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Discussion Starter #1
As per title. I am an ENTJ, dated an INTJ for 4 years. Had a kid with her. Unsure exactly how or why things went wrong. I thought our personality types were perfectly suited?

Things are now completely sour to the point where i'd say it's easily THE worst breakup. Have had previous relationships with other personality types that are far easier.

Anyone else had an experience with breakups with this combo of personality types?
 

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King of Seduction
ENTJ
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I have no kids so I haven't had that level of breakup.
My worst - messy - break up was with an INFP.
The weak ass Te she came at me with to try and cut me down with just annoyed me and caused some of my more brutal analysis (even so I still held back). Needless to say what I told her did not calm things down.
Normally I am able escape with what I view as mutual respect and moving on.

I dunno why ENTJ/INTJ would be considered "perfectly suited".
I've haven't seen much saying they were the ideal match.

I imagine it'd be bad because you have a child together and you're both hurt and likely not awesome at expressing your emotions.
 

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Anyone else had an experience with breakups with this combo of personality types?
Following my experience with INTJ they may not communicate all their thoughts and this may be an issue.
They don't like to me micro managed by ENTJ (ENTJ like to micro manage).
Following above, without good communication it may be very difficult.
 

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I had an easy breakup that may not be the best example. I am female INTJ who broke up with male ENTJ over email. We only dated 4 weeks so the bond was weak. I basically just analyzed the reason we should not continue to see each other because our career goals don't match for the long term. I am at the point of settling and station at one place but he is going to travel for years of school and work later. However, I am so regret of this impulsive decision. I should have waited for him to return from his trip and sit down with him to talk over issues. I missed him for a long time after breaking up. 😭 My logical brain knew what to say for rational outcome, but my emotional brain has lingered over hidden feeling and would not let it go.

Maybe it is difficult for you to breakup because you care each other, and you have a kid together. I'd suggest you to sit down and go over what possibly went wrong to see if they are fixable. It is better to have a communication before breaking up. It is true INTJ can act based on internal analysis without making intent clear, which is not the best communication. Being an INTJ, I agree I don't like to be micro managed. If this is an issue, it can be openly discussed to come to a middle ground. Don't break up without communication.
 

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ENTJ, 8w7
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Heterosexual female ENTJ, who dated a male INTJ in college. That was a match made in hell. Frankly, I expect a man I'm sexually involved with to be more masculine than I am, and he was not. Half the time, I felt like I was dating another woman (and I don't mean a relatively stable one, I mean a neurotic, high maintenance drama queen), and the other half the time, I felt like a social worker. It was plain the relationship had no future, so I dumped him.

I expect a man to be calm, level-headed, to not constantly engage in vapid gossip/make snotty comments about people he doesn't even know, to have at least as much control over his emotions as I have over mine, to have a reasonable measure of practical skills, to be a person of substance rather than being all show, and to not expect me to endlessly babysit his stupid, irrational fears and unresolved personal issues. (I am willing to engage in emotional labor when it comes to keeping my negativity to myself, but not in dealing with someone else's constant constant bitching and moaning, especially when it's almost invariably over a bunch of stupid crap that doesn't matter.) I have no interest in snobby, empty-headed hipster bullshit either, and he had that in spades.
 

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ENTJ 3w2-5w6-9w8 so/sp
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I have never dated an INTJ, but a colleague/friend of mine and my future father-in-law are pretty good examples of INTJs and even though we get along really well, I feel like I wouldn't get along with either of them or anyone with similar personality traits in a confined space for an extended period of time. This is because of a few points that I've noticed:

- they have a very concrete often negative outlook on the future and life in general. It seems like the dominant Ni creates a very vivid future scenario which is often kind of scary and melancholic. I personally usually also "see" some of those scenarios coming, but I'm pretty good at putting it in a box of "worrying about this costs too much energy and I'm sure that I'll be able to change plans if it comes up" and keeping up my plans for a realistic/optimistic future (I used to get really caught up in nightmare-ish visions of the future when I was a kid). Spending a lot of time with a more pessimistic INTJ really gets to me and I can get caught up in a spiral of negative thoughts.

- they often don't see some of their weird habits... while priding themselves in being very practical. I am sure that I have those issues as well (Oh, the discussions I had with my ENTP boyfriend about how to most effectively hang clothing to dry to minimize time spent hanging and time spent ironing), but with my ENTP, I can openly talk about it without either of us getting angry or hung up about it. One of the INTJs in my life still sometimes makes little remarks (not hostile, but noticeable) about one thing he did that I told him I do not support. (And I explained why very gently, sugarcoating the issue a lot)

- they are very set in their ways and even though these ways often turn out to be correct, everything around them has to adapt to their way of living or they shut themselves off completely. I can be very diplomatic and adaptive, but after I took a huge step towards the other person, it's over and my basic needs are non-negotiable. I've heard some snarky remarks (about being "stuck up" and not "thinking outside the box" or "not paying attention to what is truly important"), because I insist on getting my way on issues that are important to me and my wellbeing if they don't really work with the INTJ's way of living.

Of course, INTJs alse have a lot of great traits, otherwise I wouldn't get along that well with the INTJs in my life, but they are also the people I avoid conflict with the most, because it feels like argueing with a wall and if they see you as unworthy of their time or hostile towards them, it's really hard/impossible to change their opinion again. (And I've learned to be extremely diplomatic and passive at some point in my life, so any more hot-headed ENTJ would probably have a harder time than I do with an INTJ)
 

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I’m married to an intj but all of our values align perfectly. Allowing us to craft our own conjoint master plans to concur the world but still have a contrast between the two of us. She’s also not your usual sciency intj and instead a little more philosophical and business oriented which allows for more common ground between us than if she was more occupied with discovery than production as seems to be the fault of many intjs.

In terms of communication styles or anything she’s learned to be communicative and I’ve learned to be introspective, I imagine it would be harder for us if that wasn’t the case.
 
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