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Discussion Starter #1
I was a little reluctant to answer this questionaire. I was not entirely comfortable with the amount of ‘intimate data’ that was handed out and I usually like solving things on my own, but I would like some ‘objective’ input. So please take a look inside my brain and give your thoughts about my
-core type?
-tritype?
-instinctual variant?
-shoe size?

:crazy:

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

I want to keep growing as a person. In mind, body and soul. I mostly want this for myself. I value personal growth and want to be proud of the person I am. I’m not really after social status or succes, since these things matter very little to me. But a small inner circle to discuss philosophical topics (I contemplate a lot and seek a state of enlightenment, a deep understanding of the world and its hidden beauty) and also have some fun with would be nice. So I guess I do desire some ‘recognition’ there.
When I said small inner circle, I did mean small. My need for social interaction is very low and I really value solitude. I need alone time to process my thoughts, work on my projects and just be. But eventually, it might turn into loneliness, disappointment and procrastination. Since most human contact only leads to more loneliness (or at least, it does to me) I tend to choose these confidants wisely. The search for a romantic partner is also very important to me.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

As much as I would like to say that I have already answered this in the first question (since “not only the destination, but the journey is important is well”), I know it does not ring entiriley true to me. I want more.
I always had the idea that something is missing and that I would find a complementary part. Be it an outward force completing me, or an inward force finding completion through processes of affecting other’s minds - I would strongly prefer the latter. It might be a profound realisation, relationship, artwork or something entirely else. I really have no idea what it actually is. I also doubt that I will ever find it, since I sense that I’m aiming at some moving target. It is some vague sense of catharsis and perfection that is in itself unattainable.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

Doing: spending 40 years of my life in a cubicle living an ordinary and completely controlled life.
Being: the old cat lady (see question number 4).
Values: authencity, integrity, freedom, intelligence, sincerity.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

My biggest fear is turning into the old cat lady. Sometimes I have visions or dreams where I already am her. I’m an 80 year old lady sitting in a room full of books and my life has amount to nothing. No profound realisation came to my mind, no state of enlightenment, no meaningful relationship(s) and a vanishing sense of self. Life itself becomes utterly meaningless and is lived by empty persona (and even I might be one of them).

As for more ‘mundaine’ fears...
The thought of losing a limb and/or being seriously ill can freak me out as well. Since these might limit my autonomity, mental capacities and personal growth. And I won’t be as pretty anymore :’)

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

Others: creative, genuine, intelligent, deep, unaffected.
Self: creative, genuine, intelligent, deep and very shy. I’m really not as strong as I would like to be.

6. What makes you feel best? What makes you feel worst?

I feel best when I can affect other people’s minds. When I can take their minds off the usual material / superficial stuff and let them see a deeper world. I will mostly move through (semi-autobiographic) stories, articles, illustrations and the like.
Despite this urge to connect and my longing for soulmates, I feel worst in actual social situations. They make me feel inferior since I have such a hard time deciphering them. I am also very reluctant to display my deepest emotions in person. But more than a fear to give it all, it is often like an inability to give it all.

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

ANGER
I will maintain a sense of superficial harmony, while I’m resorting to passive-agressive ways to partialy unleash my anger. I will usually contain the rest of it, which will render me very stubborn.

SHAME
For me, shame is one of the worst emotions to experience. I feel terrible when I’m not living up to my ideals (and since I have a lot of them, this happens quite often). It makes me want to dissapear off the face of the earth by crawling into bed. There I will relive the experience, dramatise and basically wallow in my own misery.

ANXIETY
I might sense some initial paralysation, but I will face my fears. The “I’m pooping my pants but I’m doing it anyway” stance. This was especially true during my late childhood / early teens when I went through a depression and had some social anxiety issues. I did not want other people to notice and most people never did.

8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

STRESS
I perform quite well (or even better) under it. I tend to procrastinate a lot, so stress -intertwined with my sense of perfectionism- really makes my push my abilities.
This combination can also lead me to take on a more assertive role. I will push the other members to complete their parts and hand them over to me, so I can do the final edit (because “what’s done self is done best”). - I’m somewhat contradicting my stance where I value nearly everything, but that’s as long as I’m not involved and my image does not depend on it.

UNEXPECTED CHANGE
I enjoy unexpected change (ideas, scenery, jobs) as long as I maintain a sense of control and know I’ll still have my home to return to. I like my collection of books, paintings, clothes etc. But it’s more than mere material objects (I could always start over). It is a place to retreat from the world; where I can contemplate, observe and explore. I need that. I also need some basic comfort guarantees (toilets and culturally acceptable food).

CONFLICT
I have a very accepting nature. So it’s rare to get into a conflict with me. And when it does happen, I will usually avoid it. Either because you don’t matter enough to me or you matter too much to me.

9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

AUTHORITY
I don’t like being controlled. I want to do things in my own way, at my own pace.

POWER
Basically the same. I don’t like being controlled, and I don’t like to impose my judgement onto others either. I highly value freemdom and individuality and I believe that every person should be granted these liberties.
The idea of having power and being able to influence people is somewhat tempting though. But I would rather be respected for my own merits, than to bind people to me through mere power.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

Weltschmerz? Hmmmm. I actually feel saddened by the discrepancy between (personal) beliefs and the actual world. Especially since all the other people seem to hold some kind of hapiness that I can not reach. I’m not particualary unhappy (though melancholy by nature), and there’s really no framework to measure hapiness, but sometimes I just wonder if I’m not on the ‘wrong side’ after all.

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

My first day at kindergarten. Up till then, I had a pretty sheltered upbringing and had always been surrounded by adults and teenagers. My initial exitement about other kids (and even morge so: art and learning classes!) was rapidly extinguished when I was put in the actual social arena. All the chatter, noise and running around really dumbfoulded me. I realized that I was different from the other children (and this feeling has never quite left me).
I mainly responded to it by singeling myself out even further. I refused to alter my personality in order to fit in a group I felt no desire belonging to. This does not mean I did not feel extremely lonely. I mainly observed (and mocked) the world while I dreamt up imaginary friends.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I don’t trust others easily. I will place a fair amount of trust in intimates, but I will still mainly trust myself.

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.

Likes on the left, dislikes on the right:
Intelligent -- Overanalyzing
Independent -- Untrusting
Open-minded --- Indecisive
Creative -- Capricious
Individualistic -- Elitarian
Sensitive -- Sensitive
Accepting -- Unassertive

I also struggle a lot with laziness and doubts.
I’m prone to jump from one topic to the next, without actually accomplishing anything. And I doubt myself a lot. I pose myself a lot of questions and think about different answers while time passes by and I’m doing ‘nothing’ again =/

14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don’t?

I can see less desireable characteristics in people I love and still envy them / put them on a pedestal.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?

If it’s about something superficial, I’ll laugh and joke about it. I might even take some pride in the fact that they take the effort to comment on it (wether it’s a compliment or an isult). If it’s about something deeper:
-Compliment something I’m unsure about: “Thank you” and search for an ulterior motive
-Compliment something I’m sure about: “Thank you” and happy because somebody noticed me
-Insult something I’m unsure about: “That’s your opinion” and ponder on it
-Insult something I’m sure about: “That’s your opinion” and don’t give it a second thought

16. What’s something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?

THANKFUL I HAVE
See question number 13 (this is getting lengthy).

WISH I COULD HAVE
A button to switch my brain off. I tend to overanalyse to the point of detachment where I am commenting on my own actions in the third person. I like my brain, but sometimes I just would like some time off.
Better social skills. More inner strength and assertiveness to attrack more like-minded people and make the relationships work (better).

:shocked:

This was long!
But if you still have questions, please ask them (and please ask them here).
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Hmm. Five was my initial thought as well.

@Wake
Thank you for the links. I haven't come across these sites before, and they seem to contain pretty long (and in depth?) descriptions. I will post my findings once I've gone through them.

@sleepyhead
I'm curious :')
What were the six treats you saw? I can see some, but I'm wondering if there are more I'm subconsciously turning the blind eye. And what made you say 5w6 over 5w4 as a whole?
I usually get 4w5 on tests. But one should not really go by them.. I can relate to some 4 traits, but I'm not emotionally volatile enough to actually be a 4. 5w4 on the other hand seemed like a decent fit. 5w6 gave me the impression of being very 'brainy'. But I will give 5w6 some more thought while I go through the information Wake has provided.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Also, what do you guys think about my heart?
If I should have a 4 somewhere in my tritype, how do tell apart what's the heart and what's really the wing?

But let's make sure if I'm a 5 first.
*off to research*
 

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Also, what do you guys think about my heart?
If I should have a 4 somewhere in my tritype, how do tell apart what's the heart and what's really the wing?

But let's make sure if I'm a 5 first.
*off to research*
I'm not a believer in the tritype having wings because it seems it should only have to do with how you approach the non-core centers. You may have a fixation on using one of the types in each center more than the others, and this makes you who you are. As you can see in my signature the tritype is still under review. I'm yet to buy in.

My latest theory is that the wing has to do with how you became your type because it would have a central message. Example being type 1, 1w9 would be shown the message that a system must be run perfectly and the conscience is not irritated if everything is perfect. 1w2 would believe that people harming others would be the main problem and morality is the central focus. The official stance of veterans and experts of the Enneagram is that the wings are not defined, but given lengthy definitions without defining line between them. Some others believe they work in terms of a gradient, others that you're a particular wing or not.

I would give much time to issues concerning your main type, and possibly wing before bothering to take on other matters within the Enneagram.
 

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Hmm. Five was my initial thought as well.

@Wake
Thank you for the links. I haven't come across these sites before, and they seem to contain pretty long (and in depth?) descriptions. I will post my findings once I've gone through them.

@sleepyhead
I'm curious :')
What were the six treats you saw? I can see some, but I'm wondering if there are more I'm subconsciously turning the blind eye. And what made you say 5w6 over 5w4 as a whole?
I usually get 4w5 on tests. But one should not really go by them.. I can relate to some 4 traits, but I'm not emotionally volatile enough to actually be a 4. 5w4 on the other hand seemed like a decent fit. 5w6 gave me the impression of being very 'brainy'. But I will give 5w6 some more thought while I go through the information Wake has provided.
It's so hard to tell with a questionaire like this, but a couple of the words you used struck me as 6-ish, but again, I think just reading the descriptions further of each of the wing types will help you narrow down which you identify with most.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
@Wake:

Surely, main type first! I just aksed because I’m fairly new to the enneagram and not familar with all it’s internal dynamics. Especially since a lot of sites provide lengthy type descriptions, whereas only a few tell something about tritypes. As a result, I’m not certain how I should view these tritypes (as a secondary and a tertiary core working together with the primary; or as truly secondary and tertiary cores that take over when the first one doesn’t work). I’m also uncertain of the influence / role of wings in tritypes. Etcetera, etcetera.
I was hoping that a better insight in these dynamics might give me more proficiency in discovering my main type (as it could be torn apart from 'outside' influences if I had a grasp on them). But my question may have been poorly posed, as I jumped to concretes instead of staying in the more abstract realm.

Also, as I read more I get the impression that everbody basically has their own theory about it (or at least, there appear to be different camps). I have not read enough to have my own stance on it, so I’ll just stick to the basics and review type descriptions without wondering too much about all the other stuff. So the 'problem' basically resolved itself.

To be added to my response to question number 13:
I really have a gift to make all things complicated. I guess that’s both good and bad too.

:crazy:

@Boss:

Thank you. And take your time! I’m still reviewing the information while self-analyzing and pondering on a good format to accurately post my findings (without getting too lengthy). So I’ll also get back to you (and to Wake!), but it might take some time :’)
 

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@Wake:

Surely, main type first! I just aksed because I’m fairly new to the enneagram and not familar with all it’s internal dynamics. Especially since a lot of sites provide lengthy type descriptions, whereas only a few tell something about tritypes. As a result, I’m not certain how I should view these tritypes (as a secondary and a tertiary core working together with the primary; or as truly secondary and tertiary cores that take over when the first one doesn’t work). I’m also uncertain of the influence / role of wings in tritypes. Etcetera, etcetera.
You're a smart one for having the sensibility to skip it. I've seen many people's typing go wrong because they try to identify with all types and take up a tritype to compensate for this desire. By the end they have no type and nothing to show from the Enneagram.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
It's a Nine!

@Wake
@Boss
and whoever's reading this:

I have reached a conclusion. I’m a 9.
I always had the impression that my gut fix was 9w1 over 1w9. But I would not have recognized it as my core type if I had not noticed another questionnaire where this link was shared. Some interesting points were made, and it really altered my view on 9s. And it hit me that I was one.

I also felt frustrated and ashamed. I had just wrapped up my mini-reviews on a variety of types to post here, and when I re-read them I noticed this recurring 9ish pattern. Sigh (and facepalm).
But I’m happy to have found my main type. It really explained a lot. Everything fell into pieces and it also shed some light on my tritype. I’m fairly positive I’m a 945. I know that a lot of people tend to think they have this tritype, but the other types really don’t resonate with me as much.

My head is still spinning from all the new insights and connections it’s making, and this just seems like the start of an interesting journey.

:kitteh:
 
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