[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

I posted a thread in here regarding ENTJ females and ENFP males.
Figured it wasnt a popular match, hence no replies.

However, it's probably more useful for me to just ask about ENFP males in general, since that is what Im interested in currently.

So my question is:
How quickly do you move into relationships, and why?

The ENFP fellow Im dating right now is very keen on moving quickly.
I'm just curious as to what the rush is, I'd like to understand his perspective.

 

[AgAu]

he probably just feels right with you. we ENFP's trust our gut when it comes to relationships. don't need that much hard evidence to go on. if it's too fast for you, let him know. he should respect it. if not at least you'll know what you've got.

 

[Classy]

So my question is:
How quickly do you move into relationships, and why?
The ENFP fellow Im dating right now is very keen on moving quickly.
I'm just curious as to what the rush is, I'd like to understand his perspective.

Re Moving Quickly: Physically? and/or Emotionally?

I am extraordinarily particular with whom I date or open up to. If I don't see the potential for a long term relationship I wont bother period.

Now on the rare occasion that I am infatuated its curiosity that drives me to want to explore the relationship I tend to value an emotional over a physical bond. As F's we want to know what makes you tick and we want to get in your head before your pants.

Our enthusiasm may be seen as overzealous but for the kid who has been staring at the present under the tree for weeks and on Christmas finally gets to open it up, you better believe he has been dreaming of all the fun times to be had.

From my experience T's enjoy relationships as a novelty while F's seek companionship. For this reason T's can fall in/out of love at the drop of a hat but for F's it requires time to develop a connection, so by the time a T is getting bored and falling out of love the F has fallen further... fyi I am biased toward the whole NF/NT death spiral and the T heartless *theory

 

[WMDistraction]

I jump into relationships like one would jump into a pool. I love you, and I'm going to show you right NOW! roud:

 

[INFJGirlie]

I jump into relationships like one would jump into a pool. I love you, and I'm going to show you right NOW! roud:

Wow I thought it was just my ENFP. :tongue:

 

[SirDude]

I seem to fall in pretty fast. As Classy said in his reply, (not that my post show it lately since I'm a walking hormone) all my partners have been people I liked based on brains, values, etc, over looks. When looks and brains are both there, HOLLY SHIT!

I recently met this women who blew my mind. She has the attitude / personality that gets me going, and then when she turned out to have this knockout of a body and face, I was like DOUBLE HOLLY SHIT!! But I had to do my best to keep my head from spinning and not move even faster to keep from scaring the hell out of her. But since I am in a very unique situation right now, (I am going to be relocating to some place new, where??? I don't even know yet) I guess I was trying to have my cake and eat it too. :tongue:

I don't know what the best match for ENFP are, but so far, I have moved way faster then any women I have been with. Or maybe they just played it cooler then me! :crazy: I have this same problem with a career / job or when meeting new clients. I see them, and just somehow "know" if I want to move forward with it. The times I have been burned or just wrong, I let myself get blinded by some other motive.

Have a great day!

SirDude

 

[pinkrasputin]

I jump into relationships like one would jump into a pool. I love you, and I'm going to show you right NOW! roud:

Yay. I was wondering if ENFP males would own up. You're awesome.

Yes, I see this as very common theme with yall. :laughing:

But she is asking WHY. Would any of you agree that she could better understand it if you were to explain to her how central our relationships are to us?

I'll elaborate on Classy's analogy. Once we've made up our minds, our partners are like our adult Christmas gift. They are everything we could ever hope or wish for. And just to forewarn you, we will also bring you to show and tell at school. :laughing:

I think moving things along in a relationship may be another way of taking inventory of the relationship. We think if it's progressing that means it's healthy. :happy:

But it could also mean that we're just in love with romance. So sorry if we start having a relationship with romance instead of you. If you notice that happening with your guy, just shout a big loud "HELLO??? You mind coming back here? You moved forward without me again" and he'll be fine. :laughing:

 

[Tridentus]

i get a strong vibe that women are "right" for me.. i just know. when i meet someone i'm attracted to, it's always instant and i'm always sure- i know if i like them and i know exactly how much within minutes. it sounds crazy but it's true.. and getting to know them is just a process of slowly revealing everything that my original vibe had told me about them in the first place. and in knowing i'm right for them i can tell they'd be attracted to me too.. which is why although i can't go up to any old girl on the street and chat her up, because i'd fail badly, if i'm attracted to someone i suddenly become a superconfident smoothtalking sonofabitch.

so i guess i feel like i already know the person really well.:wink:

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

Thanks everyone for the comments.
You guys have given me a lot of perspective and I see a lot of the answers here have been very closely similar to things the guy Im dating has said.

I thought I would find him to be overbearing but he has been very respectful of my space.
We shall see what happens.
So far so good.


Classy:
I was going to mention to you that the famous NT/NF Death Spiral, at least for myself, has yet to happen.
I have dated all INFJ/SFJ men, perhaps one or two NTs and one NFP and they have never ended in that fashion.
Just to give you a ray of light.
Not all NT's will make an NF feel that way, and I dont view all NFs in the fashion of being clingy or needy.
I believe people who are well rounded, regardless of type, will have content relationships.

 

[Tophat182]

I over-analyze relationships so I tend to move quickly in any direction. I also don't half-ass anything so everything is sincere, maybe over-dramatic but sincere nonetheless. Take the quickness as a sign of good things. He's super stoked about the relationship and he wants to explore all the possibilities right away. My advice is to keep him guessing, stop the steamroller for a bit, not all the way of course.

 

[WMDistraction]

I'll take pinkrasputin's statement as a challenge!

Basically, I love being in a relationship. It's awesome. Of course, if I'm not, that doesn't mean I'm all rain and blues, but relationships help me when I do, inevitably, get into that mood.

I really love opening up to people, but rarely do I ever get that chance; especially since I'm a guy. There is, in total, one other person in my life that I can (maybe did...) open up to on a regular basis. Coincidentally, he is also a single ENFP male. Having a girl in my life that wants to know about me lets me open up, and other people are totally okay with that. Not only that, but it's expected? Fuck yeah I love romantic, intimate, exciting relationships!

In fact, one of the turning points of my last relationship is when I got into one of my "spontaneous depressions", and my girlfriend actually got angry at me and told me to leave because I wouldn't (In reality, couldn't.) talk, instead of consoling me. She would not take the time out to figure out why I was so upset. If she did, she would have realized how deeply I cared about us, and that I realized that I was getting complacent, and that that worried me. Instead, she just yelled at me and told me to either talk or leave, instead of comforting me so I could talk. I don't mean to make her out to be a bitch, though. There's some personal history that explains her behavior, but I don't hold that as an excuse or explanation as to why that should be acceptable to me.

 

[AgAu]

I'll take pinkrasputin's statement as a challenge!.

Oh she laid down a massive gauntlet allright! I didn't ignore it, still formulating a proper response.

Great post WMD, had a similar situation with my wife to be but she handled it better I think -

I got the wake up call early on when I started dating my wife. She got the sense I was complacent in the relationship. She threatened to put our relationship on the 'back burner' til I figured out what I really wanted. Thing was, I knew what I wanted I was just too afraid of moving too quickly for her. We were engaged only a few months later.

See, in one post I'm talking about trucking along because we're comfortable and in another I'm talking about moving too slowly so as not to damage the relationship. That is why this is so hard to explain....

Please excuse me while I continue to flush this topic around in my small brain... more to come.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

The relationship is seemingly destructive from what Ive read on the ENTJ forum.
I saw very few female ENTJs comment on ENFP relationships which is what Im looking for, experiences or input, but posting this thread has been quite insightful.

He seems to be exactly as all of the ENFP men here have described.
He's exceedingly excited, very passionate and open to me about how he's feeling.
Thankfully as I mentioned before, he has been very good about me doing my own thing from time to time, as I am somewhat verbally open to him, Im fairly certain he intuitively knows that when I make time for him, it's confirmation.

Im very fascinated by the way he thinks about things.
That Ne is a fickle bitch of a function!

 

[pinkrasputin]

I'll take pinkrasputin's statement as a challenge!

Oh she laid down a massive gauntlet allright! I didn't ignore it, still formulating a proper response.

Omg. I wasn't trying to challenge you. Relax and put down your little toy guantlets with the electronic fighting sounds. What are you challenging anyway? My claim that you move quickly in relationships??? Hahaha. Here you two. *Holds up mirror* Look at it!! :laughing:

Great post WMD, had a similar situation with my wife to be but she handled it better I think -

I got the wake up call early on when I started dating my wife. She got the sense I was complacent in the relationship. She threatened to put our relationship on the 'back burner' til I figured out what I really wanted. Thing was, I knew what I wanted I was just too afraid of moving too quickly for her. We were engaged only a few months later.

When you were trying to move things slowly you were just acting as a counter ENFP :tongue:

See, in one post I'm talking about trucking along because we're comfortable and in another I'm talking about moving too slowly so as not to damage the relationship. That is why this is so hard to explain.... :

And on another post I saw, you were talking about how your were going to tackle the crap out your wife when she got home. :laughing:

I was just trying to point out earlier how excited you guys get in relationships. Maybe Rho can offer some concrete examples of how her mans moves things along and then ask you "What does it mean? It's so intense?" :crazy:

Okay, I'm outie. This is Rho's thread. :wink:

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

I was just trying to point out earlier how excited you guys get in relationships. Maybe Rho can offer some concrete examples of how her mans moves things along and then ask you "What does it mean? It's so intense?" :crazy:

Okay, I'm outie. This is Rho's thread. :wink:

Alright, since you asked, and because Im in an extremely pleasant mood.
I will also note in asterisks the facial expression correlated to each comment/moment/text:

1) Text the second day we hung out: "Im so lucky to have met you, you are really an amazing person"
*facial expression: confused*

2) Upon hanging out the next time (in person): "oh my god you are so cool! *sigh* And you're gorgeous and smart!"
*facial expression: bewildered*

3) Text message a day after a date at the beach: "I saw something and it reminded me of you <3 and i cant wait to see you again"
*facial expression: surprise and slight smile*

4) Last week date in person: (more serious tone)"Ive never done so many cool things with a girl before. You are the first person than has it all. You're smart, pretty, and funny. I really really like you its almost frightening!"
*facial expression: saying "oh.." but turning head around to smile*

4) Text message 10 mins ago: "I miss u. What the fck is wrong with me lol"
*facial expression: beaming grin*


See...it's a gradient.
I could so easily make a chart with x and y axis showing a steady curve going upwards.

Yeah. Thanks ENFP males for making me a total fucking pussy.

 

[AgAu]

Omg. I wasn't trying to challenge you. Relax and put down your little toy guantlets with the electronic fighting sounds. What are you challenging anyway? My claim that you move quickly in relationships??? Hahaha. Here you two. *Holds up mirror* Look at it!!

When you were trying to move things slowly you were just acting as a counter ENFP :tongue:

I used to have a toy lightsaber, maybe that would be more appropriate....

hahahaha okayokay

Quickly moving - YES! But, also self-aware. This can be helpful and dangerous at the same time. In the case of my relationship, we hit it off well, progressed quickly and then I started to think about it and panic. Seems obvious to me after the fact that the ESTJ in her would have never allowed anything to go to that quickly and smoothly if it weren't in her plan in the first place. Under pressure though, panic set in and I hit the brakes in an inexplicable freakout. Fortunately, her back burner speech was filled with sarcasm and a tone such that I could pick up that this wasn't plan A for her. Good on her for going out of her comfort zone of to speak in my native language of the subliminal for this very important message.

When you were trying to move things slowly you were just acting as a counter ENFP :tongue:

Well yeah! She knew something had changed in a massive way about me. She was right to be concerned. Being true to myself was the lesson I learned in that experience, she didn't want someone to mirror her; she wanted me.

And on another post I saw, you were talking about how your were going to tackle the crap out your wife when she got home. :laughing:

....

Okay, I'm outie. This is Rho's thread. :wink:

She's still sore.. hahaha I love her, she is so not at all like me - we have such fun. I know Rho is ENTJ not ESTJ but there's enough similarities to the ESTJ that I get kind of passionate over this issue.

Rho, I admire you for fishing way out of your pond with an ENFP. I hope it works out well for you. I have found so much to be thankful for in my out of the box relationship I wish more people would be brave enough to give these diverse pairings a chance like you have.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

Thank you AgAu.
Im very much hoping this will be a great experience and good relationship for me.
I am thoroughly enjoying his company, we spend a lot of time together and it feels very effortless.

EDIT: Not to mention he is really knowledgeable in Chemistry and welding/industrial materials, so we usually have a lot of sciencey topics to discuss.
He speaks the NT language well, considering Im majoring in physics XD

 

[SirDude]

Even though I pressed the "Thank" button, I still have to say Thank You to WMD and AgAu. I had the same kind of thing with my ex-wife. She had a heart of gold, but her personality was to take things in and then "sleep on it". If I let her sleep on it for as long as she wanted she would forget to ever bring it up again. So I would get quite (can you believe I can be quite?:laughing and feel like we weren't moving forward in the relationship.

When I was reading WMD's and AgAu's posted, the analogy hit me of what this felt like. It's like when you drive at highways speeds (or on a racetrack for your car nuts) and then you exit onto a street with a 25 mile per hour speed limit. Your senses are saying that you can handle going a lot faster then this, but the rules are saying that you need to move slower or you're going to get in trouble. *ugh!* F-ing rules!

AgAu -
See, in one post I'm talking about trucking along because we're comfortable and in another I'm talking about moving too slowly so as not to damage the relationship. That is why this is so hard to explain....

I have wondered about this in every relationship. Are ENFP males domed to a life of speed limits on relationships? It seems like we have to learn or take on a different personality type to match or fit in with the other types. Then we can't be our true selves and hence not likable as we could be / are when people just see us out with friends. :sad:

Rho, thanks for posting that, that really hit home. Put a smile on my face and a tear in my eye at the same time from thinking about someone. :frustrating:

Thanks Y'all, and have a great day!

SirDude

 

[ikky36]

I honestly don't even consider sex and being in a relationship as separate. If I like you enough to show my talents to ya, then I love you.

Seriously, I fall head over heels immediately after a night of conversation. I'm ready to be with you as long as it will last after that.

It leads me to a lot of heartbreak, but when I consider the alternative of meaningless sex, I decide that going gun ho into a relationship quickly feels so much better. It's due to my longing to find my soulmate right now. I'm an impatient son of a bitch when it comes to getting what I want for my whole life:tongue:

 

[WMDistraction]

Alright, since you asked, and because Im in an extremely pleasant mood.
I will also note in asterisks the facial expression correlated to each comment/moment/text:

1) Text the second day we hung out: "Im so lucky to have met you, you are really an amazing person"
*facial expression: confused*

2) Upon hanging out the next time (in person): "oh my god you are so cool! *sigh* And you're gorgeous and smart!"
*facial expression: bewildered*

3) Text message a day after a date at the beach: "I saw something and it reminded me of you <3 and i cant wait to see you again"
*facial expression: surprise and slight smile*

4) Last week date in person: (more serious tone)"Ive never done so many cool things with a girl before. You are the first person than has it all. You're smart, pretty, and funny. I really really like you its almost frightening!"
*facial expression: saying "oh.." but turning head around to smile*

4) Text message 10 mins ago: "I miss u. What the fck is wrong with me lol"
*facial expression: beaming grin*


See...it's a gradient.
I could so easily make a chart with x and y axis showing a steady curve going upwards.

Yeah. Thanks ENFP males for making me a total fucking pussy.

It's a new relationship for him, and he's excited about it!

I'd be worried if an ENFP guy did take a relationship at a "normal" pace. It probably means he's not interested.