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Hi ENFPs! :happy:

I'm new here and hope to make many new friends. I need you guys' help...

My ISTJ boyfriend's dad passed away a week ago and I have no idea what to do to comfort him... We have always been very close and understand each other, but he has always been someone who doesn't deal with emotions very well and rarely cries or tells me how he feels about things. It is so incredibly frustrating for me not knowing what is going through his mind and feelings, as his response is just to shut everything off. I know I shouldn't pester him to talk and just be there for him when he needs me, but it kills me to see him in so much pain and not dealing with it or at least talk to me about it.

Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, I would be so thankful to get any kind of advice as to what I can do for him, as my ENFP heart is starting to go crazy seeing him like this.. and not knowing what to do.

Thanks all!
 

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Welcome to the forum. :)
I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend's dad. How sad. :sad:
I know it must kill you to see him hurting too. I'm sorry I don't really have much advice to offer apart from just being there for him. Maybe if you see him neglecting things like skipping meals or something then perhaps feeding him and helping out in a practical sense. He'll need time to grieve in his own way - it might not have even fully hit him yet. But yeah, like I said, just be there for him hey. :happy:
 

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@MyHeartIsOnFire Helping someone you care about deal with loss is tough. You don't want to make them feel worse by saying the wrong thing, and you don't want to be trite or not genuine with platitudes.

One of my friends recently lost her mother...and this helped me gain perspective:

Supporting a Grieving Person: Helping Others Through Grief and Loss

Think of grief like a big, ugly wound. It's going to heal in its own time, in its own way, and it will leave a scar. You can't make it heal faster, in a better way, or prevent the scar - all you can do is offer support.
 

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I am married to an ISTJ who lost his dad. We'd been together for 7 years when it happened. That was 6 years ago. At first it was important to just listen and be quiet. Then there came a point where he expressed his fear that his dad would be forgotten. At that point I started telling him stories and things that I remembered about his dad. Some of the huge impact his dad had even on my life. To this day I still remind him of his dad. Last year on his dads birthday I convinced him to go on a road trip his dad had always wanted to do.
It's different for everyone but listening is the big thing. Wait for him to tell you what to do.
 

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Be patient. Take your cues from him. Make sure he knows he's loved, and do little things for him that you know will make him happy. Keep your hands busy, if you can, so that he knows he doesn't have to worry about you too. ISTJs are very work oriented, in my experience, and express themselves through doing work that is both productive, yet expressive. My ISTJ father lost his best friend and his mother in a single year, and he mainly expressed it through hard work. For instance, when his best friend was slowly dying, he split at least 200 logs as an outlet for his grief. As for keeping your own hands busy, I made my dad a batch of his favorite cookies on the evening when his mom/ my grandma died. Believe it or not, the ISTJ way of putting emphasis on hard work can be a good means of getting through "not knowing what to do." It keeps an ENFP's hands busy for long enough to let the fire of the feelings calm down, and make them into an effective tool rather than an explosion.

Let me know if you have more questions. I feel for you. In spite of my dad and I being opposite personality types, I am unquestionably "a daddy's girl", and I've come to learn a lot about ISTJs that way.
 

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Sorry to hear that.
My mother is ISTJ and I've noticed it lifts her up to remember happy times with her father, specially if that left her some sort of lesson or growth 👨‍🏫. You can help by making him talk about his father in a positive way or acknowledge he was indeed a great person and a great teacher.

Now, here's the real deal:
ISTJ's are one of the types that feel most repelled by change and uncertainties so he must be EXCEPTIONALLY SCARED thinking 'WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NOW?' so be as reliable as possible, specially with errands 📬🧹🧺📞🧰📆 (they are service-oriented so that's better than words). That should make him feel protected, cared and supported. That'll also aliviate his mental stress until he's done with the stages of grief. He'll eventually realize that life goes on and he'll get back to his peaceful, predictable, happy life 💖.

Good luck and stay strong! 💪
 
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