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Generally, I'm a very warm, friendly person. In fact, people tell me that I'm too nice. But I think that it's because of my ENFPness that I don't like people very much- I find that no one can really relate with or understand me. No matter how much I try, people just don't get what I'm trying to say even if I think about it forever. I've gotten to the point where I'm quiet basically all the time because whenever I talk, I feel like I'm the only one in the room who actually knows what I'm talking about. Plus, I find that my standards for the people around me seem to be too high even though they don't feel like they should be. Here is a list of my standards: nice, supportive, somewhat attentive, and empathetic. Strangely enough, I don't think I've ever met anyone who's had all of these qualities and so most of my relationships are very short-lived and lacking because I find no stimulation from them. I love people- don't get me wrong. I'm the kind of person who's always smiling and is open to new opportunities and relationships. But they really just break my heart every day because, like I said, they don't understand me or how my mind works! And when my heart is broken, I don't like people to see that I'm sad (I was raised to see that as a weakness, not that I do, I just feel like others might think I'm weak if I seem down) and so I push through the sadness and get really irked by everyone who doesn't 'reach' my standards (even though I don't think they're very high, they should be normal). I've been surrounded by abusive people my whole life (I'm 17 now) and I used to be outrageous and loud but now I'm reserved and somewhat shy because of my experiences (I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety). I'm afraid I'll never like anyone again for longer than a few months and I'll just be a lone wolf for the rest of my life. Have any of you been in my situation? What did you do?

*Also, I wanted to mention that because of the hand that life has dealt me, I had to grow up very quickly so I find that I end up mothering most of the people around me- even my parents. I feel like life just rocketed me into my early 50's sometimes mentally and emotionally, but physically I'm a teenager so everyone assumes that I'm immature and naive. This is another thing that irks me- when people judge because of age. Even when I was younger I was often told I was an old soul. Anyways...I hope someone can provide me some relief or assurance in this situation. I hate not liking anyone :(
 

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I came specifically to help you! But found that most of what you said is true to an extent with me as well!

First off, I want to say I am sorry that you don't like people right now. I went through a stage in my life where I didn't like many people, including my best friends, because I felt SO out of place with them. Our minds are very unique and some people cannot appreciate that for some reason.
That is interesting that people don't qualify those standards...as I find you are not reaching for the stars here :/ Most people should be able to give you those things. I am wondering if it is maybe because you are 17, so you are probably in high school correct? That could be another factor as well. A lot of people are very immature even well into their college years.
I too have been around abusive people for a greater part of my childhood and teenage years and this most certainly could be some indication as to why you feel this way towards people. There is a lot of hatred and pain and hurt with the past and you are taking it out on people who you think are going to hurt you. I went through this recently where I was just a big mess, not being able to trust anybody and ran away from my problems, searching for answers in all of the wrong places. It is not a fun journey to go through, yet I don't regret it because it is apart of who I am now.
It sounds as if you really went through a lot growing up and that is why you are more mature than others...use this to your advantage! You grew up quick, it may seem as if your childhood was not normal, but you experienced life unlike most children and this gives you a new outlook on life in general. I had to learn this as well as I ALWAYS regretted my childhood as I found it to be unfair and abusive and wish I could just be "normal".
You have the power to change who YOU are...not other people. There will always be people who do not approve of you in some way or take advantage of you but now you know you have the upper hand and can take care if yourself because you do not need anybody else.
This takes some practice because it can be difficult to say no as you are "motherly" and like to care for others. But really, if they are dragging you down and you are not getting anything out o the relationship or friendship, than you must be selfish and protect yourself. I see it like this: If others hurt you, no matter how much you help them, you will grow an unpleasant disposition for them -- which sounds like you already are doing that. If you take care of yourself, once you are able to help others you will be healthy enough to know your boundaries with them and thus it is a win win situation! You get to use that natural motherly care you have, and stick up for your own self! :D
I know it is difficult now, but believe me it is SO worth it if you choose the right people in your life to stay and who needs to go. Naturally, us ENFP's have to be loved by everybody and if someone dislikes us or doesn't understand us than we feel alienated so it is normal for you to feel this will be difficult if you decide to let toxic people out of your life. Because even if they are toxic, they are people who are there. This is not a good mindset...trust me, I've been there! For a long time!! It is so much better to keep the few who are good and that will train you to know who are true friends in the future and who are only using you. It's better to have few friends now and build the friendships as you go on rather than have more friends who treat you bad because in the end you will truly be alone.

I'm sorry to hear about the depression and anxiety as I know what that is like too :( But trust me, these get better if you treat yourself better now. Think of it like you are going on a mental vacation. You need to stay away from people for a while and focus on yourself and your self-esteem and confidence by doing the right things for YOURSELF. You will come out stronger as a confident person who thinks highly of herself and loves everyone and then you will be able to take on the world :)
Some people may ask where you went or why you are not hanging out with them, but just stay strong and realize you need this for yourself...to distance yourself away from the negative, focus on getting yourself better, and coming out a strong and independent person who needs nobody's approval but your own :)

Sorry this is long. If there is anything you are confused about or just want to talk me feel free to ask! I am even open for PM if you'd like.
 
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I came specifically to help you! But found that most of what you said is true to an extent with me as well!

First off, I want to say I am sorry that you don't like people right now. I went through a stage in my life where I didn't like many people, including my best friends, because I felt SO out of place with them. Our minds are very unique and some people cannot appreciate that for some reason.
That is interesting that people don't qualify those standards...as I find you are not reaching for the stars here :/ Most people should be able to give you those things. I am wondering if it is maybe because you are 17, so you are probably in high school correct? That could be another factor as well. A lot of people are very immature even well into their college years.
I too have been around abusive people for a greater part of my childhood and teenage years and this most certainly could be some indication as to why you feel this way towards people. There is a lot of hatred and pain and hurt with the past and you are taking it out on people who you think are going to hurt you. I went through this recently where I was just a big mess, not being able to trust anybody and ran away from my problems, searching for answers in all of the wrong places. It is not a fun journey to go through, yet I don't regret it because it is apart of who I am now.
It sounds as if you really went through a lot growing up and that is why you are more mature than others...use this to your advantage! You grew up quick, it may seem as if your childhood was not normal, but you experienced life unlike most children and this gives you a new outlook on life in general. I had to learn this as well as I ALWAYS regretted my childhood as I found it to be unfair and abusive and wish I could just be "normal".
You have the power to change who YOU are...not other people. There will always be people who do not approve of you in some way or take advantage of you but now you know you have the upper hand and can take care if yourself because you do not need anybody else.
This takes some practice because it can be difficult to say no as you are "motherly" and like to care for others. But really, if they are dragging you down and you are not getting anything out o the relationship or friendship, than you must be selfish and protect yourself. I see it like this: If others hurt you, no matter how much you help them, you will grow an unpleasant disposition for them -- which sounds like you already are doing that. If you take care of yourself, once you are able to help others you will be healthy enough to know your boundaries with them and thus it is a win win situation! You get to use that natural motherly care you have, and stick up for your own self! :D
I know it is difficult now, but believe me it is SO worth it if you choose the right people in your life to stay and who needs to go. Naturally, us ENFP's have to be loved by everybody and if someone dislikes us or doesn't understand us than we feel alienated so it is normal for you to feel this will be difficult if you decide to let toxic people out of your life. Because even if they are toxic, they are people who are there. This is not a good mindset...trust me, I've been there! For a long time!! It is so much better to keep the few who are good and that will train you to know who are true friends in the future and who are only using you. It's better to have few friends now and build the friendships as you go on rather than have more friends who treat you bad because in the end you will truly be alone.

I'm sorry to hear about the depression and anxiety as I know what that is like too :( But trust me, these get better if you treat yourself better now. Think of it like you are going on a mental vacation. You need to stay away from people for a while and focus on yourself and your self-esteem and confidence by doing the right things for YOURSELF. You will come out stronger as a confident person who thinks highly of herself and loves everyone and then you will be able to take on the world :)
Some people may ask where you went or why you are not hanging out with them, but just stay strong and realize you need this for yourself...to distance yourself away from the negative, focus on getting yourself better, and coming out a strong and independent person who needs nobody's approval but your own :)

Sorry this is long. If there is anything you are confused about or just want to talk me feel free to ask! I am even open for PM if you'd like.
Thank you so much for your advice! I was honestly starting to worry that I wasn't an ENFP anymore just because of how negative I've become but you've given me hope. It's so nice to know that someone else has gone through this :)
 

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No problem! I think the main thing is that we as ENFP's are stereotypicaly portrayed asoverly happy all of the time. And though this may be true for many ENFP's, we have to keep in account the ENFP's who may not be as "mentally" healthy. The ones who have had a rough past and do not know how to handle things perfectly. No matter how happy a person is "supposed" to be, this can mess them up.
Once we are healthy, we usually SHINE :D
 
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Generally, I'm a very warm, friendly person. In fact, people tell me that I'm too nice. But I think that it's because of my ENFPness that I don't like people very much- I find that no one can really relate with or understand me. No matter how much I try, people just don't get what I'm trying to say even if I think about it forever. I've gotten to the point where I'm quiet basically all the time because whenever I talk, I feel like I'm the only one in the room who actually knows what I'm talking about. Plus, I find that my standards for the people around me seem to be too high even though they don't feel like they should be. Here is a list of my standards: nice, supportive, somewhat attentive, and empathetic. Strangely enough, I don't think I've ever met anyone who's had all of these qualities and so most of my relationships are very short-lived and lacking because I find no stimulation from them. I love people- don't get me wrong. I'm the kind of person who's always smiling and is open to new opportunities and relationships. But they really just break my heart every day because, like I said, they don't understand me or how my mind works! And when my heart is broken, I don't like people to see that I'm sad (I was raised to see that as a weakness, not that I do, I just feel like others might think I'm weak if I seem down) and so I push through the sadness and get really irked by everyone who doesn't 'reach' my standards (even though I don't think they're very high, they should be normal). I've been surrounded by abusive people my whole life (I'm 17 now) and I used to be outrageous and loud but now I'm reserved and somewhat shy because of my experiences (I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety). I'm afraid I'll never like anyone again for longer than a few months and I'll just be a lone wolf for the rest of my life. Have any of you been in my situation? What did you do?

*Also, I wanted to mention that because of the hand that life has dealt me, I had to grow up very quickly so I find that I end up mothering most of the people around me- even my parents. I feel like life just rocketed me into my early 50's sometimes mentally and emotionally, but physically I'm a teenager so everyone assumes that I'm immature and naive. This is another thing that irks me- when people judge because of age. Even when I was younger I was often told I was an old soul. Anyways...I hope someone can provide me some relief or assurance in this situation. I hate not liking anyone :(
I used to think I hated people. Then I realised I love people and I was just hurt and disappointed by them. I'm a little bit of a semantics freak, so I'd say an important distinction to make is that you feel let down by people, you don't like that they don't meet your expectations... it's not so much that you don't like people/are misanthropic.

Another thing that we seem to do is take on responsibility for other people's feelings. I used to feel a whole lot of resentment over the fact that I've always been the diplomat/peacemaker person who cares for everyone but after a lot of therapuy (Like literally 600+ hours of it in the last six months, I know: HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??!?) I understand that it was actually me who was taking on that role. And once you take on that role, it becomes what people expect of you. Then you start going "WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE SHIT TO ME TO FIX" when it's actually because you stuck your neck out initially saying 'I WILL SAVE YOU ALLLLLLL!!!!!!!"

Yeah. I don't know. I'm a youngin' too and I swear (And I so don't mean to sound condescending but it's true) when I was your age I was SO angry at the world and everyone for making me bitter. Like you, I used to be outrageous and loud but turned desolate and hopeless.

The good news is, now I'm 20 and now I know that the two things I love most in the world are people and music. The things you love can be the greatest disappointments when they let you down. But when you come out the other side, you love them all the more.
 

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@RoseRed

Hi,

you're quite young and it's understandable that you haven't met people you relate to yet- annoying, frustrating and unlucky, yes; but it won't be forever. i found school so annoying, because you were shunted in with certain types of people with no choices or freedoms, however, i used to go to summer camps and holidays as a teen- where i'd constantly be meeting awesome people, which made me very confident i just needed to endure the boredom of the people i was surrounded by at school.

you say you want to go travelling, that's awesome! do it.. i spent a gap year travelling and everytime i save money from jobs i still instantly spend it on a trip away. the people you meet whilst travelling are so different; only a particular type of person goes travelling and the social atmosphere is always totally different to home.

one thing as well, that i will say, is that as you get older you realise it's the people who are genuine, considerate and nice who are actually the people everyone looks up to. of course you still get a lot of tw*ts, but people slowly realise that being "nice" is the best way to be. you see it happen at uni- where people come in with the immature attitude they came from school with, and slowly over the first year they mature and realise you can't act like that.. at least a lot of them do, some people are always going to be tw*ts.

i'm ready to bet you'll surprise yourself by being looked up to by people once you get a couple of years older, particularly if you go to college. you've got that ENFP thing of maintaining principles and expectations- people massively respect that in us and wish they had that same strength and confidence that we do.. as strange as that sounds.
 

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I like interesting people. I like the idea of people sometimes more than the actual person. Sometimes people are just annoying. That is our Ne Fi connection disadvantage. We can see through motives, or at least we feel like we can and so sometimes people are harder to like if you feel they are disingenuous.
 

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Another thing that we seem to do is take on responsibility for other people's feelings.
THIS. This is so much like me and every other ENFP I know. Almost like if they are sad, somehow it is our fault even if we have nothing to do with the situation. @RoseRed, I think that is the misconception as abuse survivors, we constantly feel like everything is our fault and take on the responsibility of not only the other persons feelings but also their actions. It is almost ingrained in us that if someone treats us bad, we did something to deserve it. This was a lie I was believing for SO long and I am finally beginning to understand how bad of a mindset that is. I know that you will be able to get through this rough patch. If I did, you WILL.

You will understand more about yourself as you get older, that is the beauty of growing up and understanding people and their emotions...and your own emotions. I am a completely different person than I was at 17, a better person I would say, but even now I still have much to learn. Heck, I'm 22 and YOU seem to be more mature and responsible than I am. Just take time to realize that we never stop growing and that is the wonderful thing about life...embrace it :)
 
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To be honest, you`ve nothing to worry about. i like to call this the ENFP version of pragmatism. i`m no doctor, by i myself have experienced this. it made me worry too. I decided that the ENFP version of negativity was just as extreme as the positive. I was wrong. This is strictly a measure of how impressionable AND dramatic we are as a whole. we are led to believe that so much has t be negative. MUST be. after a while this becomes subconscious "fact". after accepting that, we make it dramatic. It MUST be worse than anyone around us tolls BECAUSE no one can understand us or our level of insight...these are my findings thus far, anyway...
 
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