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Hi ENTJs,

Very curious about how you guys go about "falling in love". Being rational, do you make a conscious decision to be attracted to someone or is it basically involuntary?

You are very loyal when married. Is this also a rational choice or are you not capable of being attracted to others because no one is as good as your spouse/ ideal mate?

Feedback appreciated on this subject!
 

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Attraction doesn't have anything to do with rationality. ENTJs are just as attracted to people just like any other type. In fact I doubt attraction has much to do with types in the first place expect for maybe some differences in preference. Where type comes into it is on how we act upon our attractions.

You could say ENTJs are more rational in acting upon their urges and anecdotally that seems to be true, however people we let into our "inner circle" are able to penetrate our rational defenses and expose out gooey centers.

As for loyalty in marriage, I cant speak to that specifically. But if an ENTJ is sincere in their love for their partner it doesn't logically make sense to cheat on them.
 

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This, pretty much: I like/am attracted to you =\= I want to be with you (as in, not necessarily). There's always that 'option' not to go there and often it's a rational, well thought of decision, considering and weighing everything.

Attraction is involuntary, but doesn't mean I'll let myself lose my head over it.

You are very loyal when married. Is this also a rational choice or are you not capable of being attracted to others because no one is as good as your spouse/ ideal mate?
Eh. Some ENTJs cheat from the get go. Potential for cheating is not really indicated by MBTI.

When I'm in a commited relationship and it's going well, I note my attractions but/so I don't feed them. When I start toying with and feeding them that's when I know my relationship (from my side, anyway) is in trouble.

I'm completely capable of being attracted to other people, but whether I let that grow unchecked or nip it immediately tells how much I'm invested in my current relationship. If the problem is getting too hard to ignore, reevaluating plans needs to happen.
 
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I haven't found a woman I would be loyal to recently. When I am single I am a playboy and I abide by it 100%. When I enter a serious relationship it, it is something I have taken the time to consider & will abide by it 100%. I wouldn't enter into a serious relationship & spend valuable time with someone exclusively if they weren't worth it, that would be a waste of time.

I voluntarily allow myself to spend time with someone. Attractive & feelings don't come easy for me, I need time & memories for feelings to develop. I can't have feelings for someone I do not know, no matter how beautiful they are.
 

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I think there are two or possibly three levels/variations of attraction... in no particular order.
1. physical attraction
2. mental attraction
3. intuitive interest
Its easy for the first and third listed to develop, the second can take longer purely because not that many people impress me mentally...
Anyway.
For feelings of love to develop... I think an ENTJ isn't really childish about love... they realize that it doesn't just happen over night... but over many many nights. Depending on their Love type... I would think many are affected by Acts of Service, Acts of Quality time moreso than the others... Both types require substantial amount of time to achieve. Also, ENTJs may not be understanding of subtle acts and stuff so it would take more time.

Cheating I don't think is a huge problem with ENTJs. Mainly because they don't avoid confrontation or run from it. If they are unhappy with their partner, its going to be obvious, and its going to be direct. They could probably develop some attraction for someone but not act on it, end their current relationship if it was failure. But if they are truly in love with their partner, they wouldn't because it logically doesn't make sense.
I also don't think ENTJs are easy to give up on relationships either... If their partner and them are having hard times, they're going to naturally try to develop a plan to fix it, lol work on that plan diligently. It will be robotic almost, like a business plan, but they wont succumb to failure unless it is inevitable, or they do not love that person anymore or realize they never have. But if they truly love that person, and that person hasn't changed in a way or done something unforgiveable, they're going to try to make it work, by planning, executing the plan, and working the relationship back into shape. But if the relationship does end, Id think ENTJs move on... they don't really linger... The decision is made, they follow through...
 

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With that inferior Se-Fi, loop I tend to get obsessed. Ever had an ENTJ hyperfocus on you? Yeah, that. The rational part would be measuring up the person against my (high) standards and seeing if they fit into my life. After they pass, it's all gooey-feelings and mushy romantics. (I think, a lot of ENTJs are very romantic).

The reason for loyalty is simple. I'm an romantic idealist - I think most ENTJs are typically attractive (ambitious, Se-driven focus on looks, charisma...) and get a lot of attention. By the time there is this specific one person I'm willing to even commit to, she/he is the one (at least for now). If there is a problem, I'm likely to voice it. We'll/I'll do my darn best to fix it - try really, really hard - if that doesn't work, I promise I won't look back. There is no reason to cheat.

Also, that's how our rational plays in. Notice that the decision not to cheat is because there is no rational reason for it, not because of morals/feelings/etc.
 

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I explore all the possibilities when I am single, and am completely faithful when married.

Look up the article by Stratiyevskaya on LIE-ESI duality, and you will find a lot of basic truth about how ENTJ's look at relationships. Pay particular attention to what she says about them "recruiting" people for their team.

If you are an INFJ considering a relationship with an ENTJ, I believe you could end up sacrificing psychological compatibility for social compatibility. I've tried it several times, and it has not turned out well. Your mileage may vary, but I am not optimistic.
 

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Hi ENTJs,

Very curious about how you guys go about "falling in love". Being rational, do you make a conscious decision to be attracted to someone or is it basically involuntary?

You are very loyal when married. Is this also a rational choice or are you not capable of being attracted to others because no one is as good as your spouse/ ideal mate?

Feedback appreciated on this subject!
We want to make a conscious decision, and when we find the emotions are involuntary and take precedence we realize that rationality has failed us and I think that's the true beauty in love.

I remember the second I feel in love with the person to whom I loved the most. In that very instant all rationale went out the window. I instantly hurt someone I already loved a lot. I made a decision immediately with zero thought.


We're loyal in that once you enter our heart you always will be, I'd say that this fact does not necessarily lead to monogamous relationships. It means we will always care for you and it will always be to the extent we once did, but that does not mean we can not care for someone else more.

Now once with someone I'd never provide an option to fall for someone else. But because of our never wavering approach to love, old flames can be come a problem for real, particularly if we don't realize that we left the stovetop running.
 
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Look up the article by Stratiyevskaya on LIE-ESI duality, and you will find a lot of basic truth about how ENTJ's look at relationships. Pay particular attention to what she says about them "recruiting" people for their team.
Wow. I checked that article, and it paints a VERY harsh picture of ENTJ/LIE. I'm surprised you would call it basic truth, except if you were referring to first 25% of the article only.

This quote gave me quite an insight into one past experience of mine, that I had trouble finding an explanation for:

"What do LIE's actions represent on the aspect of ethics of relations? Chaos, confusion - would be an understatement. The consequences of these actions can be unpredictable and devastating to all people who are directly or indirectly connected with him.

At first glance it would seems that there is no logic in LIE's actions on ethics of relations (+Fi). But analyzing this from the position of a search for alternatives, there is indeed a reason for them. This reason is to ethically and intuitively attenuate and wear out his partner to such an extent with the absurdity and unethicalness of his actions, that his partner, tired and confused, will finally agree to any offers and terms extended by the LIE, if only to stabilize the situation and have opportunity to rest and orient himself a little. "

The rest of the article goes even further to describe what I can only imagine as an extremely immature ENTJ - would you really say that this is "basic"? I would hope that's an exception rather than norm. I'm curious if any other ENTJs resonate with that?
 

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As I got older (into 30's) dating became harder, It's hard to find someone that is intelligent/attractive/fun/single/no kids. I've met great guys but 1 month later, done :( I need to be mentally entertained/challenged.
Do you find yourself in the same situation?
 

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I think intellectual compatibility is a huge factor for me. I find myself slipping into insincere or lame small talk when I converse with guys who are on different wavelengths (those boys who only know how to discuss movies, gaming or food...) or who simply don't get where I'm coming from because they don't think so deeply about the same issues, if at all. I need someone who has sharp wit and a certain degree of spontaniety, to keep the relationship fun and ensure it lasts longer. My ex (yes, I've accumulated one at 18) was jist intellectual but didn't express his feelings well and wasn't fun (I planned all the fun activities until they no longer felt fun), so it fizzled out in under a year.
 

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Wow. I checked that article, and it paints a VERY harsh picture of ENTJ/LIE. I'm surprised you would call it basic truth, except if you were referring to first 25% of the article only.

This quote gave me quite an insight into one past experience of mine, that I had trouble finding an explanation for:

"What do LIE's actions represent on the aspect of ethics of relations? Chaos, confusion - would be an understatement. The consequences of these actions can be unpredictable and devastating to all people who are directly or indirectly connected with him.

At first glance it would seems that there is no logic in LIE's actions on ethics of relations (+Fi). But analyzing this from the position of a search for alternatives, there is indeed a reason for them. This reason is to ethically and intuitively attenuate and wear out his partner to such an extent with the absurdity and unethicalness of his actions, that his partner, tired and confused, will finally agree to any offers and terms extended by the LIE, if only to stabilize the situation and have opportunity to rest and orient himself a little. "

The rest of the article goes even further to describe what I can only imagine as an extremely immature ENTJ - would you really say that this is "basic"? I would hope that's an exception rather than norm. I'm curious if any other ENTJs resonate with that?
^Thats exactly how I would describe my experience. Yikes.
 
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