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Hello,

This is a type 3w4 suffering. The issue is not that serious but, since it has been happening for way too many years, I am getting sick of it. Well, the thing is I'm 23 years old male and I have this 15 years old cousin who has always admired me. He has a difficult personality since he has suffered bullying in school due to his femenine manners, a disfunctional family, and some other things. We are a lot of cousins in our family and we are all close with each other, but this guy has always been obsessed with me, but it is getting worse with the years. IT IS NOT ME WHO SAYS THAT MY COUSIN ADMIRES ME, every adult in my family has and is always telling me that I have a big influence on him and that he always wants to know about what is going on in my life. I do not know my cousin's enneagram type.

Now here I am going to explain the things that he admires in me (it is not bragging since I am not telling who I am):

-Out of all my cousins, I have always been by far the one with the richest parents. I have always been tha cousin with the big house, nice clothes... Out of all my cousins, this guy in particular is the poorest.

-I am extremely handsome (not bragging, girls always say that). My cousin has always been fat, but now that he is an adolescent he has gotten in shape. The problem is that he is not handsome and he is not a masculine guy at all (no offense to anyone, please).

-I have always gotten the best grades in my family. My cousin gets average to good grades.

-In addition, I have always been very humble (I swear I never brag about those things) so people really like me. As for my cousin, he is EXTREMELY pretentious, even pedantic may I say. He has never been rich, smart or handsome and he still gets to brag about it. Therefore, everybody dislikes him... even in our family. He has even bragged about me to his friends! He has talked to his friends about my money, grades...

I have never said anything to him about all this because he is younger than me and because the big effect I seem to have on him. I just told him some years ago that I did not like his behaviour towards people at all and he got very depressed about it. I felt so bad! But now thing are getting worse, as he seems to copy everything I do and now even people in our city have told him "I thought you were your cousin!" Later he has been bragging to people that someone thought that he was me. So pathetic, I know... but poor boy. He is not silly, trust me, he is actually very smart. Also, he is all the time asking the rest of the family about my life and wants to know every single thing about me. My mother is so tired of him, because she does not like the way my cousin is so she does not want him to compare to me. She is the nicest woman, but she is getting sick of it too.

All that is too much for me to handle. I do not know what to do, I have always been one of the nicest persons in the family to him but now I am getting sick of him. Please, help. Suggest me what to do, specially if you have been in a similar situation.

Thank you very much for your attention.
 

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Asserting boundaries in families can be difficult. :)

What kind of relationship do you want to have with your cousin?

Consider this and consider what kind of relationship your cousin wants to have with you. Consider how important your relationship with your cousin is to you. Is it an important relationship to you or do you just want to maintain appearances? Consider where you can give in and where you need to assert your boundaries.

Best of luck!
 
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