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Discussion Starter #1
How can you best help an ENFP who has issues with procrastinating things in a very self-sabotaging way, as if from a fear of success? Please help me understand this kind of behaviour, any and all advices and exoeriences are most welcome :happy:


Examples:

- really wanting to do something, but then aborting the activity in the middle under the pretext of some flimsy excuse

- postponing things ad infinitum (e.g. studying) and then failing or bailing out because of that

- procrastinating things you really want to do in favour of amusing yourself with more addictive things (dumb tv shows, food)
 

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Oh man, I've been there. I'm generally fairly easygoing, but when I have an assignment to do, I happen to be a perfectionist who obsesses over everything, no matter how big or how small the assignment is, and with papers, it's even more difficult because it seems like a monumental task to do. As a result, I have ended up writing papers a few hours before the deadline and not just all-nighters. Sometimes I've woken up at 2 am as well.

In order to get better at that, I first accepted that I wasn't going to beat myself up if I completed my assignment at the last minute. Sometimes I happen to be a last minute person because I haven't figured out what idea to use for my paper, but under pressure, I just pick an idea and go with it and I'm okay. The thing about schoolwork is to not worry about how good the assignment is but think of whether or not the requirements needed for it have been met. After that, you can perfect it if you still have time.

Don't ever yell at yourself or force yourself to do something because then it becomes less motivating. Be gentle with yourself and make sure that you're truly interested in something before you start doing it. It's okay to miss a day once a while, but discipline has to be pleasurable, or else you end up disliking something you want to do in the long run.

Make sure to adjust your noise levels and figure out if you work the best in silence, around people, or just playing some music. This variable is very different for people. Also, try to turn off all distractions for a while (silence your phone, avoid friends for an hour, go to the library) and make a list of ideas you want to do. Then just pick a random idea and focus on it.

The looming anxiety you have over the possibility of a bad outcome is much more hurtful than the outcome itself. Like for example, breaking up with someone isn't as terrible as the apprehension you get before the act itself. Same goes with grades, SAT scores, or the balance in your bank account: we place value in a certain number or a certain outcome and that is what makes us nervous.

You also don't have to be in a productive, completely positive mood to get things done. There are times that you wake up in the morning and feel the urge to roll under your covers, but get up anyway because the work you're doing is either important for yourself or for other people. There is no perfect time to do something: you have to make that time for yourself and there are writers who have written their ideas for stories or even their stories on napkins because they had no access at a notebook at that time.

You might feel like you don't know what you're doing or you have no idea what to do, but the truth is that you do know, you just don't know that you know. Don't beat yourself up, brainstorm lots of ideas, pick one, and just go with it. The point isn't that you succeeded or failed, it's that you managed to get there and put in the effort.

This really helped me not be a perfectionist - The cult of Done Manifesto
 

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I place my books on the right side of my desk as a constant reminder that I need to study. I also have a chalkboard on the left side of my desk that has a list of things I need to do, so I have a full 180-degree viewing area that has constant reminder of schoolwork for me. xD

I also create reminders on my phone that keep telling me to do work!

I eventually get around to doing it when I spend enough energy and feel satisfied I've fulfilled my need to procrastinate/have fun.

I have to do this all alone in my room, though. People distract me horribly and I'll have 0% chance of studying if I'm around people. :(

The more I write down my tasks and remind myself, the more likely I do it.
 

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I still really, really, really need to work on my procrastination. But what i do to remind myself constantly is put all important notes/reminders on my coffee maker, and since i drink coffee 24/7 it works pretty well. However this really only makes it so i don't forget, but it doesn't really make me work on it before the last chance arises(usually at like 1 am on Sunday night).
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thanks, those are all great suggestions! But I'm not asking for myself but for an ENFP that is very close to me...that is, how to help an ENFP with procrastination and self-sabotage issues. What can a friend do for you to motivate you and help you get things done? :happy:
 
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