Hello lovely ENFPs
So, I've been on hiatus from PerC for awhile but I wanted to hop on to write about something I've noticed about my own struggles and feelings in regards to dating an ENFP vs ENFJ.
Firstly, I'd like to say, that in terms of my tastes, I prefer dating an ENFJ. However it seems like a relationship with an ENFP is more effortless (at this point in my life lol). My ENFP-ex and I's relationship was effortless. I think the reason why is because of primary Intuition and secondary Feelings.
I rarely run across ENFPs these days, much less so than my college years. I don't know what it is about ENFPs, I can almost tell when someone is an ENFP. I've noticed that I attract certain types of ENFPs, a certain subset of ENFPs. I always wonder what it is about me as an INFJ that they are drawn to?
Often times when I first "see" an ENFP they can come off kind of douchey (no offense lol). As an INFJ I notice the draw to ENFPs (romantically) after getting past that initial awkwardness of keeping to ourselves and finally saying hello and having our first interaction. There are moments where I look into ENFP eyes and can sense something deeper/more to them. It's this weird kind of unspoken understanding, like I see them for who they are and they feel drawn to me because of some weird curiosity? I'm not quite sure how an ENFP would perceive an INFJ at this point. Often times these ENFPs will have very different processes and different opinions, but still - when our eyes meet it's this sensing that there is something more than just what we are portraying.
I'm an INFJ in my 30's having learned to utilize my Fe and can come off very sociable at times, and can sometimes be mistaken me for an extrovert... it's when I would rather go home and lay down in bed to read a book instead of going out with friends that its obvious I am introverted. I try to make any work/class environment more pleasant with my presence and helping to coordinate conversation to feel some sense of harmony within a social setting.
In my previous experience dating an ENFP, I noticed he would have many acquaintances and few true friends. He would often stay inside the house wrapped up in a project - which was surprising to me having read so much about how ENFP extroversion. I basically love the male ENFP female INFJ dynamic because it's easy...
Being an INFJ who has learned to be social chameleon for professional/work related events, when my ENFP-ex and I would go to these events, I was almost always the one breaking the ice with new people much faster than him. I would also catch him staring at me, almost like having a crush, for being a "social butterfly" during these moments (bursts of social energy for the rather low key INFJ lol). I remember going home (we had been dating for a few years) that night and told him I caught him staring at me googly eyed again when I was talking to everyone in the room. He started blushing and said "yeaaaaahh, I know" to which I just laughed and asked if he was "crushing on me all over again" and he would turn into a ball of mush.
I'm not tooting my own horn, but thinking back to these interactions it made me realize what I find to be rather mundane or nothing particularly special about my INFJness is something the ENFP likes? He seemed to think it's some kind of amazing skill or talent or that I'm some kind of bubbly social butterfly. It was this perception of me from ENFPs in my younger years, that made me think no ENFP would like who I truly was (an introvert, with deep thoughts, that weren't always so bright and sunny like I was during social Fe mode). However, when I would open up and share these deeper thoughts, or fears, I was always surprised to see that it peaked their interest even more. Whether it was romantic or platonic, it was like moths to a flame. I still didn't understand why ENFPs wouldn't see that as being a kill joy against their happy go lucky lol
There is one thing I have noticed about ENFPs that, as an INFJ, I find a little difficult to get over in the romantic department... and I'm curious how other INFJs and perhaps even ENFPs whether they can relate?
In my eyes, ENFPs are very interesting because they are different but at the same time we understand each other. The one thing I love about ENFPs is their innocent and bright and sunny disposition. It's very peaceful? It calms my rather deep and sometimes tumultuous thoughts about the "whys" of life or intense interest in how the puzzle of life fits together. Many times when I am attracted to an ENFP, it's because they were generally physically attractive, and there's this sense of understanding/connectedness, coupled with their innocent/child-like/happy-go-lucky demeanor. Sometimes especially with male ENFPs, they will have this smile (I call it the Fi-smile) where it's so bright and heartily expressed and it really makes me melt. AWWWWW!!
HOWEVER, the one caveat is... for me as an INFJ, that child-like happy-go-lucky demeanor dampens my sexual attraction. It's very tough for me to feel sexual chemistry with someone I find so innocent and cheerful? This is where, for me, an ENFJ captivates me. As an INFJ I experience more sexual attraction with an ENFJ, because of their somewhat darker side (Ni)? When I compare my experiences with an ENFP vs an ENFJ, the ENFJ feels more mature and gritty - battle worn? I also feel like INFPs are able to create this sort of chemistry with INFJs as well with the intensity of Fi (although I have never been able to achieve any long term relationship with INFPs).
I don't know what it is about ENFPs where I'm drawn to them in many ways, but that sort of child-like innocent positive outlook makes it difficult to feel sexual attraction the closer I get to them.
I'm curious if as ENFPs, you ever feel that way about INFJs too? What's it like for you and dating INFJs? What is it about an INFJ that you notice and what is the attraction for you? I'm also curious about the sexual attraction because I wonder if the "darkness/seriousness" that we carry doesn't somehow kill the sexual attraction on the ENFPs part? Thoughts?
Long post!
So, I've been on hiatus from PerC for awhile but I wanted to hop on to write about something I've noticed about my own struggles and feelings in regards to dating an ENFP vs ENFJ.
Firstly, I'd like to say, that in terms of my tastes, I prefer dating an ENFJ. However it seems like a relationship with an ENFP is more effortless (at this point in my life lol). My ENFP-ex and I's relationship was effortless. I think the reason why is because of primary Intuition and secondary Feelings.
I rarely run across ENFPs these days, much less so than my college years. I don't know what it is about ENFPs, I can almost tell when someone is an ENFP. I've noticed that I attract certain types of ENFPs, a certain subset of ENFPs. I always wonder what it is about me as an INFJ that they are drawn to?
Often times when I first "see" an ENFP they can come off kind of douchey (no offense lol). As an INFJ I notice the draw to ENFPs (romantically) after getting past that initial awkwardness of keeping to ourselves and finally saying hello and having our first interaction. There are moments where I look into ENFP eyes and can sense something deeper/more to them. It's this weird kind of unspoken understanding, like I see them for who they are and they feel drawn to me because of some weird curiosity? I'm not quite sure how an ENFP would perceive an INFJ at this point. Often times these ENFPs will have very different processes and different opinions, but still - when our eyes meet it's this sensing that there is something more than just what we are portraying.
I'm an INFJ in my 30's having learned to utilize my Fe and can come off very sociable at times, and can sometimes be mistaken me for an extrovert... it's when I would rather go home and lay down in bed to read a book instead of going out with friends that its obvious I am introverted. I try to make any work/class environment more pleasant with my presence and helping to coordinate conversation to feel some sense of harmony within a social setting.
In my previous experience dating an ENFP, I noticed he would have many acquaintances and few true friends. He would often stay inside the house wrapped up in a project - which was surprising to me having read so much about how ENFP extroversion. I basically love the male ENFP female INFJ dynamic because it's easy...
Being an INFJ who has learned to be social chameleon for professional/work related events, when my ENFP-ex and I would go to these events, I was almost always the one breaking the ice with new people much faster than him. I would also catch him staring at me, almost like having a crush, for being a "social butterfly" during these moments (bursts of social energy for the rather low key INFJ lol). I remember going home (we had been dating for a few years) that night and told him I caught him staring at me googly eyed again when I was talking to everyone in the room. He started blushing and said "yeaaaaahh, I know" to which I just laughed and asked if he was "crushing on me all over again" and he would turn into a ball of mush.
I'm not tooting my own horn, but thinking back to these interactions it made me realize what I find to be rather mundane or nothing particularly special about my INFJness is something the ENFP likes? He seemed to think it's some kind of amazing skill or talent or that I'm some kind of bubbly social butterfly. It was this perception of me from ENFPs in my younger years, that made me think no ENFP would like who I truly was (an introvert, with deep thoughts, that weren't always so bright and sunny like I was during social Fe mode). However, when I would open up and share these deeper thoughts, or fears, I was always surprised to see that it peaked their interest even more. Whether it was romantic or platonic, it was like moths to a flame. I still didn't understand why ENFPs wouldn't see that as being a kill joy against their happy go lucky lol
There is one thing I have noticed about ENFPs that, as an INFJ, I find a little difficult to get over in the romantic department... and I'm curious how other INFJs and perhaps even ENFPs whether they can relate?
In my eyes, ENFPs are very interesting because they are different but at the same time we understand each other. The one thing I love about ENFPs is their innocent and bright and sunny disposition. It's very peaceful? It calms my rather deep and sometimes tumultuous thoughts about the "whys" of life or intense interest in how the puzzle of life fits together. Many times when I am attracted to an ENFP, it's because they were generally physically attractive, and there's this sense of understanding/connectedness, coupled with their innocent/child-like/happy-go-lucky demeanor. Sometimes especially with male ENFPs, they will have this smile (I call it the Fi-smile) where it's so bright and heartily expressed and it really makes me melt. AWWWWW!!
HOWEVER, the one caveat is... for me as an INFJ, that child-like happy-go-lucky demeanor dampens my sexual attraction. It's very tough for me to feel sexual chemistry with someone I find so innocent and cheerful? This is where, for me, an ENFJ captivates me. As an INFJ I experience more sexual attraction with an ENFJ, because of their somewhat darker side (Ni)? When I compare my experiences with an ENFP vs an ENFJ, the ENFJ feels more mature and gritty - battle worn? I also feel like INFPs are able to create this sort of chemistry with INFJs as well with the intensity of Fi (although I have never been able to achieve any long term relationship with INFPs).
I don't know what it is about ENFPs where I'm drawn to them in many ways, but that sort of child-like innocent positive outlook makes it difficult to feel sexual attraction the closer I get to them.
I'm curious if as ENFPs, you ever feel that way about INFJs too? What's it like for you and dating INFJs? What is it about an INFJ that you notice and what is the attraction for you? I'm also curious about the sexual attraction because I wonder if the "darkness/seriousness" that we carry doesn't somehow kill the sexual attraction on the ENFPs part? Thoughts?
Long post!