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Definitely sx/sp. The only time I'm super social is when I'm single. (that sounds horrible). :rolleyes:
I wish I was sx/sp it would be so much easier to focus on getting that GPA up and getting a job. Unfortunately I'm Sx/SO, which suprised me at first, but then I realized I need to have a strong connection to something to want to do it and its usually after someone says something Passionate or Inspirational that I feel like doing something. I think the So comes from a general love of people, but I feel my So biting at me when I spend time alone for to long because then I feel like people don't like me. Its only when I get out and about with people again that I feel my So again. Also my So is what makes it easy for me to talk to strangers. However SP last is hard because I know what I need in life, but I can get so bored with a goal once the flame is gone, and I know for fact that just isn't the way to do it. Its not until after I've talked with some people who really care that I feel the flame spark again.
P.S.: Sx= the Flame ;P
 

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I am sx/so, definitely attracted to so/sx. Dead simple and obvious to me. I do certainly utilize the heck out of <so> to search for love, but how else would you go about it? :-\
 

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I wish I was sx/sp it would be so much easier to focus on getting that GPA up and getting a job. Unfortunately I'm Sx/SO, which suprised me at first, but then I realized I need to have a strong connection to something to want to do it and its usually after someone says something Passionate or Inspirational that I feel like doing something. I think the So comes from a general love of people, but I feel my So biting at me when I spend time alone for to long because then I feel like people don't like me. Its only when I get out and about with people again that I feel my So again. Also my So is what makes it easy for me to talk to strangers. However SP last is hard because I know what I need in life, but I can get so bored with a goal once the flame is gone, and I know for fact that just isn't the way to do it. Its not until after I've talked with some people who really care that I feel the flame spark again.
P.S.: Sx= the Flame ;P
Man, I know exactly how you feel. That struggle definitely defines a solid part of my existence.
 

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SP/SX/SO here.

I am not in a relationship. *Alone time = oxygen. *

I have a hard time setting boundaries i.e. breathing space, cos i want to spend time with the other person and i feel an urgent need to get to know them more and interact with them its a very powerful SO/SX urge.

Once I secure the relationship, the SO/SX urge quickly and without warning, disappears. *I feel sorry for my boyfriends, but I have to dump them because I lose interest. *When I get my alone time back I feel so relieved. *

'Retreating to my normal activities that would naturally include my mate' doesnt really work because alone time is my normal activity-so the conflict would come if i married someone who wanted me to go out and do things with them all the time and didnt understand my need for spending lots of time by myself. *I live with my family and it satisfies my need for socializing without being in a relationship
 

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For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.
 

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I'm an INFJ Type 5 Self Presever "sp/so/sx"....
Your main type is Type 5​
Your variant is self pres​











I have to admit that this is pretty bang-on and right about me. However, my idea of being "sexual" to attract men is by getting into better shape....so, I start exercising more...I don't do anything like wear low-cut things...I'm pretty modest and shy. I might go get a manicure and pedicure, too, to be more pleasing and attractive.

"Self-preserving moves to Sexual
For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm."


 

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Lol I know how being an SX/SO feels. When I took a test, I came up as an INTJ 1w2 SX variant, weird combination but quite accurate I'd say.
 

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As an sx dating an sp, I must say these descriptions are spot on. I have found the sx/sp relationship can be rather complimentary, given our shared instinct to include each other in daily routines, to appreciate each others' efforts, to earnestly enjoy time spent together, and our general disinterest in participating in busy social activities or pomp and circumstance. The main point of deviation seems to be my sx impulsivity and hankering for the occasional thrill violating his sp need for predictable security and calm. I keep him on his toes, he keeps me grounded :)
 

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I'm a 5 sx/sp, and I can relate to this description. When I was single, I definitely opened myself up to social experiences because it would help me meet a nice guy. When I met my partner, we were part of a group of friends, and when we started dating, I was dismayed that he wanted to date me with other people around. I even complained to my roommate "I don't understand why he wants to invite all these friends to our dates." I liked my partner so much that I went along with his preferred socializing style, but it was not natural for me. I think that's why we've been together so long. He never gets a chance to bore me, because we're different enough to keep it interesting. Also, I do like the entertainment/spectacle of other people and the amusement of parties and shared experiences, even if it isn't my core goal. I also like that he's social because I don't like partners who do not have friends, interests, or goals outside of me. I always keep important relationships, regardless of the man in my life. I like friendly independent men.
 

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I don't fit in any of these little boxes. Was married for 28 years, child bride - not really but you get the gist. Am now just trying to to figure out how to just be - is there a sexual / sexual? I get bored and as ENTP, am finding most men cannot take a joke. I am drawn to the aloof introverts. I cannot find a good match. Sex is fun but sometimes a girl just wants to have a nice heated conversation/exchange of ideas.
 

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Self-preserving moves to Sexual
For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.
I've been thinking about this right here....I don't like this... people who are normally "sp" people turn and act like "sx" people...

....they'll just resort back to their routines

What do you do when you end up paired with an "sx type"

once things settle you won't be half as interested as the sx type when it comes to one on one time >.> you just won't need it as much I guess....you're more in to your own thing...routines and stuff >.>

So I feel like all you "sp" people need to just be your selves....so you don't confuse us "sx" types in to thinking you're like us in this area....and so you don't end up with someone that needs more one on one time then you're willing to commit too.
 

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I've been thinking about this right here....I don't like this... people who are normally "sp" people turn and act like "sx" people...

....they'll just resort back to their routines

What do you do when you end up paired with an "sx type"

once things settle you won't be half as interested as the sx type when it comes to one on one time >.> you just won't need it as much I guess....you're more in to your own thing...routines and stuff >.>

So I feel like all you "sp" people need to just be your selves....so you don't confuse us "sx" types in to thinking you're like us in this area....and so you don't end up with someone that needs more one on one time then you're willing to commit too.
Yes, that can be a bit hard for the sx in sp/sx relationships, the so in sx/so relationships, and the sp in so/sp relationships. That's one of the reasons why they say that having the same dominant instinctual variant is one of the 5 factors in compatibility. But that's what this article is for, to help raise awareness of the differences that exist and how to overcome them. :)
 

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wel, now l'm just confused about my variants. l thought l was sx/sp but l could be sp shifting to sx...
 
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I am sx/sp and definitely see the pattern for myself. I was more engaged in socializing when looking for my partner. And afterwards was happy to be on our own little island all alone. I married an sp/sx and he definitely followed that pattern too. He gave me amazing one on one attention, quality time and we became attached fairly quickly. We've been married over a decade now and we are aware of one another's needs (mine for intimate connection, his for autonomy, space, and routines) and we do our best to meet and respect one another's needs, but we did have to go through the 'honeymoon is over' phase to get there. This was fun to read. Thank you.
 

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MBTI Enthusiast said:
Self-preserving moves to Sexual
For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.
This is very interesting. I've typed myself as sx, but lately I've began to think I might be sp first. This sp -> sx would mean I'm stuck in a loophole: I want a mate so I turn on the sx mode, but when I get him and things start getting too intimate (like feelings and stuff, yuck :p) I raise a wall and escape. Once free, I shift to sx again and the cycle of flirt-bang-run repeats itself.

Also, if this is true, sx -> so would eliminate sx first for me; I was never actively going out to search for a date, the idea that my mate is somewhere among all those other people has always been pretty alien to me, although I know it's completely unreasonable to think so, both objectively and from my own experience.
 

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Self-preserving moves to Sexual
For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. Self-preserving moves to Sexual
For example, the self preserving subtype considers a mate as an essential need to maintain and insure security. Therefore, when in search of a mate the self-preserving subtype will feel anxiety and suspense until a mate is secured. In order to attract a mate, the self-preserving subtype will shift to their respective sexual instinctual drive to accommodate this fear. Outwardly the self-preserving subtype will behave like the sexual subtype, pay more attention to their desirability and will be sensual or flirtatious. At first, the self-preserving subtype will spend more time one on more with the possible mate. Once the mate is secured, the self-preserving subtype will return to basic routines that ideally would include the mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to issues of security and disrupt their need for inner calm.

Social moves to Self-Preserving
The social subtype will think in terms more indicative of the self-preserving subtype when selecting a mate. This is very important to insure the desired security that rank and social status can provide. The social subtype seeks a mate with a shared social vision and similar values. This is necessary to fulfill the desire for a mate that will join them in their activities. Therefore, a secure social position is essential. Much attention is paid to the potential mate's connections, rank and ability to provide financial security. This subtype enjoys bringing others together, feeling that 'the more the merrier'. They are often adept at creating the center stage and often use their home for social events, gatherings and causes. At first the social subtype will spend more time one on one with the potential mate. Once the mate is in place, the social subtype will return to outside interests, groups and/or activities, ideally, this is with their mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their need for people, activities, causes and unwilling to share their interest in others.

Sexual moves to Social
The sexual subtype (one on one) will seek the greater world or social arena to find a desired mate. The sexual subtype is normally happy tucked away in a secluded setting with one significant other. However, when alone or in search of a mate, this subtype will behave much more like the social subtype. One must be with others to find 'the other'. Once the mate is selected, the social activity will be replaced by the dominant drive for time spent in union with the other one on one. At first the sexual subtype may spend time with the potential mate in the company of others. They become a pair even in groups. Then when the passion for deeper connection is ignited the sexual subtype will want to bond totally with their desired other. When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts."


Yeah, I seem to fit the sx subtype thingy the most~
 
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Sexual moves to Social
The sexual subtype (one on one) will seek the greater world or social arena to find a desired mate. The sexual subtype is normally happy tucked away in a secluded setting with one significant other. However, when alone or in search of a mate, this subtype will behave much more like the social subtype. One must be with others to find 'the other'. Once the mate is selected, the social activity will be replaced by the dominant drive for time spent in union with the other one on one. At first the sexual subtype may spend time with the potential mate in the company of others. They become a pair even in groups. Then when the passion for deeper connection is ignited the sexual subtype will want to bond totally with their desired other. When the mate is determined, the sexual subtype will return to one on one style of relating. Ideally, this is intense time spent with the desired other or mate. An area of pain and disappointment for this subtype is when they have a mate that is unwilling to pay attention to their degree of connection and intimately share their deepest and innermost thoughts."


I definitely relate to this to the point where it was NEUROTIC, being a 9 doesn't help. LOL

When I was single I would always fantasize about finding a mate and what it would be like. I had a highly idealized image of love in my mind, which was shattered (parts of it) later on in life because I realized that my idealizations were based on self-lacking...etc...(talk more about it in another post)

BUT my sister and I created an online dating profile for FUN because she was broken hearted at the time and I thought it would be good for her to go out and meet some new people, seriously or just for fun. SO we both created profiles and started looking around.

At first I would see people maybe once a week. I am not a fan of just talking online - I need one on one contact in order to know if I am wasting my time or not!! LOL - easier process of elimination, through the examination of energy.

BUT after a while I became addicted. Would smoke and just scroll through men for hours. Started treating each profile like an object rather than each an individual person. Started meeting people more often. Every day.

Sometimes I would even meet a few people in a day. BTW it is good to note I only went on second dates with 2-3 of the maybe 35 people I met. (I soon quit this addiction)

My Ne went wild with all the possible mates I could obtain, size up, new stimuli,.... But it was at some point where I met my BF of now 2+ years and stopped going on the site.

At that time I was just dating one other guy. He wasn't happy with that after a while (INTJ) and wanted to be monogamous... Now my story is becoming long winded...

Back to the instinctual variants... I definitely extended my social sphere to a point where I would have great anxiety doing it now. It is a mental phase shift. I was in a totally different state of mind at that time. The part I DO NOT agree with would have to be the us together hanging with others in a larger social setting....

I get really uncomfortable when we are with others, because there is too much going on and I don't know where to direct my attention... SO - I try to keep my friends and my relationship in different domains (not to mention most my friends find him irritating) , but sometimes these domains intermix and interesting things occur...
 
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