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how many times have you found yourself in the situation where two of your friends fall out and you end up having to balance yourself carefully between the two, or you're friends with two different groups who hate each other. this feels like a reoccuring theme in my life- i'm always the only one who's friends with everyone and the only one who doesn't fall out with someone.

it frustrates me because i feel like life would be so much better if everyone was friends with everyone, then i wouldn't constantly be playing the role of mediator, and i'd be able to socialise with everyone at once instead of diverting my attention from one group/person to another at a time.

two of my friends recently fell out. one of them "needs" me more than the other so i'm hanging out with him more, but the "disharmony" is setting me on edge..
 

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How many times? I'm not sure, I guess enough that I can't remember.

<3
 

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I dont really because I dont like confrontation though Im unbiased in the same way you mentioned, up until very recently, I WAS friends with everyone and was happy in the knowledge, i had no enemies - sadly as time goes on, people keep getting me wrong, someone tried to play mediator between me and a friend who wasnt happy with me (which i didnt know at the time), biased parties got involved on both sides and now ive been outcast - So i dont think that 'sitting on the fence' always has its advantages :(
 

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Sometimes, you just have to take sides. :( Sad reality of life, but I've learned the almost-hard way that there's some social groups to just completely avoid. I know they don't like me at all, and therefore I don't need to waste effort in being all nice and polite; I can just act however I want, because either way they'll "hate" me.

If one of my social groups is talking bad about another social group I'm friends with, I frown a bit and say relatively benign but wise things like "Well, they're not THAT bad...". And then I back out. I make it clear to these people that I hang out with everybody and, even though I am guilty of stereotyping and prejudice, I still hold respect for everyone and will allow exceptions in my "shunning" of the sorts of people I dislike. But I also stand my ground: "Yes, you are my friends, but I disapprove of you speaking bad of those other people. Perhaps you have a legit reason to dislike them, and I respect that; but in the meantime they have been nice enough to me and I will defend them if neccessary."

I hang out with everyone: the "emo"s, the geeks, the outcasts, the "retarded"/special ed kids, the academics, the slackers, the weirdos, and the occasional mild "preps". I try my best not to judge them for their fashion, intellect, or race. I know the difference between defending the "other" friends while still remaining friends with "these" people. If it seriously gets out of hand, then I draw up the courage to say, "Look, I think you're BOTH wonderful people, but nothing you guys say about each other will change my opinion. Even if it 'appears' that I side with that person, I'm still friends with you. But if you're willing to put OUR friendship in jeopardy over something like this, then that's fine, too; you don't wanna be friends with me because I'm not 'siding' with that other person, then I'm afraid we're just going to go our seperate ways." Some may say this is naive, but I think it's fair. I have enemies in certain groups and nothing will ever change that (which I really don't care, anyways), but I'll still respect that as their personal belief on how they should live and get over it.

...so yeah. (Give this ENFP a moral discussion and she will never shut up.) But that's basically how I feel about it. There are so many times when an issue like this arises, but I make it clear that I judge friendships and alliances with my own senses, not someone else's opinionated words. And if these people are truly my friends, they will respect that -- they WILL respect that.
 

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STORY OF MY FREAKING LIFE.
Like seriously, 6th grade was baaad for me. I had to choose between my group of nerdy/creative INFJ friends (although reclusive and moody on occasion), and my funny/extroverted ESFJ friends (frivolous and selfish although they may be).
The choice is obvious to me now, but back then it was a real predicament. The INFJ'S had always been there for me, but the ESFJ group had BOYS in it. Which was just, an ENORMOUS deal at age 11.

Or for a more recent example, just consider the following conversation that just happened between me, my INTJ friend, and my INFJ friend in English class.

(INTJ and I are in the midst of a glorious debate about philosophy and the like, as INFJ listens attentively. The conversation gets more intense, as we move on to a subject that we both feel quite strongly about. Both me and INTJ of course know that it's all in good fun for the sake of knowledge, but INFJ sees it as a conflict threat. And she will simply NOT be having any of THAT.)

INFJ: Okay, we should talk about something else now. Hey look, a dragon!

(We ignore her subconsciously, and elaborate on the subject. She continues to cringe at the impending conflict, darting her eyes back and forth at the both of us. I'm in mid-metaphor when...

**Suddenly, a wild INTJ opinion appears! It's horribly offensive! He's oblivious! INFJ stares in disbelief! It's awkward!**

ENFP: *facepalm*

INTJ: What?(He's confused at INFJ's sudden horror-struck expression)

INFJ: Did you really just..? (She's so damn incredulous she can't even finish her sentence)

ENFP: *sigh* INTJ, no. Bad idea.

INTJ: What? I just statedmy opinion, what's the big de--

INFJ: *whimpers and retreats into defensive hedgehog ball*

ENFP: Oh God, now you've done it.

INTJ: (disgusted at her over-emotionalism) What's her problem?

ENFP: You don't say that kind of stuff to INFJ, dude. She's full of feelingsy goo. You know that.

INTJ: Well I didn't do anything wrong. It's her own fault for being so sensitive

***I gave up on the fancy fonts at this point. How ENFP of me.***

ENFP: Wellll you could have said it with a bit more tact than you did....

INTJ: What's the point in sugarcoating it?

ENFP: So this doesn't happen. (I poke INFJ'S defensive barrier with a pencil, it quivers and tightens with another pathetic whimper)

INTJ: Well if she just let me explain...

ENFP: she's not gonna listen until you apologize.

INTJ: I am not going to—

ENFP: *look of disapproval*

INTJ: ugh. Fiiine. Get her out of there will you?

ENFP: (sings enchanting melody of persuasion and rationalization)

INFJ: (timidly uncovers her face and stares at INTJ with sad puppy eyes)

INTJ: (thinks: tsk, like that's gonna work) um. I didn't... uh...

ENFP: He didn't mean what he said—

INTJ: Yes I did, I just—(Receives death glare from ENFP and shuts up.)

ENFP: —and he sincerely apologizes for offending you.

INFJ: (looks to INTJ for confirmation)

INTJ: (unenthusiastic fake smile)

INFJ: I guess it's alright then. Just don't screw with me like that again okay??

INTJ: (actually looks scared for a second, then regains usual expression if dignified indifference) I won't.

ENFP: Mission accomplished! :D


Soooo yeah. I'm definitely the mediator in most situations like that.
 

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The No More Hero
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I do that even when people I don't like, but usually I'll join the most logical side if no grudges are evolved or try not to be in the middle of conflict. I'm a person of peace and I hate when people use my abilities for their own objectives for which I don't care for.
 

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Between male friends, anytime that it happens. Between female friends, never. I love nothing more than stirring up a cat fight. Have to be subtle about it though. A gleeful time to practice that sweet paradox: being helpfully injurious.
 

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Yep, I'm usually the mediator. Mostly because I can see where everyone is coming from. Unless something goes directly against my morals and standards. If you're wrong, then you are wrong period.
In my case, it's so bad that I used to mediate between my parents. My step-dad and mom would be arguing at 1:30am, and then suddenly my name would be bellowed and I would have to logically adjudicate between them. It was a horrible thing. Little did my step-dad know the parricidal thoughts that were coursing through my head as I sounded like a perfectly neutral diplomatic arbitrator ...

And yes, friends too. The ENFP always understands.
 

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Quite a bit...but you know what..I just give it time, and things usually get better. If the situation requires a funny moment/ice breaker, I usually break out in New Girls Jessica's song....

 

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Almost never. My friends aren't usually in conflict. I have had conflicts when someone else was the mediator but lately, it's been more someone having a total freakout at me while I'm completely confused about what I did to set them off. I used to be quite immature when I was younger and would pick fights but not recently at all. Apparently my friends get along very well.
 

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It seems to happen a lot that I am friends with different people or groups who hate each other. I can usually see where they're both wrong in how they feel toward each other or where the misunderstanding started, but if it doesn't involve me personally or the issue isn't one that I feel strongly about, I am fine with being friends with both. Strangely, no one has ever really demanded that I choose. I sometimes attempt to mediate, but I find (at least in my circumstances) that nothing is really going to change and I would prefer not to hurt my own relationship with either party.
 
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The No More Hero
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't Is a blessing and a curse at times. I suppose this is why people think we always want to please or something. Just because I can't fault someone because I understand doesn't mean I want to please everyone all the time.
I wouldn't say please, but I would say that we want peace between all people.
 

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Yep, that also gets mistaken easily for wanting to please people in my opinion.
That is true, people tent to think that we're licking everybody's boots because we like to get along with everyone, talk to everyone and have general peace between everyone even if we don't have it internally.
 

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I wouldn't say please, but I would say that we want peace between all people.
Mutually positive win-win relationships.

Agreed, @Snoot. Many have mistaken my wish that they thrive for my not caring whether I thrive. A bad mistake.
 

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people tent to think that we're licking everybody's boots because we like to get along with everyone, talk to everyone and have general peace between everyone even if we don't have it internally.
The ENFP can go stony hard, or furious, quite readily and unpredictably when we feel we're being treated badly - especially when our positive energy is being insistently turned into negativity.
 

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Mutually positive win-win relationships.
I would add possibly because many people have threw away my help, which clashes with the new topic.

The ENFP can go stony hard, or furious, quite readily and unpredictably when we feel we're being treated badly - especially when our positive energy is being insistently turned into negativity.
That's a particularly bad situation that ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS SHOULD AVOID AT ALL COSTS. I personally tent to turn away from those people before I do/say anything stupid, but sometimes it's just impossible is it not?
What I hate the most is when people turn away my help because I'm better than them so my advice doesn't work for them. I'm good at talking in front of people, if I know what I'm talking about I barely need any support and I'll add things and explain them along the way even improving at times, so I tried to help a group of girls that have a hard time with it by telling them that they should read directly from a Power Point and bring a paper along that explains more or things different and keep eye contact with the people who are listening but one turned to me and said But you are good, you cannot give us advice. You're different from us. For more that I tried to explain that I didn't born taught, she used the argument that I'm different from the because I'm good at it. Another one like this happened with the same girl. She talks very fast almost to the point of not breathing and I talk very fast too, so again my kind self tried to give her advice about how she should try to talk slower when told so (because for more that I hate it that helped me greatly) and maybe even look for therapist and her answer was I've been like this all my life! I'm 24! I'm not going to change now! An old donkey doesn't learn languages! the last being the translation of a Portuguese expression that is used by old people who express how much of a hard time they have learning new things, but she's 24! She's barely old! This is one person I fear that might meet my wrath, and to add up she's more childish than half of the young ENFPs in this forum.
 
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