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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For those of you who may or may not recognize me, I'm the dude who was (and still am a bit) infatuated with an ENFP.

Long story short, I've had to voluntarily albeit reluctantly give up on her. We live in two different worlds and I can't stand being around her friends. I detest them and refuse to willingly hang out with them unless absolutely necessary.

Posted this late at night as I felt the need to put what I'm feeling into words.

This is for all you ENFPs out there. This is for all you inspirers who bring joy and happiness to others, both as family members, lovers, and friends.

The Quintessential ENFP
By: A Quiet ISTJ​



How should I explain it? How do I verbalize this? Hard to do.

But imagine feeling there was someone out there whom you felt complemented you and made you feel nice inside by just being around her. Again, it's hard to describe. But when you're that shy, dull, gloomy, quiet guy who's always either being a homebody or just hanging out with his own group of nerd friends, it's a joy having someone who makes you smile and laugh through even the littlest of her actions, two things you rarely do in other situations.


Whether she decides to chatter endlessly about how much she loves certain exotic foods or how she is really really excited because of things that you'd normally view as a normal occurrences such as rainy days, you only end up involuntarily smiling and nodding because she contagiously draws you into her sphere of excitement. She thus brings a level of spontaneity and fun into your life. She provides a new perspective of life that you would've never otherwise trusted or credited. You would think through your own super rational logic that your way was the right and only one. But her approach shows that's not necessarily always the case.


[video=youtube;-_Ynj4i0Gmw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_Ynj4i0Gmw"][B[/video]

Video/song sums up how I'm feeling. Sad and forlorn. But somewhat satisfied and happy.


Done. Had to get that off my chest. Hopefully she won't ever read this.
 

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Whether she decides to chatter endlessly about how much she loves certain exotic foods or is really really excited because of things that you'd normally view as a normal occurrences such as rainy days, you only end up involuntarily smiling and nodding because she contagiously draws you into her sphere of excitement. She thus brings a level of spontaneity and fun into your life.
That is our modus operandi I think. Glad we could help.

My brother-In-Law is an ISTJ and we get along flawlessly...This post isn't a surprise. :happy:
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Aw, that is so beautiful.

I know an ISTJ on here made me cry with his level of understanding ENFPs and his willingness to convey his message. It means a lot to us.

Thank you for this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Aw, that is so beautiful.

I know an ISTJ on here made me cry with his level of understanding ENFPs and his willingness to convey his message. It means a lot to us.

Thank you for this.
Oh no. I would argue this is just me just (1) getting this off my back (2) providing some encouragement and (3) shamelessly promoting the fact that I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, something I CAN'T openly do where I am right now. :crazy:


I would've written more if I were much closer to this girl. Thankfully, I'm not. Otherwise I'm not sure I'd have the will to leave her. It looks like this may just happen next semester as I don't have an interest in staying in her world when it includes people whom I don't desire to be around. It pains me to say this, but I think I may be best off separating myself from her. My school life is just too important and I can't allow my conflicted feelings and my dislike of some people to cloud my judgment.


She's a good soul. Perhaps in another world, things would've been different.
 

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Hey that's very nice of you... and it is true...
My ISTJ date did say similar things that you said...

thanks for that... I can keep reading that when I feel down
:tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hey that's very nice of you... and it is true...
My ISTJ date did say similar things that you said...

thanks for that... I can keep reading that when I feel down
:tongue:
Hehe, glad to be of encouragement.

Another guy (think he's an INTJ, not sure) who's showing interest and flirting with her is a complete asshole and very good at hiding it when around other people. But still, I wish her the best and I genuinely hope if they end up together that she doesn't get hurt for her sake.

But she doesn't belong to me, so I don't dictate what's good for her.
 

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Hehe, glad to be of encouragement.

Another guy (think he's an INTJ, not sure) who's showing interest and flirting with her is a complete asshole and very good at hiding it when around other people. But still, I wish her the best and I genuinely hope if they end up together that she doesn't get hurt for her sake.

But she doesn't belong to me, so I don't dictate what's good for her.
You never explained. What don't you like about her friends?
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
You never explained. What don't you like about her friends?

I won't go into too much detail as even internet anonymity is insecure.


One of her friends gives off the impression of a faker. Every time I talk to her, I get the impression that she's just putting on a front. Her other friend, the dude, is also a faker--but of a different breed. He'll only talk to me or my friends when he wants something. There's a very subtle passive-aggressiveness to his attitude.


This is one of the main reasons I've decided to ditch her along with the fact that she and I are just a bit too different. She's an active socialite and I'm more so the homebody. :crazy: The attraction was interesting while I entertained it, but now I'm in the stages of simply avoiding her whenever possible and concentrating on what's most important: my school performance and my friends. That's life for ya. Not exactly a happy ending, but probably more so a prelude of more events to come.
 

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I won't go into too much detail as even internet anonymity is insecure.


One of her friends gives off the impression of a faker. Every time I talk to her, I get the impression that she's just putting on a front. Her other friend, the dude, is also a faker--but of a different breed. He'll only talk to me or my friends when he wants something. There's a very subtle passive-aggressiveness to his attitude.


This is one of the main reasons I've decided to ditch her along with the fact that she and I are just a bit too different. She's an active socialite and I'm more so the homebody. :crazy: The attraction was interesting while I entertained it, but now I'm in the stages of simply avoiding her whenever possible and concentrating on what's most important: my school performance and my friends. That's life for ya. Not exactly a happy ending, but probably more so a prelude of more events to come.
I find that hard to believe an ENFP would keep the company of "fakers" since that is what we most hate in the world.

However, I believe you. And I completely understand. I do judge people by the friends they have. If you feel uncomfortable around them or if you think they will sabotage, that is important.

However, ENFPs do tend to value their intimate relationships over their friends. My partner is top priority. Relationships are extremely important to us. I wouldn't confuse our single behavior for how we are in a relationship. For instance, I love dating introverts. I mold myself quite nicely with that lifestyle. I would rather be home with my mate, cuddling and watching a movie than "out on the town".

But when I'm single you might find me doing more of those activities. It just depends. I try to hang onto myself and my activities even when I'm in a relationship. But it's never at the expense of a relationship. And I do love spending time with my partner. And sometimes my partner might need space. This is why it's good to go out and hang out with my girlfriends. It gives us each some breathing room.

But I would never pick being a "socialite" over my partner and force him and drag him everywhere if it wasn't his thing. You just need to talk to an ENFP and let them know your likes and dislikes. We are very willing to give in relationships. We want our relationships to be very healthy. It is very important to us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I find that hard to believe an ENFP would keep the company of "fakers" since that is what we most hate in the world.

However, I believe you. And I completely understand. I do judge people by the friends they have. If you feel uncomfortable around them or if you think they will sabotage, that is important.

However, ENFPs do tend to value their intimate relationships over their friends. My partner is top priority. Relationships are extremely important to us. I wouldn't confuse our single behavior for how we are in a relationship. For instance, I love dating introverts. I mold myself quite nicely with that lifestyle. I would rather be home with my mate, cuddling and watching a movie than "out on the town".

But when I'm single you might find me doing more of those activities. It just depends. I try to hang onto myself and my activities even when I'm in a relationship. But it's never at the expense of a relationship. And I do love spending time with my partner. And sometimes my partner might need space. This is why it's good to go out and hang out with my girlfriends. It gives us each some breathing room.

But I would never pick being a "socialite" over my partner and force him and drag him everywhere if it wasn't his thing. You just need to talk to an ENFP and let them know your likes and dislikes. We are very willing to give in relationships. We want our relationships to be very healthy. It is very important to us.

Oh no, we're only two months into school and she only recently joined their circle of friends. By no means do I judge her based on her friends. I was just very much aware that if I even wanted to just be a good friend of hers, I'd have to be around those two ogres. That's a huge no-no for me.

In the end, it was just an issue of avoiding certain people and compatibility. I think as an ISTJ I just have a lot of learning to do in the arena of socializing and learning how to have fun. :crazy:

We ISTJs are late bloomers in both arenas. When I've gained enough experience in both fields, maybe...just maybe...I'll be worthy to date and charm a female ENFP!! :laughing:
 

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I'm an ENFP and an ISTJ just ended a relationship with me recently. It was one of the most unusual relationships I've ever had. I had a great time with him, and I found him incredibly attractive. It was some of the best sex I've ever had. I found him fascinating because I truly did not understand him at all. He was like this giant mystery box that I wanted to open up and poke around inside of, but he did not want to take the lock off the box. I actually just posted a thread about the criticism issue, and why he ended the relationship.
 
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omg really really beautiful :happy:
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I'm an ENFP and an ISTJ just ended a relationship with me recently. It was one of the most unusual relationships I've ever had. I had a great time with him, and I found him incredibly attractive. It was some of the best sex I've ever had. I found him fascinating because I truly did not understand him at all. He was like this giant mystery box that I wanted to open up and poke around inside of, but he did not want to take the lock off the box. I actually just posted a thread about the criticism issue, and why he ended the relationship.
...

I wasn't contemplating sex and I would think sexual prowess comes with practice and experience...not by personality types! :blushed:
 

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I am sorry that you have had to give up on developing a relationship with the ENFP gal that captured your heart...really sounds that way. Us ENFPs are usually enticing to an ISTJ for the very reasons you gave; but as previously stated for many of us the desire to please our SO means we will happily trade the social-butterfly for something more deep and meaningful. Please believe me when I say that ISTJs are in no way boring to us...quite the opposite in fact.

As for our friends...I think you'll find that these are most likely to be just acquaintances and not important friendships if they are fakers a you have described. I'll take your word as usually your type does see the reality of situations quite clearly. My suggestion if you can possibly manage it; is to cultivate a sincere friendship with her and see if things can develop that way.

True friendship usually means everything to me anyway. But if you simply don't believe you can be with her; you are certainly very noble in simply letting her go.
 

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I find that hard to believe an ENFP would keep the company of "fakers" since that is what we most hate in the world.

However, I believe you. And I completely understand. I do judge people by the friends they have. If you feel uncomfortable around them or if you think they will sabotage, that is important.

However, ENFPs do tend to value their intimate relationships over their friends. My partner is top priority. Relationships are extremely important to us. I wouldn't confuse our single behavior for how we are in a relationship. For instance, I love dating introverts. I mold myself quite nicely with that lifestyle. I would rather be home with my mate, cuddling and watching a movie than "out on the town".

But when I'm single you might find me doing more of those activities. It just depends. I try to hang onto myself and my activities even when I'm in a relationship. But it's never at the expense of a relationship. And I do love spending time with my partner. And sometimes my partner might need space. This is why it's good to go out and hang out with my girlfriends. It gives us each some breathing room.

But I would never pick being a "socialite" over my partner and force him and drag him everywhere if it wasn't his thing. You just need to talk to an ENFP and let them know your likes and dislikes. We are very willing to give in relationships. We want our relationships to be very healthy. It is very important to us.
Hey you're totally right as ENFP act different when we are single.. we dated many people... we hang out a lot but once we find a clicked partner - we belong to him, and may possibly be very clingy ....:laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 · (Edited)
So far, so good. I've been able to avoid her. Though she does enter my mind from time to time, I still get work done in school. Hopefully this continues and her image in my mind loses its distractive properties.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
As for our friends...I think you'll find that these are most likely to be just acquaintances and not important friendships if they are fakers a you have described. I'll take your word as usually your type does see the reality of situations quite clearly. My suggestion if you can possibly manage it; is to cultivate a sincere friendship with her and see if things can develop that way.

True friendship usually means everything to me anyway. But if you simply don't believe you can be with her; you are certainly very noble in simply letting her go.
Again, I didn't judge her for those friends. She just recently began hanging out with them. But then as I said earlier, I could be COMPLETELY wrong in my judgment of them; I HAVE been wrong about people before. But until someone can prove otherwise, I'm dead set on avoiding them.


I may not be letting her go simply out of virtue. It could simply mean that I have a low self-esteem or confidence and that I'm really just another closet douchey pig. :laughing:


As for letting her go...it'd be noble of me to let her go because I somehow believed that being with her would hurt her. No need to give me too much credit. I'm avoiding her for my own good.

There's a lot happening in my life as it is and I'd rather keep things simple for now.
 

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...

I wasn't contemplating sex and I would think sexual prowess comes with practice and experience...not by personality types! :blushed:
I'd beg to differ on this one. I mean sure, experience, etc plays into good sex. But I do think different types have different sexual styles too. In general, I think S types are typically great in bed. It's like they're reallllly in the moment, watching what's going on, changing when it's needed. Not that N's are bad in bed, I just think they tend to get potentially wrapped up in fantasy worlds more easily, and ignore the immediate physical stuff, which could be good or bad. In my opinion, this is where the ISTJs attention to detail is reaaaallllly great! :tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I'd beg to differ on this one. I mean sure, experience, etc plays into good sex. But I do think different types have different sexual styles too. In general, I think S types are typically great in bed. It's like they're reallllly in the moment, watching what's going on, changing when it's needed. Not that N's are bad in bed, I just think they tend to get potentially wrapped up in fantasy worlds more easily, and ignore the immediate physical stuff, which could be good or bad. In my opinion, this is where the ISTJs attention to detail is reaaaallllly great! :tongue:
...

:shocked:
 
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