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How do different ENFPs act if they think they are being rejected? The one I knew for a little while - his entire sense of body language and tone of voice would become completely different. It kind of made me feel like I had done something terribly wrong even though I hadn't made him feel that way on purpose. Please be specific. Thanks!
 

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I think it depends on the level of rejection and who is rejecting me.

Some girl I kind of off-handedly texted on the off-chance that there may have been a date there? Meh.

Some girl I deliberately texted because I'm really into her? Pretty devastated, even if I knew it was coming.

Work? Depends on how much I care. I worked at a law firm where most, if not all, of the lawyers were not a huge fan of me. But I had a vested interest in that job, so being told that I was not staying on after the internship hurt pretty bad. It was so bad that I took my first working lunch ever because I frankly was not that hungry after I was given the news.

Now, at my current job - stocking produce for a local grocery chain - I really wouldn't care (especially since they've given me a pseudo-warning for being "too slow" - another rant for another time). Between my being incredulous at them - and not really liking the job to begin with - their rejecting me wouldn't be awfully devastating, honestly. I'd just find a new job and be done with it.

Your ENFP friend probably has some sort of vested interest in you (obviously, he's your friend!). I know that, if a friend showed even the slightest genuine disapproval of me for any reason, I'd feel extremely embarrassed. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't, necessarily. Those moments have helped me grow as a person more often than not.

If he gets that way around you, just reassure him in some way that he shouldn't worry about it. He's just thinking of all the different reasons as to why you said what you did. I know that's what I do/did. And, who knows? Maybe he's into you. I don't know what that means between you guys, but it could definitely be a possibility!
 

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i'm not sure how to be specific when you're asking a really vague question.. i'll type a follow-up if you can expand on your question, for example, how and why does this ENFP feel he was rejected?

tbh, if i do understand what you mean from my guess, i don't think that's an ENFP thing. do you mean when people are friendly toward you until you don't reciprocate at which point they back off? that's pretty much 90% of the population.

do you mean romantically?
 

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I'm not sure what you mean by rejected - romantically or just in general as a friend? Maybe he's trying to do things to make you happy via his behaviors, and since INFJ can be pretty reserved, he could be confused and feel like he isn't doing a good job.

When I feel rejected I tend to think "Well, not every human being on this planet is going to get along, and I shouldn't expect everyone to get along with me. They get along with me because they genuinely get along with me. Those who don't? I shouldn't take it too personally. We are all just trying to survive in this world - maybe someone had a long rough day and is just tired, but they aren't mad at me or anything - I probably shouldn't be taking this personally :)".

If we don't feel reciprocation in our feelings, sometimes our voices can shift to sounding a bit blunted or callous, but that's just us guarding ourselves emotionally.
 

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i'm not sure how to be specific when you're asking a really vague question.. i'll type a follow-up if you can expand on your question, for example, how and why does this ENFP feel he was rejected?

tbh, if i do understand what you mean from my guess, i don't think that's an ENFP thing. do you mean when people are friendly toward you until you don't reciprocate at which point they back off? that's pretty much 90% of the population.

do you mean romantically?
well it was a really strange situation because I was a student in the back of the class that never really said anything and he was this really entertaining professor in the front of the class that seemed to always be wanting me to talk to him or look at him or acknowledge him in some way. He really got into the work that I turned in and I think he wanted me to talk because he thought I had interesting things to say but every time I did - he just acted like I had rejected him or something. It takes a while for me to come up with a legit thoughtful answer, and when I wouldn't give him one right away he just didn't like it. He also seemed to not like it if I talked to anyone in the classroom such as another student. He never said anything but it was the way he was watching me - like I was talking to them but I wouldn't talk to him... he didn't seem to get that he was in front of the class and that was different than speaking to someone that was sitting beside me. Hope that is more specific. :D
 

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why the focus on this professor may i ask?

sounds like he likes you as a student. we get a real intuitive sense of who we like as students, often even if they are quiet, particularly i'd imagine with INFJs. the ENFP-INFJ connection is pretty powerful at times, and i can imagine he could sense it even through your writing- i often find a strange duality with INFJs even though we are opposites in our behaviour, and perhaps he finds your work rings a bell with him. perhaps this excites him as he does not feel this connection often with students, and he wants to tap into it as he enjoys interacting with students he connects with. think of JD from scrubs, or Ted as a professor from HIMYM- connecting with people is very important to us, and an alike minded INFJ would be a rare opportunity for any ENFP teacher. i remember an INFJ ex once sent me a piece of creative writing she did, and it massively resonated with me for some reason- there's something about how INFJs can write which tells me a huge amount about them that i could never know from actual life; INFJs are the most skilled type at guarding their inner selves, and yet you get a much stronger sense who they are when they write.. i can imagine as a teacher i would read a piece of INFJ work and feel a connection with it. it's very possible that he feels enthusiastic about the idea of exploring that connection by talking to you, and is a little sensitive when you don't open up (although tbh, i would just be like "fair enough, that's just her nature", but other ENFPs are different).

lol, i'm getting that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach that i get for INFJs, particularly for my ex, just talking about this stuff- the way you guys are so guarded, and yet you have this vast internal world, and the thrill you get being trusted by an INFJ to access some of that world; you feel special. it's like no other feeling in the world. you're just beautiful people in my experience, don't know how else to describe it- i have an INFJ male friend and even with him i'm able to appreciate how awesome his personality is. <- getting sidetracked.

anyway, you gave me an idea for a thread :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
why the focus on this professor may i ask?

sounds like he likes you as a student. we get a real intuitive sense of who we like as students, often even if they are quiet, particularly i'd imagine with INFJs. the ENFP-INFJ connection is pretty powerful at times, and i can imagine he could sense it even through your writing- i often find a strange duality with INFJs even though we are opposites in our behaviour, and perhaps he finds your work rings a bell with him. perhaps this excites him as he does not feel this connection often with students, and he wants to tap into it as he enjoys interacting with students he connects with. think of JD from scrubs, or Ted as a professor from HIMYM- connecting with people is very important to us, and an alike minded INFJ would be a rare opportunity for any ENFP teacher. i remember an INFJ ex once sent me a piece of creative writing she did, and it massively resonated with me for some reason- there's something about how INFJs can write which tells me a huge amount about them that i could never know from actual life; INFJs are the most skilled type at guarding their inner selves, and yet you get a much stronger sense who they are when they write.. i can imagine as a teacher i would read a piece of INFJ work and feel a connection with it. it's very possible that he feels enthusiastic about the idea of exploring that connection by talking to you, and is a little sensitive when you don't open up (although tbh, i would just be like "fair enough, that's just her nature", but other ENFPs are different).

lol, i'm getting that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach that i get for INFJs, particularly for my ex, just talking about this stuff- the way you guys are so guarded, and yet you have this vast internal world, and the thrill you get being trusted by an INFJ to access some of that world; you feel special. it's like no other feeling in the world. you're just beautiful people in my experience, don't know how else to describe it- i have an INFJ male friend and even with him i'm able to appreciate how awesome his personality is. <- getting sidetracked.

anyway, you gave me an idea for a thread :proud:

that makes a lot of sense. Very helpful. Thanks! oh and the focus is on the professor because he was someone that I considered fascinating but I think we got off on the wrong foot... more than likely my fault because I don't do well in classroom environments. I always go to the back of the room and sit with a clear view of the board and never say anything unless I'm made to...and like I said every single class session he would call on me and want me to participate and it got to a point where it was overwhelming and I think he thought I was being intentionally difficult but I really wasn't. Lol just a lot of misunderstanding that left me with a lot of questions about his type.
 

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Ill prolly just act cool. I think I'm a pretty good actor and I'm pretty chilled most of the time although I may seem super loud and active I normally play it cool when it comes to things like this
 

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I withdraw like crazy.

Sometimes I'll pretend to laugh it off like it doesn't matter and I don't care, but even then I'm withdrawing in other ways. Rejection (of any kind) hurts.
You should try being a male ENFP. People think we are plain evil and scheming. We are, but not that much.
 

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How do different ENFPs act if they think they are being rejected? The one I knew for a little while - his entire sense of body language and tone of voice would become completely different. It kind of made me feel like I had done something terribly wrong even though I hadn't made him feel that way on purpose. Please be specific. Thanks!
It depends on the depth of the relationship. (Does anyone get the idea this is a focus of mine?) I don't live my life in a way where I hang on people's legs hoping for them to favor me with something, be it sexual or spiritual or whatnot. I look for those who meet me face to face, feet on the earth, and there is that little moment of meeting, and then we decide through delicate interplay what is to be. The idea of rejection usually has in it some idea of appeal, as in a guy asking a grrl out. I've very rarely done any such thing, because there's a million miles of implicit distance and the whole karma of performing, of putting on a show or demonstrating fluency to be judged - and I reject that whole thing. All of it. Give me an honest meeting of stranger, and then some recognition - and then it plays out.

Here's a confession that goes pretty deep into my personality: I hate to lose. Absolutely hate it. So much so, that I reject the whole thing, root and branch. And so - all win.

How's that for non-linear? : )
 

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For myself it depends wholly on the situation. If I'm emotionally invested in the relationship I can become devastated and will probably never trust the person quite like I had before. If it was someone I had not become close to I would probably chalk it up to difference in personalities and go my own way.
 

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Oh interesting thread.

Depending on the level of rejection, what kind etc I'll;

- withdraw, feel sorry for myself for a day and then move on
- withdraw, feel sorry for myself for a day, rely on my friends to help me pick up the pieces and move on after the situation is understood and accepted
- Lol about it and OH LOOK SHINY
- Ponder the why and how, accept, move on to something shiny
- Trollolololo-... OH LOOK SHINY
 

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How do different ENFPs act if they think they are being rejected? The one I knew for a little while - his entire sense of body language and tone of voice would become completely different. It kind of made me feel like I had done something terribly wrong even though I hadn't made him feel that way on purpose. Please be specific. Thanks!
It depends on how rejected I'm, but to be honest I've been rejected so many times I grew a bit indifferent to it, unless I really like the person who is rejecting me.
Honestly, all types can express how rejected they're with their body language, but I don't think an ENFP will tell you or seek your help directly unless he trusts you or he knows that enough time has passed by to tell you such thing. This is why ENFPs are usually seen as happy lucky go around people whose happiness cannot be shaken, they will laugh always their sadness. It is true that this not always happens or is the same to all ENFPs, there are things that will tell you if an ENFP is hurt by rejection (or anything really), like their way to look, move or even the things he says and how he says it.
For me, my voice usually gets lower, I'll laugh less and my smiles will become sadder, I'll expend more time alone even when I'm supposed to be with friends or mates (mates has in companions, colleges). I talk a lot so when I don't people think that I'm acting strangely, but this can also be confused with the times when I'm focused or thinking, I'll stop paying attention to everything else but what I'm doing and I'll even stop talking almost completely. People shouldn't confuse my focus with sadness, though that happens.
But as I've said, I don't even remember how rejection feels like but I grew neutral towards it, especially romantic rejection. Sure, I might shut down, but I don't even remember why I shut down. I shut down much easier my friend's sadness than being romantically rejected...
 

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Here's a confession that goes pretty deep into my personality: I hate to lose. Absolutely hate it. So much so, that I reject the whole thing, root and branch. And so - all win.

How's that for non-linear? : )
I agree completely. If I feel like there is some sort of competition going on with a particular person or that they might not be as interested in me as I think they should be (as long as I'm not already emotionally invested) I will simply walk away. The idea that I might become emotionally invested and then become devastated from the outcome is too much for me emotionally.
 

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I've started another thread about my story. I am deeply in love with an INFJ who does not feel the same way as I do because he is still in love with an internet girlfriend in another country. I feel inadequate.
 
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