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Discussion Starter #1
#1. How do we decide to let someone into our "inner circle"?
#2. What does that "inner circle" mean to us?
#3. How do we treat people in our inner circle differently than those outside of it?

I've been asked this question and I find that I'm not quite sure. It will help me to know by trying to write it out.

1. It's a case by case basis for me. It's completely intuitive and is basically what my intuition tells me about the compatibility between the person and I. A lot of deciding how close to get and how much time to spend on the person has to do with how busy I am and my priority to my family and to those already close to me. I know I can usually figure this all out fairly quickly. Like in the first 2 meetings/run-ins with people. I admit certain types take a bit longer. INTJs usually take 3-5 run-ins before I realize this is someone I want in my inner circle-- if I do.

2. I judge myself by my ability to help and bond with people in my inner circle. The way I treat them and the strength and quality of our relationships is extremely important to my well being and happiness. I have to admit a flaw I have been trying to work on. I usually go for quality over quantity of these bonds. For instance, I haven't called my sister in 2 weeks but our bond is very strong and if we need each other, we are there for each other. I'd like to increase quantity with those in my inner circle more at this part of my life.

3. If someone is outside of my inner circle I am pleasant and may chit-chat about this or that, none of it important to me. I value the pleasantness of these relationships and I recognize people's strengths. However, (none of you will believe this), I am actually quite private about most of my feelings, thoughts, and ideas until people get within that outter circle. I probably have 3 circles, really. There's a circle where they might get closer to me if I have time or if something happens to increase the need for trust with these-- then a closer middle circle--- this is the one we are really talking about that hears more of my thinking process, my Ne, and I am an open book to them and need them/want them-- sometimes they get closer to the very innermost circle. A few of my family members hang out here like my mom and dad and brother-- my 2 sisters are the ones just right outside the closest circle. My closest circle is my closest family members-- my husband and kids. These are who will hold my hand when I die.
 

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#1. How do we decide to let someone into our "inner circle"?
#2. What does that "inner circle" mean to us?
#3. How do we treat people in our inner circle differently than those outside of it?
I'm gonna describe this inner "circle" in a solar system analogy, while attempting to answer your questions accurately.

1. Entry to the closet of the circle (sphere) requires the heaviest of metals to naturally coerce under the influence of gravity into a rocky world (great personality), with enough mass to support an atmosphere's development (odd quirks) and the magnetic dynamo to defend this atmosphere from my constant teasing (ability to put up with my shit). A possibility of life is always a boon (not resistant to change), but actually forming life is something else entirely (initiating conversation). These inner worlds (closest friends) are not comprised of materials used to make up the most heavenly of objects (differing character traits, but similar odd behavior/quirks), but are instead created from elements made in the death of a great and powerful star (trustworthiness, honesty, my confidant). Alas, they can never be too close to the object they orbit (it's my personality, I explained it in an earlier post on this subforum), lest they be torched utterly and completely into a crisp, a shadow of their former selves (i have a cycle of pushing people away and wanting to get closer, i hope this goes away with age/experience). Close encounters with other orbitting bodies may gravitationally eject themselves from the system (recently lost a good friend due to some very unresolved issues between us and someone else with me reacting less than I should have) so it's best that these inner planets keep their distance from each other as well. Of course, as the center body ages, it will expand outward (i've grown tired of some people as their negatives have started to outshow their positives, i.e. possessiveness, violent nature, and general cockiness towards everything, offputting) taking some of these objects with it in it's coup de grace, it's dance of death, it's final show before curtains down. But of course, this will not be for quite some time, and stability is assured in their relationship with one another (patience with me, i'll have patience with you, take chances, same wavelength of humor, dependability).

This inner sphere of planets is actually quite interesting in nature, one of these planets seem to have taken the energy it has received from the innermost object and transformed it into something productive. Life is born. You see, this life is a valuable concept. An experiment. Perhaps, The Ultimate Experiment. Not only is it unknown how life gradually came about, it is also unknown if there is life elsewhere in the system. There is excitement in this unknown however, as Life has a very simple tool of survival. Consume other forms of life to persist. Simple, no? Nutrients from the soil, meat from a carcass, in notable exceptions, even simple sunlight from the sky. Life is a truly versatile and chaotic experiment. Zooming back out onto our view of our inner planets, it would mean that each planet is a proving grounds of sorts, some failing before the start due to their distance from the innermost body, and others producing a harsh chemical makeup to support anything productive. The inner circle of planets means Truth, Power, Influence and Ideals. Each planet could be likened to a confidant, a trusted comrade, or even a lifelong companion to the innermost object. The reasons why they persist in this area are simple, stability encourages bonds to develop. Time turns these bonds into something greater than we can perceive. A system? A solar system? Preposterous, there is no such thing.

The inner spheres are subjected to a much close-up and personal experience of the innermost body than those banished to the confines of the outer spheres, they get more, if not most of the action. With this closeness to the innermost object though, every blessing bears a curse. They are subject to the irrational and cyclic solar wind in it's full intensity (Fi, more revealed deep emotions). Not only do they get a significantly larger and more intense dose of the neverending light (100% Ne, all those spontaneous thoughts), the inner planets also receive warmth on a scale the outer spheres can only dream of (Te, sometimes, when a logically constructed stance comes to form). Be wary, though these inner planets may be hardy troopers, things can frequently shake up their world with little warning, a solar flare, or even worse, a coronal mass ejection, a barrage of charged particles flying outward near the speed of light (FiTe bitchslap, this is rare, but it happens).

All in all, these inner planets are something else to imagine in terms of direct complexity, that they would even subject themselves to a star so faint and so dim, yet so large and encompassing. A ticking time bomb for sure.
 

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my perception in short -

#1. How do we decide to let someone into our "inner circle"?
connecting Through Ne or Fi, we could make personality arguments for who we might connect with or not, but in practice it's more complex.

You could be put in a group with extro and introverts, the extrovert might communicate with you more in words, but you might potentially wish to make the Introvert open up more.

we're more likely to select the most interesting/fun/originals once than we are to pick the ones easiest to communicate with. imho. but then again, you could find someone of both sorts.

At this stage it all depends, you might revert to finding out the extrovert is more interesting afterall (introvert IS** extro EN** maybe, though I've connected with both... so individual). If you connect and find lasting connections that will make you meet up more, and talk about matters you wouldn't talk with your newly put together group. I'd consider them in the circle.
inner circle topics could be - life/religion/beliefs, love, discussing things you could do together, things that couod leave you vulnerable, also on touch/hug grounds etc.

#2. What does that "inner circle" mean to us?
Individual... but, a lot.
It's those that we probably would cry/get upset over if lost or even if they move far away.


#3. How do we treat people in our inner circle differently than those outside of it?

outside - kind but don't reveal our privacies, you bring out a lot of fun stuff, but avoid more personal matters that might leave you vulnerable. Not very likely to visit just yet unless given a good reason.

inside - talk about vulnerable things. more likely to approach without giving second thought, might as well come home for a coffee/gaming/ or stuff that's not for educational/work matters.

of course, there will be scenarios that break these 'rules' but just general pointers.



Sent fra min SM-G930F via Tapatalk
 

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I think 'inner circle' implies that everyone that I let close to me is connected... I haven't created a cult of close friends. The people in my 'inner circle' are all disconnected. I would love for them to be all linked together so we can all share one another's awesomeness but really... everywhere I go I leave this little 'inner circle' which gradually gets diminished through lack of care until I'm left with just one or two in each place I leave behind. These are the people who when things meet their highest highs or lowest lows that I reach out to first. If I desperately need someone to fill the loneliness then I can rely on these people to be there for me and I can trust that these people will be genuinely happy for my acheivements.

These are the people who I might not have seen in forever but I when I return to them they'll reconnect with me as if no distance has passed between us.

My 'inner circle' is small (4 people INTP, ISTJ, ENFP, INFP). These are the people who I can be completely honest with and the kind of people I can rely on to call bullshit when I'm not being myself. Which is probably the most important bit because they know me completely unlike anyone else who I project an image with.
 

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I have 3 general tiers of "friendships", where friendship means someone I might ever meet with to go do something social:

Outer Tier: Someone who believes a certain "mask" I'm putting out there, especially the further away that mask is from who I really am, but then also when they are rigid in that's how they view me so I can't show a different array of colours. Like, on my course I always come in with a methodical mindset, because I think it's best for approaching academic work, and so an ESFP whom I really like as a person and enjoy talking to, thinks that I am defined by that side of me. People who pigeon hole me like that I keep at a certain length, even though I may think they are cool people. They're really just acquaintances to me. This is like 20-50% access to my personality.

Middle Tier: I feel comfortable showing the majority of myself around them, and probably full access to the less serious side of me like my sense of humour. I can turn on the "silly switch", and all of a sudden be really analytical immediately, and they won't blink an eye. This group is maybe 50-80% access, but the remaining % is the more private stuff.

Inner Tier: So this is the inner circle. I feel I can talk about anything with these people, and they are rare. They get 95% access because I trust them implicitly, and I know in terms of loyalty they will almost never choose someone/something else which would be negative for me, including themselves, for shallow reasons EVER. The way I can tell I've met one of these- usually someone is in the middle tier, and once they hit like 70-80% access I'll start to "audition" them subconsciously, like I'll occasionally throw out an 85% access thought or behaviour and see how they react. If they subtly show an adverse reaction in some way, either their perception of me seems to change or their behaviour- they're shut off, and they're middle-tier for good. If they can pass 85%, then 90% consistently, then eventually they're in. I find people, once they make it in, won't let me down and will stay in.

The only people who maybe get higher than that would be my direct family.
 

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I love you @Alesha - you squirt out all these great threads AND I CANT KEEP UP OKAY.

#1. How do we decide to let someone into our "inner circle"?

I'm not sure if I even have an inner circle, I can be close and open with strangers. Heck, I prefer strangers, all these new perspectives (yumyum) and your freedom of prejudices or facts that the other already knows about you. It is a clear and fresh view on whatever you ask them about whatever, or about yourself. Though make sure you pick a stranger that isn't brainwashed by lame society.

#2. What does that "inner circle" mean to us?

Inner circle would probably more revolve around Trust, for me. I have a hard time trusting others to really put my needs and wants before their own. That is naturally unnatural for someone to do, I experience that as Trust and a form of love and care.

#3. How do we treat people in our inner circle differently than those outside of it?

Frankly people in my inner circle probably know less about me than people outside of it, because inner circle people are usually the ones that know you since birth or childhood or something. As we grow older we go our own ways and create our own visions and personality, apart from the environment that tried to shape and limit us. People that know me since forever may hold older views about me that are too much of an effort to change. I wouldn't want to spill my mind on Facebook (almost deleted it) because fam members or old friends have me as a friend and wouldn't ''recognise'' me anylonger for the things I say, do or think.

So, strangers all the way! Screw inner circle! It is suffocating!


 

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Discussion Starter #7
I love you @Alesha - you squirt out all these great threads AND I CANT KEEP UP OKAY.

#1. How do we decide to let someone into our "inner circle"?

I'm not sure if I even have an inner circle, I can be close and open with strangers. Heck, I prefer strangers, all these new perspectives (yumyum) and your freedom of prejudices or facts that the other already knows about you. It is a clear and fresh view on whatever you ask them about whatever, or about yourself. Though make sure you pick a stranger that isn't brainwashed by lame society.

#2. What does that "inner circle" mean to us?

Inner circle would probably more revolve around Trust, for me. I have a hard time trusting others to really put my needs and wants before their own. That is naturally unnatural for someone to do, I experience that as Trust and a form of love and care.

#3. How do we treat people in our inner circle differently than those outside of it?

Frankly people in my inner circle probably know less about me than people outside of it, because inner circle people are usually the ones that know you since birth or childhood or something. As we grow older we go our own ways and create our own visions and personality, apart from the environment that tried to shape and limit us. People that know me since forever may hold older views about me that are too much of an effort to change. I wouldn't want to spill my mind on Facebook (almost deleted it) because fam members or old friends have me as a friend and wouldn't ''recognise'' me anylonger for the things I say, do or think.

So, strangers all the way! Screw inner circle! It is suffocating!


I officially have no secrets left, do I? lol Oh my gosh...
@nicoloco90, and I'm glad you added your thoughts to the thread because its exactly what I did. I also said screw it to the inner circle at one point. The only one really in my inner circle was my hubby. Now I'm working on building one and strengthening it, though. I want 2 very close friends if I can plus the hubby. Its time.
 

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Rather that post my own views, which seems out of place, I will ask a question :tongue:. Don't you select your inner circle people on their ability to open-minded enough to deal with future versions of you? I'm getting to the point that change is the only constant, and from what I know this even more strongly the case for ENFP's. I can understand that when you're below 20 this is hard, but I'd expect that ENFP's gain a sense of themselves in their 20s typically.
 

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Rather that post my own views, which seems out of place, I will ask a question :tongue:. Don't you select your inner circle people on their ability to open-minded enough to deal with future versions of you? I'm getting to the point that change is the only constant, and from what I know this even more strongly the case for ENFP's. I can understand that when you're below 20 this is hard, but I'd expect that ENFP's gain a sense of themselves in their 20s typically.
I don't know what the future me will be doing or what he'll be like... so I can't plan that far ahead with my current friends. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind but recently my closest friends utilise Ne (coincidentally? Or because they are on a similar journey to me) so, I'd imagine they'd at least understand that adaptability but even then that doesn't mean that they can keep up.

I dunno, essentially I could be living on the opposite side of the world in a few years time, how do I find friends who keep up with that?

I know I change but most of that is an outside fluctuation (in both environment, activities and expression), the core me stays the same and my inner circle know that core to me so when it comes to personality, they know what they are in for. Even if we have 'nothing in common' anymore if they bonded enough with me then that's all I need. That's probably why the ISTJ and I have been the longest running friends.
 

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I don't know what the future me will be doing or what he'll be like... so I can't plan that far ahead with my current friends. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind but recently my closest friends utilise Ne (coincidentally? Or because they are on a similar journey to me) so, I'd imagine they'd at least understand that adaptability but even then that doesn't mean that they can keep up.

I dunno, essentially I could be living on the opposite side of the world in a few years time, how do I find friends who keep up with that?

I know I change but most of that is an outside fluctuation (in both environment, activities and expression), the core me stays the same and my inner circle know that core to me so when it comes to personality, they know what they are in for. Even if we have 'nothing in common' anymore if they bonded enough with me then that's all I need. That's probably why the ISTJ and I have been the longest running friends.
Interesting, guess it's my introvert bias for assuming most change is about inner change, and you consider most change to be external.
 

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Interesting, guess it's my introvert bias for assuming most change is about inner change, and you consider most change to be external.
I see it as a combination of Ne looking for external change and Fi being stubborn in knowing who I am and sticking to that 'core' of me and not to betray it even after life's hurdles and crashes.
 

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I see it as a combination of Ne looking for external change and Fi being stubborn in knowing who I am and sticking to that 'core' of me and not to betray it even after life's hurdles and crashes.
You talk about resisting negative change, but what about positive change?
 

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@HumanBeing Yeah, I think that's interesting. Our values don't really change too much as ENFPs, our moral compass is very consistent although what we choose to work on or adventures will sometimes be in flux. You do want people who are open minded because this is one of our values.

I think the heart of it is finding caring individuals with similar values and similar interests. Good compatibility that can keep growing. I feel sometimes squeemish about this. I gotta work on this third-tier inner circle stuff.
 

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...(none of you will believe this), I am actually quite private about most of my feelings, thoughts, and ideas until people get within that outter circle.
Girl, please - that's my modus operandi. I've actually had inner circle people tell me that it scares them how much I know about them compared to how much they know about me. I tried to open up to them more, but it was hard - I mean, what do you tell someone?
 

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#1. How do we decide to let someone into our "inner circle"?
A. Do I trust you? B. Do we share the same values? C. Are you intelligent and sensitive to people? D. Do you love to learn? E. Are you actually good at being a friend? F. Do we click well? I don't typically even consciously check for those things - it just naturally happens that if you don't have those things, we're not likely to ever be anything more than casual friends.

#2. What does that "inner circle" mean to us?
My inner circle consists of people who've seen me in a wide variety of places (and vice versa) and who still think I'm awesome (and vice versa). They are as trustworthy and respectable a group of people as you will ever find.

#3. How do we treat people in our inner circle differently than those outside of it?
There's a deep level of trust and confidence there. I don't have to worry about you blabbing my secrets all over the place, and you don't have to worry about me doing that, either. That means that we'll end up having deeper and more personal communication.
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
Girl, please - that's my modus operandi. I've actually had inner circle people tell me that it scares them how much I know about them compared to how much they know about me. I tried to open up to them more, but it was hard - I mean, what do you tell someone?
Right! Like at parties when you feel like you should do some small talk, but instead you try to bond on a one-on-one with each person near you. lol Okay, that's me. Doesn't work that well. =) Sometimes it does.

Does anyone else happen to feel like they get along with older women well? I spent time with my friend who I call my "surrogate mom" today. I can tell her anything and she has seen more than me and understands.
 
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Does anyone else happen to feel like they get along with older women well? I spent time with my friend who I call my "surrogate mom" today. I can tell her anything and she has seen more than me and understands.
I tend to get along either with people my age/younger, or significantly older (I blame the homeschooling for that one); and I seem to get along with older men better than older women simply because of my range of interests. I could care less about cooking - talk to me about WWI firearms!
 

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It seems to happen naturally for me. If somebody acts excited to see me every time I see them then they'll have a special place in my heart, I've noticed. But, usually I have anywhere between one and three friends who I consider my Best Friends. I have to respect these people a lot and have an easy time talking to them for hours, days even.

I'm very picking about who I spend my time with. I'm okay with meeting new people but it usually doesn't result in a close friendship that lasts very long. My friends are like, my source of identity and where I go when I want to relax and feel accepted.
 
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