[MyDarkAngel]

Even my husband tells me that I come across as arrogant. :/ I really don't mean to at all, I have a lot of humility when I am wrong about things or when I am unsure. I have a LOT of random knowledge and apparently sharing it while using a large vocabulary makes me seem like an asshole. Does anyone else have this issue?

The other thing is, I feel like people have this ridiculous need to try to take me down a few pegs. I've been in a group on a forum for mothers for almost a year now and I am rather disliked. The people that did take the time to know me are awesome friends and I'm lucky to have met them. These other women are so amazingly catty to me and very condescending. Since they see me as thinking I'm better there is this relentless barrage of attacks and insults. I stay in the group because I have met some wonderful people in it. I'm really just wondering if anyone else has experience with anything similar.

 

[Kito]

Sharing random knowledge because you like doing so, accompanied by a large vocabulary because that makes it easier to describe what you're talking about, is fine.

Sharing random knowledge to let others know that you're more intelligent than them and to give yourself an ego boost, is not. And the large vocabulary just adds to it, when someone uses lots of big words all the time it feels like they're saying "I know these words and you don't, therefore I am superior".

Of course, people can't tell the difference between each attitude. You just have to disregard the people that refuse to see it in a different light, I guess.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

Sharing random knowledge to let others know that you're more intelligent than them and to give yourself an ego boost, is not. And the large vocabulary just adds to it, when someone uses lots of big words all the time it feels like they're saying "I know these words and you don't, therefore I am superior".

LOL yeah, it's definitely not this. I didn't even think I used a lot of big words... I was otherwise informed.

 

[quadrivium]

Okay, this is totally the wrong forum for this thread. I will still give my two cents though.

Female friends have always been hard to come by for me. Even then over 75% of the ones I do have, have admitted to being intimidated by me. They soon realize I'm just as clumsy and stupid as anyone else.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

Okay, this is totally the wrong forum for this thread. I will still give my two cents though.

Female friends have always been hard to come by for me. Even then over 75% of the ones I do have, have admitted to being intimidated by me. They soon realize I'm just as clumsy and stupid as anyone else.

Should it have been in the ENTJ forum? I never get responses in there. :/ I was hoping general psych would be better since it is a psychological thing.

 

[quadrivium]

Should it have been in the ENTJ forum? I never get responses in there. :/ I was hoping general psych would be better since it is a psychological thing.

I know.. the NTJ forums have been surprisingly dead the last few days :/
One could argue that what you're experiencing is some sort of female sociological gender role bullying (jargon jargon jargon). I read a book a while back "Odd Girl Out" that describes this phenomenon.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

I know.. the NTJ forums have been surprisingly dead the last few days :/
One could argue that what you're experiencing is some sort of female sociological gender role bullying (jargon jargon jargon). I read a book a while back "Odd Girl Out" that describes this phenomenon.

That's almost exactly what I was thinking. I will have to read that book. Thank you.

 

[quadrivium]

That's almost exactly what I was thinking. I will have to read that book. Thank you.

Would lend it to you if I could. It's a shame that you aren't ever truly free of it though.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

Would lend it to you if I could. It's a shame that you aren't ever truly free of it though.

Thank you. I don't mind not being free of it as long as I gain some understanding of why it's happening. I'm not a bad person. lol

 

[Jojo354]

Its probably not what your saying but the tone and context.....

As an NT female myself a natural response to a problem for me is to try and understand it, provide a logical, practical most rational solution. However it took me a while to understand that in theory the logical most rational solution although technically the RIGHT answer it may not be what's needed. I'm the only NT out of my circle of female friends I've learned to listen and respond emphatically and emotionally sometimes that's all that's needed. Launching into a practical logical solution can seem cold and unsympathetic sometimes even though you have their best interests at heart.

NT females don't think like the vast majority of females or people for that mater. For me personally I have emotions like anyone else I just cope with them better. I also don't let emotions cloud my judgement when I have a difficult decision to make. I used to think most people I knew were crazy I never used to understand why people made stupid decisions based on how they feel even though it clearly made no sense. I get it now, I'm still completely rational I just temper my response to take into account emotions. Hope this helps.....

 

[MyName]

You've never seemed arrogant to me. :happy: Some people are bit threatened by people who are very rational (not to mention people they see as smarter than them). Also, people within peer groups can be very competitive, so that may be some of why you're having issues on the forum for mothers.

 

[Playful Proxy]

It is just a matter of the personality types you encounter. Some of the sensitive F's will get their feelings hurt. If you get an ST or NT, they will be more likely to enjoy your random facts or even critique them if they know something oppositional.

I must admit though, a forum for mothers? That to me just sounds like you are asking for an audience from Desperate House Wives. Don't give up. Stay who you are. Some people will like you, some won't. This could just be me, but if others get angry at me for using a 'large vocabulary', I may be tempted to be very condescending to them..."Oh, you are not used to hearing the word obnoxious? Allow me to resort to using my middle school vocabulary for the purpose of your understanding." But meh, I get a kick out of being an ass now and again, so ignoring this last suggestion may give you more friends.

 

[Agent Blackout]

@MyDarkAngel

I think all NTs come across this problem at some point. We're all individualists at heart and by nature. (Source: Keirsey, lol)

A lot of people think I sit there and think about what big words I'm going to use in my next sentence... Not the case at all, I'm sure you understand. They also think I share all my random knowledge to show off when in reality whatever they say sometimes reminds of other stuff that I think would be funny/interesting to share...
When I review peoples' logic (or even compliment them on it) they consider me arrogant and think I'm stepping on their toes for second-guessing them.
SJ's (esp. my parents) think I'm arrogant because I don't "just follow orders" like they do or "don't feel the need to belong" like they feel that I should feel.
A lot of people tend not to get my humor since it's almost always involving some form of logic, facetious fallacy or wordplay, etc.

That and more adds up and yada yada... I feel you, bro. Hope you find friends who you can relate to

P.S. you're super cool and funny. don't sweat people who can't handle you. being yourself is the ultimate weed-out strategy when it comes to making friends, because the people who don't mesh with you automatically leave before you get to know them and the ones who find you appealing in any way will naturally gravitate.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

Its probably not what your saying but the tone and context.....

As an NT female myself a natural response to a problem for me is to try and understand it, provide a logical, practical most rational solution. However it took me a while to understand that in theory the logical most rational solution although technically the RIGHT answer it may not be what's needed. I'm the only NT out of my circle of female friends I've learned to listen and respond emphatically and emotionally sometimes that's all that's needed. Launching into a practical logical solution can seem cold and unsympathetic sometimes even though you have their best interests at heart.

NT females don't think like the vast majority of females or people for that mater. For me personally I have emotions like anyone else I just cope with them better. I also don't let emotions cloud my judgement when I have a difficult decision to make. I used to think most people I knew were crazy I never used to understand why people made stupid decisions based on how they feel even though it clearly made no sense. I get it now, I'm still completely rational I just temper my response to take into account emotions. Hope this helps.....

You sound a lot like me. I'm really NOT emotional and I can't fake emotion. Females are so sensitive. :/ No wonder I have always had mostly guy friends.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

You've never seemed arrogant to me. :happy: Some people are bit threatened by people who are very rational (not to mention people they see as smarter than them). Also, people within peer groups can be very competitive, so that may be some of why you're having issues on the forum for mothers.

Thank you.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

It is just a matter of the personality types you encounter. Some of the sensitive F's will get their feelings hurt. If you get an ST or NT, they will be more likely to enjoy your random facts or even critique them if they know something oppositional.

I must admit though, a forum for mothers? That to me just sounds like you are asking for an audience from Desperate House Wives. Don't give up. Stay who you are. Some people will like you, some won't. This could just be me, but if others get angry at me for using a 'large vocabulary', I may be tempted to be very condescending to them..."Oh, you are not used to hearing the word obnoxious? Allow me to resort to using my middle school vocabulary for the purpose of your understanding." But meh, I get a kick out of being an ass now and again, so ignoring this last suggestion may give you more friends.

Oh, believe me, I'm not looking for friends that I would need to be fake for. I enjoy a lot of things on the site but there are some awful women on there. It's like high school.

 

[MyDarkAngel]

@MyDarkAngel

I think all NTs come across this problem at some point. We're all individualists at heart and by nature. (Source: Keirsey, lol)

A lot of people think I sit there and think about what big words I'm going to use in my next sentence... Not the case at all, I'm sure you understand. They also think I share all my random knowledge to show off when in reality whatever they say sometimes reminds of other stuff that I think would be funny/interesting to share...
When I review peoples' logic (or even compliment them on it) they consider me arrogant and think I'm stepping on their toes for second-guessing them.
SJ's (esp. my parents) think I'm arrogant because I don't "just follow orders" like they do or "don't feel the need to belong" like they feel that I should feel.
A lot of people tend not to get my humor since it's almost always involving some form of logic, facetious fallacy or wordplay, etc.

That and more adds up and yada yada... I feel you, bro. Hope you find friends who you can relate to

P.S. you're super cool and funny. don't sweat people who can't handle you. being yourself is the ultimate weed-out strategy when it comes to making friends, because the people who don't mesh with you automatically leave before you get to know them and the ones who find you appealing in any way will naturally gravitate.

Firstly, thank you for mentioning me. I forgot that I made this post. *sigh* lol

Secondly, everything you said makes perfect sense to me.

Thirdly, thank you for the p.s.!

 

[Einstein]

I like arrogant.

 

[Jojo354]

@MyDarkAngel I find most of my females friends over emotional tbh most of the time I feel like telling them to "Get a grip and stop over reacting". And you should see how fast my eyes glaze over when talk turns to fashion, celebrity gossip etc. I have have an equal amount of male / female friends but its the guys I seem to relate to more. Its a trade off, we all have to make concessions and for me that's softening my ENTP edges.

You might find this interesting I did........I read something ages ago about male female energies (Yin and Yang). Its about females with male energy and how it causes a conflict with the people that interact with us. Same for for a male with female energy (Eg a male ISFJ). Here's a good link (it says romance but its about male / female energy). Don't worry, I don't believe in all that that mystical energy BS. However I did find the underlying psychology behind it made a lot of sense.

Are You Ready for Romance - an article written by Divorce coach and Personal Life Coach Lori Rubenstein, is a Professional Certified Coach, specializing coaching through divorce, family coaching, coaching attorneys, personal growth, transition, life

(Google Yin Yang or male female energy)

 

[cityofcircuits]

Here's the simplest answer to those on that forum:

Haters gonna' hate
Gators gonna' gate

Seriously though i know that sometimes people can take logic and 'big words' as arrogant but really it's just that they don't understand and they feel insecure about themselves. I'm notoriously good friends with 2 Entj's and if we do have debates it's pretty comical. If i let my Fi get affected I lose haha. Than again part of my passion for anything is hinged to my Fi as a sort of power source-sometimes irrational if i let it, other times my fuel for obsessive exploration into matters. Usually if i stick to facts and reliable sources I'm alright debating with them. But tbh they can get pretty worked up to. I'm not political but they are and i'll bring stuff up just to get them going haha. Or religion.

Regardless it sounda like some of those women are immature and need to grow up regardless of type.