I'm curious about people's experiences with ENFP parenting -- either being one or having one. In your experience, what's the good, the bad, and the ugly about being an ENFP parent or being raised by an ENFP?
Thanks Lati! Part of the reason I asked the question was 1) I had an ISFJ mom, and part of me was wondering/fantasizing about what it might have been like to have a parent who was the same type as me. I can see how it would have both it's pluses and minuses. But even though my mom was a J type, her Jness more applied to her sense of social order, not so much environmental order, so I had similar experiences to you in terms of getting frustrated with her disorganization and feeling like I had to pick up a lot of those pieces (even though I'm naturally disorganized myself -- which made it a particular chore to me).I'm a very new ENFP parent- and was parented by an xnfp as well-
My mother's shortcoming was definitely consistency. Nothing was consistent in my life except the lack of consistency. It made me feel really inadequate and guilty as a child, because I felt like I constantly had to pick up the slack. When I became an adolescent the small grip she had on daily chores and housework slipped and then THAT felt like it was on me, too. I didn't pick it up, of course- I had no idea HOW to be consistent, so it just piled up in a big lump of guilt in my head, and continued to until 3 months ago when everything changed and I became the first lady of my household. And there was the fact that she could become so absorbed in what she was doing that I could be yelling at her till I was blue in the face and it would still take her like 5 minutes to realize I was talking to her. She was able to tune me out extremely well. She often seemed like she was in another world. Looking back, it might even appear she was on drugs...but when you COULD snap her out of it and bring her back to earth, she was perfectly normal.
The things she did right- Oh jeeze, she loved me. i had the most fun, free childhood. Being home-schooled- and not that much school, at that- I could go anywhere with her, do anything, and she let me explore so much, all while by my side. We were very close when I was little. I feel like I had the dream childhood, honestly. Because an only child, I was doted on- but at the same time, always taught the value of things, too. I know in reality my childhood was unbalanced, but the memories I carry are precious and fabulous- and I wouldn't have gotten that without her.
Now...me as a mom to a four year old... Well, I'm a crappy mom so far. And I knew I would be, so it shouldn't come as a huge shocker. I've only been doing this 3 months, but I'm incredibly impatient and short-tempered and [email protected]#@#!$#%! Every day is a struggle. I love kids- I really do- but I can't connect to them like I can adults. Even as a child, I far preferred having conversations with adults that would take me seriously, than try to relate to my peers. So what this means is my little girl just drains me, mentally and emotionally, because connecting with her is so difficult and so rare. I just want to be left alooone! But yeah. I am getting better every day, and forcing myself to spend more time with her. I just want to enjoy this and not view it as a drudgery. These years are so precious, and I know I'll regret every minute of viewing this all how I view it. So I'm trying. And I'm getting better. So that's something.
Most things I'm good at are not things inherent to my type. I'm consistent and provide a calm, stable house- the calm and stable thing, maybe, but the consistency feels foreign and forced. I'm hoping over time it'll become natural. Right now it's because my dad (INTP) and I are working together to keep it this way, because it's what she needs. I'm also affectionate when I'm not tearing my hair out. I'm almost always up for a hug. And oh goodness is she huggy.
I hope this helped!
Thank you for this, mjostrong. I'm so sorry about what you went through in your childhood. It sounds as though you found a way to survive it with strength and balance.What the heck is an ISFJ without an ENFP parent doing on this thread?!? Lurking of course! Moving on.
I had an INFP parent and an ESFP parent. The ESFP checked out when I was three and the INFP was a single parent to four kids thereafter. Does how a INFP parent fit in this thread? ... Lati did it first!
My dad was seriously the best dad ever. Like Lati's mom, he wasn't the most consistent- but he gave it his all and it was enough for us. Looking back I think he had to discipline himself just as much as us! When he said, go to bed at 9!, for example it was just as hard on him to enforce it as it was on us. He loved spending time with us! If he didn't have to do the responsible parent thing he would have been up until three every morning just talking to us about life and math and anything and everything else.
Sadly, he struggles with several different mental illness's. Of the four kids, I appreciate what he did for us and how he raised us the most. The older two resent him quite a lot for his deficiencies. He was frequently lost in his own world- but he always taught us what was right and he taught us how to make our own decisions so that we could be successful adults. Unfortunately protecting us wasn't his strong suit. Me and my twin sister were abused at an early age by a relative, and then a very short and unsuccessful step-parent and step-siblings stepped in and for a year told us that we were worthless and we were going to be failures in everything. Protecting us from that wasn't something that he did, and I don't really think he was aware it was going on.
When we became teenagers a lot of the housework and household management fell to us, which was fine, in my opinion. It taught us how to do it and we didn't fail at it, so no harm. By the time I was an adult, and probably before actually, his mental state had deteriorated so much that he needed us more than we needed him. Me and my twin sister take turns caring for him now.
I was tempted not to post this, but honestly my dad is XNFP, it's hard to say if he's an E or an I, because his mental problems keep him very cut off from the outside world. If he had his way, he would always have one of his children in the same room with him so he could talk their ear off, lol! So really he could be an ENFP.
In short: lacked consistency and protectiveness, provided good decision making and unparalleled love.
My mom is an ENFP, my dad is INFJ.I don't have an ENFP parent nor am I one but I am pretty curious about what types their kids turn into!
So, not to take this thread off topic TOO much, but if any of you feel like sharing, what MBTI types are the kids of ENFP parents you know of?
I'm going to be single-parenting it, so I'm going to have to figure out how to compensate without a J to structure things for me *sigh*I have an ENFP dad. He's an amazing person and parent. Warm, supportive, dedicated, and creative. His shortcomings weren't as much of an issue, because my mom's an ISTJ and provided the majority of the daily structure.
Did you find that having a J-type dad helped balance things in your household? Or was your mom pretty balanced herself?My mom is an ENFP, my dad is INFJ.
My Mom pretty much kept us in line. We lived apart from my Dad for many years because he was in the military in the U.S. while we were in another country, so she worked and took care of us.Did you find that having a J-type dad helped balance things in your household? Or was your mom pretty balanced herself?
She is very pacific and friendly, very tolerant of others, avoids conflict (she really dislikes it). She is extroverted and likes to talk to everyone, has a lot of friends (but not very close ones, except one or two). Loves to help others and express afection to them. She has spirituals beliefs that are very important to her (not religious ones; more New Age, energies, past lives, soul mates, angels...). She is mostly organized, punctual and reliable, but also likes to improvise and try new things. She has a strong imagination and a good sense of humor, she's a bit childlike. Likes ideas and brainstorming, and speculating about various possibilities. Very optimistic and seems to always be happy.If you don't mind sharing, what is your mom like?