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34 Posts
Hello there.
I have got quite a sticky situation on my hands and i require some advice. I have an ENFJ girlfriend, and thought this might not be the ideal combination for me, we get along very well, except when she is upset for different reasons (it does not really matter, and they do not necessarily come from me e.g. minor health problems, other persons, stress from to much work on her hands, etc).
When she is upset because of the reasons mentioned above, she will close up inside herself, becoming a very different person: she does not want to talk, and she has this very pessimistic attitude about everything, including me and our relationship and she is very cold to me. I do try to cheer her up and some of the times, I usually do... But most of the times, things do not improve and i really have to be very careful and control myself in order not to worsen the situation over the day and occasionally the next few. This is very draining and my efforts to help her lessen the harshness of her reactions have not been... well frankly have had no effect whatsoever this far (except for her admitting that she might want to do something about it) . Mind you, she has these reactions even when the problem is a minor one, like an insignificant ache, that lasts no longer than 2-3 days.
So... in order to help and channel your efforts, I have these questions for you guys:
1)Is this common for an ENFJ?
2)What might cause her unrelated problems to make her shut down towards me?
3)What is the best way of helping her soften her reactions?
4)Is there any other way of preventing these reactions?
5)If the above methods fail, How would you cheer her up, once she is sad?
6)Any other useful comment/addition/anecdote is welcome, so if you still have the patience to help me, please do so:laughing:.
That`s about all i can think of. Hope i can engage in a constructive conversation soon:crazy:
I have got quite a sticky situation on my hands and i require some advice. I have an ENFJ girlfriend, and thought this might not be the ideal combination for me, we get along very well, except when she is upset for different reasons (it does not really matter, and they do not necessarily come from me e.g. minor health problems, other persons, stress from to much work on her hands, etc).
When she is upset because of the reasons mentioned above, she will close up inside herself, becoming a very different person: she does not want to talk, and she has this very pessimistic attitude about everything, including me and our relationship and she is very cold to me. I do try to cheer her up and some of the times, I usually do... But most of the times, things do not improve and i really have to be very careful and control myself in order not to worsen the situation over the day and occasionally the next few. This is very draining and my efforts to help her lessen the harshness of her reactions have not been... well frankly have had no effect whatsoever this far (except for her admitting that she might want to do something about it) . Mind you, she has these reactions even when the problem is a minor one, like an insignificant ache, that lasts no longer than 2-3 days.
So... in order to help and channel your efforts, I have these questions for you guys:
1)Is this common for an ENFJ?
2)What might cause her unrelated problems to make her shut down towards me?
3)What is the best way of helping her soften her reactions?
4)Is there any other way of preventing these reactions?
5)If the above methods fail, How would you cheer her up, once she is sad?
6)Any other useful comment/addition/anecdote is welcome, so if you still have the patience to help me, please do so:laughing:.
That`s about all i can think of. Hope i can engage in a constructive conversation soon:crazy: