[Later Days]

So I was in the ISTP forum discussing how the ISTP acts in relationships, and brought up how they're actually cuddly sweethearts (which has been confirmed by many NFs), and was wondering if any of my fellow ENFPs (Or any other NFs for the matter) have any sort of relationship (Romantic or friendship) with an ISTP and how they treat you.

In my observations from stories around the forum, I've noticed that the ISTPxENFP dynamic works best when there is a female ENFP involved. I've guessed that it could be our natural nurturing, emotional, and clinginess is associated with the female gender role, therefore is more expected. However, when it comes to the ENFP being male, female ISTPs tend to say they feel smothered and wish for the ENFP to back off and be more manly and quiet.

So my friends, do you know any ISTPs? What are your interactions and generally friendships/relationships with them? Any observations?

Gushing is totally ok. Seriously, ISTPs are pretty dang cool.

 

[madhatter]

Aw, shucks.

 

[cbelle]

Wow-

My favorite thread ever.

Thank you for putting this up Waffle! :laughing:

Now wait while I compile some of my ISTP observations. It might be a while because I'm feeling sort of down right now, not necessarily because of my ISTP, but because I miss him a lot and I'm frustrated with some of the social situations we've been in lately (where I can barely interact with him.)

 

[Later Days]

Wow-

My favorite thread ever.

Thank you for putting this up Waffle! :laughing:

Now wait while I compile some of my ISTP observations. It might be a while because I'm feeling sort of down right now, not necessarily because of my ISTP, but because I miss him a lot and I'm frustrated with some of the social situations we've been in lately (where I can barely interact with him.)

Holy moly, I'm right there with you.
My ISTP has to work almost constantly, and when he's off he's usually too tired to leave his house, therefore I don't see him as much as I'd like to. It's really frustrating, because I'm used to either constantly talking or spending time with my previous boyfriends. However, at least I know I'm not the weird one in this. He honestly misses me too and wishes he had more time. C'est la vie.
It's funny what socionics says about relationships of duality, about how you really wouldn't notice your dual until a particular basic run-in where your face to face, and at first you really don't think it's a big deal, but once you've gotten together, and you can't spend much time with them you really start to realize how much you want them in your life. Seriously, we've had the same friends (Actually my ex was one of his acquaintances) for about 10 years, and we even went to all the same schools but never spoke to or even really noticed each other until his sister and I had a school project together and we caught eyes in his kitchen. It was the start of something great at first sight.

I have to ask if your ISTP ever has problems with being punctual.

My ISTP gets easily distracted or forgets to do everything until the last minute when we're supposed to be hanging out and usually ends up over an hour late. It's gotten so bad that I've actually had to confront him about it. Thankfully though, working out problems with ISTPs is really easy and nothing ever gets crazy and everything gets resolved through talking and hugging it out.

 

[Empurple]

So weird to see this post, because I was actually thinking about starting a thread asking about ISTP/ENFP relationships. They just seem like they go together, gathering from the ones I know.

 

[Later Days]

So weird to see this post, because I was actually thinking about starting a thread asking about ISTP/ENFP relationships. They just seem like they go together, gathering from the ones I know.

Seriously. Reading the description of each type after my boyfriend and I got together, all i could think was "Where has this type been my whole dating life? They sound awesome!" and they are.

I think Socionics has a better grasp on intertype relationships than MBTI does. My 'natural partners' as suggested by any Myers-Briggs site usually don't interest me in a romantic way. I've never found an INTJ that I felt anything more than a want for an intellectual conversation with, and as for INFJ, I love them like a love a family member. They're my confidants and my shoulders to cry on. My dad is an INFJ, and no one of his type ever really made me think "Oh, I could see this turning in to a romantic relationship".

 

[WMDistraction]

However, when it comes to the ENFP being male, female ISTPs tend to say they feel smothered and wish for the ENFP to back off and be more manly and quiet.

Seriously... have you been stalking me? These are two of the major reasons my ISTP ex broke up with me. She was tired of the fact that I texted her daily saying how much I loved her, etc. etc., and that I shouldn't be so "stand-offish" when we argued... stand-offish being that stonewall thing we ENFPs tend to do when being yelled at by someone important to us. Most of all, that I was too emotional, which isn't a "manly" thing.

 

[cbelle]

I have to ask if your ISTP ever has problems with being punctual.

He is late, a lot. For many weeks he didn't even come to church, the only place he had a chance to see me. This frustrated me since I figured I wasn't incentive enough, and I finally let him know it I couldn't take it anymore. Of course he did have a logical excuse... he works a paper route so he has to sleep during the day... but still. Anyway, he's come to church every Sunday since so I can't complain! He really will do anything to make me happy, I just have to tell him what is wrong. This takes some work on my side since as an ENFP I don't want to bring anything up that might cause an argument, or even worse, cause him to feel bad or become angry.

However every time I've ever brought anything up, he's done a perfectly noble job of fixing the problem, usually better than I ever expected. I always feel closer to him after I tell him how I'm feeling, even if it's negative, because he continually reassures me that he cares about me.

I thought I should let you know my situation, because it's not typical. My ISTP and I can't date yet because we're both conservative Christians (Church of Christ, actually) and my Dad hasn't given us permission to start a relationship (we could do what we wanted but we both want to wait until my Dad says it's ok.) So we continue to see each other in group situations, which is difficult because I retreat in large groups of people and my ISTP just gets caught up in all of it and doesn't show me much attention because there are others around.

It's hard on me and I hope we'll be allowed to date soon. We mostly keep in touch through Facebook. Consequently, I feel like I don't like him as much in person as I do through Facebook, just because he's so different in groups of people. I'm a little worried about that.

Unfortunately I'm still a little blue... I won't be able to see him till this Saturday, and he doesn't always contact me constantly during the day. I know, logically, that he still thinks about me all the time, when he isn't napping throughout the day, but my emotions seem to block my mind in this matter.

I try to keep my cool and work on some of my own projects when he gets silent.

Really though he's what I need: he's always there if I have something to say. He never tries to change me like every other man in my life has tried to do. He said he thought I was pretty the first time he saw me, but he didn't like me until he saw my fun side come out, because he always bases attraction off personality and never off of looks. That's a huge relief because I know he's not going to go out on me just because a prettier female specimen comes along.

Like I've said before, he's my freedom, my breath of fresh air. :laughing:

 

[cbelle]

It's funny what socionics says about relationships of duality, about how you really wouldn't notice your dual until a particular basic run-in where your face to face, and at first you really don't think it's a big deal, but once you've gotten together, and you can't spend much time with them you really start to realize how much you want them in your life. Seriously, we've had the same friends (Actually my ex was one of his acquaintances) for about 10 years, and we even went to all the same schools but never spoke to or even really noticed each other until his sister and I had a school project together and we caught eyes in his kitchen. It was the start of something great at first sight.

I wanted to say something about this here as well...

It's hilarious because I didn't even consider my ISTP as an interest until our two families were "thrown together" for a day. We had been going to church together for quite a few months (and I had met him about three years prior to that.) I just thought of him as "a guy in the group."

We carpooled up to a church friends house (he, my sister, his brother, and I) and I felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks! We both loved country music, he loved the way I drove (which is rather wild), and we literally had a blast in the front seats of the car. Honest to say, by the time I drove him back, I nearly ran a red light that had been red for a full minute, just because I had looked him in the eyes and realized I couldn't breathe. He had to calmly say (about three times) that there was a red light in front of me before I slammed the brakes and his plateful of cookies toppled all over the place. :laughing: It is still a memorable day.

In one evening I found myself falling for him. However, it was a bumpy emotional road until I realized he liked me too.

 

[pinkrasputin]

So I was in the ISTP forum discussing how the ISTP acts in relationships, and brought up how they're actually cuddly sweethearts (which has been confirmed by many NFs), and was wondering if any of my fellow ENFPs (Or any other NFs for the matter) have any sort of relationship (Romantic or friendship) with an ISTP and how they treat you.

In my observations from stories around the forum, I've noticed that the ISTPxENFP dynamic works best when there is a female ENFP involved. I've guessed that it could be our natural nurturing, emotional, and clinginess is associated with the female gender role, therefore is more expected. However, when it comes to the ENFP being male, female ISTPs tend to say they feel smothered and wish for the ENFP to back off and be more manly and quiet.

So my friends, do you know any ISTPs? What are your interactions and generally friendships/relationships with them? Any observations?

Gushing is totally ok. Seriously, ISTPs are pretty dang cool.

I spent 2 years with an ISTP. Incredible undeniable chemistry. The hardest relationship for me to ever let go of. I remember my body physically go through withdrawals when it was over.

It was same for him. In fact the sexual part kept going for awhile even after the break up. Because that part never went bad.

ISTP was "workable". I had to be upfront with things I wanted and not be self righteous about "he should just know." No. It ain't going to work with that type of attitude.

He changed for me and he had a great sense of humor. It's been 3 years, but I can give him a jingle for advice on certain issues.

He wanted to inspire me, I wanted to inspire him. We reinfoced in each other a hardcore adherence to our values.We had very common interests and our schedules were the same.

He was different than what I was used to. So different. But we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. In the end- I opened him up emotionally, gave him acceptance to be himself, and inspired him in his direction. He taught me to make things happen, lifted me on a pedestal, taught me how to stay strong and take charge.

I use his words in my head to this day on how to handle people and my business. I've used his words to become successful so much that it inspired me to write him an email a year ago thanking him.

In our brief correspondence he still tries to inspire me by calling me a "rock start" and I still give him mad props for being all that he is.

He's the one who told me frequently "I just feel like I can be myself around you" and "hanging out with you is like hanging out with one of the guys" and "Wow. Dude. You like sex as much as a guy. But I'm not complaining." :laughing:

 

[cbelle]

I spent 2 years with an ISTP. Incredible undeniable chemistry. The hardest relationship for me to ever let go of. I remember my body physically go through withdrawals when it was over.

It was same for him. In fact the sexual part kept going for awhile even after the break up. Because that part never went bad.

ISTP was "workable". I had to be upfront with things I wanted and not be self righteous about "he should just know." No. It ain't going to work with that type of attitude.

He changed for me and he had a great sense of humor. It's been 3 years, but I can give him a jingle for advice on certain issues.

He wanted to inspire me, I wanted to inspire him. We reinfoced in each other a hardcore adherence to our values.We had very common interests and our schedules were the same.

He was different than what I was used to. So different. But we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. In the end- I opened him up emotionally, gave him acceptance to be himself, and inspired him in his direction. He taught me to make things happen, lifted me on a pedestal, taught me how to stay strong and take charge.

I use his words in my head to this day on how to handle people. I've used his words to become successful so much that it inspired me to write him an email a year ago thanking him.

In our brief correspondence he still tries to inspire me by calling me a "rock start" and I still give him mad props for being all that he is.

He's the one who told me frequently "I just feel like I can be myself around you" and "hanging out with you is like hanging out with one of the guys" and "Wow. Dude. You like sex as much as a guy. But I'm not complaining." :laughing:

Why didn't it work? It sounds like it was a beautiful relationship.

 

[pinkrasputin]

Why didn't it work? It sounds like it was a beautiful relationship.

We were both rebounding. I was fresh out of an 8 year marriage, divorce wasn't even finalized yet. He had only been broken up 2 weeks from someone.

When you're rebounding, you can't appreciate the person for who they really are. You're either running from a person that reminds you of the pain with someone else, or you're trying to replace a person because missing them is too great.

But either way, the person before you is being compared to what you just had in your mind. Sometimes he would snap at me for no reason and I felt like he was snapping at the person he was previously with. Like I was a walking apparition of her. Because the snap came out of no where. He did realize this and would apologized.

Even though I hated my marriage, I was surprised when I couldn't talk to him like my ENFJ ex husband.

You see? It was too soon to be in a relationship. I broke up with him eventually and it killed me. I don't think I ate for a year. I know it changed him as well.

I also wasn't used to physical attraction like that. It was powerful. More powerful than anything I had ever experienced before. I was just as hot for someone who was equally as hot for me. That was new for me.

 

[Linnifae]

My ISTP gets easily distracted or forgets to do everything until the last minute when we're supposed to be hanging out and usually ends up over an hour late. It's gotten so bad that I've actually had to confront him about it. Thankfully though, working out problems with ISTPs is really easy and nothing ever gets crazy and everything gets resolved through talking and hugging it out.

Story of my life. I can't stand the streotypes on t.v. that portray the guy always waiting around for the girl because with us it's opposite...though I'm not exactly punctual either, I just found someone worse than me. :laughing:

The thing I like best about ISTPs, is that they really mean what they say. There's no mind games or guessing. If my husband is annoyed, or happy or bored, he'll say so. I've never met anyone quite so simple. And when I say simple I don't mean unintelligent because he's got a brilliant mind. He's just not complicated in a "What does he REALLY mean by that" or "I've got to draw him out" sort of way. I just do my own crazy ENFP thing and he follows. Unless he doesn't want to...then of course he doesn't. He's definitely the least clingy guy I've ever been with, and is perfectly content to be by himself. Sometimes that makes me feel clingy though, by comparison, but he doesn't seem to mind. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. I guess that's why we intrigue each other.

 

[Linnifae]

Seriously... have you been stalking me? These are two of the major reasons my ISTP ex broke up with me. She was tired of the fact that I texted her daily saying how much I loved her, etc. etc.

A lot of girls would love that, I think. Apparently not ISTP girls. Looking back when I started dating my ISTP husband, I did a lot of things like that, and he seemed to love it.

 

[OctoberSkye]

A lot of girls would love that, I think. Apparently not ISTP girls.

I would, too. :happy: But, only if I knew he was sincere. The saying "talk is cheap" has applied too many times for me not to be wary.

 

[WMDistraction]

I was sincere.

 

[Crystall]

I loves me some ISTP. roud:

We mostly keep in touch through Facebook. Consequently, I feel like I don't like him as much in person as I do through Facebook, just because he's so different in groups of people. I'm a little worried about that.

Don't worry. My ISTP is the same way. We met just before I moved across the Atlantic ocean and we had kind of a long distance relationship for almost a year which mostly consisted of facebook and msn chats. It was a lot easier for him to open up and talk about his thoughts and feelings over the internet than it is when he's looking me in the eye, even though he knows me better now. Even just having the webcam on caused him to switch from talking about missing me to teasing me about something.
It takes some time to get him to open up IRL and I have to build up his trust and break through the shell he keeps around him. Like a lot of ISTPs he does suppress a lot of his feelings, even his feelings for me because he's afraid I'll hurt him. :sad:
I find a lot of our deeper conversations occur late at night when we're lying next to each other in the dark and he doesn't have to look at me while he's sharing (or after we have a fight).
It takes some intuitive thinking and probing questions to get him to open up to me, and I have to keep at him or the walls come back up! He's by far the hardest nut I've ever tried to crack, still he says I've torn down his walls like no one before?!
It's all worth it in the end though, as I find the more he does open up, and I open up to him, the more affectionate and attached he becomes with me. And even though he isn't usually the one to initiate cuddling, I can feel the affection in his embrace in a way that I've never felt from another man before. The feeling of his hands running through my hair or down my back, squeezing me harder and harder. :blushed:

I wanted to say something about this here as well...

It's hilarious because I didn't even consider my ISTP as an interest until our two families were "thrown together" for a day. We had been going to church together for quite a few months (and I had met him about three years prior to that.) I just thought of him as "a guy in the group."

That's really funny, because my ISTP and I actually went to high school in the same class for a full semester together before I dropped out and started at another school, and we never noticed each other!
4 years later we met again, on kind of a double date where who was meant for who was far too confusing, and he and I were both too shy to strike up a conversation.
Then, another 4 years passed before we finally set eyes on each other again last summer. That night I knew I wanted him. :laughing:

 

[OctoberSkye]

I was sincere.

I believe you. I didn't mean to imply you weren't, only to prove that not all ISTP females can be painted with the same brush. :happy:

 

[pinkrasputin]

I loves me some ISTP. roud:



Don't worry. My ISTP is the same way. We met just before I moved across the Atlantic ocean and we had kind of a long distance relationship for almost a year which mostly consisted of facebook and msn chats. It was a lot easier for him to open up and talk about his thoughts and feelings over the internet than it is when he's looking me in the eye, even though he knows me better now. Even just having the webcam on caused him to switch from talking about missing me to teasing me about something.
It takes some time to get him to open up IRL and I have to build up his trust and break through the shell he keeps around him. Like a lot of ISTPs he does suppress a lot of his feelings, even his feelings for me because he's afraid I'll hurt him. :sad:
I find a lot of our deeper conversations occur late at night when we're lying next to each other in the dark and he doesn't have to look at me while he's sharing (or after we have a fight).
It takes some intuitive thinking and probing questions to get him to open up to me, and I have to keep at him or the walls come back up! He's by far the hardest nut I've ever tried to crack, still he says I've torn down his walls like no one before?!
It's all worth it in the end though, as I find the more he does open up, and I open up to him, the more affectionate and attached he becomes with me. And even though he isn't usually the one to initiate cuddling, I can feel the affection in his embrace in a way that I've never felt from another man before. The feeling of his hands running through my hair or down my back, squeezing me harder and harder. :blushed:

This makes so much sense. My ISTP really wasn't good at handling eye to eye conflict. Me crying WAS NOT received very well. I had to just let him leave. But then I would receive a wall of text. Massive amounts of well thought emails about the conflict situation.

I really had to learn to "let him leave" during conflict. At first there was this knee jerk reaction for the both of us: he'd detach, I'd cling. Bad, bad, bad...... A counselor pointed this out.

I taught my ISTP how to be physically affectionate to me. When day when he got out of bed I said "I would like a kiss and a hug goodbye. You're not very affectionate." And I said is in a LOVING tone. Not an accusatory tone. So he came over kissed me and hugged and remained doing that and more everyday.

When he helled my hand in public, I made sure to say "I feel like a million bucks when you hold my hand in public." And it was very true. And it also made him do it more. I think he liked pleasing me.

He opened up so much to me. His father had died 3 years prior to our relationship. He hadn't talked about him, but I saw a picture of his dad by his bed. I began asking questions about his dad. My ISTP opened and cried and I held him. Then he kept saying "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I needed to do that. I haven't talked about my dad in a while." I know he needed to do that. That's why I asked him about his dad in the first place. I wanted to give him a safe place for his feelings.

On a different note-Okay, you ENFPs: Have you noticed the incredible chemistry with the ISTP? It leaves me dumbfounded. Seriously. In my experience it is so rare.

In my 20s I had only dated NFs and married an NF. So when the ISTP approached me in my 30s, I didn't know WHAT had hit me. I had never ever felt chemistry like the way I had felt with this person.

Right now, I think my guy is not the MBTI type he is claiming. Nope-I recognize the physical attraction and many many other things. It's a rare chemistry. I think my current guy is actually ISTP. *Happy Dance*

 

[cbelle]

On a different note-Okay, you ENFPs: Have you noticed the incredible chemistry with the ISTP? It leaves me dumbfounded. Seriously. In my experience it is so rare.

In my 20s I had only dated NFs and married an NF. So when the ISTP approached me in my 30s, I didn't know WHAT had hit me. I had never ever felt chemistry like the way I had felt with this person.

I have indeed noticed a different sort of chemistry with my ISTP than with my previous relationship with an INFJ (where there was almost NO chemistry)... however given our situation I haven't had the chance to test this chemistry. We've never purposely touched each other romantically or even held hands, but I noticed that when he does touch me (whether to help me up or give me something) I can barely breathe! It's like everything else just doesn't exist. I don't know how to explain how he touches me so sensually and gently in just a gesture.

Also - his whole demeanor changes when he touches me or gets really close to me. He helped me down out of a tree the other day (*I'm a dumb ENFP, I get stuck in trees*) and the same thing happened. He got really focused and silent and it's just like us two in the world. I can't imagine what it would be like to hold his hand! :blushed: