[cbelle]

Since spring I have been a great wad of emotions. That is, a great snowball... a snowball that keeps rolling, picking up snow and picking up speed. It's starting to wreck havoc on my life and relationships... at least internally. I only allow some of these horrific feelings out to the world.

I was wondering if there was any way to gain "control" (for lack of a better word) on these emotions, as they seem ever so out-of-whack.

For example, I am hurt by someone I trust who is ignoring me or leaving me out of the loop. I dont want to ever come across as mean or spiteful, so I keep my emotions internal. If the ignoring continues, the emotions intensify. Hurt becomes anger, and though I may keep it cool on the outside, I am being burnt up by horrifying emotions on the inside.

If the other person suddenly changes their behavior back to gathering me closer to them and listening to me, in the space of a few days, I am happy as a lark and all my angry feelings can be gone... unless they start ignoring me again. But if they don't change their behavior, pretty soon my emotions become uncontrolled dynamite and I lash out. An argument ensues. In a couple cases I have ruined my relationship with the person entirely, which is a cause of much regret on my part.

I understand that I could have just let my emotions out in the first place, but I always expect that the other person will change back to their regular self, and if I bring up my thoughts, they may get defensive.

Does this make any sense? I am sorry, I am having an emotional breakdown today.

Also, have you ever felt that knowing your personality type gives you the "go-ahead" to use your personality to the extreme, and even as an excuse for your behavior? All spring I have been an overload of ENFP, and some people love and appreciate it, and others see only what is happening on surface level. They conclude that I am immature or shallow.:crying:

 

[WMDistraction]

I had this situation with my most recent ex. She ignored me, even when we were in company, and it ticked me off. After a month, I started being passive aggressive, and eventually it led to a full-blown argument that ended in us breaking up. Luckily, we're still friends, but it was a time in my life that made me feel as if I'd never find that "mellowness" I love while alone, or that energy that I get when I'm with friends. Instead, as with you, I only experienced anger and anxiety over the smallest things. My closest friend (ENFP) was very concerned and, even though he loves keeping relationships together, told me that, regardless of my decision, he just wanted me to "find peace."

I think the best thing is to just let your feelings be known, regardless of whether or not doing so makes you feel comfortable. Most people are willing to admit that they're not perfect, and they do have some traits that some people do not like. If they're not willing to change those things that annoy you, then maybe the relationship isn't worth it, but it's better than being a ticking nuclear time bomb.

 

[The Nymph]

I usually have a really good reign on my emotions.
But I'm diabetic, and when my blood sugar goes up I am unable to control them as well as I normally can.

At that point I have the emotional control of a three year old.
It rarely happens, but its awful when it does.

 

[difromoz]

CBelle...the emotional overload that we so often experience such as the situations you've described are very dangerous for your general well being and emotional health. If you can learn to express your negative feelings to your friend without coming across as overly needy which is how it may appear to others...I have suffered with this for years. By speaking up calmly and rationally; obviously well before the nuclear explosion; you will not only learn to be assertive about your feelings (ie: not so worried about how it makes others feel / avoiding conflict / etc) which results in actually avoiding conflict since everyone (person involved) knows how you are feeling.

I have recently seen so much of myself in my 15 year old daughter; especially specific moodiness which I had no idea about...we have a new exchange student staying with us at the moment and she happens to really good friends with my daughter. Since my daughter has been so busy lately and has decided to withdraw into herself, be really crabby, bedroom has gone to the pits, not eating regularly, etc and ignoring her friend who happens to be ISTJ; both girls are suffering because she only has four weeks left and then returns home. My point is this: If we ENFPs can let others know what is bothering us and why; they will usually be happy to help. Could go on and on about this topic...but I won't. :blushed:

 

[Moby]

I was wondering if there was any way to gain "control" (for lack of a better word) on these emotions, as they seem ever so out-of-whack.

I find that when a serious situation is happening that fires me up to an emotional overload point I need to take the next day or two off socially. Whether I blew up, or internalized it I find that time alone (even when not emotionally overloaded) is key to re-organizing the ENFP's psychological self. I only know two other ENFPs well in my personal life, both of them also find themselves needing that same time alone to re-organize their emotions and be able to move forward with the crisis.

 

[difromoz]

I find that when a serious situation is happening that fires me up to an emotional overload point I need to take the next day or two off socially. Whether I blew up, or internalized it I find that time alone (even when not emotionally overloaded) is key to re-organizing the ENFP's psychological self. I only know two other ENFPs well in my personal life, both of them also find themselves needing that same time alone to re-organize their emotions and be able to move forward with the crisis.

So true...I forgot about that very important little fact! S'pose that's what some folks also see as ENFP moodiness! For me the best medicine to re-organize and re-energize is to read a good book alone but then again Karaoke always works for me too. Singing and performing always gets rid of my negative feelings.:laughing:

 

[Slicknick9283]

my best advice I can give, is sort through the emotions, and identify the source. if it truly s being ignored, then talk about it no matter how weak it is. if it is your own insecurity, then your self-loathing is the cause of tension in the relationship. We tend to make the mistake of externalizing our own problems onto other people because its easier to want to fix others more than ourselves.

 

[knght990]

Since your ENFP and im feeling emotional too, may i offer you a long affectionate hug?

 

[viva]

This is my life.

 

[StandingTiger]

This is my life.

Ditto. [10 characters]

 

[Compassionate Misanthrope]

As others have said here - it is critical that you talk these things out. I do not get close with people who will not understand me, or have the patience for my verbalized exploration of thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps this is why ENFP's are said to have many acquaintances but few friends. Over time I learned to identify those who would understand and not judge me based on the little things, and there are very few that can so I keep everyone else on the outside of my shell.

If you have one person that you can really share with, it will really help to release the pressure.

For me it comes down to two things when someone on the inside makes me unhappy:
1) Am I justified in expecting this behavior from them?
2) Do they care to change this behavior, or at least to try?

If I have 1 and not 2 they go back outside the bubble and I decide that I won't let their behavior affect me anymore. Forcefields up!

 

[difromoz]

Perhaps this is why ENFP's are said to have many acquaintances but few friends. Over time I learned to identify those who would understand and not judge me based on the little things, and there are very few that can so I keep everyone else on the outside of my shell.

I too make friends really easily but like Compassionate Misanthrope stated most are simply acquaintances. I enjoy their company but also like to spend time alone reading, writing, singing, cooking or studying, etc. I guess truth is I really do keep most people on the outer too! Very few do I consider close.

I have recently been doing an assertive communications course which has been amazingly insightful and very worthwhile as it deals specifically with the issues raised in this post. It's called Be Your Best Personal Empowerment Program (sure to be other equally good programs also available). It teaches people how to speak assertively rather than aggressively or passively which are the three main language patterns used. (as well as passive-aggressive) I have learned so much valuable info which has been quite simple to utilize once you get the hang of it.

Of course like all self-growth and change some people won't like the fact that the status-quo has changed once new assertive language and listening skills are used. Hope this helps...

 

[fangela9]

This is my life.

 

[ENFPdvd]

I tend to address issues so I don't blow up. But if after addressing issues, nothing is done, I explode. I used to be worse, but I am on an anti-seizure med for a spinal issue which is also a bipolar med. Unless it is that time of the month I am pretty go with a flow. I may have to vent to a friend about something frustrating me - obsess over it privately, but then I find something "shiny" and am distracted. However, before the medication, I could get really upset. My family is a very intense group of people - fighting to be heard when we are all together. Being very rude to one another. It's so bad sometimes that my brother-in-laws at thanksgiving escape to video games, work or even just spending time with their kids (the last has also been my escape) Usually every Thanksgiving would end up with me blowing up, crying and storming out of the house.

 

[livingunique333]

Do you have anyone in your life who is willing to just listen and allow you vent? Someone you know you can just confide in who won't judge you or spread anything around? That can be really beneficial.

 

[ENFPdvd]

Do you have anyone in your life who is willing to just listen and allow you vent? Someone you know you can just confide in who won't judge you or spread anything around? That can be really beneficial.

Oh yeah! My boyfriend and some of my friends are really good at talking to.

 

[livingunique333]

Oh yeah! My boyfriend and some of my friends are really good at talking to.

Then there ya go

 

[superbundle]

I think what helps is releasing the stress with physical activities. Go running with all your might, dance, jumping jacks, DanceDanceRevolution, etc. We like to express things outwardly, and that'll never change. So I think that's your best bet-- it certainly helps me.

 

[Finn_the_Human]

I think we can be volatile, but with me it never seems to last long and I never lose control. I can fling a fit then be laughing at a fart ten minutes later.