[viva]

I'm curious to see what you guys think about casual sex-- what your definition is (a complete stranger, someone you've only met a few times, anyone you're not in a committed relationship with), if you think it's acceptable, if you've done it, how you've felt about doing it, etc.

I recently had my first "casual" sex encounter, after only hanging out with the guy a few times. Everyone else I've slept with, I was in a serious relationship with, so it was very different for me. I think I have conflicting aspects of my personality that affect this issue - I have a very strong, moral sense of what is right and wrong, so my head says "this isn't moral!" but at the same time, I really wanted to do it, it was very impulsive and when I really want to do something, I tend to just do it... especially when it's something I haven't tried before.

Obviously upbringing/religion/age etc. will play into this just as much as being an ENFP, but I'm curious.

 

[WMDistraction]

Meh... I'll take it if the offer's up for grabs, but I won't try for it. Just like anything else for me, I'll try it if it's for the taking.

 

[Acey]

my ENFP friend wants to have casual sex with me even though she has a bf..
do what you feel like, just so long no one gets hurt in the process

 

[viva]

my ENFP friend wants to have casual sex with me even though she has a bf..
do what you feel like, just so long no one gets hurt in the process

see, that is something I would never do. I can honestly swear I'll never cheat on a significant other. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

But in regards to your second statement, I totally agree.

 

[Moby]

Definitely no sex unless committed. Something just seems wrong about it since maybe it's just the guys I've hung out with but most of them have been emotionally devastated by their sexual relationships that broke up and much less so when the non-sexual ones broke up and they always commented some sort of "spark" or "connection" is made with them during sex, which is hard to sever.

Of course my ESTP brother is a big exception. As a club promoter and gym hog he's slept with close to 50 women at the age of 23 already. He totally doesn't understand why I haven't had sex with the two girls I dated as they were both very physically attractive and popular. But for the "NF" male if their sense of self would be violated by casual sex, they will do the very "un-male" act of abstinence like I have.

Oh and for the record I do make it clear when I date someone that I'm not about sex before I get hitched.

 

[MaggieRooWho]

I like it. I ache for connection with just about everyone that I meet, and sex is a great way to have a connection, even if it's not a "forever" kinda thing. I, also, am a little weird that I don't really associate love and sex. I don't have to love someone to have sex with them, but if I do love them, then I absolutely want to have sex with them.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure it's also a coping mechanism for me. It's a way to "connect" without really putting my heart out there. Possibly not a positive thing. Nevertheless... I do it. And it's fun. As long as you're safe about it, sex with near-strangers is suuuper fun... 'cause you know you'll never have to see them again, so you can be as crazy or kinky as you want.

 

[Darkfiremat]

isnt that what you call a fuck friend?

 

[pinkrasputin]

I, also, am a little weird that I don't really associate love and sex.

Why is that weird? Sex is a physical act. One can get off without love. We are wired that way.

As long as you're safe about it, sex with near-strangers is suuuper fun... 'cause you know you'll never have to see them again, so you can be as crazy or kinky as you want.

I don't understand why you can't do this in an intimate committed partnership? It just takes a lot of guts. But in my experience, the longer you're with someone, the better the experimentations get. It's hot.

I can't do casual. I find that when I try to do casual, they turn into relationships years long.

 

[viva]

isnt that what you call a fuck friend?

To me, that signifies a continuous relationship, with someone you already know. Much more respectable than hooking up with a random stranger... in my opinion. Although I suppose both would be considered casual sex, when the act is repeated with the same person I think it becomes less casual. At least for me, hah since it's so hard to detatch my feelings from anything.

 

[stephante]

Well, I straddle the E/I line, but I'm hopping in here anyways.

Though I'm married, let's go back to life pre-husband to examine this.

(See there, that tells you already that values are coming into play here. Casual sex is now what we married old farts call lazy afternoon sex.)

We didn't have sex before we got married. We fooled around, but we never had actual physical intercourse until our wedding night. And I'm not saying this in a "holier-than-thou" kind of way.

My own personal values and beliefs made it absolutely impossible for me to have sex without serious emotional turmoil/guilt/etc. I know this because of the confusion I had over what we DID do. What can I say, I was raised a certain way. My hubs was my first and only SERIOUS relationship (starting our junior year of college) and so by the time I had to question whether the way I had been raised.... I then had to question why I was questioning it. (Personal Gratification vs. Instilled Values with Brilliant Skills at Making Things Fit Into My Beliefs meant I could hardly trust myself in the moment.) Luckily, we only dated 2 years before getting married, so the turmoil didn't last forever. Now I'm married and get to have all the sex I want, whichever way I want it, and not feel bad about it.

Anyways, though the values I had been instilled with said "NO NO NO!"..... I was in an odd way jealous of my friends who didn't struggle with internal moral arguments like I did. And especially jealous of one particular friend who was raised the same way I was, but had sex in a loving committed relationship that eventually ended, and has since truly been able to examine and come to her own conclusions about how she feels about sex.*JEALOUS* At heart, I'm a girl who would have been a free-loving hippie in an alternate universe. I have no problem with other people sleeping around. I don't think frequent casual sex is really SAFE, but there's a weird part of me that is jealous of it.

But I yam what I yam. Sex in a loving committed (but unmarried) was hard for me to come to terms with, so casual sex was never a question.

If we can broaden the terms however... there was a phase I went through earlier in college (before I even met my husband) where one of my favorite things to do was to go to parties, get a little tipsy, and make out with people I kind of knew. It was awesome and liberating, and about as close to casual sex I ever got. Forgive me, I'm only a prude in public.

Sorry, I think the E is coming out today.

 

[NateBoiWhite]

Religious beliefs and cleanliness play a large role with controlling my lust or craving's for sex. Although organized religion is not part of my life much i beleive many of my seeds of morality have been planted from it. On the other hand I am a bit of a hypochondriac so the thought of STD's and HIV scare the shit out of me.

But really I definitely have had friends I randomly hung out with knowing it was leading to sex. and we may not have been for each other but the sex was good so we continued to meet. Although I am not big on one night stands? I tried when young and although I used a condom i felt dirty, So im not the guy getting shit faced drunk in the club taking anything that will take me home. I have been a club promoter and had Manny opportunities I past over.


All in all I think it is ok if you are safe and it doesn't conflict to much with your inner voice saying its dirty ultimately making you feel tainted or as if you let your higher power down.

lol about right now I am two month's single, broken up with Girlfriend so finding a casual sex partner would be nice. In fact lately I have craved to have sex with an attractive white woman. Although I am half white and look white and am 33 years old I have never been with a Caucasian woman? I have had mostly long term relationships and the schools and areas I have lived in my past relationships woman were, Puerto Rican, Mixed black and white, Samoan, Mexican, Persian, Egyptian, ect lol I just cant understand how a white woman I have wanted to sleep with hasn't entered my life. So now as I am back in Collage I see so many that just shine and my craving to what I joke with friends as put it on em grows....

Casual sex contains the gift a womans moan witch is fuel for my ego lol ....I love to hear a woman moan and cum & cum & cum so as you just did certain inner morals take a back seat to the here and now of attraction.

Although if you are like me than you want to be with a seemingly clean responsible partner, and not take anybody who wants you as i can even imagine that I would feel used and blah so I dont.

All in all its ok if your morality meter can handle it and you are safe and pick safe partners......suppose i coulda just said that huu lol

 

[pinkrasputin]

Religious beliefs and cleanliness play a large role with controlling my lust or craving's for sex. Although organized religion is not part of my life much i beleive many of my seeds of morality have been planted from it. On the other hand I am a bit of a hypochondriac so the thought of STD's and HIV scare the shit out of me.

But really I definitely have had friends I randomly hung out with knowing it was leading to sex. and we may not have been for each other but the sex was good so we continued to meet. Although I am not big on one night stands? I tried when young and although I used a condom i felt dirty, So im not the guy getting shit faced drunk in the club taking anything that will take me home. I have been a club promoter and had Manny opportunities I past over.


All in all I think it is ok if you are safe and it doesn't conflict to much with your inner voice saying its dirty ultimately making you feel tainted or as if you let your higher power down.

lol about right now I am two month's single, broken up with Girlfriend so finding a casual sex partner would be nice. In fact lately I have craved to have sex with an attractive white woman. Although I am half white and look white and am 33 years old I have never been with a Caucasian woman? I have had mostly long term relationships and the schools and areas I have lived in my past relationships woman were, Puerto Rican, Mixed black and white, Samoan, Mexican, Persian, Egyptian, ect lol I just cant understand how a white woman I have wanted to sleep with hasn't entered my life. So now as I am back in Collage I see so many that just shine and my craving to what I joke with friends as put it on em grows....

Casual sex contains the gift a womans moan witch is fuel for my ego lol ....I love to hear a woman moan and cum & cum & cum so as you just did certain inner morals take a back seat to the here and now of attraction.

Although if you are like me than you want to be with a seemingly clean responsible partner, and not take anybody who wants you as i can even imagine that I would feel used and blah so I dont.

All in all its ok if your morality meter can handle it and you are safe and pick safe partners......suppose i coulda just said that huu lol

Wth? Was that a personals ad or what? Wow.Lol.

Btw,I hope you learn to spell college while you're in college.:tongue:

 

[BerkshireHunt]

I find that when I try to do casual, they turn into relationships years long.

Pinkrasputin, good point.

Now, you are one of the more insightful posters here, but I hate to say your cartoon butt and candy cane socks are no match for vivacissimamente's infectious smile.

 

[NateBoiWhite]

Wth? Was that a personals ad or what? Wow.Lol.

Btw,I hope you learn to spell college while you're in college.:tongue:

lol got a lil carried away and I spell feneticly... Im not familiar with the personals, From your experience should I copy and past that onto a Eharmony bio?

 

[The Great One]

I'm curious to see what you guys think about casual sex-- what your definition is (a complete stranger, someone you've only met a few times, anyone you're not in a committed relationship with), if you think it's acceptable, if you've done it, how you've felt about doing it, etc.

I recently had my first "casual" sex encounter, after only hanging out with the guy a few times. Everyone else I've slept with, I was in a serious relationship with, so it was very different for me. I think I have conflicting aspects of my personality that affect this issue - I have a very strong, moral sense of what is right and wrong, so my head says "this isn't moral!" but at the same time, I really wanted to do it, it was very impulsive and when I really want to do something, I tend to just do it... especially when it's something I haven't tried before.

Obviously upbringing/religion/age etc. will play into this just as much as being an ENFP, but I'm curious.

Yeah, your head says that it's immoral? Mine just says "Fuck it, and who cares."

 

[pinkrasputin]

lol got a lil carried away and I spell feneticly... Im not familiar with the personals, From your experience should I copy and past that onto a Eharmony bio?

I'd do Match dot com. You might get many more hits. Just don't be a playuh. Match is more for people who want committed relationships with responsible people.

Wait. On second thought, you talk about casual sex so maybe you need Craigslist. There are nothing but creepy hoes on free internet sites, so be careful. But maybe you could at least score yourself a white creepy hoe. Oh yeah, and don't forget to use your spell check. However, do creepy hoes even care about spelling?

 

[viva]

Now, you are one of the more insightful posters here, but I hate to say your cartoon butt and candy cane socks are no match for vivacissimamente's infectious smile.

Aw, shucks. :tongue:

If we can broaden the terms however... there was a phase I went through earlier in college (before I even met my husband) where one of my favorite things to do was to go to parties, get a little tipsy, and make out with people I kind of knew.

That is SO FUN TO DO... but I try to refrain for the sake of my reputation on our ultra-small campus, haha

 

[NateBoiWhite]

I'd do Match dot com. You might get many more hits. Just don't be a playuh. Match is more for people who want committed relationships with responsible people.

Wait. On second thought, you talk about casual sex so maybe you need Craigslist. There are nothing but creepy hoes on free internet sites, so be careful. But maybe you could at least score yourself a white creepy hoe. Oh yeah, and don't forget to use your spell check. However, do creepy hoes even care about spelling?

Ooo creepy white hoes from craigslist you know just what my heart desires, In fact thats just what I was aiming for... cant you tell by me writing about how I'm so warry of STD's and HIV ... or maybe you were just looking for the negative? But I appreciate your caring non judgmental fellow ENFP direction, You have truly used your skills to inspire this newcomer

 

[pinkrasputin]

Ooo creepy white hoes from craigslist you know just what my heart desires, In fact thats just what I was aiming for... cant you tell by me writing about how I'm so warry of STD's and HIV ... or maybe you were just looking for the negative? But I appreciate your caring non judgmental fellow ENFP direction, You have truly used your skills to inspire this newcomer

I found the negative when you said "white". And yes, learn from me young one. I judge only to keep you safe :tongue:

 

[NateBoiWhite]

I found the negative when you said "white". And yes, learn from me young one. I judge only to keep you safe :tongue:

Umm Caucasian? light pinkish ...Creamy?..? help! Our ways of keeping others safe differ, If your intent was to do so than thank you, I shall reflect on possible bad judgement calls.