Mkay, so I've tried to pin down my Enneagram type for a while and failed. Miserably. I recently took it after eight years ignoring personality stuff of most sorts and it gave me identical percentages for 7 and 8. 4, the third number in my tritype, was pretty far behind. I know personality takes some time to stabilize, so I may be a little bit too young to type definitively just yet (although I've been definitively testing as an ENTP for five years, so I'm thinking my personality has hit its adult point), but hey, if anyone thinks this is worth a shot feel free to chime in.
What age range are you in? I’m in my early twenties.
Any disorders or conditions we should know about? I have bipolar disorder (well controlled), OCD (meh controlled), and GAD (decently controlled, at least I think).
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind. I don’t really know what my life is about yet, maybe because I’m so young. I’m torn between success and fun.
2. What were you like as a kid? I was really bookish and something of a crybaby, although I was convinced for ages that I might become good at sports. (I didn’t.) I was somewhat withdrawn, given that I was bullied a lot for being a brainiac, but I definitely wanted to connect with other kids and it hurt like crazy to constantly be rejected.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted? My relationship with my mom has always been fairly healthy, although I’ve always thought she preferred my sister. My relationship with my dad was very shaky: I’m just as sassy as he was and I knew his exact weak points, but at the same time we shared a joy in spontaneity and a love of learning. (It’s worth noting that my dad was an alcoholic with addictions to all sorts of other things; he also likely suffered from NPD and was diagnosed as bipolar toward the end of his life.) My relationship with my step-dad is very positive; we have very compatible personalities, similar interests, and a similar trend toward humorous flights of fancy.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being? I value loyalty, honesty, integrity, and logic. I aim to avoid having emotion overwhelm my drive to improve (although I sometimes feel like a walking id) and I refuse to crush others in order to get myself to a higher standing. I also do not want to become my father, more because of his emotionally abusive tendencies and narcissism than because of his inherent lack of control of himself. Finally, having been both bullied and been the bully (seeing it as revenge against someone who had treated me badly for years), I do not want to go back to being the bully I was in high school; I know now that part of it was me trying to release pain but part of it was fueled by insecurity.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them? I’m terrified of failure, and I’ve had that fear since I was six or seven; authority figures in my life (not my family members) refused to accept anything less than perfection from me. I still struggle with it a lot; I’m convinced that I’m not as good as my sister and that I’ve failed my family by being two and a half years behind in college even though it’s not my fault that I ended up behind. (It’s complicated.)
6. a.) How do you see yourself? I see myself as intelligent, creative, logical, ambitious, and kind of a dork in some ways. I admit, however, that for a long time I didn’t see myself as anything more than an intellect contained in flesh.
b.) How do you want others to see you? The only qualities I really care about others seeing in me are intelligence, honesty, and integrity. Otherwise, I couldn’t care less; my life is not about pleasing others.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people? Idiocy, pettiness, backstabbing, and a refusal toward give-and-take.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 1
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you. 3
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 2 (nearly tied with 1)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this? Half of the time it’s anxiety. The other half of the time I go into thought about whatever I’m writing, conjuring new canon for me to write, or I start composing music in my head.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst? Social interaction with close friends makes me feel spectacular in a way that simply indulging my id couldn’t touch. On the other hand, outside stress compounded by my own perfectionism make me go into a downward spiral that causes me to retreat from the world, sleep a lot, and wonder where I went wrong.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger: being mistreated, stupid people; I can suppress it until it gets extreme, at which point I will start yelling back… at best, anyway, as I’ve been known to haul off and slap people for being really nasty to me.
b.) shame: perceived imperfection (social gaffes, not getting people to laugh, etc.), realizing I’ve been a huge jerk; minor shame can be brushed off with humor, but bigger shame seeps into my being and I feel it for ages, sometimes as long as years.
c.) anxiety: high workloads compounded by my own complexes; my mind starts going in toxic loops and the anxiety stacks until I can’t take it anymore and have a panic attack, which only scrapes a little off the top of the panic stack.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress: see above, under anxiety
b.) negative unexpected change: I’ll freak out for a couple of days, but after that I get surprisingly flexible and optimistic.
c.) conflict: I face it head-on. I don’t like to start fights, but I’m certainly not afraid to end them.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why? I tend to take a court jester role in groups of people I don’t know well, as humor is the only tool I have to interact with people I don’t know well. Once I’ve gotten close to a group, I get a bit closer to being a team mom, as I tend to get concerned when I see anything problematic.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why? I do my job and I do it well; someone’s got to do it and, not going to lie here, my faith in people I don’t know well or who I don’t know the credentials of is low at best.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why? Yes, partially because I’m a bit of a free spirit and partially because I really enjoy proving other people’s doubts wrong.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't? Deceitfulness and cattiness. There are few things I hate more than shallow people and liars.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust. On the surface I look like an open book, and in a lot of ways I am; if someone won’t take me because of my politics/background/whatever I won’t waste my time on them. However, I do not trust other people very much; few people actually manage to get into the things I keep secret. This is lonely, I admit it, but people spread things and I want to be sure that the people I get close to are trustworthy.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire? I’m a humanistic Jew and a left libertarian, but I don’t think that they have influenced my responses.