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Are you good at flirting? (Here, good mostly means effective at increasing interest, but define it as you like.)
Do you enjoy it? Why/Why not?
How young were you when you started flirting?
How does your casual flirting contrast to flirting when you're really interested?
How would you describe your flirting "methodology"?

Just something I thought would be interesting given my understanding of myself as an ENFP (and inveterate flirt) and which I thought might broadly answer the interest shown in the many "help me win/understand this ENFP's heart!" threads. I'll post my answers in a bit.

Dear other types: if you want to describe a convo/situation with a confirmed/suspected ENFP and see if it's flirtatious, feel free.
 

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Are you good at flirting? (Here, good mostly means effective at increasing interest, but define it as you like.)
Hell if I know.

Do you enjoy it? Why/Why not?
It's fun, not my thing. Most people assume I want sleep with them on the base of flirting.

How young were you when you started flirting?
I don't know.

How does your casual flirting contrast to flirting when you're really interested?
Yes.

How would you describe your flirting "methodology"?
I don't get this question.
 

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I love flirting, and told i mastered it. My husband is not bothered by that either. Nothing sexual, just teasing laughing and sarcastic remarks. Honestly it doesn't feel like flirting to me, just friendly jesters. To the person on the other end it could be confusing, i could be sending the wrong message. It comes naturally, so i don't give it a lot of thought, and usually quite surprised when the person thinks i'm interested in something other than friendship.
 

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so....if i actually like the person, then i find it incredibly difficult to flirt, however if its just the average person, then i find myself often accidentally coming across as flirtatious
 

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This is a one of those top ENFP thread subjects. Do you flirt? How do you flirt? How can I tell if an ENFP likes me. I think she likes me, but she seems to like everybody, etc, etc etc.

It's funny, the Google dictionary synonyms for flirt are very negative: trifle with, toy with, tease, lead on. It's as if the dictionary was written by one of those INTx's who start PUA subjects.

And, with all that lead up, all I can say is that I don't understand the question. ;) I never, ever in my head say that, "I'm flirting." I think that indicates intention and goal, and I don't really think those are the right words for how we prefer to interact with people. This does lead to confusion.
 

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I've been told I flirt a lot but honestly usually I'm not although yeah, there have been many occasions when I have been :p
I think our natural playfulness lends itself to flirting quite well.
 

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I'm about building positive rapport. My aims aren't bedding the person or marrying the person, and they're certainly not leading them on for shits and giggles. I figure out what I want (and what they want) as time progresses. I flirt with friends. I flirt with senior citizens. If I'm interested in someone, I gauge how they respond to me and play off of that. If people have an issue, they should be responsible enough to seek clarity.

If I'm actually interested in someone, I'm way more awkward. That's the difference. I probably started flirting when I was seventeen, as that's the age when I started getting confident, even in my ability to attract friends.
 

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I go out to bars and can chat with random people with no problem. My close friends know I'm just chatting and know I can handle myself. In the same situation with my other "friends", they think I'm flirting and they get mad at me, thinking I might end up cheating on my boyfriend.

In reality, I'm seriously just trying to hold a normal, platonic conversation. I can't wrap it around my mind that asking about a person's education/career/life experiences is flirting. It's more like information gathering for me so that I can assess whether I'm doing good things with my education/career/life. xD

But I guess people don't understand that level of depth with my character. Bah.

#ENFPproblems
 

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yes, im very curious on exactly how you get to know people...without seeming like your flirting; like we all seem to do
 

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I'd like to know too. Is it so hard to believe that a person can be genuinely interested in someone's stories without any ulterior motives involved? XD
Some IxTx types seem to have two modes:

1) Discussing ideas/intellectual topics
2) Discussing emotional/life topics in the context of an intimate relationship

Seems this is particularly true of heterosexual IxTx guys who are getting to know a lady. "Whoa, we're talking about our pasts and how we feel. I never do that. I guess we're serious." "Whoa, she's asking me personal questions. Usually I don't give two shits about a distant acquaintance's emotional life. I think she loves me."

Not saying all straight male IxTxs are like that, but certainly a number of 'em. Couldn't speak about straight female, gay male, or lesbian IxTxs. Not sure if the pattern would continue there, as there are definitely gender roles involved in this sort of thing (e.g. it's more culturally accepted/common for female friends to have heart-to-hearts).

I mention all this because ENTP, INFP, etc. guy friends seem to be more on the same page with this sort of thing. I mean, there are certainly fewer PerC posts from these types talking about how confusing we are..

I'd be curious to hear a male ENFP's perspective.
 

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Some IxTx types seem to have two modes:

1) Discussing ideas/intellectual topics
2) Discussing emotional/life topics in the context of an intimate relationship

Seems this is particularly true of heterosexual IxTx guys who are getting to know a lady. "Whoa, we're talking about our pasts and how we feel. I never do that. I guess we're serious." "Whoa, she's asking me personal questions. Usually I don't give two shits about a distant acquaintance's emotional life. I think she loves me."

Not saying all straight male IxTxs are like that, but certainly a number of 'em. Couldn't speak about straight female, gay male, or lesbian IxTxs. Not sure if the pattern would continue there, as there are definitely gender roles involved in this sort of thing (e.g. it's more culturally accepted/common for female friends to have heart-to-hearts).

I mention all this because ENTP, INFP, etc. guy friends seem to be more on the same page with this sort of thing. I mean, there are certainly fewer PerC posts from these types talking about how confusing we are..

I'd be curious to hear a male ENFP's perspective.
I'l volunteer. :) I'm pretty comfortable talking on that level, in fact the only male friends that I actually make time to hang out with are ones that are capable of it. Counter intuitively, they aren't all Fs, although there is a certain amount of 'bro code' that needs to be navigated with one of my T friends. But we all know what we're talking about. Bro code mostly involves occasionally mentioning beer, or some girl's ass, and then play off how serious whatever it is we're talking about when we've finished talking about it.

What's interesting is that I have a female INTP lesbian friend, and we use bro-code, but I've talked with a common (straight) ESFP female friend and I found out that have 'female style' heart-to-hearts with crying and stuff.

As far as perceived flirting. It works a little different from the male side. I'm not even particularly outgoing, but I still manage to run into trouble. Occasionally women think I'm hitting on them and they 'reject' me, even though I never sought anything out. This prompts momentary confusion in me, then a sadness aimed at humanity where you can't just have a conversation with someone, it ends up making me tend to avoid talking to the opposite sex without introductions. And where I live, with men, even straight men, there needs to be a point where I clarify that I'm not gay. Even when I do clarify it, sometimes there are problems due to misunderstandings.

It's a hard knock life.. whatever, I just drink myself a Guinness at the end of the day.
 

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it's been a while since we've had one of these..

i think flirting can be to us what being very socially appropriate and nice can be to ENFJs- it's essentially our social lubricant.

with me, how hard it is to flirt with someone i'm interested in depends on how interested i am. it's when i'm not sure about an attraction that i find it hard to flirt with someone; usually when i really like someone my determination to get them overrides everything else, which is why i almost always end up with people i really genuinely want. usually nowadays, i ignore any "unsure" feelings i have with someone and place them in the friend zone, since that way i can just be at my best around them- the irony is that these are the girls that i often end up having problems with later on in thinking i'm interested.

it goes:
LIKEMETER

1. avoidance
2. tolerance
3. attention
4. rapport
5. rapport, some flirting
6. flirting as friends or awkward <--- reverse bell curve
7. flirting as friends or awkward <--- " "
8. a lot of purposeful flirting
9. a lot of flirting
10. ironically less flirting needed. the connection we have would be more intuitive
 

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yeah, i can relate to most everything whippit said, few things different im often talking to girls anyways just to put myself out of the comfort zone, and most of my friends are ntps, so we talk alot about completely random theory's and stuff
 

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Are you good at flirting? (Here, good mostly means effective at increasing interest, but define it as you like.)
Do you enjoy it? Why/Why not?
How young were you when you started flirting?
How does your casual flirting contrast to flirting when you're really interested?
How would you describe your flirting "methodology"?

Just something I thought would be interesting given my understanding of myself as an ENFP (and inveterate flirt) and which I thought might broadly answer the interest shown in the many "help me win/understand this ENFP's heart!" threads. I'll post my answers in a bit.

Dear other types: if you want to describe a convo/situation with a confirmed/suspected ENFP and see if it's flirtatious, feel free.
I like being on the receiving end of it because then I get to be flirty back without being aggressive, which is my favourite position. I'm skipping the other questions. :)
 

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I do enjoy flirting when it comes around, it's good fun whether it's more serious flirting or joke flirting with another hetero guy :p basically includes joking around, and more sexual references than normal.

I've only really started doing it in the last six months, so couldn't tell you how the flirt changes when I want a relationship with that person because the one relationship I've been in, I didn't really flirt beforehand because I had no idea how to :p and now I'm not interested in another relationship, but I do like the excitement of a flirt all the same (and I'm open to the idea of a 'casual arrangment')

I enjoy seeing people's confidence boost a bit too from it.
 

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Are you good at flirting? (Here, good mostly means effective at increasing interest, but define it as you like.)
a fucking master :cool:

Do you enjoy it? Why/Why not?
yes, but (quite hypocritically) I don't like it when people I'm attracted to play games with me

How young were you when you started flirting?
since before I even knew what sex was.

How does your casual flirting contrast to flirting when you're really interested?
casual: silly, sometimes a bit provocative (at least, to those who are sexually uptight), if they're shy/modest, I'm more subtle and give more compliments
seriously interested: playful, sensual, moving more quickly into serious conversation with an attempt to try to get them to spill their guts. I have to be careful to temper my energy though (the energy of an Sx dom NF can easily come off as clingy/obsessive). when I've found someone around who is comfortable with this kind of energy, I know I've found a keeper

How would you describe your flirting "methodology"?
typically I find a way to start a conversation, size the person up, work in a few slightly perverted jokes and gauge their reaction. other times I'm a lot more subtle (depends on the person and the setting)
 

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Dear other types: if you want to describe a convo/situation with a confirmed/suspected ENFP and see if it's flirtatious, feel free.
Just to clarify: NO ONE, I mean NO ONE DARES to flirt with me.

So this person who I now suspect is an ENFP/J starts to pace around me in a large empty room. We are alone--he is a work "superior"--meaning, he has the power to get me fired, re-scheduled etc. He says loudly out of the blue," I don't see that everyone should be married and have kids--just look at the divorce rates! Marriage isn't for everyone. Personally, I think marriage should be an 18-month renewable contract. See how it goes, and in 18 months each person can decide if they wish to continue."

I think I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I am a female worker that used to be married to a male that also worked at this place. He has retired-we are divorced-this happened TWENTY years ago. The ENFP is my age, married with an older 20+ child.

Was this flirting?
 

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i honestly dont know when i do flirt...... to be honest its my natural way of interacting with people. When i figure out someone does like me becuase they thought i was interested, i pretty much become a little distant but then fall back into "flirting"....... i dont know....
 
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