Personality Cafe banner
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys, I'm just wondering about something here. I've typed myself as an Enneagram 4w5, but it's just the fear part that seems a little messed up for me. Like a 4, I have this need to be a little different and to be expressive and emotional. But like a 2, I've noticed that most of my fears center around 'losing everyone I love'. Is that very common?

I've typed myself as a 7w6 before, then a 7w8; it's the second type in my tritype now. I'm just really trying to understand where I'm coming from, you know?
(Still new to this whole Enneagram thing.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Hmmm. Is it a fear of losing everyone's love? I don't often think of losing other people. I do feel worried about my loved ones health and safety sometimes. You might be a 4 who has a strong connection to 2. Or a 2 with a strong connection to 4 and that is when typing gets blurry.Do you feel any effect of type 8 in your life or type 1? If u can see if you ever move to act like an 8 or to act like a 1, then you may be able to distinguish what type you are. If you notice you sometimes act or think like an 8, you may be a type 2.But i dont know if your tri-type might confuse things more...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hmmm. Is it a fear of losing everyone's love? I don't often think of losing other people. I do feel worried about my loved ones health and safety sometimes. You might be a 4 who has a strong connection to 2. Or a 2 with a strong connection to 4 and that is when typing gets blurry.Do you feel any effect of type 8 in your life or type 1? If u can see if you ever move to act like an 8 or to act like a 1, then you may be able to distinguish what type you are. If you notice you sometimes act or think like an 8, you may be a type 2.But i dont know if your tri-type might confuse things more...
Hm. Well, when I see a problem I tend to be a bit of a take-charge type, and I can't really bear to see a friend I care about get waylaid without having something to say about it. But I'm not really scared of losing *everyone's* love...I am scared of losing my family's love, and at the same time I'm scared of anything happening to them. The last tritype I fixated on was 4w5, 7w8 and 1w2, if that helps...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
hmmm, take charge type,maybe that could be a connection to 8. Also, i read that 2's have selected love versus the love for all people kind of feeling, so its possible to be a 2, but only care about what family and close friends think of you.

Do you also feel more practical than others? Do you generally like things to be positive and upbeat most of the time? on amazon, there is a book called "are you my type, am i yours?". there are some excerpts you can read where the authors compare the 2s and 4s. I think we can look alike. Because I have spent so much time being sad, I generally want things to be upbeat and positive, but it is something I have to put effort in and work towards.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Well, I've always tried to be upbeat and inspirational, because a smile on someone's face because I put it there always feels great. The practicality comes and goes, though: more often than not, I'm the weird kid in the corner dreaming about poetry and stories (and the guy I'm hopelessly in love with even though I know so little about him). But when someone relies on me I snap right up and try to do what is asked of me best as I can.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Text Font Document Line Paper


Here is the list that I think is helpful. However, it says that extraverted 4's can look even more like 2's! This complicates things a bit, but I think it's good to know. I am an extraverted 4 and I think I can appear like a 2.

But I really don't seem to worry as much about things that 2's sometimes worry about. I really feel self-absorbed. My mind is usually thoughts of myself and sometimes I need to put in big effort to start seeing other loved one's needs before my own. I can say no to my family a lot, whereas my enfp 2 cousin has trouble with that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hrm. Tbh, I relate more to the 4s than to the 2s, although I do have trouble saying no. But that's mostly so they don't get mad at me--usually I just do things my own way. I guess the fear of losing everyone is just something a little off-key.

I don't like disapproval? It just seriously makes me want to cry when someone says they're disappointed with me, and I often think people tend to avoid me after I've done something wrong, no matter how small or unintentional it was, like goofing off in the middle of work (even though I was doing my work well). Usually when I feel guilty I try to make it up by doing whatever extra well.

(Yay I just kinda ranted about pointless things that have nothing to do with fear.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
Hrm. Tbh, I relate more to the 4s than to the 2s, although I do have trouble saying no. But that's mostly so they don't get mad at me--usually I just do things my own way. I guess the fear of losing everyone is just something a little off-key.

I don't like disapproval? It just seriously makes me want to cry when someone says they're disappointed with me, and I often think people tend to avoid me after I've done something wrong, no matter how small or unintentional it was, like goofing off in the middle of work (even though I was doing my work well). Usually when I feel guilty I try to make it up by doing whatever extra well.

(Yay I just kinda ranted about pointless things that have nothing to do with fear.)

Ah, well, if you relate more to 4 description then I think you are a 4. I think the fear of losing everyone might be just another 4-ish fear of being abandoned, so its not so odd after all. Maybe another ENFP 4 can weigh in with some comments?

I can understand crying when someone says they're disappointed with me. It's too harsh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,329 Posts
How important is identity to you? I've noticed that identity is a VERY important issue with all the fours in my life. For me, and the other twos I've met, it's not that big a deal. I've actually noticed that some twos get off on others not knowing quite how to read us, because keeping secrets is part of how we ensure our freedom and keep our power without creating obvious distance. We will willingly and readily "fake it to make it."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I've always wanted to be acknowledged for who I was, not to be held up to someone else's standards but my own. My family would sometimes (negatively) compare me to some other person, or even another family member such as my (late) grandfather or one of my older uncles, and no one understood why I reacted the way I did. ("I'm me, not them! Stop trying to turn me into someone else!") I admit, it was a bit juvenile of me to react the way I did, but I was just a teenager; and I have to admit, they did stop.

Mostly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
134 Posts
Hey! I am a 2w3 4w5 7w6 tritype.

However, my 2 and 4 usually score equally on enneagram tests. The reason that I have typed myself as a 2 is because I tend to be way more concerned with the way others perceive me than how unique I seem or feel. Nevertheless, there is a part of me that is very much about being set apart from the rest –hobbies, ideas, etc.– and, like you said, living by my own conclusions on life instead of someone else's. So I know your dilemma... I think @IluvHSJ's comparison is very handy for this. Might have to print me one!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
233 Posts
See, this is why I think enneagram is likely flawed (what isn't, tbh.) After reading all this, I still think of myself as 2w3 and 4w5 equally. I believe there are blurred lines for sure.

Edit - or I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I don't believe there is a "true type" for everyone. I think it's possible for some to really and naturally go in-between two.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
14,145 Posts
See, this is why I think enneagram is likely flawed (what isn't, tbh.) After reading all this, I still think of myself as 2w3 and 4w5 equally. I believe there are blurred lines for sure.

Edit - or I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I don't believe there is a "true type" for everyone. I think it's possible for some to really and naturally go in-between two.
those two types are so different I doubt it. BUT do bare in mind that everyone has all 9 types within them. It is just which one is your default. I think personally people should find out their instincts first (because of all the variation between all of the 27 types and the counter types etc.). After that it will be a little easier when you compare those descriptions. As far as the core fear, I have mixed feelings on that approach. True, it is best to focus on your core fear but the mere fact that it is your core fear should be an indication that it is the one fear that eludes you (remains subconscious) and therefore isn't at our awareness, which is the whole point of the enneagram in the first place. Often times we lean on our wings defenses or we can be in an unhealthy state or be healthy but be stressed in which your mbti does seem to present differently under great stress ...

whatever is the case I do believe you do have to have enough adult life to pass as well to be able to introspect your state of mind. I mean this for no other reason than much of your motivations (and personality) doesn't fully develop till the early twenties and so on. And so at the end of the day I guess my point is the enneagram 2 and 4 are very very very different despite their commonality, and I'm just not sure if I think anyone can have more than one core type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
233 Posts
those two types are so different I doubt it. BUT do bare in mind that everyone has all 9 types within them. It is just which one is your default. I think personally people should find out their instincts first (because of all the variation between all of the 27 types and the counter types etc.). After that it will be a little easier when you compare those descriptions. As far as the core fear, I have mixed feelings on that approach. True, it is best to focus on your core fear but the mere fact that it is your core fear should be an indication that it is the one fear that eludes you (remains subconscious) and therefore isn't at our awareness, which is the whole point of the enneagram in the first place. Often times we lean on our wings defenses or we can be in an unhealthy state or be healthy but be stressed in which your mbti does seem to present differently under great stress ...

whatever is the case I do believe you do have to have enough adult life to pass as well to be able to introspect your state of mind. I mean this for no other reason than much of your motivations (and personality) doesn't fully develop till the early twenties and so on. And so at the end of the day I guess my point is the enneagram 2 and 4 are very very very different despite their commonality, and I'm just not sure if I think anyone can have more than one core type.
I'm in my late 20's. Every time I think I've figured out which one out of the two I am, I end up hearing/reading something that agrees with the opposite
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top