vulnerable, and through that in the past girls have fell for me through it so, I dont know if thats an ENFP thing, could be just me lol.

He might be "trying" to say something more to you, but could be shy, and the type of guy who is like "You know.. I see you as a 'really, really, really' close friend..." in the hopes that perhaps you would say back to him "I feel the same, or maybe more", cause I know that a lot of ENFP guys can be really good at flirting, yet at the same time really cowardly when trying to just come out with it, I was like that when I as in my teens, but as I matured I got more self confident.
 

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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
Perfect picture dude.


thanks heaps for your thoughts too. I really appreciate your opinion.


i am xNFP and I am the same with wanting to help ones that are going through trials too. its true for me as well, that you naturally get closer to these ones. That's why I always tried hard not to confide in him, as I guess I only want that depth in our relationship if everything else matched up first. Does that make sense?

You might be similar to him actually. He can be a flirt easily, but he takes relationships seriously.

i remember one time we went for a walk at midnight, sky was literally lit by moonlight, and I could tell he was holding back from saying something but I wasn't sure what. It was before I really had any feelings for him. That night I said that I don't think I could ever be with an extrovert, as I couldn't keep up with them.... It was in context, as we always talk about psychology and personalities etc.

now I feel like he is someone I want to try to keep up with, but maybe opportunity is lost now. Maybe from that he thought I didn't like him in return. Now maybe he is trying to save face.

anyways, at the moment great waters separate us, literally..

hey going back to the whole I not keeping up with the E thing, do you think you'd ever just appreciates your introverted friend and not need to socialise with everyone all the time? Don't get me wrong, I love people. I love getting to know different ones. But in general, on most days, I'd prefer to have intimate chats and have adventures with just one. That's kinda boring to an enfp hey?



I saw the title of this post and I was like;



Anyway..

A difficult thing, sounds like he likes you... from personal experience, the girls I have always fell for are the ones going through some kind of trial, I seem to somehow get attracted to the idea of looking after them, I mean im always trying to look out for people in general, so if there is a girl I know and I talk to her when she is going through stuff I usually end up becoming close over time with her. Im not a dating type, I only try go further with a girl once im actually "in love with her", cause im a hopeless romantic and like it when things pan out in some movie like fashion where the two fall for each other rather than the whole "setting up a date and playing the game" rubbish. xD

But yeah, always seem to get a soft spot for the vulnerable, and through that in the past girls have fell for me through it so, I dont know if thats an ENFP thing, could be just me lol.

He might be "trying" to say something more to you, but could be shy, and the type of guy who is like "You know.. I see you as a 'really, really, really' close friend..." in the hopes that perhaps you would say back to him "I feel the same, or maybe more", cause I know that a lot of ENFP guys can be really good at flirting, yet at the same time really cowardly when trying to just come out with it, I was like that when I as in my teens, but as I matured I got more self confident.
 

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hey going back to the whole I not keeping up with the E thing, do you think you'd ever just appreciates your introverted friend and not need to socialise with everyone all the time? Don't get me wrong, I love people. I love getting to know different ones. But in general, on most days, I'd prefer to have intimate chats and have adventures with just one. That's kinda boring to an enfp hey?
Not at all, my last GF was an INFP. In fact you may find many ENFP's very much like that themselves. I dont like to have big bunches of associates, I myself im not really a "lets party in a huge crowd" (well at least not all the time, the way I extrovert is different, as I have said many times, ENFP's are extroverted introverts, we can be a bit of a walking paradox) type, I have a select number of friends that are close. You may find that what you have is an attractive trait, I think so, as if you have a lot of attention from someone who is introverted it means that you are special to them unlike the extrovert who may just be conversing with you often, because as an extrovert thats just what they do with all people on an equal level more or less.
 
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Discussion Starter #8
EccentricM, thanks for that enfp insight :) although I'm sure enfps vary, that's comforting to know! Sweet words.
 

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... actually, people often think I’m an introvert. And I’m awkward at parties because I find it difficult at times to have meaningful conversation. The radio is blaring. Or the conversation revolves around some meaningless banality that has me reaching for the aspirin.

... he’s attracted to you, for sure. He’s almost too careful about saying anything sexual, or doing anything sexual or allowing himself to feel anything sexual around you. You might have to initiate the conversation especially if he knows about your rough patch. He could be self conscious about liking you because there was this initial boundary he set for himself because you were in a rough spot and he didn’t want to complicate things by taking advantage of you. Or realizing that he doesn’t feel anything romantic for you until after.

... I don’t like his overprotection. This is something I would like to talk about some more. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker but it might foreshadow the relationship to come. I see three options, the first being the most optimistic that he’s unsure about his feelings, unsure about yours and it’s nothing more than an anxious reaction. And because of it he’s hoping you’d notice and make the first move or say something that would get the conversation rolling.

Next, it could be a question of attachment. You may get smothered in the relationships. This could be anything from dependency, low self esteem and general insecurity in the relationship. Lastly it could be the playing out of the damsel in distress fantasy. He’s passionately in love until you’re saved and happily ever after never comes. He’s in love with being chivalrous and not with the actual woman.

Given the nature of American and European romance literature men are taught to place women on pedestals and worship them. This follows that we invent much of the relationship inside our minds and when the relationship manifests itself in reality the fantasy is gone as are the emotions. I did this when I was younger and more naive. I’m actually friends with this woman and she confided in telling me she did the same thing to another man. We had very rough moments but a story I would like to keep personal.

... and he’s talking about introducing you to his sister, his family. On one front he’s pulling on the brakes and on the other he’s almost to anxious and talking like he might want a serious relationship with you. Come on, who talk about meeting the family.
 

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My last relationship was with an (female) INFP.

INFP and ENFP can sense each other very well.

He should stop trying so hard to make you feel better and instead start being himself.

Not easy to say what he is looking for but at the moment you seem to be in the friend zone.
 
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