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No, no. But INTJs come in different flavors. I'm sure it's due to enneagram. But most INTJs here are not like my ex. There are some. But most seem to have a softer edge. I do think the forum would collectively find him to be an "asshole" as well. I don't think he could really hang on a forum. He cared very little what others thought.
Yeah, the 8s and sometimes 1s can be more overbearing. I think 5s can seem softer. Albeit disappearing acts and the typical "cold" judgment.
 
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It's good to have differences, but you don't want so many differences that you cannot relate to anything in the other individual's life. I like my relationship because we share a lot of common ground and similarities, we have similar struggles, but there are some strengths and weaknesses that balance us out. We work through things together well.

Personally, I don't think that an INTJ could possibly be affectionate enough for my liking. And, there is also the "know-all" attitude that they have that is a little too domineering for my liking.. I have found that the INTJs I have come into contact with don't stop being so narrow-minded until they grow-up and realize that life is not all about them. I have never seen an ego that large.. Woo..

Anyway, that's a rough generalization.. Generally speaking - I don't like making generalizations.. 7 billion people on earth, 16 personalities <-- There has got to be something slightly stuffed up with that...
 

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I see all of this stuff about type compatibility, and I'm really starting to think it's a bunch of bullcrap.

I initially had a fascination with INTJs, but there's nothing like being surrounded by them en masse to show what a bunch of rigid, closed-minded, hostile, socially awkward, judgemental nerds some of them can be. I mean, seriously, it's a turn off. It's like being forced to deal with a person who is simultaneously passive and avoidant, yet also arrogant and self-congratulatory.

W.T.F.

I am supposed to be compatible with these people? While I admit to being fascinated with them for quite some time, the reality that I've discovered is that I'd probably rather be with a different type.

I don't really get the ISTP thing, either, though I do like some ISTPs as friends, I've never found them as a type especially fascinating.

Anyway, I saw a thread on INTJf saying ENFPs were made for INTJs, with a significant number of INTJs complaining that ENFPs are actually too flighty and dramatic and a whole host of other complaints.

It's starting to seem to me like type matchy matchy is about as reliable as trying to find a mate by astrology.

Fascination =/= Compatibility

Anybody else?
MBTI is a very poor predictive method of success/failure in human relationships, and that is more and more true as you're getting into deeper and deeper relationships, i.e. co-worker, casual friend, close friend, family member, significant other, spouse, etc. That said, MBTI is one of the "least worst" methods out there IMHO as it's a very powerful tool, it's just that you have to know it well and recognize its limitations to use it correctly.

If you're trying to use it to determine the success or failure of a prospective romantic relationship, it's going to result in a lot of frustration. It can assist success insofar as it might give you insight as to how to "tactically" handle certain aspects of the relationship. For example, young INTP's especially are pretty notorious for not making the first move in a romantic/dating relationship, and also not being good at subtle hints. That might encourage you to make that first move and come right out and overtly express your interest, knowing that the INTP, who actually might be very perceptive about the chemistry that's developing between you and him/her would actually be relieved about you making that clear first move. Where it goes from there nobody knows and MBTI certainly can't predict, but that's the nature in which MBTI can be assistive.

It's also good as a "debriefing" tool, in other words to explain what happened or is happening. If a Fe is upset because that INTP seems not to care about the relationship because he forgets to call sometimes or forgot the anniversary, etc., MBTI helps you to understand that it may (MAY) not be disinterest but rather the classic INTP obliviousness to, well, relationships and social expectations.

In short, MBTI is far more explanatory than it is predictive, and it certainly shouldn't be used as an excuse or justification for selfish or indecent behavior, e.g. "I'm just an INTP so I don't like to go out. Deal with it." Learning MBTI well should be followed by self-improvement in those MBTI areas that are identified as weak areas and that apply to you (very few people of any individual category will have all of the classic traits of that category, or at least have them to the point that they're noteworthy), and perhaps using those areas of strength to help "pull up" those areas of weakness.
 

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Yeah. I had my fair share of flavors of supposed 'best type' matches. All of my happiest relationships absolutely did not align with INTJs or INFJs. In fact, dating a J really made me feel out of my element (although, in the beginning it was fascinating).

Beyond the 16 boxes are various factors such as life experiences, which can really shape the values, interests, likes/dislikes people share. Being able to see eye-to-eye and bonding on the same page with one another is very complex, not to mention biological factors such as attractions to pheromones.

I personally like to go against the grain and trust myself when it comes to these things. If it feels right, go with it!
 

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I see all of this stuff about type compatibility, and I'm really starting to think it's a bunch of bullcrap.

I initially had a fascination with INTJs, but there's nothing like being surrounded by them en masse to show what a bunch of rigid, closed-minded, hostile, socially awkward, judgemental nerds some of them can be. I mean, seriously, it's a turn off. It's like being forced to deal with a person who is simultaneously passive and avoidant, yet also arrogant and self-congratulatory.

W.T.F.

I am supposed to be compatible with these people? While I admit to being fascinated with them for quite some time, the reality that I've discovered is that I'd probably rather be with a different type.

I don't really get the ISTP thing, either, though I do like some ISTPs as friends, I've never found them as a type especially fascinating.

Anyway, I saw a thread on INTJf saying ENFPs were made for INTJs, with a significant number of INTJs complaining that ENFPs are actually too flighty and dramatic and a whole host of other complaints.

It's starting to seem to me like type matchy matchy is about as reliable as trying to find a mate by astrology.

Fascination =/= Compatibility

Anybody else?
If you're looking for answers to your love life on the basis of MBTI rather than personal chemistry, there's your problem.

And where the hell did you go to be "surrounded" by INTJ's anyway? I barely ever meet one offline. :-S
 

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Dude, these are, like, all good things. You just don't see the value in them. Take for instance self-congratulatory... the reason we have such high self-confidence is because we keep congratulating ourselves.. Hostile? You need to be tough on crime you know... Closed-minded? That's because we already have it figured out... Judgemental? See the crime comment above... Arrogant? When we're right, we're right... Socially awkward? Is because we aren't arrogant... Rigid? Yes baby, it's rigid just like you like it.
Well, excuse me, your I-ness. :tongue:

*Starts hiding from skycloud*
 

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You know, women tend to be Feelers and men tend to be Thinkers?

That's because men are from Mars, and women are from F(e)-ness.
I never really see INTJ's that often. Our schedules conflict too much. I guess its because I'm more of a morning person and they're NiTe people.

I've had some awkward experiences as an INFJ. Everyone seems to cower in fear when I start running around and chasing them with my NiFe.
 

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I never really see INTJ's that often. Our schedules conflict too much. I guess its because I'm more of a morning person and they're NiTe people.

Of course, it's just awkward for everyone when I start running around and chasing them with my NiFe.
FiNe, your jokes are worse then miNe.
 

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I see all of this stuff about type compatibility, and I'm really starting to think it's a bunch of bullcrap.

I initially had a fascination with INTJs, but there's nothing like being surrounded by them en masse to show what a bunch of rigid, closed-minded, hostile, socially awkward, judgemental nerds some of them can be. I mean, seriously, it's a turn off. It's like being forced to deal with a person who is simultaneously passive and avoidant, yet also arrogant and self-congratulatory.

W.T.F.

I am supposed to be compatible with these people? While I admit to being fascinated with them for quite some time, the reality that I've discovered is that I'd probably rather be with a different type.

I don't really get the ISTP thing, either, though I do like some ISTPs as friends, I've never found them as a type especially fascinating.

Anyway, I saw a thread on INTJf saying ENFPs were made for INTJs, with a significant number of INTJs complaining that ENFPs are actually too flighty and dramatic and a whole host of other complaints.

It's starting to seem to me like type matchy matchy is about as reliable as trying to find a mate by astrology.

Fascination =/= Compatibility

Anybody else?
I thought the same thing about INTJs when I went snooping around their subforum. Mostly guys, but they seemed very... frustrated. Could be something that leads them to be that way. Not sure about INTJ women, could possibly be different.
 

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I can't comment on INTJ compatibility (I know only one and he's male / I'm straight) but very recently I started seeing an INFJ girl, which is supposedly an ENFPs perfect match. Well, alongside INTJs of course.

It was quite good initially - there was a definite 'spark' there and we were pretty quick to get a date organised etc. Unfortunately though, it fizzled out just as quickly as it got started; I'm not sure what she thought of me (probably ungrounded, head in the clouds and all that jazz) but to me, as lovely as she was (and boy was she lovely), she's just so goddamn dull. There's more get up and go in a wet fart. She never wanted to do anything other than meet in the same town for a coffee despite me suggesting other, far more fun dates. Also, she was so structured - actually getting to see her required that I be penned in to her diary.

Now by all accounts it sounds like this girl wasn't interested, but she really was. I get that she's busy (shit, I'm Captain Busypants 99% of the time) but Gooood she was so bloody organised and grounded. I'm totally the opposite, so it nosedived and crashlanded very quickly. In a nice way mind you - we're still friends.

Speaking of friends, I have an INFJ male friend and he's the same! He hates my spontaneity! If I say "Let's go do something!" he gets all defensive and tells me (in a joking manner) that I have to give him plenty of notice so he can pen me in.

Bah. Live life in the now! xP
 

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I can't comment on INTJ compatibility (I know only one and he's male / I'm straight) but very recently I started seeing an INFJ girl, which is supposedly an ENFPs perfect match. Well, alongside INTJs of course.

It was quite good initially - there was a definite 'spark' there and we were pretty quick to get a date organised etc. Unfortunately though, it fizzled out just as quickly as it got started; I'm not sure what she thought of me (probably ungrounded, head in the clouds and all that jazz) but to me, as lovely as she was (and boy was she lovely), she's just so goddamn dull. There's more get up and go in a wet fart. She never wanted to do anything other than meet in the same town for a coffee despite me suggesting other, far more fun dates. Also, she was so structured - actually getting to see her required that I be penned in to her diary.

Now by all accounts it sounds like this girl wasn't interested, but she really was. I get that she's busy (shit, I'm Captain Busypants 99% of the time) but Gooood she was so bloody organised and grounded. I'm totally the opposite, so it nosedived and crashlanded very quickly. In a nice way mind you - we're still friends.

Speaking of friends, I have an INFJ male friend and he's the same! He hates my spontaneity! If I say "Let's go do something!" he gets all defensive and tells me (in a joking manner) that I have to give him plenty of notice so he can pen me in.

Bah. Live life in the now! xP
Are you sure the woman in question is not an ISFJ? Usually, we're called many things, but we're not boring once you get to know us. And we usually never have the focus for a diary. Writing stuff down is more a pain in the ass for me than just keeping it in my head. Nevertheless, that sounds a lot like an ISFJ. Intuitives are prone to conceptualize their schedule, while Sensors are prone to actually keep a physical copy. I think it's a tangibility thing.

INFJ's are usually more open-ended. Of course, one of my pet peeves is when someone shows up to my place of residence unannounced; considering, half the time, it's rarely clean and I like to prepare for visitors. I'm not one to hate spontaneity as long as I can make some sort of a conceptual framework of what's going to happen. I don't want to be stuck in a dangerous situation where we'll be lost or calling for an ambulance.
 

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I only know one INTJ personally, a female. She is a mutual friend between myself (ENTP) and my bf (ENFP). I cannot imagine the two of them ever dating. I think she'd find him soooo flaky and would never put up with him. I knew her before I knew him and I feel there was probably a bit of mutual interest from before, just something I sense, but that it fizzled out very quickly.

She would be too cold for him and too impatient, boxing him in and making him feel trapped. I also feel like she would probably inadvertently hurt him emotionally. He would be so unreliable and scatterbrained and she would be irritated to the point of starting very nasty arguments. (I've seen her in other relationships lol).

I find his ENFP behavior endearing and fun. And her INTJ behavior is good for having intense conversations or just making fun of people ;) So the ENTP can get along fine with both...though I doubt I could successfully date an INTJ. an INFJ, yes.
 

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Are you sure the woman in question is not an ISFJ? Usually, we're called many things, but we're not boring once you get to know us. And we usually never have the focus for a diary. Writing stuff down is more a pain in the ass for me than just keeping it in my head. Nevertheless, that sounds a lot like an ISFJ. Intuitives are prone to conceptualize their schedule, while Sensors are prone to actually keep a physical copy. I think it's a tangibility thing.

INFJ's are usually more open-ended. Of course, one of my pet peeves is when someone shows up to my place of residence unannounced; considering, half the time, it's rarely clean and I like to prepare for visitors. I'm not one to hate spontaneity as long as I can make some sort of a conceptual framework of what's going to happen. I don't want to be stuck in a dangerous situation where we'll be lost or calling for an ambulance.
Heh - you might be on to something there. My mum is an ISFJ too, which would explain how I felt towards her after just a few dates (if I'm honest, by the third date I genuinely couldn't wait to get the hell away and so I made my excuses to shoot off!)

Ewww.... so I was dating someone who had the same wiring as my mum.

*shudder*
 

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Heh - you might be on to something there. My mum is an ISFJ too, which would explain how I felt towards her after just a few dates (if I'm honest, by the third date I genuinely couldn't wait to get the hell away and so I made my excuses to shoot off!)

Ewww.... so I was dating someone who had the same wiring as my mum.

*shudder*
As someone who with MBTI-defined perfection recreated my parents' dysfunctional marriage, I will simply say that you are not alone, my friend.

ESFJ's are too safe and sensitive for me, as much as they might otherwise help keep me grounded. THAT I've learned through my travels . . .
 

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Heh - you might be on to something there. My mum is an ISFJ too, which would explain how I felt towards her after just a few dates (if I'm honest, by the third date I genuinely couldn't wait to get the hell away and so I made my excuses to shoot off!)

Ewww.... so I was dating someone who had the same wiring as my mum.

*shudder*
INFJ's and ISFJ's are a completely different dating experience considering you change the dominant function from Ni to Si. With an Si dominant, you get someone who talks about tangible things. Boring things, as both of us would put it. With an Ni dominant, you get someone who talks about theories and imagination and interesting things that don't make you want to fall asleep.
 

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That's it, then - she definitely sounds like an ISFJ. I was trying to recall some conversations we had but I was obviously switched off for most of them; I can't remember a single one other than her talking about family and how she likes to shop for bargains :(
 

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I'm surrounded by INTJs (dad, brother, best friend, ex boyfriend, friends) and ENFPs (sister, best friends, co-workers, friends).

If it wasn't because they took the MBTI test (I 'forced' them), I wouldn't know what their type will be. I probably will guessing wrong, because each of them are different from another, even though they share the same type.

So my question to the OP are: how do you know that they are INTJs? Are you just guessing, as trying to figure it out by yourself, or that because they took the test? What if they take the test and have different types? Will you then continue to generalizing and stereotyping them?
 
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