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264 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm new to joining this site, but I've been reading through threads for ages~! ^_^YAY
I finally decided to make an account, because I've been meaning to... but I'm a bit lazy~
Anyhow, lately I haven't been getting along with my mum really well, and I was wondering if it has anything to do with personality types, or just if anyone with either of these personliy types could give me a different perspective

Anything would be helpful (if ur not a troll)

My mum's an ENFJ and I'm an ENFP. We used to get along really well when I was little, and I really looked up to her.
I eventually found other role models, but we used to talk a lot, and get along, even if a few of her habits annoy me sometimes, I felt like I should tolerate it because I probably do similar things~

However, she recently had a boyfriend who was kind of crude and a bit racist, he worked at a prison (as a guard I think...) and he found some kind of morbid, or black humor type jokes amusing...
I don't mind some strangeness... but I am easily scared, and at his house we watched a lot of movies that were action, and about phycopaths, or just generally had darkness to them.

I really didn't like living there, and I spent a lot of time there in my room, or in the computer room, and by myself. I generally avoided both of them, and slowly felt myself being more and more annoyed at mum, and I came to dislike him a lot too. I love my mum still but I don't feel very close to her. She can so easily annoy me now, and I try and avoid her a lot, I've tried to confront her a few times, but I don't even really know what the issue is.

I feel like she's really lovely, supportive, kind and positive. She can be a bit dorky at times, but who isn't XP.
I love my mum, and I feel awful to get so annoyed at her, but I feel taht somehow, there must be a sort of logic to my feelings...
I've tried thinking it through, to resolve it. After the anger (over somethign miniscule) calms down(I don't really want to say anything to hurt her feelings, and I honestly can't see myself why I have any legitimate reason to feel so strongly angered...), I feel calm, and sometimes I'll talk to her for a while, and wonder what it was that I felt mad at her about, I feel calm, and that my mother is a wonderful person, and how could an awful person like me ever find any reason to feel mad at her.

It's a really big issue for me, and then after I've let the anger pass, I feel like I've become another person, and I don't know what possesed me. Argh~!! >~< I really don't understand.

If anyone has any sort of insight or help, that would be good~!! ^_^

Also, her boyfriend turned out to have depression, but I know taht not why i didn't like him. His personality was just unpleasant, and also, my dad's current girlfriend has depression at the moment, and it'ss very different! She's really lvoely and kind, and I wish there was something I could do to help, but I don't know what. My dad said to just give her some space, but I feel like I'm noty doing anything >~<)

Sorry it's so long, but if you have advice or anythign you think might be remotely helpful, I'd be grateful if you shared it~! thank~you ^_^

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814 Posts
I don't think I can help because I'm not an expert at MBTI types like pretty much everyone-else on this forum, but I can relate in a way, seeing as me and my Mum have similar personality types to you and yours.
I'm INFP and my Mum is ENFJ too. I can't imagine my Mum ever being with someone like that, she'd probably be as creeped out as you are by him, but I do find myself getting annoyed/irritated/angry at her on an almost daily basis (then I feel guilty afterwards). We're really close, and I spent so much time with her when I was little, but I don't spend much time with her anymore and it's... sad. There's no reason for us not to, but she just gets snappy at the slightest thing now, and it's frustrating how much she assumes things or takes comments too personally. She's lovely, you couldn't find a nicer mother on the planet, but most of the time it's so hard to have a civil conversation with her anymore.
It's good that you can reason with yourself to calm down when you're angry though, I can't do that at all. Sometimes I feel stupid about the things I get angry over, because they're just not worth it and don't make much sense afterwards, but I can't think like that at the time. Even when I talk to my Mum about how what she's doing is getting on my nerves, she hears what I'm saying, but she doesn't... listen. She carries on as she always has. I know no-one is perfect, but it'd be nice if some people would at least become aware of what they were doing and make a conscious effort to improve it.

Anyway, welcome. :3

9,017 Posts
It must be tough seeing your parents getting involved with other people. I mean, I have siblings who married people I'd never have picked out for them; you know, if that were up to me! As a consequence I see those siblings less and less. Much in the same way, maybe you're not getting along with your mom so well lately b/c of her new boyfriend?

You obviously think he's no good for her; that she can do better. It must make you feel powerless to see that your mom doesn't take her cues from you in this respect. I am not suggesting she should, or that your feelings are wrong. It's just that your mom used to be yours and now you have to share her with this strange dude. Why would she (your mom) do that (to you)? I am merely brainstorming - but this is what I first thought about.

Anywho, it's great that you joined the forum; I look forward to reading your posts!

264 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you for responding very quickly~!
I feel glad that someone else feels similarly (i'm not glad for your not getting along, just that i'm not alone~!! )
And I hope you can get along better with your mother too~!!
I do feel kind of distanced from her~ but I think maybe you can express your anger towards her more~
It's not very controlled at all~ I just sit in my room and try and ignore it by watching or soing something else~
I am really bad at handling negative emotions~!!

ONce I was angry at her (VERY VERY angry) so I broke down crying, and I know I sound a bit mantal, but I literally felt so mad, and I couldn't even express there, and I just felt so UGH~!! LYUTYJDCHJBVKCFVLIHJFVYJDg,jhfvg
Then she tried to explain it to herself, and get me to talk to her, she said (because I was trying to revise for exams, btu I hadn't done well, and she was trying to control all my studying) that I must be really mad at myself, and she understood, and I felt so mad at her for assuming that~!!!!
I think my anger just comes out in crying! TT__TT
So yeah... anyhow~
It seems to somehow pass after each incedent, as if I can't even recall why I felt so mad, I can't even summon the feeling again, and then I wonder if I imagined it all...
I try to recognise my faults, but I wish she'd do it a little more too~!
Thank you for being kind enough to respond and give me some advice~
I feel a lot better now~!!
Thank you~!! ^_^

264 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you for replying to my post~! ^_^

I don't know if I clarified this (sorry)
but she did recently brake up with him, so it's okay now~
She says she feels uncomfortable about it too now, and she can't believe she lived with him, and that she couldn't see it.

I maybe did feel a little like she had been taken away form me maybe, but less by him, and more that I felt distanced from her, because I didn't like teh actions she was taking.
Also, it made me really upset, because I love my mum so much. I really used to look up to her, she is so strong and independant and lovely, and I felt like she was kind of just not doing what was right by herself, if you get my meaning...?
Maybe it sounds a bit weird for her child to feel like this~
I know I have no right to determine hwho she is in a relationmship with, but I still didn't enjoy it~

Also, I don't know if I forgot to clarify this, but she has had some other boyfriends, (not loike in a bad way, just that she has had sevreal steady realtionships, and I never disliked any of those guys) They were all really nice, and I got along well with all of them~! ^_^
Same with dad, I've always like all of them, and they've all had cool interests,
and have often been musical, and I love music like my mum and dad~!! ^_^ YAY~!!
Although, my step mother, who my dad divorced a few years ago did hurt me sometimes (unintenionally) with her bluntness and harshness. But she was really cool and interesting, and I loved spending time with her. But she went to live in America again, and when she came back it was a bit awkward. I've seen her around few times, but it's a bit difficult to keep contact (espcecially for me, I'm so lazy) but I don't mind talking hwne I see her~

In fact, I haven't minded my mum's boyfriends, but I've always gotten along pretty well with his girlfriends,
except for one, from when I was little, I don't remember her that well, but she has a younger son (younger than me), and I spent a lot of time looking after him, I didn't dislike her, I just think I didn't spend much time with her, and also, I think her son pulled my hair a lot...

Anyway, sorry for the overly long and unessesary details~! Thanks~!!
It was really nice of you to send me such a long post~!! ^_^
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