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Can someone help me understand the difference between the Type 2's drive for love, and the (mostly) universal human desire to love and be loved?

Is the difference simply the way in which Type 2's secure love? (i.e. through helpfulness)
 

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Any image type has trouble believing that they are going to be loved for who they are, and so they craft a specific ways of relating or appearing to others that they think will make them appear a complete, desirable person. The problem is that the more they are validated with acceptance and approval, the more distanced they become from their idealized traits or personas. This further reinforces the belief that there is something unlovable at the core.

But most of the time this isn't conscious or else it wouldn't be a defense mechanism. So I think with unhealthy 2s, they have this idea that they're incapable of finding a completely balanced dynamic and that they will always need to be overextending or giving more than the other person in order to "meet them" part way and be loved or wanted at all. And specifically this is because they think it will make other people indebted to them. I think unhealthy 2s see love as a kind of currency and their pride comes from being able to create enough counterfeit that people (and most of all themselves) are convinced their love is endless and always in surplus. But there are things any human needs that currency, real or fake, cannot buy, and that's where they run into trouble.

Twos NEEED to see themselves as good, giving, generous, likable, needed, wanted, and if they're not, they feel like it's a direct statement of their worth. What they don't realize is that they already feel this way about their own worth, but they're just being reminded of that insecurity when their games don't end up serving them (and that sentence can apply to all image types, I think, it's just that the idealized selves have different roots for the different types).

So while it's almost universal to want to be loved, 2s are going off the assumption they're unloveable. They're seeking to set up some sort of strange power dynamic to force a bond because they cannot conceive of it happening naturally.
 

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@Quernus

Thank you for always (seemingly) being willing to answer questions that no one else takes the time to answer.

This is the second time I asked a question that I thought might never get a response, and you swooped in to the rescue! :proud:

& Your answers are always so thoughtful and well written/spoken. I always enjoy reading what you write.

So, Thank you!
 

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The need itself isn't really different. It's more of the degree to which they need it, and the way they go about getting it that is more pronounced.

@Quernus I liked how you said 2's feel unlovable. I've noticed this as well, but have held back from tossing that phrasing around, because it's easily mistaken for attitudes of other types like 4 and 9.

The mechanic for 2, the way I see it, is a tale of two selves - one that is unlovable, and a second, more self-identified, phony, image self that sees itself as being able to adjust to whatever manipulative or willful ends are needed to get what one wants out of the world. If you are a type 2, you would invest a lot of how you see yourself in having the ability to do just that - via charm, flattery, seduction, strategic giving, making yourself admirable in others' eyes, and so on. The "pride" of 2 is baked into that belief, that there are no limits and I can give you what/anything you really need.

The problem with that is that ultimately while 2's are often able to seduce others into getting their needs met, people are responding to the image self, not the 2 him/herself. For that very reason unhealthy 2's are rarely nourished or valued for their true self, but rather the false abundance they give, because they too often peddle their image self via giving instead of their authentic self (which has genuine limits and boundaries on what can be done). I have not met one moderate to unhealthy type 2 who wasn't in some way disgruntled or secretly finicky of people they love for not having given them what they wanted, even when said person has in fact given quite a bit to the 2. These 2's say they are grateful and their image reflects gratitude, but there's the sense their needs haven't quite been satisfied until someone gives them what their real self, not image self, needs.

Circling back to love needs and rejection - being rejected, or sense of impending rejection feels completely deflating to 2's, as does a feeling of futility. People on PerC have tried to disband the idea that 2 is a Superego type, but the Superego does in fact play a key role in the type, particularly in supplying assessments of what a good person, or lousy awful loser they must be for doing/not doing X, Y, Z. It also supplies the ego ideal that the 2 tries to live up to be in someone else's eyes - what would so and so like if I did it, etc. 2's live or die by self assessments, and care immensely what others think of them. That's because they have invested themselves heavily in a proud, aggrandized image of being able to do anything, with the real self and its needs having been repressed. They really need to get the response they want, the validation, the love to fuel the elevated image self, lest the pain of the fall set in.
 

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@Quernus

Thank you for always (seemingly) being willing to answer questions that no one else takes the time to answer.
Well, I just have no life.


This is the second time I asked a question that I thought might never get a response, and you swooped in to the rescue! :proud:

& Your answers are always so thoughtful and well written/spoken. I always enjoy reading what you write.

So, Thank you!
Aww. <3 thank you!
 
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