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Hi all,

So, not being an ENFP myself, I'm wondering how ENFPs hold together their friendship/acquaintance network? Are there problems related to the fact that ENFPs seem to find it more satisfying and stimulating to have as wide a network as possible, I mean, is there a danger of spreading yourself too thin and neglecting individual friendships? Or getting burnout from maintaining all the connections?

Also, when you're attracted to someone as a potential partner and start falling in love, do you tend to rush headlong into wanting to spend all your time with that person, and temporarily drop the rest of your network? And (sorry if this sounds stupid) is it enjoyable to spend a lot of time alone with your partner, or is one-to-one interaction a bit unstimulating for you and half of that time you're tempted to try to bring in others and be a group, 'the more the merrier'.

Thanks :)
Rachel
 

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I dunno. I don't really have a wide network friends either. I never really have :mellow:
 

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Um...wow...a lot of questions! Haha :laughing:

To start, when I do have a wide circle of friends (because it doesn't always happen that way...depends on where and when I am) I dunno...it never seems to be a problem keeping up with them all. I don't really have an internal, say, tally that says "I haven't spent enough time with so-and-so compared to my other friends, I'd better spend time with him today." I just spend time with the person I feel compelled to spend time with at that moment.

I guess this can be bothersome to those who are my friends who perhaps think I'm inattentive. I can go weeks without seeing a friend and then BAM see them and it's like not a day has gone by. It's not like I don't like that person, I just don't tend to miss people or really worry about how I'm perceived as a friend by them (selfish? I dunno...it's Fi, from what I understand). If they want to get their panties in a jumble cause I don't call them every day, then I probably don't want to be really close to them, anyway.

That being said, I guess I don't actively pursue many friendships. I mostly wait for people to come to me and then go from there. That is, unless I feel a really deep connection with someone, in which case I will pursue the heck out of that friendship!

As far as attractions are concerned (and SO relationships), I like a nice balance. I want to spend a good chunk of time alone with that person (being intimate physically, mentally and emotionally is very good in a relationship for me), but I don't want to give up my social life to be with that person. I'd still like to be able to go to a party with my SO, run around and meet new people and have him fend for himself. I won't abandon him, but I don't want us to be stuck at the hip (I think that savours strongly of codependency, which I've done and don't wish to do ever again). He might be introverted, say, and I don't want to hog his conversation with someone just because my communication style is different (maybe more fast-paced and light). That might not be his way of comfortably meeting people and I don't want to get in the way of that. I also don't want him to get in the way of how I meet new people.

Anyway, yeah! I guess I can summarize my friendship/relationship style as: liking independence and respecting the independence of others. Just cause we're friends/significant others, doesn't mean we should make that a part of our identity. :tongue:
 

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I don't have a huge network of friends, but I do have quite a large network of people I can go to that would gladly help me out if I needed it.

A social network isn't hard to maintain at all. You just have to make a good first impression, have some contact over a period of time, and be memorable. Voila! You can now, basically, turn to that person at any point, they'll remember you, and can do simple, but important, favors for you at any point in time.

However, a network of friends is much harder to maintain. First, they have to be the type of person I can get along with, obviously! Honest, caring, etc. :)

I dunno... "Maintaining" isn't the right word here. In both cases (social network and friends), I don't really actively pursue people in the name of "maintenance." It just happens. I'd hate to lose an acquaintance or a friend, almost equally as bad, just because it's one less person in my life in some way.

As for romantic relationships/interests: How I pursue is almost completely dependent on the person and situation. I'll give you my complete dating history and how they happened (Don't worry, it's only two people!), and my current situation to give you an idea of how I operate in these situations:

Girl #1:

Well, we started dating in middle school, so I guess this one's exceedingly less relevant, but I promised! I was interested in her, so I just talked to her consistently, and we eventually started chatting on IM. Eventually, we found out we liked each other and started, um... "dating", I guess.

Even though this relationship lasted ~4.5 years (Up to and including senior year.), we never really "dated." It was an extremely flirty, casual relationship that didn't really need much "maintenance" to keep going. However, we also never did maintenance on it... So it fell apart. Ooops... D: She broke up with me.

Girl #2:

This one happened immediately after senior year and was extremely unexpected. (In fact, so unexpected that I told this girl that I was going after someone else. This may or may not have helped my situation.) She's extremely flirty by nature, so it wasn't hard to be flirty with her. We ended up in a room of just our closest friends, and I started massaging her shoulders and back while we all talked in a circle, and I just saw a small glint in her eye that was different from when she looked at anyone else. I took her out to ice cream (I didn't have any money, though, and they didn't take debit! D:), reaffirmed my suspicions, invited her out to my house for a 4th of July party, and further confirmed that she was, in fact, interested in me. Sparks didn't fly... they gushed. ^_^

The next five months of this relationship were, um... very heavy. Actually, in the first month, I blew my only locally-given college scholarship on dates with her. (Don't worry, the college scholarships I have total to much more than that per year! :D) The relationship cooled down immediately, sometime during February, and ended with a very heated argument. She broke it up.

Current Status:

I'm currently looking at two different girls. One's taken and in college, but the relationship is doomed to failure because she's just utterly fanatical about this guy, which--9 times out of 10--ends horribly. The other isn't taken, BUT is going to be a senior in high school, which I have reservations about.

Enough with the details! Basically, I'm just going to casually hang out with them to remind them I'm here, and I'm definitely going to be "the charmer" around the high school girl, even if it doesn't turn out to be more than a fling. (Which I'm halfway hoping it will because I don't want to deal with HS shenanigans, being a sophomore in college.)

[tl;dr]Overall, I tend to feel as if I'm in hot pursuit of certain girls, but they usually don't notice because the way I act around them is like how I act around almost everybody. The two relationships I've had were definitely hot to start, and fizzled out, but I'm hoping to find someone to balance that out because I know it's probably going to be the main reason behind most of my break-ups if it's allowed to happen. Also, I like the idea of the girl breaking up with me because I'm the one who always has hope for the relationship.
 

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I definitely have a wide network of friends, but it's never seemed a pain to manage it, I mostly have 5 or 6 people that I'm really close to, and the rest are people I come into contact with on a regular basis but don't necessarily keep in constant touch with. As for relationships i agree with energeticelephant, a balance is good, i definitely need one on one time with my SO, but I go insane if we don't go out and meet lots of random people... I actually have more fun hanging out with random people than with those I have known for many years a lot of the time
 

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Originally Posted by Keshet
Can you explain a bit more please? I thought this was pretty standard for ENFPs...
Well, I'm currently in highschool, so I regularly see a bunch of people, whether in classes or at lunch. At lunch I normally sit with 7 others. I'm closest to them I would say. Other people I consider actual 'friends' there are about 15 I can think of at the moment, maybe a few more. I don't know, I (may) have pretty high standards for who I consider 'friends'. I wouldn't consider many people friends anymore due to the fact that we rarely have any contact.

Have many 'good acquaintances' = Talk sometimes, don't really care if we don't for a while. and life goes on.. blah blah

Well, maybe some people have different views on how many friendships make up a large network of friends.
 

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Hi all,

So, not being an ENFP myself, I'm wondering how ENFPs hold together their friendship/acquaintance network? Are there problems related to the fact that ENFPs seem to find it more satisfying and stimulating to have as wide a network as possible, I mean, is there a danger of spreading yourself too thin and neglecting individual friendships? Or getting burnout from maintaining all the connections?


I don't burn out. I have a wide network of friends from three main areas - my old high school, work, and my band. I text everyone a lot and also facebook stalk people a lot. And write on their walls. I try to catch up with everyone at least once every two weeks o_O Because I want to, not because I feel obligted to. It's just hard to fit everyone in to my mad schedule of running around, ensuring that I am surrounded by people at all times xD

If I feel somewhat burned out and stale and don't want to socialise, I know that it's especially important that I do, so I usually throw a party.

 

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Hi all,

So, not being an ENFP myself, I'm wondering how ENFPs hold together their friendship/acquaintance network? Are there problems related to the fact that ENFPs seem to find it more satisfying and stimulating to have as wide a network as possible, I mean, is there a danger of spreading yourself too thin and neglecting individual friendships? Or getting burnout from maintaining all the connections?



Also, when you're attracted to someone as a potential partner and start falling in love, do you tend to rush headlong into wanting to spend all your time with that person, and temporarily drop the rest of your network? And (sorry if this sounds stupid) is it enjoyable to spend a lot of time alone with your partner, or is one-to-one interaction a bit unstimulating for you and half of that time you're tempted to try to bring in others and be a group, 'the more the merrier'.

Thanks :)
Rachel
Maybe I'm a weird ENFP, but I actually have problems with this sometimes--because I do it. When I start seeing a new person (one that I really like and am seriously seeing, not just casual dating) I want to spend as much time with them as possible. I want to bathe in the wonder of the relationship and really get to know the person. And, depending on the personality type of the SO (if they are extroverted I may just take them with me to various social engagements), but if they are introverted that might mean withdrawing. Then, since I just sort of temporarily dropped out of my social circle there is often fallout from the friends that don't understand why I'm not showering them with my usual focus and attention.
 

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i only have one rule: new is always BETTER..
i always have to be talking to new people and give myself time to miss people before i hang out with them again. also i like variety in interactions- it's like i have a lot of sides to me and i have to satisfy all of them instead of just the one most people have. this all requires a large social network.

the way i achieve this is through effort and enthusiasm; with every group i meet i can tap into the social energy surrounding the group and adapt myself to it to fit in. the thing is by having my needs met i get back a LOT of energy too so maintaining enthusiasm isn't a problem. social confidence and humour goes a long way to demonstrating social value as well- which is ultimately the number 1 thing people respond to.

yes it's difficult to maintain a large network but i'm wired to be good at it. i just have an intuition for it- just like a top sportsman has an extra awareness and intuitive feel for the sport; when i'm on top i have a very complicated feel for the social dynamics of every group. i can feel when it's time to do this or that to maintain connections. more than this i ENJOY it just like anyone enjoys anything they have a natural knack for.
 

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Like some poster above, I dont have such wide network of friends that you re talking about
A typical stereotype about ENFP, probably because we're extroverts. I don't have a wide network of friends either, nor do i want too :)
Its all about quality, not quantity....i do believe overall we meet more people, just that we're very selective who we keep around in our inner circle.
 
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My husband always used to tease me about knowing everyone. I just figured everyone knew as many people as I do... but I guess not! For me, I'm just interested in people. I'm a big people watcher and like to imagine what a person is really like and what makes them tick. I love conversation and learning new things from and about different people. I love the variety and just reveling in how different and unique everyone is.

It's not really about maintenance. Once you've established a bond with a person, you can generally let the relationship go and just reconnect whenever you run into each other. I tend to find a common subject of interest between me and another person and that is what tends to create bonds. These are mostly superficial relationships, but you can still have a really great conversation! I have a handful+ of really close friends that I know really well and have developed these relationships over time (years). I don't jump right into being "best friends", I tend to be rather timid about personal space and really like to test the waters thoroughly before taking the next step.

In relationships I did jump right in and spend as much time as possible from the get-go, neglecting all other relationships. When I got married and had my first child I spent a good 3 years just enveloped in those two people and have only begun branching out again in the last two years... and already I have a large social circle brewing (haha!).
 

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I think there's a line between people I talk to and people who are my actual friends. I have a very wide range of people I can talk to without feeling awkward, and can have silly conversations with. I like talking to people, I like the way they act, but I can't sit there and discuss the meaning of life etc. with them. Sometimes I really despise people, which I guess is a very un-ENFP thing to do, but it's true. I guess it may appear like I have a wide friend group, but in actuality, my group of friends is very small. Perhaps about ten people? These are the people that know me through and through. Those are the people I can trust and actually stand.
 

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I know a ton of people. I love meeting new people. And when I build a connection, that connection usually last forever because I'm so damn good at building connections in a short amount of time. And I have an amazing memory so I just pick up where I left off last usually and the same connection is still there.

I can still be fairly introverted - which is the odd part lol

Unfortunately, I can't call ANY of them actual close friends. Some of them do consider me a close friend - many of them actually... but me, I prefer to stay tight lipped about most things in my life and save it for the right person who can understand me.
 

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I'm wondering how ENFPs hold together their friendship/acquaintance network?
We genuinely like / value each person in it. They know that. So that forges a bond, and is motivation to keep in touch and "pick back up" on occasion.

Are there problems related to the fact that ENFPs seem to find it more satisfying and stimulating to have as wide a network as possible, I mean, is there a danger of spreading yourself too thin and neglecting individual friendships? Or getting burnout from maintaining all the connections?
Both overextension and burnout are risks. We do serially ignore folks at times. Over time I have "weeded down" and invested more deeply. But in terms of acquaintances, at work or other groups, I schmooze up everyone. : )

Also, when you're attracted to someone as a potential partner and start falling in love, do you tend to rush headlong into wanting to spend all your time with that person, and temporarily drop the rest of your network?
I do tend to rush headlong a bit. Even if I try to pace myself, at some point I will "fall." I don't think I totally drop everyone else though. I might reach out a little less, but if they reach out I will be all over it.

And (sorry if this sounds stupid) is it enjoyable to spend a lot of time alone with your partner, or is one-to-one interaction a bit unstimulating for you and half of that time you're tempted to try to bring in others and be a group, 'the more the merrier'.
We do need outside stimulation and I think there can be a danger for us in getting "sucked in" to a relationship. It's good to balance out w/ other people. This varies by ENFP though.
 

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Yes. I have a wide circle of friends because I get bored easily.
I just like to keep myself full of entertainment and excitement.
Also, if I find a potential partner, I will go out of my way and stay with that one person. Such as doing little romantic things to make it interesting. Eg: my ex didn't liKe hanging with my friends, so I sacrificed that to chill with his friends which I didn't like really much. They were all boring british people but ain't all bad I guess.
It's just I felt that if he's around me, that's all that mattered.
 

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I don't have a wide network of friends either. About 50 friends, none very close or ones that I would hang out with often, and three or four close friends that I don't see that much, about seven friends where I live at the moment. I only really see people on Sundays at church. I think its hard to make friends once school ends.
 

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The people I know with the widest group of friends are ESFPs and ESFJs. I used to have a lot of friends but these days I prefer quality over quantity and just don't have the time for social butterfly behavior. Though I am happy to make new friends, I'm just very selective in the friending process. ;)
 
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