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I am not an ENFP parent. So, I'm curious, how are you fellow ENFPs as parents (since I lack the experience)? :shocked:
 

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My mother is an ENFP. Well she is, except that shes not much of a mother. Shes more of a child. She picks HUGE fights with you over nothing when shes in a bad mood and then trys to blame them on you, I have never once in my life seen her truly take responsibility for something she has done, she always has to be put first or else her feelings get hurt, she is incapable of letting more than 7 words escape your mouth before she interupts you to respond to what you are saying BEFORE you have even made a point, she is absolutely sure that she knows everything youre thinking when she just plain doesnt, and worst of all: if she ever saw that i wrote anything like this she would start weeping and be totally incapable of handling it. basically shes just very unstable. I feel that I've had to parent both myself and her my whole life.

BUT there are also a lot of positive things about her as a mother. She loves me and my sisters more than anything else in the world(and she makes it clear), she truly wants to be a good mother, shes so spontaneous and fun, shes hilariously funny, shes a great friend even if not a mother, she trys to be kind and get people to like her, she trys to relate to people, shes honestly a nice person, shes not too confining or strict about most things, she trys to be open most of the time.

For sure, some things about her have contributed to her a not having a healthy relationship with any of her children, but honestly, shes worth it. i love her to pieces and wouldnt trade her for the world.
 

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I'm also not an ENFP...or a parent....but my mother is an ENFP AND a parent! Basically....my mother is the most beautiful person I've ever known in my life, and i can confidently say she's probably the most beautiful person I ever will meet.

I've never known anyone to be as selfless, appreciative, honest, and considerate as my mother. With her, it truly is the little things. Everyday as I leave the house, no matter the hour or the circumstance, she runs outside before I leave the drive way so she can stand and sign "I love you" to me (she's a sign language interpreter). If we happen to get in a fight and I'm about to go our or go to sleep, she makes sure she tells me she loves me and she's proud of me because, according to her, "you never know what's going to happen and I don't want to ever make the biggest mistake of my life with anything that has to do with you". She never shies away from the importunity to tell me she's proud. She is my defense attorney towards everyone, regardless of whether or not I'm guilty. While she can make digs at people when she's mad or get overly defensive about nonsensical things, it's never long before she will do something to say she's sorry. She is the embodiment of a nurturer, all the while trying to enstill in my head that eveything that is beautiful about me is my own doing, as she "Just planted the seed and it was up to me to find sunlight." I don't know, maybe I'm biased because she's my mother, but there's never a day that I wish she was any other type. She always finds the way to give me the comfort I need, and then proceeds in executing the plan. I love her with all my heart, as it is her creation anyways. So thank you, ENFPs, for being such beautiful people!
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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I think I suck as a mother. My ENFP daughter tonight told me she only respects her dad who is not even around. So there you go. Somewhere along the way, I just flat out failed.
 

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I think I suck as a mother. My ENFP daughter tonight told me she only respects her dad who is not even around. So there you go. Somewhere along the way, I just flat out failed.
At the risk of making you completely disregard this post due to a utter cliche..."it takes two to tango."


If you care that you've failed, you haven't failed. In no part of the most common version of the Person Handbook does it tell you how to love, and it's even harder to get your hands on a copy that tells you how to accept love. Turmoil inside a person will almost always lead to hurricanes striking at everything they know, and more importantly, everything they love. Of course she'd say she respects her father more; if he's not around, he's not in her path and can not feel the devastation. However, you can. We always hurt the ones we love, especially when we have a problem that is beyond their fixing.

I am FULLY aware that I don't know the situation and I could be on Uranus while this situation is occurring on Mars. However, my intuition tells me that you're doing the best you can with what you've been given. If you have yeast and no oven, of course the bread will come out odd. But just because it is mildly defective and possibly poisonous, it is still whole. In my opinion, the only reason you can fail as a mother is if you give up. Maybe I'm a little too idealist in this department, but I firmly believe that. I pray and hope for you and your daughter, as I'm sure you're both a mirror image of beauty in different lands with the glass as a barrier. Good luck- I believe in you.
 

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At the risk of making you completely disregard this post due to a utter cliche..."it takes two to tango."


If you care that you've failed, you haven't failed. In no part of the most common version of the Person Handbook does it tell you how to love, and it's even harder to get your hands on a copy that tells you how to accept love. Turmoil inside a person will almost always lead to hurricanes striking at everything they know, and more importantly, everything they love. Of course she'd say she respects her father more; if he's not around, he's not in her path and can not feel the devastation. However, you can. We always hurt the ones we love, especially when we have a problem that is beyond their fixing.

I am FULLY aware that I don't know the situation and I could be on Uranus while this situation is occurring on Mars. However, my intuition tells me that you're doing the best you can with what you've been given. If you have yeast and no oven, of course the bread will come out odd. But just because it is mildly defective and possibly poisonous, it is still whole. In my opinion, the only reason you can fail as a mother is if you give up. Maybe I'm a little too idealist in this department, but I firmly believe that. I pray and hope for you and your daughter, as I'm sure you're both a mirror image of beauty in different lands with the glass as a barrier. Good luck- I believe in you.
Aw, thank you. That was very kind of you to take the time to write those encouraging words.

Actually, I was just having a moment last night. But I do believe I kick ass as a mother. I fought for my daughter and never and will never give up on her. No matter what she may say to me and no matter how much she may say she wants me to walk away. I've seen what I've done with her and I've been able to turn her life around after her father tried to take her from me and began to put her down the wrong path.

However, last night I was mad. So I felt like posting.

Parenting is hard for an ENFP, and even harder for an ENFP that has to be the disciplinarian, father, mother, etc. There is no way I can always be just "playful". Unfortunately, I am in charge of all areas of her life. In addition, I place a high value on fostering independence which means I don't have the easiest child to handle. Teenage years are hard, as I now understand all the hell I put my mother through.

Fi is a bitch to train. Oh the daggers that can pierce a mother's heart. But I'd rather have the pain because at least it accompanies the joy of having her with me.

*Sigh*
 

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I think I suck as a mother. My ENFP daughter tonight told me she only respects her dad who is not even around. So there you go. Somewhere along the way, I just flat out failed.
Seems like it'd be easy to "respect" the one who is rarely around. They don't have to set rules and boundaries.
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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ENFP father, where re u guys ? :frustrating: I'm gonna be a future one so I wanna hear your opinions. :proud:
I have 3 close ENFP guy friends and only one of them became a father. The other never had children, even though they would have made exceptional fathers. But it's awesome because they do make the world's best "uncles". Kids LOVE them. Actually my ENFP daughter has never given up hope that I'd marry one of them. But that would be like an amusement park in our house.

My other ENFP guy friend who is a father, is always looking to do things non conventionally with his kids. I think it's pretty similar to us ENFP mothers- he seems to really want to raise his children in a unique way that will foster their independence. We focus on where we may have had troubles or weaknesses in our lives and try to empower our kids better. This ENFP has 3 boys and really wants them to have strong minds and be leaders. He is incredibly honest with his kids, as I am with my daughter. But some might say, we have given our kids too much reality a bit young.

Also, this man is a divorced father and I am a divorced mom. It seems like we are constantly balancing our insane libido with child rearing. I think we also worry and assume our children might be insatiable like us. Although he worries in a different way. He tends to have concern whether his sons might not feel confident when they approach women so he works on that and will even show his boys how he confidently approaches a woman (even if he's really breaking a sweat inside). I however, worry about the boys who approach my daughter and I try to strengthen her trust in her "gut" instinct to say "no". So he tries to teach and prepare his boys. And I try to teach and look up new ways of entering my daughter into a convent. :tongue:

But he is a very fun dad. Really fun. Sort of crazy and has strange ideas about life, but no one could ever doubt his love and ability to sacrifice for his sons. He is also protective of them in that he is constantly beside them fostering their independence. But he clearly respects each one of his children's individuality and is very tapped into each one of their strengths and weaknesses. He also sees the inner dynamics of what is going on between his boys when one of the gets upset with another. He easily cuts through the garbage and knows how to handle it. I don't see many parents knowing how to do this. And he always does this in a respectful manner. Although he also uses tough love. It's pretty incredible to see that kind of emotional intelligence at work.

Especially because of this man, I can see how us ENFPs as parents are less prone to have a "favorite child", at least outwardly. Even if it exists inside our minds, we work twice as hard on the outside to balance everything out in order for everyone to receive the same kind of love. Being aware of a tendency for favoritism allows us to adjust our behaviors accordingly so that everyone receives a fair amount of love.
 
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