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Discussion Starter #1
I wonder if enfps need esteem of others to feel esteem for ourselves, or if we derive so much energy from our interactions with others that we feel better about our selves and our lives when we're in contact with lots of people.

I feel like my creativity and happiness plummet when I'm isolated for any length of time, even though I do need time alone. I love to camp alone and be in nature alone. ~ Even though sometimes I spend camping trips laying in my tent txting! But it's like our energy and posiivity need other people to bounce off.
 
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My 'Mypersonality.info' badge didn't show up in the above post. I'm not sure why. Can anyone tell me what I did wrong?
 

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My 'Mypersonality.info' badge didn't show up in the above post. I'm not sure why. Can anyone tell me what I did wrong?
What's the code? PM me the info and i'll edit it for you.
 

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yeh i think it's both.... if i dont feel appreciated, or in contact with people, i can feel isolated and alienated. i think our capacity for connection lies in our inability to follow through on anything we start....at least in the immarture stages of our lives. it's such a challenge to us to actually put all our attention on ourselves to actually finish something, or even have a desire strong enough for ourselves that lasts to finish something, that we end up wiling away the hours talking the socks of each other with nothing more than a buzz.
 

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Definitely sounds like an ENFP I know. As an INFP, I find the need to be around others nearly as much. Many people perceive that as an INFP that I don't like being around people. It is the opposite, actually. I really like being around people and have a need for it... I'm just introverted, haha, so I can kind of see how people get the "avoidance" thing, but I'm really not avoidant... I'm shy.
 

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Oh god! My need for people is insane. When I am alone for long periods of time my need becomes like a knife to my throat. All creativity shuts off, the self-esteem bottoms out, and depression sets in. Things that I shouldn't be thinking shoot though my mind. (Do people like me? Am I too over bearing? And I go over and over all my mistakes, even if they didn't mean anything or have harmed anyone in the past) I start to painfully long for company.

Then when I am thrown back into a social situation, I'm usually quite shy and awkward when meeting people after a long absence of anyone. But thankfully I'm able to play it off and shake the rust from me gears and am able to connect with the people around me, which makes me feel so very much alive again. The self-esteem is rejuvenated and the creativity come flying back and the depression instantly vanishes.

Funny thing about that is my self-esteem takes a while to fully heal. After I am alone again, it tends to drop. Not nearly as far as it was but it does take a bit of time and people to recover.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Insane need for people

Oh god! My need for people is insane. When I am alone for long periods of time my need becomes like a knife to my throat. All creativity shuts off, the self-esteem bottoms out, and depression sets in. Things that I shouldn't be thinking shoot though my mind. (Do people like me? Am I too over bearing? And I go over and over all my mistakes, even if they didn't mean anything or have harmed anyone in the past) I start to painfully long for company.

Thank you for your wonderful honesty, Totally T Rex! Your first transparent line, "Oh God! Mn need for people is insane," speaks for me too! Creatvity shutting off...When I see that happening, I get depressed and scared. I can't write a word when I'm alone too much. I start to sink! My creativity is gone! I need to talk to someone. Need to see someone! Need to have a friend affirm to me that I'm awesome!
 
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Need to have a friend affirm to me that I'm awesome!
This is so very true to me too. I don't want to sound vane, but I do need to hear the appreciation of my existence from those around me. Other wise My self-esteem gets crushed under the waves of self doubt and swept out into a sea of depression. I just want to know that I can make people happy, and not for the sake of Self high-fives, but just because that's who I am and that's what I do. I live to see folks smile. I love doing it, and seeing it happen makes me feel great. And since I'm a emotional kind of guy I take it to heart when people verbally praise me, letting me know that I'm still worth while.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
You are awesome!

Totally T Rex, I knew as I wrote those words that you would understand completely. And I really enjoy the way you write with your 'waves of self doubt sweeping you into an ocean of depression.'

Some people don't need friends who affirm their awesomeness, but we do and God made us this way, so you know he also had to make the friends who will affirm us so we don't go without. I have a couple friends I can count on for this; I can call them and say, "I feel like crap today. Can you remind me why I'm so fantastic?" And they do! And we both laugh. If I'm really down-- and it won't last long-- it mght be the next day I'll call them and then we'll laugh.

And it feels GREAT to make people happy and know they have fun (with us!). Sometimes when I'm spinning some kind of silly tale, usually based on my own goofy life, I feel like this is one thing I contribute.. We all have something we can do to enhance our and others' existance.

Have a good week, Totally T Rex!
 
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Your pretty awesome, yourself!

Thanks so much for the ol' pick me up Bella! I hope I am capable of expressing the gravity of my thankfulness as I wish to. It's true, your words have definitely picked me up and I thank you for that. It feels as if you mended my severed strings allowing me to pick my limp body up off the ground, and once again gleefully dance around...well... flailing mindlessly with only a hint of control ( very much in the fashion of a marionette at the hands of a drunk puppeteer) Anyways. Just know that you yourself had just done me a world of good by just being you. Thanks very much, again. Your quite fabulous, ya know. ;-)


Haha! And that right there, folks, is a great example of how ENFP self-esteem works.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Thanks so much! Can I call you 'Totally T'? It's funny that you use an "in the hands of a drunken puppetmaster" anaolgy! I'm just happy you're flailing about in your happy ENFP way! It makes me think of something else to ask you: Do you ever have 'silly attacks' where you are on a sudden uncontrollable natural high? Where you seem to be -or feel-intoxicated with happiness? From when I was little to now, I occasionally get sudden natural highs. I'm not manic either, But I am super sensitive to good chemistry. Just joy that shines, you know? For anyone else reading this, have you had this experience?

Also, to Ohdear: when I was younger I finished evrything I started as far as projects, work, etc, but now, as I get more in tune with my natural self, and less bound by expectations, I'm finding it harder to finish anything. I like to be free from constraints, and I felt a growing claustrophobia as I struggled internally with what I was supposed to be, with what I am. People supposedly don't change a lot over the course of their lives, but my whole family feels the changes in me.(and some changes are not appreciated) I think I've circled back to where I started, in a good way.

I'm off work right now, but when I was working, I would finish everything to almost perfect standards because I needed to do my best to feel great. And also because I wanted to make my boss happy. I wanted him to know he could count on me at all times. But at home, I do what I have to, and let a lot go. I wonder why it's so hard for us to finish what we start? Ive had a bass guitar ( My boyfriend, Fender!) for three years now and I learn tabs, but I'll never master it. I just want to have fun whenever I want.:happy: Have a great day everybody!
 

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I totally get that. It drives me insane when I text a bunch of people and NONE of them respond. When I say none respond I mean even four hours after I text them they haven't replied, even if its a question. I don't foward texts so it's not because of that. I just put my phone aside and stare at it for a few minutes.

It really hurts when my INTJ male best friend won't ever call me back. I'll leave him a voicemail and he'll never tell me he got it or anything. I live in NC and he's in Texas at college and I know he's incredibly busy (chemical engineer major) but would it hurt him to get back to me once and a while. I even told him that he was my best friend a few months ago and he didn't even respond that much. He was like, "Ok thats cool..." and it just hurts because when we do get to talk he's great and we can talk for hours. But there's always an excuse as to why he wouldn't respond. Either the classic, "i've just been so busy lately..." or, "oh I didn't get that text message..." Seriously. He texts me back sometimes but its once in a blue moon.

Wow, I just seemed to have unloaded that.
 

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not responding to txts

Hillary, I have a friend a lot like yours. He almost never responds to txts or emails. If he didn't live in another state, I'd wonder! When he does contact me, I'm always surprised and delighted. I'm so relational I feel compelled to connect, but he isn't and that's hard for me. But I'm determined to accept him as he is. To meet him where he is, so to speak, in the friendship

I gave it a lot of thought...what do I really need to be happy. And longing for communication from anyone was not conducive to happiness.:cool:

I gently told him by email that I would focus on reciprocal friendships from now on and not contact him as often so he wouldn't feel obligated to act out of his 'zone' and I could enjoy life more not hoping he'd respond. I wasn't trying to manipulate him. He wrote back to tell he rarely answers txts or emails, that he just doesn't do that often. Every few weeks he'll txt me out of the blue.

Even though it's 'just' a friendship, (I mean, this is an ENFP talking!) I felt like he doesn't care (like I do) because he didn't show it the way I did. If possible, Hillary, try to focus on the reciprocal relationshiips that are nearest you, to get your needs for affection met, so you can deal with his distance, both real and figuative, a little easier. Enjoy the day.
 

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I need people around me to stay happy actually. There are days when I can take being alone very well, but when I have worries or other things of a negative nature occupying my mind, I need to go out and surround myself by friends, who can indeed tell me that everything will work out fine and how awesome I am. That's how it works, you know. Rationally I can handle every situation, but when I keep running over things in my head, sometimes I get totally depressed because I have nobody I can bounce my thoughts off, if you get my drift. People energize me, I often find myself happy to be able to go to my work, just because there are people there who are willing to listen to my rants and discuss them with me. Or I just call my sister or one of my best friends, just to hear their thoughts on some subjects. It helps a lot when I get caught up in worries... it can take me from a state of depression to utter happiness in no time...

I also have these natural high moments too. I can be on the top of the world because of nothing all of a sudden. A friend once suggested 'I could be manic', but it's not that. It's just a shot of positive energy that comes over me and that can help me move enormous mountains in no time, if you know what I mean. :laughing:
 

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Hillary, I have a friend a lot like yours. He almost never responds to txts or emails. If he didn't live in another state, I'd wonder! When he does contact me, I'm always surprised and delighted. I'm so relational I feel compelled to connect, but he isn't and that's hard for me. But I'm determined to accept him as he is. To meet him where he is, so to speak, in the friendship

I gave it a lot of thought...what do I really need to be happy. And longing for communication from anyone was not conducive to happiness.:cool:

I gently told him by email that I would focus on reciprocal friendships from now on and not contact him as often so he wouldn't feel obligated to act out of his 'zone' and I could enjoy life more not hoping he'd respond. I wasn't trying to manipulate him. He wrote back to tell he rarely answers txts or emails, that he just doesn't do that often. Every few weeks he'll txt me out of the blue.

Even though it's 'just' a friendship, (I mean, this is an ENFP talking!) I felt like he doesn't care (like I do) because he didn't show it the way I did. If possible, Hillary, try to focus on the reciprocal relationshiips that are nearest you, to get your needs for affection met, so you can deal with his distance, both real and figuative, a little easier. Enjoy the day.
Yes I agree with this...almost all of my bestfriends are like that..it sucks... well I think I have one friend that isn't..and she's also the only one that sometimes asks me if I want to meet or do something without me asking her first :) the others hardly ever contact me to do stuff..and that makes me feel like they don't like me or that I'm just boring..and that makes my seflesteem go really low :sad:

My mom said "everyone acts like that"..but that sucks! I don't believe it..I know plenty of people that have friends that call them almost everyday..so maybe I just need to meet new people or are all people like this? :unsure:
 

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Peanut and everyone else.... there are NO others like us. We are one of a kind and others find it hard to relate to our upbeat, quirky, funloving nature. I too feel alone if I don't get texts.....like when you say happy birthday to everyone on your facebook (even not the close friends) and then almost no one says it to you? meh.. petty, but I think we NEED, CRAVE, THRIVE on communication of any sort.. so I hear you all and feel the exact same way...
alone time that I WANT is ok, but generally, I NEED human ppl, contact, IM's, txts, msgs..... and I am 49 so go figure!!! it is the same for all of us at ANY age.

hugz Lynn:wink:
 

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I have other best friends that are live in the same town as me and they're always together. Like they'll go and hang out with each other a lot and almost never invite me with them. Its just weird because this didn't start happening until this spring before we graduated. I'm always the one who has to come up with plans to hang out if I ever want to meet up with them at all. I even kind of got into a fight with one of them about it, and we made up and I'd thought that they'd try to invite me a lot more but I found out from the other one that they went out together to a resturant just a few weeks ago. I mean I'd love to go out with them but they never text me anything about it. I love those guys and they've been in my life since freshman year and we were sooo close and it just seems that they keep getting close with each other and and leaving me out. It sucks.
 

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You're a lot like me

Peanut11, One of the things I love about this forum is how people expose their vulnerabilities. I don't know if it's low self esteem that makes us think the worst about ourselves, or if we have such a genuine need to have our tanks filled with affirmation and affection, that without it we naturally feel 'weak'. Less extroverted types don't seem to need it like we do, but they suffer too, if they don't get what they do need. Maybe we're just more aware and more likely to go out and get it.

I think we're drawn to our opposites in friendships because they balance us out. Their quiet strengths appeal to our outrageous talkative electricity! But then we long for someone like us who connects as we do. They are out there and if we're patient and aware, we'll meet them eventually.

I have to remind myself, that as hard as it is for me to be distant from people, it is just as hard for others to draw closer. So don't get discouraged, Peanut11. Some of the introverted ones will contact you more often if you let them know you need that to feel loved. It depends on the depth of your relationship and the limits of being what we are. Thanks for being so open about your insecurities. That's a real strength of ENFPs. You enjoy the day too!
 
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Crzysttrchr, you're right about how unique we are! I bet there's probably some statistical info to support that. We keep the world shaking and happy and fun! That's one of the best things about us! I really enjoyed your post! I'm in my 40s too and have swung to the far side of ENFPdom. After years about being what I needed to be, but with great restraint, I'm totally ENFP and probably seem to have less depth than I used to. I think that's why I'm happier being alone lately. Because I want to be myself and it's worth it to me to be alone at times, rather than bogged down trying to reign in my nature for anyone else. Have a wonderful day!

And a goofy side effect is that all my siblings and lots of other relatives think I seem younger today!
 

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Funny thing about that is my self-esteem takes a while to fully heal. After I am alone again, it tends to drop. Not nearly as far as it was but it does take a bit of time and people to recover.
Yes, very true. When my esteem or energy drops, I almost cave into a shell and apparently I come off extremely INTP. (I'm still unsure if I really am INTP or ENFP) But once I get some energy from other people, this builds my own energy which builds their energy, and so on. It's like a chain reaction. But when I'm feeling quite down, it takes quite a few re-assurances to get back to feeling good.


One way I have found to keep myself going is to constantly focus on my goal. It's to make other people feel good, no matter who they are, no matter what they think of me, no matter how little they might give to me. It's not easy, because it does hurt when people disapprove of me and such, but by constantly focusing on this ideal goal I manage to keep up a good energy enough so that I'm a positive influence on the people around me, rather than bringing them down with my neediness.

Peanut11, One of the things I love about this forum is how people expose their vulnerabilities. I don't know if it's low self esteem that makes us think the worst about ourselves, or if we have such a genuine need to have our tanks filled with affirmation and affection, that without it we naturally feel 'weak'. Less extroverted types don't seem to need it like we do, but they suffer too, if they don't get what they do need. Maybe we're just more aware and more likely to go out and get it.
:tongue: Yes this is all too true. I took this for granted when I was younger, thinking it was a sign of weakness, particularly because I am male. But I have noticed that I feel incongruent with myself if I try to hide them like everyone else does. Heart-on-sleeve syndrom, I suppose, haha.
 
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