[Ethanol]

Hello lovely ENFPs

So, I've been on hiatus from PerC for awhile but I wanted to hop on to write about something I've noticed about my own struggles and feelings in regards to dating an ENFP vs ENFJ.

Firstly, I'd like to say, that in terms of my tastes, I prefer dating an ENFJ. However it seems like a relationship with an ENFP is more effortless (at this point in my life lol). My ENFP-ex and I's relationship was effortless. I think the reason why is because of primary Intuition and secondary Feelings.

I rarely run across ENFPs these days, much less so than my college years. I don't know what it is about ENFPs, I can almost tell when someone is an ENFP. I've noticed that I attract certain types of ENFPs, a certain subset of ENFPs. I always wonder what it is about me as an INFJ that they are drawn to?

Often times when I first "see" an ENFP they can come off kind of douchey (no offense lol). As an INFJ I notice the draw to ENFPs (romantically) after getting past that initial awkwardness of keeping to ourselves and finally saying hello and having our first interaction. There are moments where I look into ENFP eyes and can sense something deeper/more to them. It's this weird kind of unspoken understanding, like I see them for who they are and they feel drawn to me because of some weird curiosity? I'm not quite sure how an ENFP would perceive an INFJ at this point. Often times these ENFPs will have very different processes and different opinions, but still - when our eyes meet it's this sensing that there is something more than just what we are portraying.

I'm an INFJ in my 30's having learned to utilize my Fe and can come off very sociable at times, and can sometimes be mistaken me for an extrovert... it's when I would rather go home and lay down in bed to read a book instead of going out with friends that its obvious I am introverted. I try to make any work/class environment more pleasant with my presence and helping to coordinate conversation to feel some sense of harmony within a social setting.

In my previous experience dating an ENFP, I noticed he would have many acquaintances and few true friends. He would often stay inside the house wrapped up in a project - which was surprising to me having read so much about how ENFP extroversion. I basically love the male ENFP female INFJ dynamic because it's easy...

Being an INFJ who has learned to be social chameleon for professional/work related events, when my ENFP-ex and I would go to these events, I was almost always the one breaking the ice with new people much faster than him. I would also catch him staring at me, almost like having a crush, for being a "social butterfly" during these moments (bursts of social energy for the rather low key INFJ lol). I remember going home (we had been dating for a few years) that night and told him I caught him staring at me googly eyed again when I was talking to everyone in the room. He started blushing and said "yeaaaaahh, I know" to which I just laughed and asked if he was "crushing on me all over again" and he would turn into a ball of mush.

I'm not tooting my own horn, but thinking back to these interactions it made me realize what I find to be rather mundane or nothing particularly special about my INFJness is something the ENFP likes? He seemed to think it's some kind of amazing skill or talent or that I'm some kind of bubbly social butterfly. It was this perception of me from ENFPs in my younger years, that made me think no ENFP would like who I truly was (an introvert, with deep thoughts, that weren't always so bright and sunny like I was during social Fe mode). However, when I would open up and share these deeper thoughts, or fears, I was always surprised to see that it peaked their interest even more. Whether it was romantic or platonic, it was like moths to a flame. I still didn't understand why ENFPs wouldn't see that as being a kill joy against their happy go lucky lol

There is one thing I have noticed about ENFPs that, as an INFJ, I find a little difficult to get over in the romantic department... and I'm curious how other INFJs and perhaps even ENFPs whether they can relate?

In my eyes, ENFPs are very interesting because they are different but at the same time we understand each other. The one thing I love about ENFPs is their innocent and bright and sunny disposition. It's very peaceful? It calms my rather deep and sometimes tumultuous thoughts about the "whys" of life or intense interest in how the puzzle of life fits together. Many times when I am attracted to an ENFP, it's because they were generally physically attractive, and there's this sense of understanding/connectedness, coupled with their innocent/child-like/happy-go-lucky demeanor. Sometimes especially with male ENFPs, they will have this smile (I call it the Fi-smile) where it's so bright and heartily expressed and it really makes me melt. AWWWWW!!

HOWEVER, the one caveat is... for me as an INFJ, that child-like happy-go-lucky demeanor dampens my sexual attraction. It's very tough for me to feel sexual chemistry with someone I find so innocent and cheerful? This is where, for me, an ENFJ captivates me. As an INFJ I experience more sexual attraction with an ENFJ, because of their somewhat darker side (Ni)? When I compare my experiences with an ENFP vs an ENFJ, the ENFJ feels more mature and gritty - battle worn? I also feel like INFPs are able to create this sort of chemistry with INFJs as well with the intensity of Fi (although I have never been able to achieve any long term relationship with INFPs).

I don't know what it is about ENFPs where I'm drawn to them in many ways, but that sort of child-like innocent positive outlook makes it difficult to feel sexual attraction the closer I get to them.

I'm curious if as ENFPs, you ever feel that way about INFJs too? What's it like for you and dating INFJs? What is it about an INFJ that you notice and what is the attraction for you? I'm also curious about the sexual attraction because I wonder if the "darkness/seriousness" that we carry doesn't somehow kill the sexual attraction on the ENFPs part? Thoughts?

Long post!

 

[Tridentus]

Yeah, well I mean I just agree with everything you say 100%, and even the stuff you say about your ex I can completely relate to as a male ENFP. I know the smile you're talking about, because it's the smile I'm very easily producing when I'm around an INFJ I like.

I even get what you mean about the child-like part of us dampening sexual attraction- fortunately the INFJ connection tends to trigger access to a more mature aspect of myself, which is a large part of why the connection feels so good from my end. Honestly, I have an idealistic vision of what it would be like to be married to an INFJ, where I could wake up one morning and take on the responsibility of managing a large-scale international bank with no experience, and I'd find it easy, as long as I had my INFJ fuelling me.. Then I wake up to my actual INFJ-less current life where I wonder if I should cook a proper breakfast or just make a slapdash sandwich before seminars because I can't be bothered to use the stove..

I'm honestly not even sure if that is an exaggeration. There's a PROFOUND effect that INFJs have on me, some people are searching their whole lives for that sense of completion, and then some INFJ I barely know walks within 10 feet of me and I feel it right there.

I dunno, I've gone on and on about this connection- feel free to search my history for more detail.

 

[Ethanol]

Yeah, well I mean I just agree with everything you say 100%, and even the stuff you say about your ex I can completely relate to as a male ENFP. I know the smile you're talking about, because it's the smile I'm very easily producing when I'm around an INFJ I like.

Hey Tridentus! Thanks for your response

Yes, actually there is an ENFP at work who I think is attracted to me. I sent him a work gchat message right as he was leaving his desk to assist someone and I saw the biggest smile on his face while. I guess he found it pretty funny, but it was a hearty smile lol

I even get what you mean about the child-like part of us dampening sexual attraction- fortunately the INFJ connection tends to trigger access to a more mature aspect of myself, which is a large part of why the connection feels so good from my end.

I'm very interested in this aspect because it's become the one part of my connection with ENFPs that bothers me and perhaps this has more to do with heterosexual gender roles. I wonder if an ENFP female and INFJ male would experience the same problems? I don't know. I feel like for INFJ women especially, and maybe some INFJ women could chime in, but xNFJs are pretty hardcore and more gritty with sex. I don't believe it's the actual sex but rather the personality of the people involved, meaning the kind of "weight" they carry with them. It's difficult to quantify, but essentially it's that age old question "why do girls date douchebags".

I feel as if male ENFPs, from an INFJs perspective, before we interact comes off kind of douchey and unapproachable. The more a female INFJ gets to know the male ENFP we see a way softer and sincere side, and so there's this balance of bad boy exterior with a softie interior - which I believe still creates a lot of attraction for a female INFJ. For me though, it's when I jump into a relationship with them and really get to know all of the child-like/innocent demeanor that it starts to mess up the sexual attraction. In a way, I think the mothering side of the INFJ comes out which creates conflicting feelings within me.

Part of me wonders if other female INFJs experience this with their male ENFP boyfriends and how they overcome that? I wonder if perhaps a larger age gap between the male ENFP and female INFJ would help to balance it out, perhaps the maturity of the ENFP in later life is much more capable of the "grit" necessary for an INFJ to not fall into the mothering role - which for any women, is a complete sex drive killer.

Honestly, I have an idealistic vision of what it would be like to be married to an INFJ... I'm honestly not even sure if that is an exaggeration.

LOL I wouldn't be able to tell. I've learned through personal experience not to idealize people, but certainly take notice a person's willingness to move towards that goal of living out our ideals. It's more important to be willing than it is to "already be", because as long as you're willing, you can always work, adjust, and eventually become or build that dream into a reality together - that beautifully flawed earthbound relationship

There's a PROFOUND effect that INFJs have on me, some people are searching their whole lives for that sense of completion, and then some INFJ I barely know walks within 10 feet of me and I feel it right there.

Yes, I would agree. I also notice that the ENFP notices me, which is very twilight zonie lol. This post was prompted because I have a coworker who I'm sure is an ENFP. I keep sensing that he is an ENFP but it's like every time he enters into the office, we are both aware of each others presence. It's kind of strange. It's like some weird "I know that you know that I know" loop. I think we both sense the other and there is this natural attraction and it's kind of freaky. He didn't seem all that nervous in the beginning but as time goes on I've noticed he's gotten more nervous ^_^;

There's a few things he's doing that, I wonder if its subconscious or if he is purposefully trying to manipulate the situation to make me notice. For instance, we look into each others eyes for a long period of time and sometimes with silence and from my perspective I just want to stay there and figure out what is going through his mind but I realize the longer this goes on it will be hella awkward so I break eye contact. I feel as if I can almost mind read him, but it never ends of being anything close to mind reading, just a gut feeling.

I catch him looking at my eyes and then my lips, which weirds me out because it makes me think I might have something on my teeth -__-; He also moves in very close to me to talk to me during any of our projects and touched my hand.

I want to think he's being unintentional about this, and perhaps his subconscious is controlling him but I also know that ENFPs are much more well versed with body language and because they are Fi-aux - they are aware of their own feelings more - which makes me think he might be intentional with all of this. I also feel like he is too intelligent to be doing this all subconsciously.

I dunno, I've gone on and on about this connection- feel free to search my history for more detail.

The more the merrier, any new insights from your post histories are appreciated as well, thanks Actually you were the person who encouraged me to pursue my first relationship with an ENFP and it lasted almost 4 years. My longest relationship up to date! Unfortunately it didn't work out for us, and I wish to be his friend but I feel as if he is still in love with me and so I stay away from him. I don't want to make his life harder by any means, and I really want him to move on and find someone to fall in love with without me in the way. My ENFP-ex's first relationship was with an INTJ girl, then me an INFJ girl LOL He dated both ideal ENFP romance partners

 

[odinthor]

ENFP/INFJ sex is a whole 'nother ball game. Change your mothering thing to parenting, and, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. When this becomes a factor (it doesn't always in ENFP/INFJ pairings; and when it doesn't, I'd guess that the participants are tapping into non-ENFP/INFJ aspects of their personalities for the sexual aspect of the relationship), you have to jettison the standard romantic/erotic glop (which is so fine in other cases) and approach sex as two innocent wanderers through life's experiences stumbling together across something (sex) which is fun!, different!, interesting!, exhilarating!, creative!, shared! It's a bonding of a different kind, so experience and expectations have to be cast aside in favor of seeing it as something all its own. If I haven't made it clear, it's because it really can't be made clear, being something which is so totally formed by and within the particular parties involved. That's what makes the ENFP/INFJ relationship so exciting in any and all of its aspects: Each such relationship, it's its own animal that, together, you learn something new about every day because, being unique, you couldn't have learned it anywhere else.

 

[mangosloth]

Hi Ethanol !

I guess you're right about gender roles, I totally relate to what you're saying here:
"that child-like happy-go-lucky demeanor dampens my sexual attraction. It's very tough for me to feel sexual chemistry with someone I find so innocent and cheerful"
There's a even a whole thread about ENFP males being "friendzoned" probably because of that (http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-forum-inspirers/74214-enfp-guys-automatic-friend-zone.html). I would love to be an exception to this rule but unfortunately I happen not to be sexually attracted to my male counterparts, which is a shame because they truly are soulmates. They're so great and everything is so smooth and easy, but for this reason there is absolutely no sexual tension between us. Same with INFPs, we're too similar.

Most of the time, I'm sexually attracted to NT types (especially ENTPs) or xSxPs. If I didn't include male INFJs in my previous statement, it's just because I said "most of the time", and male INFJs are so damn rare that obviously I rarely have the occasion to crush on them. But believe me if I was surrounded by male INFJs, that would definitely happen! I think it's because they are Fe/Ti users, I don't know, it's like the recipe for outstanding charisma. Even if you are introverts, as you said, you can come off as true social butterflies, the few INFJs I know can appear much more extroverted than me! That's auxiliary Fe vs Ne dom. Different kinds of extroversion. Mine makes me smile for no reason and look all over the place, eyes wide open, taking in information, and while I'm not shy and excited to meet people, I get clumsy as hell, lost in my thoughts and I talk nonsense. Whereas despite the fact that INFJs are introverts, they seem to have an innate ability to fit in, say the right things at the right time, and make people feel really comfortable and listened to. That's amazing. It's neither mundane nor common, I completely understand why it made your ENFP crush even more on you! It's something we ENFPs don't really have and can learn from. I at least speak for myself : everything that is different from me instantly becomes really attractive, as it opens the perspective for me to grow up and learn, which is what I enjoy the most! But at the same time, I must feel like I'm free to be myself. I get why INxJs are supposedly the perfect partners for ENFPs, because there's enough difference and challenge to make things interesting, but there is common ground too (INFJs have their functions in the same order as us -intuition, feeling, thinking, sensing-, and INTJs have dominant intuition/weak sensing and Te + Fi).

I'm sorry if my answer is so scattered and messy, there was so many things to say about your post!
Anyway I get why you tend to be more attracted to ENFJs. What about ENTPs? Just curious! They're supposed to be your perfect match

 

[Llyralen]

I echo everything Tridentus said including the vision that I would be more successful and perfect if with an INFJ. (If you don't need the description of how INFJs affect me, then skip to where I talk about INFP grit, maybe.) The PROFOUND effect is exactly what it is. I would trade roomfuls of "friends" for one INFJ friend solidly in my life. I love validation from my fellow ENFPs too, but it's nothing like validation from a INFJ. I can only talk about INFJ as friends since I am happily with my INFP husband but...but...oh my gosh! What if he were an INFJ!?! *Furiously writing ENFP/INFJ romance novel*
Frustration or difficulty with ENFP/INFJ. Okay, the thing that infuriates me is that INFJs don't know how important they are. To me it is the most obvious thing. I'm in a room full of people and I'm greeting and talking and smiling and I'm going to want to go back "home" and talk to the most important person in the room, my INFJ, about all of it-- because that is where it is all real. I'm not even myself with any of those others is what it feels like next to talking to a INFJ. Life only feels real when I talk to my INFJ. I felt horrible for years over how NEEDY I get with INFJs. It's got to feel weird to feel like someone's everything... like INFJs are angels or Jesus. They always say Jesus was an INFJ. There is almost this feeling of parent/mother about INFJ. It's this instant: "Now I am going to get love the way I always needed it but never got it from my parents or from anyone else except INFJs." I feel trusting like a child. You're the only type that we can BE completely vulnerable with, it's why I feel like I'm myself. It's amazing to know that other ENFPs feel this same way about INFJs and can also verbalize my thoughts on it. It's not like I don't mother my INFJs, though, too. It's not like I don't bring my teaching quality, and all my grown-up qualities to the relationship too. It's just that I don't have to hide myself-- that's what it feels like with every other type in comparison!

INFP/ENFJ the "grit" you are describing and innocence in the ENFP
I am happily married to an INFP. I think the grit you are describing I just heard from my husband. I said to him, "Some friends want me to go to the reunion but I feel some anxiety about going. Maybe they cared about me more than I give them credit for. Hey honey, do you want to go to your reunion? I bet you were loved and are wanted more than you think." My husband shoots back with, "They were jerks. I kept in contact with Kenneth." Done deal. Made me laugh. I try to actually crush the grit in my husband, I believe. I call it his "grouchy bear" and usually laugh at it and tease it away. I made rules that he cannot BE his grouchy bear in the morning.
I absolutely never saw it as something to be attracted to, and I don't think it adds anything to sex. Sex doesn't lighten this/heal this in my husband. Sex does heal other stuff, but not the "grit" so it doesn't seem sexy to me in that I don't detect a need that I can fulfill there with sex. I don't even know if what you described is what I just described, though... Is this "The Grit?"
Innocence is very important in a ENFP. I want to say it's like I actively cultivate my innocence... it's more like I immediately and actively reject any kind of bitterness that comes up. I couldn't do all I do in life if I had any kind of bitterness. It's not like we don't see reasons for it, but it would color/taint and destroy my happiness. It would make it almost impossible for me to move forward. It would depress me to no end and I've got enough to deal with with Fi uncertainty. I wouldn't do that to myself. I cut out that kind of cancer. I need to believe positively in people and in life. I think this is a combo of Ne/Fi/Te-- makes us want to face things full-on with joy. I know this seems not complex...almost too simple for you, almost too "surface" for you. Maybe....but the opposite seems unhealthy to me. You might need to try to argue with us, but you wouldn't because of Ti vs. Te. hmm...something to work on.

ENFP/INFJ struggles that I see and learned more from you about. Some of this might be "The Grit"
The struggle I find is that INFJs don't understand how important they are to us and have difficulty detecting the exact points when we need you the most. This is something to explore. Also it is hard to figure out how to MAKE you all understand it-- but this is ridiculous!
You can't go around thinking you are equal to other people to me! You are worth at least 10,000 other people to me. What are you? 1 out of what number? <1% of the population. Exactly! #2 I would also like to understand what I do for you-- you guys give me so much. If this was understood better, we could do better/more.
#3. You're right.... the grit....it seems like I wasn't appreciated enough in one of my INFJ friendships because of my need for my innocence. I remember this friend falling for ENTPs and kind of really getting into the ENTP dirtiness and the emotional road-blocks as somewhat fascinating for her and she thought she might be able to heal these things or unravel them, I think. She was attracted to the enigma, where we ENFPs are not enigmas to you-- but dang, good luck with that....I'd so much rather be emotionally healthy. I swear I see ENTPs as just unhealthy ENFPs (sorry ENTPs, I hope that just makes you laugh-- you would probably say something like ENFPs are ENTPs who run on cotton candy or something), so that doesn't fascinate me.
Both of our types(ENFP/INFJ) have a strong need to be needed, don't we? I have to be needed in my love relatinoship, basically.
#4. Most sense of humor stuff is universal between us, but amazingly some of the ENFP self-depreciating stuff is lost on you, correct? There's lots of times I think you guys are like..."That's about feelings, how can that possibly be funny?" Well, there's a bit of enigma in that, isn't there? Lets work on that!
As for ENFJs, I have no idea. Every time I think someone is an ENFJ, they aren't. The only one that I know of for sure in my life, it was like she cared about stuff I cared about but had no sense of humor. Can this BE? Like my INFP husband is an absolute hoot...I should jump onto ENFJ forum and see what it's like.
Done. None of this post was that helpful and I think most of it has been said elsewhere. =) Let us know know things go for you! =) Bottom line, we care! I hope you find the exact relationship you are looking for. Also, what went wrong with you and your X? You started to not feel attracted or what else? There might be something there for us ENFPs to learn or listen to. =)

 

[Falling Foxes]

I never understand why INFJs don't recognise why or even if ENFPs are head over heals for them. Yeah, of course we feel that same amount of depth and intensity that INFJs feel too, it's not something we can fake and we feed off of it together.

Damn, everyone writing essays about this! I mean it's awesome but I can't keep up! Hah!

Curious how ENFPs first impression comes across as douchey? (I was actually talking about this recently about my how I do but I never really considered it as being a consistent trait of mine)

Also I never really considered INFJs being more... dark and gritty in bed. Damn, I like to think I have all this confidence to try anything but I have to say when my ex asked me to be more of a sadistic dom I didn't really know what to do. I'm too gentle? I tried but I was more likely to burst into laughter cause I just felt like an idiot! Okay... maybe I'm a little immature when it comes to sex... shh, don't tell anyone, I have an ego to keep up and an reputation to uphold. Still remembering the "Never have I ever" games we played as teens fondly. People would always look at an ENFPxINFJ couple and think it's the cutest example of innocence only for me to be holding back smug smirks everytime we'd both be drinking when it came to the sexual "nevers". *tugs at collar, leaning back* Yeah, I think my friends think I'm more experiemental than I look.

 

[Westy365]

As for ENFJs, I have no idea. Every time I think someone is an ENFJ, they aren't. The only one that I know of for sure in my life, it was like she cared about stuff I cared about but had no sense of humor. Can this BE?

We are real, I assure you. And I don't know your friend, but I'm sorry you haven't been able to experience much ENFJ humor. If you've heard of the YouTuber JackSepticEye, he's supposedly an ENFJ and I find him hilarious! Sometimes ENFJs are busy making sure everyone is okay, and we're all serious and stuff. But if we aren't too worried about that, we can be quite a humorous bunch! People tell me I'm a good story teller because of how much I light up when I'm telling a story and use funny impressions and everything.



And as far as dark and gritty in bed goes, well, it's about letting go of the "shackles" that keep you proper (note: for some people, these shackles are tangible objects, while for some, said shackles are more of a mentality. I will not say which category I fall under layful.

I think of it like having 2 sides, and just "losing control." The best example I can think of right now is how Jean Grey gets with Wolverine. There's a side that's caring and "restrained," and then there's the side that's pure passion and carnal instincts.

Once you know it's sexy time, don't overthink it. Just go after what it is that you want. :blushed:

Also, I've never seen ENFPs as douchey. That "vibe" you're sensing is called sexual tension. :wink:

 

[Falling Foxes]

If you've heard of the YouTuber JackSepticEye, he's supposedly an ENFJ and I find him hilarious! Sometimes ENFJs are busy making sure everyone is okay, and we're all serious and stuff.

This is why no one notices ENFJ males! I thought for sure he was an ENFP, surface level he gives off those vibes but he does exude social caring vibes of a Fe user. Sometimes when he divulges more personal things he does make himself sound a lot more focused than an ENFP and I double take, just cause I assumed he'd be more like me. Hard to tell from youtuber personalities that you are getting the full picture of them.

 

[odinthor]

I never understand why INFJs don't recognise why or even if ENFPs are head over heals for them. [...]

It's because ENFPs manifest it in ways which are hard for us to differentiate. Is it (we ask ourselves) ENFPs just being ENFPs being interested in everyone and everything? You've got to figure out a way to hit us over the head with a hammer saying You you YOU it's only YOU that I like in a special YOU YOU YOU way, which is VASTLY DIFFERENT from the way I like all sorts of strange people in a regular mundane day to day way.

Also I never really considered INFJs being more... dark and gritty in bed. Damn, I like to think I have all this confidence to try anything but I have to say when my ex asked me to be more of a sadistic dom I didn't really know what to do. I'm too gentle? I tried but I was more likely to burst into laughter cause I just felt like an idiot!

We like exploring. You like exploring too; but we like exploring in a different way, and go about it in a different way. I'll attach some pictures. Ummmm, well, no, maybe not.

Okay... maybe I'm a little immature when it comes to sex... shh, don't tell anyone, I have an ego to keep up and an reputation to uphold. Still remembering the "Never have I ever" games we played as teens fondly. People would always look at an ENFPxINFJ couple and think it's the cutest example of innocence only for me to be holding back smug smirks everytime we'd both be drinking when it came to the sexual "nevers". *tugs at collar, leaning back* Yeah, I think my friends think I'm more experiemental than I look.

INFJs have on the inside what y'all have on the outside.

 

[Dennitsa]

We like exploring. You like exploring too; but we like exploring in a different way, and go about it in a different way. I'll attach some pictures. Ummmm, well, no, maybe not.

Different how? Happy to get a description with or without pictures.

INFJs have on the inside what y'all have on the outside.

We are easy to submit to the Dark side. Since you know, you have cookies.

 

[odinthor]

Different how? Happy to get a description with or without pictures. [...]

We do it from the inside out.

 

[Dennitsa]

We do it from the inside out.

Examples, please. I'm curious.

 

[odinthor]

Examples, please. I'm curious.

Yes, it's interesting, isn't it?

Examples don't work here. We need to go straight to principles.

Trying to be brief:

It's difficult, because we're dealing with clashing paradigms. There's the prevailing attitude among most and sundry; there's what you delightful ENFPs bring to the table, if table be the word; and there's what we INFJs bring to that same table, if table still be the word.

Let's set aside the "most and sundry."

Earlier in the thread we established, did we not, that there was a certain perceived innocence in ENFPs, which some/many/whatever found off-putting or at least curious to deal with. This is your perceived exteriority; and let's not bandy about it comes from within blah blah blah, because that's another matter.

Others (the "most and sundry" I dismissed a little prematurely) deal with this as presented. Their penetration (no not that kind of penetration) is only of the presentation without getting to the heart of the matter. They're dealing with what earlier I poetically referred to as "glop." (Now the "most and sundry" are dismissed again. Thank you for your service.)

Your basic INFJ, on the other hand, isn't concerned with these shallow inconsequentials. We are concerned with the deep inconsequentials. Your innocence is not mere skin-deepedness, my dears. We have detected in you an interior spiritual innocence, which draws us. We yearn to join you sexually in that deep spiritual innocence, and to, um, sex you on that inward plateau.

There. Clear as day.

 

[Dennitsa]

Your description gave me images of hm, student-teacher situations (where's that mischievous emoticon when you need it :laughing.

I've been close (not only romantically) with ENFJs and I know they have the capacity to get me, but INFJs do it faster and in such a penetrating way, that they make me really uncomfortable while also making me feel comfortable. I'm normally the one penetrating others, so this feels like a major shift in power and it's just so weird. I get shy, enthusiastic, horny and a little angry at the same time. :laughing:

I don't trust INFJs, though. That chemistry can run deep, but doesn't seem to me to have long-term stability potential. What say you?

 

[odinthor]

Your description gave me images of hm, student-teacher situations (where's that mischievous emoticon when you need it :laughing.

I've been close (not only romantically) with ENFJs and I know they have the capacity to get me, but INFJs do it faster and in such a penetrating way, that they make me really uncomfortable while also making me feel comfortable.

Note to INFJ Grand Chancellery: Our master plan is working! [evil laugh]

I'm normally the one penetrating others, so this feels like a major shift in power and it's just so weird. I get shy, enthusiastic, horny and a little angry at the same time. :laughing:

I don't trust INFJs, though.

Note to INFJ Grand Chancellery: They might be catching on. We need to be more subtle.

That chemistry can run deep, but doesn't seem to me to have long-term stability potential. What say you?

Stability is what an INFJ is all about. The big danger is too much intensity before you get used to each other, and a quick burnout. I always [kicks self] make the mistake of giving too much too soon. Both sides have to dial it back at the beginning. If the couple manages to make it past the opening inferno, believe me, you've likely got your INFJ forever and a day. It's stable as long as both sides give the other the differing kinds of independence they need, and are content to smile and just roll their eyes endearingly now and then at each other's innocent foibles. Really, on both sides, the crazy is the best part.

 

[Dennitsa]

You're so good, you just brought back INFJs on my top 3 list! :shocked::kitteh: The INFJ Grand Chancellery should be pleased, you deserve a promotion!

Going back to your:

It's because ENFPs manifest it in ways which are hard for us to differentiate. Is it (we ask ourselves) ENFPs just being ENFPs being interested in everyone and everything? You've got to figure out a way to hit us over the head with a hammer saying You you YOU it's only YOU that I like in a special YOU YOU YOU way, which is VASTLY DIFFERENT from the way I like all sorts of strange people in a regular mundane day to day way.

on why you don't get when ENFPs are into you. Totally guilty here! But don't you INFJs do the same with your being-nice-and-supportive-of-everyone-who-needs-saving-or-help-of-any-kind-or-is-just-sharing-not-expecting-to-be-saved-by-anyone-ain't-no-damsel-in-distress-yet-getting-the-same-treatment thing? How in the world are we supposed to get we're special?!

 

[odinthor]

You're so good, you just brought back INFJs on my top 3 list! :shocked::kitteh: The INFJ Grand Chancellery should be pleased, you deserve a promotion!

Going back to your:



on why you don't get when ENFPs are into you. Totally guilty here! But don't you INFJs do the same with your being-nice-and-supportive-of-everyone-who-needs-saving-or-help-of-any-kind-or-is-just-sharing-not-expecting-to-be-saved-by-anyone-ain't-no-damsel-in-distress-yet-getting-the-same-treatment thing? How in the world are we supposed to get we're special?!

Just look in our eyes, baby... :loveyou:

 

[Falling Foxes]

Their penetration (no not that kind of penetration)

Ha! ... penetration...

 

[Dennitsa]

Just look in our eyes, baby... :loveyou:

Nah, can't trust the NF eyes - that radiating warmth :happy: (and occasional undressing :kitteh could be happening for too many reasons. Any other symptoms an INFJ is fancying an ENFP (for more than just a hook-up, that is, hook-up intentions are easier to reveal)?