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I met somebody at work and we really hit it off. This was 2 months ago. We were at first just talking at work. Then texting outside of work. Then video chatting. Then video chatting every day. Then video chatting every day for hours, sometimes until 3 in the morning. Then we actually started hanging out in person, at each other's apartments. Now this happens multiple times a week. He got me two surprise birthday gifts, and we're really good at long discussions and surprising each other with little presents and inside jokes. We're incredibly supportive of each other and interested in each other's lives.

I couldn't figure out whether he was romantically interested in me. He finalized his divorce a few months ago. He was also interested in somebody for a few months, but he just found out a few weeks ago that the feeling is not mutual, and it crushed him.

Last week I finally told him that I think I'm interested in him. (I usually fall really fast, but then it's just infatuation and I often have to back off when I realize it's a mistake. So I'm not 100% sure yet, but...) He said he didn't know yet if he felt the same. He definitely loves me as a friend, which I already knew. He says it's a really confusing and emotional time for him because of the divorce and then the crush. He admitted in a talk we had a few days after the initial talk that that night (the initial talk night) was the first time he ever started to have romantic feelings for me. But he emphasized he's still confused and overwhelmed.

My question is, ENFPs, do you immediately fall for somebody? Is it pretty much you know whether or not you're interested at the beginning? Or can you develop romantic feelings?

Thanks,
A Twitterpated INFP
 

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Can't say there's a rule for that, it will depend on who that person is. But wouldn't say I immediately fall for anyone, no, I need to have observed that person for a while and deciding that this is it, may be a bit difficult to do. It's easy for me to deny the feelings even if I have them, for the sake of waiting a bit more especially if there are other factors like getting a divorce that could make the situation more confusing and give more reasons not to rush things. Your situation does show some promise though since he's so invested in spending time with you.
 

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ENFP-A - 2w3 - JEEP
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Well first each ENFP is an individual and we might handle falling in love differently. I also can tell you male ENFPs sometimes act differently than female ENFPs.

For me, it takes me a long time to open up. When it comes to romance I can be rather dry about it because that involves the feels and I'm rather shy about those. Normally to fall in love with someone I have to be friends with them for a while and then once I'm available and not in a serious relationship I can explore. Most of my relationships come out of males who were friends and asked me out when I've come back from dating another. Still, it can take me a couple of months to even be open to a new relationship. The first one is normally a rebound to see if I still can flirt like a normal person. Normally if I'm breaking off of a serious relationship I need months to think about things and the first suiters are normally not who I end up within the long haul.

One of my most successful relationships started as being friends through gaming online together in 2012. We didn't start dating until we both went through serious breakups and even then it was several months after that breakup that we even flirted with the idea. Another 8 months to engage and then another year to be married. If it fits, it fits. I don't beat around the bush if it's not fitting but I also don't rush into it. My sister can meet, be engaged, and dump the person within a span of five days (ESFP) so that's what I call quick. Though if it takes someone years to figure out if they want to be married to me, I'm gone. I don't do the hot and cold, break up, and let's get back together scenario. I've known some couples that have been dating for five years and they're still not sure they want to be tied to the other person. That's a large waving sign to me that the person doesn't fit me. Honestly dating you're trying out and playing make-believe house. It doesn't seem like he's hot and cold with you so that's a good sign, just don't ghost him. I don't like cat and mouse games. From everything I've read about ENFPs on this site and scene from their postings is that playing with us normally will get you dumped. We like reliable and non-flaky people. We like people that are authentic and not being fake with us.

I'm not sure I could fall in love with someone within two months. That's pretty quick but again if it feels right who am I to argue with it.

Also, even though I'm rather dry about love and shy to show my feelings once I'm in love I can show a level of erotic pleasures and completely devoted romantic a level not seen to anyone else. Of course, to get me there I need to have a two-way street. I have never crushed on someone who doesn't like me back or can't even see me as a friend. I also normally never crush on friends who tell me I'm not their cup of tea because I'm no one's second flavor.

In conclusion, I don't fall for someone quick. I have to examine the person and play out several fantasy scenarios in my head to see if they fit. Also, this scenario playout can freak some people out. Like just examining where I want to be in several years and if I see them standing next to me. So observation is key for me. Also, allowing me to do my little Ne (thinking of all the scenarios) play out is important. Disrupting that process or calling it silly is going to get a strong knee jerk reaction from me. I'm more willing to go the long haul with someone willing to take my hand and jump down the theory well with me.
 

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My question is, ENFPs, do you immediately fall for somebody? Is it pretty much you know whether or not you're interested at the beginning? Or can you develop romantic feelings?

Thanks,
A Twitterpated INFP
It’s easy for me to get infatuated and crush quickly - however it’s extremely rare for me to find someone that I connect with - so in that sense yes if I like someone and feel connected with them - I will be curious about getting to know them better and enter a relationship with them , however the word long term isn’t on my mind and I am very aware that I’m infatuated and not in love . It takes me a long time to fall in love - as in years - I figured the first 3 months is infatuation- a year into the relationship I suppose a friendship would form between me and the other individual - however I won’t be comfortable with opening up my entire self with them- yes I’m an open book - if you ask I’ll answer - however my personal thoughts and feelings that would take years for me to let someone into knowing me more personally and likewise you don’t really see the person true self or flaws until after 2-3 years and if I could accept that and want to work with them through it - then well that’s love . It took me 2.5 years to find out that I was in love with my partner and after that it’s pretty set , I knew I found the one . I don’t fall in love easily and it have only happened once - yes I’m still with that same partner- it’s been over 15 years now . I was extremely infatuated with him for a while and enjoy his presence but it wasn’t until he showed how much he trusted me that I fell for him .
However people are individuals- not every enfp are alike or have the same wants or mindset - some enjoy someone who could stabilize them and enjoy order - some wants someone around them at all time - for my case I need my freedom and for a partner who is genuinely ok with me having my own separate social life and want to grow as individuals together .
So to answer your question yes I’m aware of who I’m attracted to however in terms or long term or commitment- that takes time


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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ENFPs, how long does it take you to fall for somebody?
Exactly 2.46 seconds, to the point.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thank you for the feedback. I will reply more later. Just a quick update: we had another long in-person talk a few nights ago, spurred on by marriage difficulties taking place in Rick and Morty (LOL) and we both said that we're confused right now. I said I wasn't 100% sure I did like him in a way that wasn't infatuation. But that it felt very genuine, and I like him like crazy as a friend for sure. (We had just gone to Burger King drive thru in our pajamas* for goodness sake. How is that not adorable? We love each other's company so much we get giggly.) He was really glad that I was honest about my feelings, and he said he was still confused but that he likes me more and more, and he did indeed start having romantic feelings about me.

He started having more difficulties with his ex-wife last week (not his fault; she's initiating trouble) and both of us are potentially having setbacks at work, so we want to be really supportive of each other right now, and not try to "move things forward" in any way. That would add to the stress.

*to clarify, we're not sleeping together. We work in a place where we're potentially exposed to the virus, so we change into pajamas after work.
 

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So far we have.

ENFP 1 = I don't fall in love easily.

ENFP 2 = I don't fall in love easily.

ENFP 3 = I don't fall in love easily.

ESTJ comes in. ENFPs fall in love within 2.46 seconds. Said no ENFP ever.
 

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Depends. Some people we feel an instant connection with, an instant bond you can’t describe. Chemistry isn’t something people can create in any formuleac ways (although PUA con artists will have you thinking otherwise).

There are so many intangibles to a person (subconscious and unconscious qualities about them) that resonate. Given the right combination of timing, synchronicity, and fate (destiny, coincidences), we may fall for someone when least expected. Depends on so many factors combined (and it could be a gradual process or it may not).
 
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