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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi ENFPs,

(welcome the ladies as well, looking for the guys to answer this one (so few ENFP guys on the thread). Though I do look forward to your insights as well because I know they'll be just as wonderful!).

Question: what attracts the ENFP male and what maintains your interest in the long run?

An ENFP male confirmed feelings of romantic interest in me and told me tonight that he dreamt about his last day and town and this time he had dreamt he kissed me before he had left from (in reality, we only hugged). :blushed:

Also, what are you general thoughts on the ENFP male and ENFJ female compatibility? Witnessed IRL? The ENFP in question is a low introvert, with moderate N & F functions, and a low P. I am also a low E, with a high N, mid F, and mid to high J. I don't know how much of that really matters....

Thanks fellow ENFs!:happy:
 
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Attraction
Intelligence. That's it in a nutshell lol.

Maintaining
I think an ENFJ would be very compatible with an ENFP male; but you'd need to be able to put up with our random flights of fancy.
 

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Initial attraction, if we're being brutally honest, is going to be physical appearance, obviously. Beyond that, to get me interested beyond pure sexuality, you have to show a level of enthusiasm and intelligence about something that is near, matches, or exceeds my own. It rarely matters what that is: sports, drama, games, food, fashion, whatever. I just need you to have curiosity and passion about something you love, and I want you to tell me about it! Mostly because I do the same thing and I'd feel guilty if I force you to sit through conversations about video games without having to sit through something similar (though, the difference might be that I'm actually interested in what you have to say, regardless of the subject matter).

To maintain my interest, you'd have to change it every now and then. Spontaneity is a huge turn-on for me. It doesn't have to be extravagant or fancy or any of that--it just has to be spur of the moment. Intimacy/Sex is a big thing, as well, and in the same sense, it should be spontaneous. None of this planned "romantic night" bullshit. We're watching a movie and rubbed each other the right way. Let's get to it. It's more fun that way! :)

*Results may vary*
 

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I've noticed a lot of ENFPs get along with someone who can "put up with them".... someone who appreciates them for who they are, even if sometimes they can be a bit air headed and forgetful, but I think as long as you appreciate his qualities (crazy ideas, spontaneity, listening to him, being able to keep up with him)... i think it's what they need.

I'm speaking from experience with an ENFP, at least that's what I think he loves about me, is the fact that I accept him and appreciate him, and also I'm pretty crazy as well, so I doubt we'd ever get bored with each other. But then again, I"m not ENFJ... although I did have a ENFJ girl friend... you ladies are very entertaining and fun PLUS you got the more sensitive side which I lack, so I don't see how you could have any problems with an ENFP (judging by types only, i don't know the guy).

Also my ENFJ friend is married to an INFP and they get along great.
 

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Depends on the person really so what I will say does not apply to you 'even if you are an ENFJ' ;)

I went on a blind date (friend of a friend) two weeks ago with an ENFJ for a whole weekend. I had skyped a couple of times and exchanged messages with her before. She was nice, intelligent, sexy but the whole time I was craving for the weekend to end. We talked, talked and talked (both being extreme extroverts) but we didn't 'click' - she was completely self absorbed and most of our discussions were about how I could (not might or would like to) fit into her life vision and her future plans (she already had that completely figured out, probably with stats). It felt like dating a precision rocket and I'm more of a loose cannon.

I'll echo what WMDistraction said about keeping me interested and add that I really need enough breeding room and space to be able to enjoy and feel part of the relationship too.
 

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Initially, physical attraction is important. Further attraction is then established if the girl is nice, intelligent and easy-going.

For my interest to maintain, it is important that we work well together sexually and that we communicate well (I like someone I can trust who I also can bounce off ideas on) and can trust each other.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Attraction
Intelligence. That's it in a nutshell lol.
I think all our ENFP males have mentioned this trait. Though, I mean intelligent in what way?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Initially, physical attraction is important. Further attraction is then established if the girl is nice, intelligent and easy-going.

For my interest to maintain, it is important that we work well together sexually and that we communicate well (I like someone I can trust who I also can bounce off ideas on) and can trust each other.
I feel like this ENFP and I have this level of rapport. Especially the trust component. We are really building on that. I would say, more so him than me (he is working on some "trust issues").
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm speaking from experience with an ENFP, at least that's what I think he loves about me, is the fact that I accept him and appreciate him, and also I'm pretty crazy as well, so I doubt we'd ever get bored with each other. But then again, I"m not ENFJ... although I did have a ENFJ girl friend... you ladies are very entertaining and fun PLUS you got the more sensitive side which I lack, so I don't see how you could have any problems with an ENFP (judging by types only, i don't know the guy).
Cool! Your ENFJ friend sounds fab, of course ;) He told me he likes me because "I seem to appreciate him for who he is" ah! beautiful! :blushed:
 

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I think all our ENFP males have mentioned this trait. Though, I mean intelligent in what way?
That's all subjective. I like women who have an expertise and passion. An ability to talk about your passions coherently. Intelligence also means being able to construct coherent opinions. I enjoy a stimulating debate, so the latter is very important. In short, they need to have a well rounded knowledge base and keep up in conversation with me. I know that keeping up with Ne doms can tire the hell out of some people.
 

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I think all our ENFP males have mentioned this trait. Though, I mean intelligent in what way?
I have a different taste when it comes to the intelligence that I find attractive in a partner. I don't like experts, I love generalists. You could be a genius in your field but that means nothing to me. I care about your ability to have an intelligent discussion about topics you know very little about. Can you learn during a conversation well enough to contribute something meaningful and interesting?
 

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what about mind games? intellectual matches of wit and calculation to trap the enemy mentally? :p
Depends what you mean by to mind games. If you play with my emotions, even in jest, you have betrayed my trust. I will not be amused, I will feel violated.

If you just mean intellectual debate, well, I am not driven by competition, and using semantics to trap the other person is complete horseshit if you ask me. What I'm looking for in intellectually stimulating conversation is something along the lines of non-confrontational, mutual pursuit of objective or subjective truths that presents new information I have never before considered.

I like expressions of wit, but nowadays I would seldom if ever compete in them, I prefer being on the losing ends of those because then I can be sure we're both enjoying the experience. My entire family has a very Danish sense of humour - super sarcastic and biting, and any meeting of my extended family is one giant battle of wit, but I stopped competing in those years ago (though I was very good at it). I've found that I get alot more enjoyment out of being outmaneuvered in these battles than actually winning them, so there's not much motivation for me to compete from the get-go.

For another ENFP though I imagine it would depend on the style of their sense of humour, and depending on how it's perceived they might see it as criticism and feel hurt by it. I don't know though.

If I am completely outmaneuvered in conversation by someone with a higher level of expertise than me in any field, and the feeling of the conversation is non-competitive but truth-seeking (aka. probably your most interesting courses in college), that is a huge turn on. I've had in the past felt intense feelings of attraction to college profs when they're at the top of their game.

BUT: Bumblyjack is right though, it's more about your ability to have an intelligent discussion about anything, despite your amount of knowledge. Ability to listen, analyze, and think critically. Totally hot.

In regards to maintaining interest, it's about the person's ability to put up with us, yes, but also your ability to fulfill our desire for intense levels of intimacy (not just sex, in case you misunderstand) with our partners.

I will admit I don't understand this idea that we're attracted to Introverts so much. Maybe my tastes are just different, but I am drawn to people with high levels of energy and social ability, and if they match mine, great! If they exceed it, also great! means I have the ability to both take the lead or sit back and chill. I'm not always 'on' and like downtime maybe even more than some ENFP's, so I find 1-on-1 introverts make me work too hard conversationally alot of the time and I get tired of it eventually. I require some reciprocation.

Though, if an introvert simply contributed by posing the right questions, that would probably keep me interested indefinitely. I have an ENTP friend who asks the most interesting questions day and night, and we can talk literally all day without getting bored (he also has his own answers, usually completely different from mine, so super interesting!). I don't think I've met an introverted INTx though, or at least not ended up as friends with one.
 
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